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Whose got Royal Wedding fever?! Everyone, probably. According to Katie Couric, everyone has it. The thing about the Royal Wedding is that it just make sense for people to care about. We live in America in the year 2011, so naturally we’re just going to gravitate to pomp and excitement of a titular prince whose brother likes to dress up in Nazi costumes getting married to a woman from Marks and Spencer (just kidding, I don’t know what that is) while that lady from Kids in the Hall watches from a balcony. So neat! So relevant to the things that we all enjoy and find important! Anyway, since we are definitely ALL throwing a Royal Wedding viewing party tomorrow (I’ve got the episode of the Today Show where Al Roker taught us how to make crumpets DVR’ed and I’ve watched it five times to GET READY!) here are 10 tips to make yours jolly good cheerio:
1. Don’t throw a fucking Royal Wedding viewing party, are you kidding? Who cares about this stupid thing?!
2. Have you seen Sherlock yet? The BBC’s new modernized take on Sherlock Holmes? If you haven’t, you should host a Sherlock viewing party! (Even if you HAVE, you should host a Sherlock viewing party. Watch it again!)
3. Or Luther, that is also great!
4. Ooh, make invitations for your Sherlock/Luther viewing party that shows Sherlock and Luther holding hands! Hahaha! I love both of them equally.
5. Make some thematic snacks. Like, pipes filled with crushed oreos for Sherlock, or, for Luther, cucumber sandwiches that can only be eaten after a rigorous game of cat and mouse with a sociopath.
6. You know what, this is starting to sound like a lot of work. You don’t have to have a viewing party for anything. Read a book for once!
7. You could also just sleep in. The Royal Wedding airs at six in the morning? THE FUCK IT DOES!
8. Did you sleep in? Good. Now have breakfast!
9. A good host or hostess always sends his or her guests a thank you note. In this case, thank everyone for not talking to you about the Royal Wedding because what is there to talk about?
10. Throw England in the garbage.
That ought to do it. See you at 6AM just kidding goodnight!
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We can still wear our fancy hats, though, right?
Baby Friday and I will be celebrating by smoking and not brushing our teeth.
I’m going to honor the royal family by being inbred.
Indubitably
I for one think it’s inspirational that a prince who is fine looking and not a Nazi can marry a beautiful woman,
Sherlock party at my house!
Misfits after-party?
I’m too sad for more Misfits – Nathan is leaving the show!
I don’t want to talk about Nathan or Misfits or… or… UGH.
GODDAMNIT ROBERT WHY?!??
This was my face when I read he wasn’t returning
YES. But how about making more than three episodes, British television?
Or at least not ending on a RIDICULOUS cliffhanger.
They’re making more! Martin Freeman got the production of the fricking Hobbit to work around his adorable sidekick schedule. Yay!
Also, if you can, see Benedict Cumberbuns in Frankenstein.
And Stephen Moffat’s 3 word clue to the new series “Adler, Hound, Reichenbach”
ah yes Frankestein was crazy good… (although watching Jonny Lee Miller rape-rape Frankenstein’s new bride was a tad awkward sitting next to the madre) otherwise *the best*
SHERLOCK! SHERLOCK! SHERLOCK!
Misfits!
(Spoiler alert, I’m sooooo going as Alisha this Halloween because I am an adult and also literally no one I have ever met in real life watches Misfits)
And everyone should watch SURVIORS because OMGTHATSHOWWASINTENSE! Pure apocalypse porn.
In England, they call Royal Weddings “lorreally huge wastes of money.”
I will be wearing my orange tuxedo and looking forward to a fine late evening/early morning of tea and strumpets.
Why are we even talking about the royal wedding when the NFL draft is tonight?
If you want me to give a shit about Prince William and Miss Catherine, tell me their 40 yard dash times and which of them tested positive for steroids.
you wanna hang out later? maybe just like, hold hands? no pressure.
DING DONG BING BONG CAM NEWTON IS GOING TO BE A BUST
I heard William scored a 45 on the Wonderlic.
well now we know who the colts are taking.
Is this where we talk about sports dude stuff? OK, cool.
