Last night, the second episode of Game of Thrones aired. What a good show! “It’s disgusting.” Yes! It IS disgusting! In the best possible way. And so much intrigue: who will get taken from behind, possibly against their will, next?! Meanwhile, on Friday, the second episode of the final season of Friday Night Lights aired. Holy moly. “State.” Remember that? “State.” Chills. You show them, Lions. Show them all. Of course, no two shows could be more different than Game of Thrones and Friday Night Lights (“Clear wizards, full dragons, can’t rape”), and yet, both shows feature the strong-willed shapers of men: Lord Ned Stark of Winterfell, and Coach Eric Taylor of the East Dillon Lions. Both of these noble warriors stand firm in the face of adversity, and provide others with hope and confidence through their quiet, steely resolve. The question is WHO MOLDS YOUNG MEN BETTER?!

Lord Ned Stark of Winterfell
-The hand of the king
-Wears a lot of fur
-”Winter is coming”
-Took in the bastard John Snow
-Let everyone have a pet direwolf
-Watched his sons practicing archery
-Made Bran witness an execution
-Stood up to the king in defense of his daughter because that prince is shitty
-Hates Jaime Lannister
-Killed a direwolf even though he didn’t want to
-Won’t talk to John Snow about his mother until the time is right
-Rode for King’s Landing

Coach Eric Taylor of East Dillon, Texas
-Texas State Champion 2006
-Wears a lot of wraparound Oakleys
-”Never take your helmet off on my field again”
-Took in Tim Riggins that one time
-Let Julie have a pet Matt Saracen
-Helped rehabilitate Smash Williams’s knee himself
-Made the whole team run suicide sprints in the rain
-Stood up to Joe McCoy in defense of JD McCoy even though JD McCoy is shitty
-Love/Hates Buddy Garrity
-Spoke before the schoolboard even though he hates that stuff and his record speaks for itself
-Tends to not talk to anyone about anything until the time is right
-Wrote “State” on the dry erase board

And the stoic hero who molds young men best is….Coach Taylor. This is still America, nerds. That being said, Ned Stark is better at shaping Frodos into Gandalfs. ACCIO MORE EPISODES OF THESE GREAT SHOWS!

Comments (58)
  1. Although I haven’t seen this latest season of FNL, I’m going to guess that Ned Stark is better at shaping young men as long as the shape you are looking for is “headless”.

  2. -Spoke before the schoolboard even though he hates that stuff and his record speaks for itself

    Oh my god I love it. So Good pie, right here please.

  3. Wears a lot of wraparound Oakleys

    counterpoint

  4. Glad we’re not talking about the killing, which is the worst. Oh good we’re going to have even more on the little boys one of whom has a bed wetting problem and the other of whom has to go buy milk in the presence of fearsome homeless people, yay, great need more of that noise (sarcasm)

    • Argh. I know. And there are eight episodes left of the season, EIGHT. We aren’t even halfway yet so it can be pretty well assumed that there will be meaningless dead ends up until the last episode or two.

      I’m checking out. If the show gets good again maybe i’ll catch up and finish it, but right now this is one of the most boring, frustrating, depressing, slow paced tv shows i have ever watched. I just think that if the ending and conclusion is not totally satisfying I would probably destroy whatever medium i was using to watch it (either my tv or laptop).

    • I have never lived as far away from a carton of milk as that little boy. He literally had to cross over scary railroad tracks to find a convenience store. Is this Seattle or deepest Appalachia?

  5. Doesn’t it seem like someone named Ned Stark should be lording over Accounts Receivable rather than the castle of Winterfell?

  6. Btw, even though Season 5 is airing on nbc right now, I just finished watching the whole season through Netflix, and in an extra feature where the writers are talking about the show, one guy said this:

    “We give characters dreams and we crush them. Sometimes maybe too much.”

    YATHINK? Jesus Christ, Friday Night Lights. You make me cry with all your dream-crushing.

  7. Just waiting to see how Stark handles the “Men Shall Only Have Their Women From Behind” discussion with one of his kids before I decide.

  8. I’m having a bit of cognitive dissonance watching Game of Thrones because Lord Stark seems like such an awesome dude, but a lifetime of watching Sean Bean in movies makes me worry that he’s about to betray somebody.

  9. I cannot comment because I have only seen Game of Thrones but I will say that when that direwolf ripped out that guy’s esophagus last night I totally yelled, “Fuck yeah! Fucking kill that guy you badass dog!” at my television louder than I have yelled anything ever.

  10. Writing STATE on the dry erase board was genius. He doesn’t even need to talk to anyone about anything until the time is right- he can just write one word on the dry erase board in the locker room before a game and that’s it. Done. No talking. STATE.

  11. I still can’t believe this guy’s name is Ned Stark. Makes me think there was some rip in the fabric of time and some independent insurance agent from Toledo switched places with heroic lord of a fantastical realm.

    Which reminds me, if you are ever Northwest Ohio and need fantastic rates on disability and long-term care insurance, don’t hesitate to visit William the Merciless of Northumberland, scourge of the Outlands and lord high chancellor of the Necromancer Clan.

  12. You guys know that FNL S5 came out on DVD at the beginning of the month, right? So you don’t have to wait for it to air. It’s out there in the world and even more readily available than when it aired on Direct TV last year. #serviceygum

  13. I tried watching the first part of season one of friday night lights and could not stand how the camera is always jerking around and every shot lasts .01 second before it cuts to another equally short shot. This is the shitty ADD style of editing that induces migraines and seizures and epileptic fits. I can’t stand it. Only redeeming quality was freeze framing that cute girl Minka Kelly. Other than that, shut it down.

  14. RIP Lady Direwolf
    April 17 2011- April 25 201l

    NEVER FORGET.

  15. Clearly Gabe is looking for a new TV surrogate father. Understandable, due to the sudden vacancy of the previously filled position.

    Never forget.

  16. Well, Coach Taylor DID want to kiss his wife on his daughter’s bed. Talk about a fucked up individual…

    P.S. – Gabe, it’s spelled “Jon” Snow. *pushed up taped glasses with index finger then fades back into the lunchroom crowd*

  17. Btw, in another bit of FNL cast members working on comic book tv shows, Kyle Chandler is currently in talks with FX to play Detective Walker in their adaptation of Brian Michael Bendis’ and Michael Avon Oeming’s police procedural POWERS. (the hook being they are detectives that exclusively investigate crimes committed by people with super-powers).

    And of course I’m greatly looking forward to seeing Super 8 for Chandler alone. After his stint as Coach Taylor, I’m pretty much a life-long fan of Kyle Chandler. Bring it.

  18. (spoilers?)

    Coach definitely molded me into a better man. If it weren’t for him i don’t think i would have been a strong enough man to do the noble thing and take the fall for my brother’s DUMBASS chop shop after he had become a father. Then Coach was decent enough to come stand up for me at my parole hearing…

    Thanks Coach, I love you.

  19. I am going to go with neither, and through my weight behind those hood rat bad asses that “Take the Black” and defend the wall.

  20. JON Snow, Gabe, GAWD!

  21. Love/Hates Buddy Garrity

    Spoiler Alert: They never consummate their love in Season 5.

  22. I have dyslexia so I read the headline as, “Who Mends Young Moles Better?”

  23. Get out of my head, Gabe

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