It was reported earlier today that there is now a completed script for a third Bill and Ted movie that would find Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter reprising their iconic rolls from the time-traveling buddy comedies of the early 90s. Even more exciting, Videogum has an EXCLUSIVE first look at the script! Read a dramatic scene from Bill and Ted’s Lipitor Prescription after the jump:

INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

BILL and TED are forced to share a hospital room together as they undergo tests for their old person diseases. Bill is surrounded by his friends and family, and his side of the room is filled with flowers and encouraging cards and balloons. Ted is a grouchy billionaire who doesn’t have anyone to care for him. It just goes to show you, money really can’t buy everything. SUDDENLY, George Carlin appears in a magic time-traveling phonebooth. Bill looks up from his book of Sudoku and pulls his bifocals down the bridge of his nose.

GEORGE CARLIN
I’m dead!

George Carlin’s corpse falls out of the time traveling phonebooth onto the ground.

TED
I can hardly remember where I put my car keys in the morning, much less this guy’s name. I tell you, my memory is NOT what it used to be. What is his name again?

BILL
Rufus?

TED
What’s that?

BILL
I said I think his name is Rufus!

TED
This damn thing.

Ted adjusts the volume on his hearing aid. The Battle of the Bands is coming up. Bill dozes off. He wakes up for a second but then he dozes off again. Everyone takes some Lipitor.

BILL
With this phone booth, we can travel anywhere in time. We can win the Battle of the Bands. We can KILL HITLER!

TED
The what?

BILL
The Battle of the Bands, I said.

TED
The what?!

BILL
Oh forget it.

TED
I want to travel back in time to when I was in my 20s and my body wasn’t riddled with disease and my knees worked and my back didn’t ache, when the world was filled with hope and promise and I wasn’t just a lonely old man, lying in a hospital bed with no one to care about him because he sacrificed his humanity for a pile of useless money.

BILL
I care about you, old friend.

TED
What?

BILL
I said, I still care about you, old friend!

TED
This blasted thing.

Ted fiddles some more with his hearing aide. Bill farts and falls asleep and farts in his sleep. Rufus’s body begins to stink.

CUT TO:

EXT. GETTYSBURG PENNSYLVANIA – DAY

Abraham Lincoln finishes giving his famous Gettysburg Address and takes his seat. Macy Gray performs an original song from the soundtrack.

Sounds like a pretty exciting movie!

Comments (53)
  1. Ted is sad.

  2. Look on the bright side; at least Alex Winter has a reason to get out of bed in the mornings again.

  3. Whatevs. The Doctor is like nine hundred year old but he’s still kickin’ around time and space in his much-cooler-than-a-phone-booth police box.
    #massivenerdgum

  4. Strange things are afoot at the Hollywood.

  5. They got Macy Gray??? Wow!

  6. Needs more Death.

  7. I bet in this version, when they wiggle their fingers and make air guitar gestures, the soundtrack just plays the “sad trombone” sound from the Price is Right.

  8. I am NOT looking forward to CGI George Carlin.

  9. “I’m George Carlin and I’m dead now”
    “What’s this guy selling?”

  10. Pot calling the kettle old?

  11. Is this a goof like a Weird Al song or sumtin’?

  12. I just threw up in my mouth a lot.

  13. I was never really that big a fan of the bill and ted movie. I liked gremlins okay, liked ghostbusters, the david bowie labrynth movie. Hawk the Slayer. Lots of movies.

  14. Obviously the Viva Viagra group is going to sweep Battle of the Bands.

  15. Things that have gone out of style since Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey: Alex Winter, phone booths, the music industry. Things that have NOT gone out of style: David Niven, t-shirt/vest combos, Keanu Reeves, misspelled band names.

  16. Biodome was in fact written as a “Bill and Ted 3″ movie, but was reworked when Keanu did not sign on. The more you know! *swoosh star rainbow cut*

    • Not to be a party pooper, but that’s actually an urban legend. From Wiki:

      A third theatrical film in the Bill and Ted franchise was planned, and a screenplay was written, though it never got past the pre-production phase. Contrary to popular belief, a large portion of the script was not adapted into the 1996 film Bio-Dome; the rumor was debunked by Alex Winter himself.

      My thoughts: Reboot the entire franchise with Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin. Include dragons, pot humor and right-wing Christian overtones.

      #HollywoodPostItNote
      #RestoreStephenBaldwin

  17. No Doubleposto, but Keanu Reeves had kind of a sad young adulthood/rest of his life. (Don’t Google if you don’t want to cry, I’m serious.)

    I don’t know why I am pointing that out on THIS website OF ALL PLACES. But still. I like him, and think he deserves our continuing internet respect. Whatever THAT means.

    • Yeah I agree, I feel like the general consensus is even if he is not the best actor, and he has made some terrible movies, I feel like most people respect him as a person
      I never thought Sad Keanu got too mean

  18. Now maybe I can stop wondering what the hell Keanu Reeves has been up to for the past 20 years.

  19. I figured it out – Gabe has decided that rather than do WMOT posts, he’s going to Time Travel, Kill Hitler, and do WMOT posts about movies that haven’t even been written yet.

    F@#$*%g Genius.

  20. Bogus Journey is underrated. The personal Hell scenes are legit.

    • I actually think Bogus Journey is a lot better than Excellent Adventure. Which means this threequel will be so awesome it will be hard to look upon.

      (Seriously, you all jest, but I hope this happens. Not Gabe’s sad old person version, though. Sorry, Gabe.)

  21. I wonder if this means we can get episodes of the Idiot Box on Hulu. That show was boss.

  22. Maybe they could go back in time and kill this idea.

  23. My most excellent monsters,

    In all seriouslyness, this movie is going to be terrible. But I am going to love every minute of it.

    with kind regards,
    Me.

  24. Wait…which one was Ted?

  25. What’s Bill and Ted?

  26. needs more battleship. and the subsequent sinking thereof.

  27. Would this be an inappropriate time to admit that I was recently given a melvin?

    Besides the general discomfort, I was pleased to be reminded of Bill and Ted.

  28. STOP THE PRESSES!!… There’s a George Carlin figurine of his Rufus character… and I don’t own it????

  29. I thought Videogum didn’t do pranks?

  30. “I’m dead.”
    That’s hilarious.

    This is neither sarcasm or another sad attempt at humor in this thread.

  31. How old are they in this film?

    69 dudes!!!

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