I’m leaving for the Poconos in a few hours to hang out with some friends for the weekend. We’re going to do nothing but play golf, watch the draft, and grill steaks. It’s an annual golf/draft/cooking extravaganza, and I’m so excited I just had to share.
Thanks for listening!
Can… Can I come?
The second sentence of the second paragraph gave me a mangasm.
i am so turned on right now.
are you staying in one of those champagne glass bathtub rooms?
Ha! No. My friend’s parents have a place up there and we’re using it for the weekend. I’m going to bring my love of everything, though.
You do know by citing the Mount Airy Lodge commercial, I’m duty bound as a New Yorker to follow with a mention of the Milford Plaza commercial.
It would be criminal not to mention the Lullaby of Broadway.
There aren’t enough upvotes in the world to express how happy these comments have made me. I am the queen of cheesy jingles.
Whenever I talk about sports on Videogum I feel like I’m outing myself as some kind of fake who’s just pretending to be a proper nerd.
When will we know if football will happen?! I NEED MY FOOTBALL.
Yeah, did they BEAT CANCER and still (probably) play in the NFL?
Was Cancer the name of Michael Vick’s dog? #ugh
Seriously though, the ladyblog was watching a show about the royal wedding last night, with all these people speculating on what the dress would be, what their first dance would be, the flower arrangements, food, etc. It really is like the NFL Draft for people who don’t like sports.
Mel Kiper: “I think they’ll serve some nice Welsh lamb”
Todd McShay: “What are you, retarded? They’re clearly going to serve Beef Wellington”
Sidenote: beef wellington is delish. SERVE BEEF WELLINGTON! Welsh lamb has Ryan Leaf written all over it’s cream fraisch.
Mel Kiper: I can really see Kate Middleton walking down the aisle in a paired of torn Levis.
Chris Berman: I look like everyone’s favorite uncle! Backbackbackbackbackback….
Deion Sanders: Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerp.
Terry Bradshaw: If Carolina was a napkin, we’d all be eating fire hydrants!
(all break into raucous, uncontrollable laughter at the slightest joke-slash-unintelligible gibberish that’s meant to seem like an inside joke among the best of friends, but really they’re paid professionals who only mildly stand each other)
BANTER!
No it isn’t like that at all. I don’t care about either one even a litte bit. But if I HAD to pick- one happens every single year and one happens every ten or twenty. So I guess the wedding. Not interested in either though.
Prince Amukamara > Prince William
AMIRITE
Me, One Hour Ago: “I think I’ll make a dumb NFL reference on Videogum. No one’s gonna read it, probably.”
Me, 30 Seconds Ago: “Let’s check out that sports joke to see how many downvotes it got and… whoa! Lookit all the dudes talking football! Sweet!”
(Me, About 9 Hours From Now: “Goddammit Jerry Jones. You screwed up ANOTHER Cowboys draft?!?!”)
Poppin’ in to say WHO DEY GONNA BEAT DEM BENGALS?!?!
A: probably like 11 or 12 teams next year…
Or, you could watch a sport that’s actually happening, and enjoy the NHL semifinals on Saturday!
…Crickets…
(It saddens me on a regular basis that TIVO doesn’t put Hockey up at the top of the list of sports, with NASCAR and Golf. You have to scroll down past Bodysurfing and Gaelic Lumber Sports to get to Hockey.)
Indeed! However, I must say I’m not sure who to root for now that the Blackhawks and my fave, Toews, are out. For you non-hockey fans, a part of that last sentence rhymed, try to find it!
Baseball!
That is all.
Love,
Dish
The Royal Wedding seems like such a perfect thing to put on the TV as white noise while I sleep for the last two hours of the night. But we can still make it a party! Come on over with your pajamas and chamomile at, like, 10pm tonight and we’ll all snuggle up in the living room and sleep. I’ll set an alarm to turn the TV on at like 4am when the coverage starts. You guys can just keep sleeping. Then we can say we had a watching party but we’ll all be really well rested and satisfied.
