jersey_shore_italy

As you may know, the next season of Jersey Shore will be filmed in Italy, which, well, right. When the first season of this show aired, some people complained that it portrayed Italian-Americans in a negative light, and I always disagreed with that, because the “Italian” aspect of these creatures was easily the least defined, least important, and least interesting. Sure, there was that painting on the garage door, I guess, but mostly these were just a particular breed of Human American Garbage that had nothing to do with their heritage. But now they are going to Italy. Neat! In response, the mayor of Florence, where the cast will be living, has issued four actual rules that the show must follow:

  • “The cast will not be filmed in bars and clubs that serve alcohol.”
  • “The cast will not be filmed drinking in public.”
  • “The show will not be filmed to promote Florence as a drinking town.”
  • “The show should be filmed in a manner to promote Italy (not Americans visiting Italy) and feature its culture and good food.”

Haha. Good luck! Hey, while you are at it, here are a few more Bill Maher’s New Rules you should get the cast to follow:

  • “The cast’s t-shirts will be simple and plain.”
  • “The cast will not finger each other in hot tubs out of sheer boredom.”
  • “The cast does not need to be smarter than it is, but it will stop wearing its stupidity on its sleeve like a badge of honor.”
  • “Ronni and Sammi will stop it because they are boring.”
  • “The show will not promote drinking sports drinks with dinner.”
  • “The show will promote Florence as a cultural town full of good food, and NOT as a great place to petulantly punch your woman in the face.”
  • “Each episode will begin and end with a formal apology.”

Better.

Comments (57)
  1. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  2. The first rule of Jersey Shore is don’t talk about Jersey Shore

  3. The Situation is going to be surprised to see how many more grenades there are when he’s sober.

  4. smooshing will only be had with the lights off (and preferably, in the missionary position)

  5. Rule 36: THERE ARE NO RULES!

  6. If they’re in Florence, the NEED to check out Tavola Calda da Rocco and try their excellent brolognese.

  7. Not trying to defend The Jersey Shore or anything, but does the mayor of Florence not realize who his Prime Minister is?

    • I’m so sick of the prejudice against Italians. You have numerous affairs involving barely legal teenagers including having them fellate the statue of a fertility god*, maybe fingerbang a few too many grenades in a disease-infested hot tub and suddenly you’re branded for life!

      Florence is a city of culture and history, and it is only appropriate that the cast of Jersey Shore have the opportunity to uncover their ancestry before someone doles out a reach-around in the middle of the Uffizi.

      *Speculation

  8. Now that we have the rules of conduct for Florence , how are we supposed to act around The Machine?

  9. yo Jersey dudes, good luck competing with Berlusconi

  10. I can’t wait to see them all be solemn and reverential towards Italian culture and customs. And also I bet one of them tries to buy a bottle of wine with American dollars!

  11. Didn’t it recently come up that at least one of them (Snooki? One of the Girls-Who-Aren’t-Snooki?) isn’t of Italian descent? She’s Bolivian or something? Since she’s also not allowed to drink, what will she do on this season?

  12. Wouldn’t it have been easier to put them up at the culinary institute in Tuscany from which the Olive Garden gets its ideas? And significantly more appropriate?

  13. “Oh no! We’ll have to take a train and get drunk in some terrible city like Pisa, Rome, or Bologna.” – Jersey Shore cast

  14. If they abide by these rules, this is clearly going to be the last season of Jersey Shore, right? Maybe we should come up with plans for what the cast can do afterwards? I predict Snooki is going to try to market a perfume with her name on it, only to find out that nobody really wants to walk around smelling of aloe and jagermeister.

  15. I can’t wait to hear J-Wowwwwwwww’s thoughtful critique of the progression of the female form in Botticelli’s later works…

  16. I wonder if anyone will call them commendatori.

    • i just signed on to reply to this message. Wasn’t that the saddest thing to happen to Paulie? also: i miss Furio.

      • There was a lot of sadness about Paulie… Like when it turned out that his sweet old mom wasn’t who he thought she was.

        • i know. i posted that comment thinking, well, his whole genealogy being all messed up must have been difficult, too. and the cancer scares, and tony not being understanding about it. such a messy universe. still i think there’s something about the way that episode handled the whole alienation from certain “roots” was incredibly evocative.

          by the way, does the tag #pretentiousgum exist? i think i’ve just gone there.

  17. In order to promote our show filming in Florence, let’s take a picture in front of a monument from A DIFFERENT CITY OVER 100 MILES AWAY. Actually, I think this sums up this show’s knowledge of/ connection to actual Italy perfectly.

    • They’d be better off in Rome. Dirty, dirty people.

      That said, Florence is an unreal city [/explanabrag: we went there for our honeymoon] and it deserves better than this total herpeshit show. I hope they take a bus around the Almalfi coast and have to vomit from all the curves on the road (or from just being vomitous people).

  18. Pooping Rules are Made to be Broken

    (so glad I got to say this 2x this week – and it’s only Wednesday!)

  19. Macaroni Rascals, indeed.

  20. “The cast will wait no longer than three days before it calls a plumber about the backed-up toilet.”

  21. Why are they shooting in Florence? I vote for Naples or Sicily or somewhere where MTV just pays to make their own rules…plus….really? What are they going to do in Florence….visit the Uffizi?

  22. I ll admit to liking the first season. I would like the second season 2, but too much Ronnie and whats her name so I only saw 2 episodes. If someone edits all the Ronnie and whats her name parts out, count me in.

  23. Fifty-Seventh!

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