Oh, BROTHER. It doesn’t make any sense for me to get mad about this, because I’ve never seen any of these movies, but I can’t help it! Five is SO MANY SEQUELS! What, are movie studio execs worried that there’s too much interesting, original content out there? “There are just no more ideas out there, guys. We’ve used every single one. Time to go back to formula. Let’s reuse the ideas of yesteryear, but make sure we’re only reusing yesteryear’s absolute best ideas.” -Hollywood. Whatever. It’ll make a million billion dollars, I know, and it’ll be my job to explain to my grandchildren why we spent all our money on Final Destination sequels instead of fixing global warming. “I don’t know,” I’ll say, shaking my head morosely. “I only had one day to guest blog a pop culture site and sound the warning bell. But, by then, it was too late.”

Update: Link fixed. “Enjoy!”

Comments (38)
  1. “The Video You Have Requested Is Not Available” — new Final Destination tagline. Because they should have DIED in the trailer and didn’t and now must survive various internet shenanigans at the hands of The Lawnmower Man

  2. “The Video you Requested is Not Available.”

    Finally, my computer network exercises some taste!

  3. “The video you have requested is not available due to a copyright claim by Mrs. Beyoncé Knowles.”

    ‘Destination’ sounds too much like ‘Destiny’s Child,’ you guys!

  4. Here’s an idea, in the 6th one Cookie Monster is on a roller coaster but he doesn’t die
    #HollywoodPostItNote

  5. Just another Final Destination film to heighten my fear of the truck, in front of me on the freeway, riding over a pothole and its (sharp) contents sliding off the truck into my windshield and piercing my skull…. I didn’t ask for this.

  6. The Donna Darko you have requested is widely available.

  7. Oh, you won’t need to explain this to your grandchildren. In fact, THEY’LL have to explain to YOU why they’re so pumped about the new Final Destination reboot that their generation’s Rob Zombie is directing. Spoiler alert: their explanation will involve the fact that he is breathing new life into the franchise, after it was killed by a huge amount of sequels and a crossover movie with the Saw killer.

  8. Final Fantasy franchise, your days are numbered…

    • As long as there are nerds, there will be new Final Fantasy games. Mostly so the nerds can complain about how much better the older incarnations were.

      • wait nerds are hipsters now? who should I hate? everybody I guess, except you guys

      • My meaning as more along the line of Final Fantasy will soon be overtaken by Final Destination as the “Final” franchise with the most sequels, and not so much a meaning of they will be driven out of business or some such.

        To nerd out briefly, I’ve played FF 4-12 and Tactics AND Vagrant Story (WHICH COUNTS, IMO! *pushes up glasses*), and I’ve enjoyed the more recent “technically-advanced worlds” games along with the more fantasy ones. A lot of people swear by 6 as their favorite (after 7 came out because it’s always the one before the big hit that’s “the best” or whatever), but my favs immediately were 7 (because it was my introduction and MAN was it fun), 9, 12, Tactics and Vagrant Story.

        The connecting thread through most of my favs is Yasumi Matsuno’s Ivalice world which first popped up in Tactics, and his awesome team of game designers including Akihiko Yoshida (SQUEE!) on character art design duties and Hitoshi Sakimoto on the musical scores. Tactics, Vagrant Story and 12 were the perfect trifecta for me, and after I beat 12 I stopped playing the games because I had stuff to do like go to work, be productive and meet deadlines!

        ———NERD OUT COMPLETE———

  9. Also, I’ve said it before, but I will continue to see every single one of the Final Destination movies without shame or irony. You know why? Fucking Rube Goldberg Death Machines!!! Amazing.

  10. Rube Goldberg Death Machine is an incredible band name. I just don’t know what type of band. My last band name was for a death metal band, Abortion by Apocalypse.

  11. I think I’ve seen all the Final Destination movies so far. In each one, I think, there’s a scene where two people are walking across a street. The more important character walks in front of the minor character by a couple of steps. Without fail, the second character will be run over by a car. They never see the car. How do they not see the car!? They always have impeccable death timing.

  12. they keep saying it’s the FINAL destination, but then it never is.

    • But “Final Journey Is Its Own Reward or Something” doesn’t have the same kick to it

      • why not just Destination. then they could be Another Destination, Yet Another Destination, Knock Knock! Who’s there? DESTINATION!, etc. they should’ve saved Final Destination until they were really SURE they were done.

  13. but what if i didn’t request this video? i requested “kitten wearing glasses and visor does taxes.” is that available?

  14. The comment I have made is not available.

  15. We don’t need another Final Destination. What we need is another Saw. That’s a franchise that hasn’t had enough sequels.

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