Ooh monster sleepover, everybody bring your pajama jeans and your chet haze mixtapes
I’m letting out my Hoodie Footie Snuggle Suit right now to allow room for all the Chips Ahoy SoftBake cookies I’m going to eat!
“Throw England in the garbage” cured my bipolar disorder.
whatever
I’m lovin it!
i want to upvote this all the way to heaven
FINALLY! I have a reason to snort some coke off a dead hooker’s bum.
But if you had coke and a dead hooker you’d already have two reasons.
11. Make sure you’ve got your refrigerator fully stocked with snacks
The only thing that should dispens is hemlock.
Frigid and square. The perfect metaphor for their love.
This….this is the most perfect comment I’ve ever read!!! Infinity upvotes!!!! LOLOLOLz!!
(PS official disclaimer: I’m kind of really excited about seeing her dress)
That must be the limited edition Prince William & Kate Middleton Fathead®. Been on back order for MONTHS.
I’m a fan of these
I’m really TYRED of all this Royal Wedding nonsense
Sherlock Party!
(swoon.)
I think his parents were in a contest to name their son the most British thing ever.
“Let’s see, we have it narrowed down to Chesterton P. Harrowsley, Reginald J. Pennysworth, and Benedict Cumberbatch.”
“Benedict Cumberbatch? Where do you get your ideas? We have a winner!”
He’s continuing the proud Sherlock tradition started by Basil Rathbone.
Yesssss! Followed with the Saturday night viewing of new Doctor Who!
It would be the BEST DAY EVER.
What about a crossover episode? The Doctor and Sherlock. And Aliens!
Steven Moffat, I know you are reading this. MAKE IT HAPPEN.
No, no Moffat wants Benedict to play the new regeneration of the Master, which would be amazing.
AMAZING.
You are blowing my mind, twilly. Total nerdgasm over here.
What do you think about it, Mr. Cumberbatch?
I don’t think you should be allowed to play Sherlock and the Doctor. You’d be hoarding all the Englishness. There’d be no more Englishness for anyone else. The Queen would have to be become Dutch.
Did anyone listen to the Nerdist podcast with Stephen Moffat (and everyone else) after the NYC screenings? He answered lots of questions about The Doctor and Benedict as the Master and The Doctor vs. Sherlock, and the cheekbones on Matt Smith and Benedict Cumberbatch. I was in heaven.
re: the sherlock holmes with that martin freeman/friedman guy – totally dig that noise even though the first episode was a million times better than episodes two and three. the moriarity stuff was lame but the rest of it, particularly martin freeman as watson, fucking rad
Do you find Kate Middleton pretty?
who?
Guys, I’m worried people aren’t taking this wedding seriously enough. We need to give it a tag line.
Will & Kate: In weddings, no one can hear you scream
Help me out here.
The weddings are coming from inside Westminster Abbey
100% Pure Matrimony
The Next Scream You Hear May Be You Own
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Let’s Get Retarded.
Trapped in television.
Surrounded by England.
Low on dental hygiene.
Will & Kate: The Weddining
At least she’s marrying him now that he’s ugly. THE CROWN MEANS TRUE LUVS!
Don’t get me wrong: this monster thought those kids were good looking cats (COOL CATS!) back in the day, but Wills looks like he got hit with a frying pan that also removes hair compared to how he looked maybe 5 years ago.
Oh God, I know, he’s no where near as good looking as he used to be. PLUS, imagine all the bullshit she has to put up with, like, forever. It better be true love!
I imagine Charlie Kelly’s face in your awesome avatar is what Wills should have in 2015 or so. His hair will be mostly gone and he’ll be compensating with the beard, but the joke’s on him because it rains in England ALL. THE. TIME. He’ll be ol “Wet Beard Will,” like the crazy uncle at parties who no one is sure he’s related to.
All because he had to marry this jezebel.
Aw, I was the right age to have a bit of a ‘my prince will come’ crush on him in my teens. But now his once-nerdy brother is all rakishly handsome (if sort of creepy), while Will looks like an aging insurance salesman.
I mean, who am I kidding, he’s still good-looking. But the handsome prince ship sailed a while back.
I’ll be honest – I am excited for this. I am a girl and I recently got married and I like pretty dresses and weddings and I will be getting up at 6am to watch cause I get up at 630am normally so it’s not that big a deal. And I’m gonna make some PG Tips to drink while I watch. #englandgum
I get excited about watching most weddings, so I’m excited for this one too. That said, the coverage of it has been so embarrassing.
I don’t know about the wedding, but I do want to see that wedding dress! She’s one fashionable lady!
I’ll be honest – I am excited for this. I am a squirrel and I recently got married ate nutes and I like pretty dresses and weddings and I will be getting up at 6am to watch cause I get up at 630am normally so it’s not that big a deal. And I’m gonna make some PG Tips to drink while I watch. PLEASE SOMEONE SAVE ME #sugarbushsquirrelgum
Sugar Bush Squirrel! Two days in a row!
I am going to watch it too, because it’s on at 8pm on Friday night here, which is an awesome time to drink several bottles of cheap wine and watch a big-ass spectacle on the teevee, and also I hope to one day complete the circle of my English peasantry roots by becoming a subject of the Queen when I get Australian citizenship, so I’d better watch the damn wedding or they won’t let me be One of Them.
Besides, it’s better than watching other current events or Matlock reruns.
I don’t know Gabe, I’d totally party with the Queen.
I’m looking forward to the wedding because I can finally watch all those royalty themed movies that I’m kbligated to like because of my homosexuality. AmIRiteGays?
You are right. King Ralph is frequently played instead of porn on the screens at leather bars.
I secretly love this movie. The Princess Diaries totally ripped it off.
“What hat is Kate wearing? Where will they honeymoon? Her hair is in a ponytail; is that a clue about her hairstyle? WHAT ABOUT THE DRESS!?!?!
Oh, and 50 plus people died in tornadoes in Alabama.” — The Today Show
Last I heard, we we’ve cleared 100. It was a rough night down here. I don’t know how many Alabama monsters there are, but I do know that The Wurst and I are alive and well.
I watched the tornado that went through downtown Birmingham from my apartment. That fucker was HUGE. I’ve never seen anything like it.
Anyway, royal weddings, right?
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(Just planting seeds)
They should keep this royal wedding crap between themselves and their 61.8 million closest friends.
*Of course, in England they call “Royal Weddings” “lorries.”
#6 is the best. Gabe, I heartily welcome your old age and admire your according ascent into traditionalism.
I work by Trafalgar Square; it’s UTTERLY terrifying at the moment. I try not to be racist (don’t we all!) but nothing has made me hate everyone else on Earth (and everyone outside of London, for that matter) more than this event. GO AWAY TOURISTS, I’M TRYING TO WORK!
Don’t worry, that’s just xenophopia! #LesserOf2Evils #NowYoureLikeAnAmerican
do you get the day off tomorrow?
I would totally murder someone if it meant I would become besties with John Luther.
P.S. Idris Elba is pretty much the sole reason I started watching “The Wire.”
Take a drink every time someone sings Queen To Be.
for the sake of Gabe’s england jokes, I REALLY wish Prince William were marrying a girl named Lori
How about Garth Mareghi’s Darkplace party?
My roommate watched about 6 hours of Royal Wedding stuff on Easter, including Princess Di’s wedding and the Lifetime movie. And she blamed it on our new dog. Bartlet did not deserve that.
Queen Elizabeth will outlive both of them, so isn’t this just an exercise in futility?
My housemates are getting up at 11am to watch it (it’s 06:30am here now, yes I have been up all night, WHATEVER) and I’m like god damn, y’all, we’re Irish! We should be the country LEAST interested in this bullshit! Stop irrationally ruffling my patriotic feathers!! Whatever, I’m going to spend the entire day in my college’s library pointedly avoiding it anyway, SO THERE.
Besides, something way more interesting is happening – the final launch of the space shuttle Endeavour! WOO!! Who wants to watch that with me instead?! Anyone? Anyone… ? *hangs head in nerd corner*
It’s a nice and interesting post.
http://thinkmuscle.com/forum/member.php?88273-mpsytrew