dvd_owners

The whole piracy issue is mildly complicated. I mean, it’s not actually that complicated. Taking the work of other people without paying for it is illegal and wrong and don’t ever do it. On the other hand, the people in charge of the culture industry have been charging unrealistic and exorbitant prices for decades and living in Beverly Hills mansions and Lenny Kravitz-decorated Miami beach houses. CDs, for example, were supposed to come down in price after the original investment in the technology was repaid, but instead, they remained 12-18 dollars for 20 years. That is ridiculous! I’m not saying this is the market correcting itself, because it’s not. It’s people acting self-entitled and greedy and taking whatever they want with the click of a button because they CAN. But the pressure to curb piracy is certainly not, as is often explained, in order to provide artists with appropriate compensation for their work. Please. No one gives, or ever has given, a fuck about the artists. The pressure to curb piracy stems directly from the broken heated-passenger seat in David Geffen’s private jet needing service from the Private Jet Heated Passenger Seat Repair Man. Anyway, it is ultimately a relatively gentle moral issue with which we all now must struggle in this era of overwhelmingly “free” content, but one thing is for sure: this comparison between a group of people enjoying a “real” DVD and some sad slob hating himself for downloading a “fake” movie is hilarious and ridiculous:

Haha. Right. Nailed it! So fun watching DVDs with a bunch of stupid idiots. Have fun in your Office of Sadness, thief! Thank goodness there is no more illegal piracy. Problem solved. CASE CLOSED!

Comments (78)
  1. Gabe, I think you just stole my heart.

  2. Get a real DVD of Dodgeball!

    No wait! Come back, I meant Die Hard 4!

    Stop! Wait, I totally meant X-Men Origins: Wolverine!

    Man on Fire?

    Independence Day?

    Hello?

  3. Does that guy have dial-up or something? That download is taking so long! Call your ISP or something, dude!

  4. THAT CAR HIT A HELICOPTER OMG I WILL BUY WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST GIVE ME MORE OF CAR HITTING HELICOPTER

  5. My reward for purchasing DVDs? How about UNSKIPPABLE WARNINGS OF PIRACY BEFORE I CAN WATCH THE MOVIE.

  6. This is also the reaction he had when he watched the “Schindler’s List,” “Sophie’s Choice,” and “Hotel Rwanda” DVD’s.

  7. As someone who has downloaded a movie before, I can confirm that it takes 253+ hours, the download does often cancel itself for no reason, I am forced to sit in front of my computer the entire time (I can’t even switch to another window!), my only room with internet access is mostly empty and dreary, and I have glasses, a dark-colored hoodie, and no friends/family.

  8. As far as I can tell, they’re advertising Broadband.

    • Remember when it was about 1995 and your parents first got the interwebz? So naturally you would wait until everyone went to bed to sign onto your AOL account and put some songs to download over night. It literally took all fucking night for 3 songs to download. Good times.

      • My family clung to the last vestiges of that era like a spider monkey (didn’t get rid of our dial-up service till 2008) so well I remember leaving YouTube videos to load overnight and watch in the morning.

        “Are you sure this video is HILARIOUS? Because if I load this and spend my precious time and this turns out to be anything less than fucking hilarious I will have your soul why do I have dialup.”

      • And yet there was something so exciting about clicking on a bunch of stuff to download and then going to bed, not knowing exactly what you’d actually get in the morning. Ordinary days became just like Christmas! Back then.

  9. Maybe he downloaded The Crying Game. That’s pretty much the reaction I had when I watched that movie, too.

  10. I love this piss take of a similar UK anti-piracy ad:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=964MLq1db4s

    the original: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0CkJgHKEY8

  11. If the guy who made this actually watched DVDs, he’d know that the pirate could just speed up that 253 hours by hacking into the NSA with three keystrokes and then saying “enhance download speed” a couple times

  12. Glad to see DVDs can give me the love and companionship of other white people. I need that even more than this download of Love and Other Drugs.

  13. Come on, Gabe. You know how it is. A bunch of grown adults sitting around and watching DVDs, pointing and shouting every time something happens in the movie. Very adult, and very legal.

  14. I watched downloaded copies of Eastbound and Down season two recently and as a result I intend to purchase dvds of same because it was that good.

    In 2002, when star wars attack of the clones came out, I did not want to see it because Phantom Menace was such an epic generational disappointment on par with the destruction of planet Alderan in the first one. But then I watched a downloaded version and was all like, I want to see in a real theater those asteroids explode in space when jango fett drops that bomb even though the story was dumb.

    My point is, just because you see a free version on the internet does not preclude me from patronizing the arts

    • Piracy is evil.

    • Dear Mr. and Mrs. Winwood:
      Your son Steven is displaying analytical skills in keeping with his age and grade level. He recently submitted a very good report on the movie-viewing experience. However, I find it curious that a fifth-grader would correctly use the world “preclude.” I suspect that you helped him with the assignment. While we at Videogum Elementary do not discourage children from seeking guidance and assistance from their seniors, we want to ensure that such assistance is kept to a minimum, so that the child’s true ability is allowed to blossom. Accordingly, I will have to give Steven a B-minus, but encourage him to keep trying.

      -Mrs. S. Meowlkmus, Homeroom Teacher

    • Thanks for shattering this video’s stereotypical portrayal of movie pirates being misanthropic, self-satisfied, bored loners., Steve.

    • That asteroid scene was the best part of the movie! And definitely enhanced by going to the theater.

  15. They reverted to this campaign after they figured we would all steal cars.

  16. Is this post caused by Gabe’s guilt over seeking out the pirated version of The Game of Thrones last night?It’s OK, Gabe, just watch online ads for 15 minutes, say a few hail-Mary’s and you’ll be forgiven.

  17. Get a real DVD! Unless, of course, you want to stream Netflix! Or to your Roku! Or if you own an iPhone! Or iPad! Or iPod!

  18. Glad to see Hugh ‘ol Pee Pants Jackman in this commercial. It’s like he’s trying to pick a fight with us.

  19. You wouldn’t download a CAR.

    Sorry, movie industry, I so would.

    • I would SO download a car! Pretty much anything. What about food? Can I download drugs?

    • “You know what, I would steal a car if it was as easy as touching the car and then 30 second later, I owned the car. And like, I would steal a car if by stealing the car, the person who owned the car, they got to keep the card. And, um, I would also steal a car if no one I had ever met had ever bought a car before in their whole lives.” – Mindy Kaling

  20. “I hate people! All of them! With their stupid ‘friends’ and their ‘well lit apartments’ and their ‘full bowls of cereal.’ I know. I’ll download some more illegal movies. That’ll show ‘em!”

  21. So we should all start illegally downloading episodes of Two and a Half Men? Is that what you’re saying? (I think that’s what you’re saying)

  22. I just torrented this video, in yo face psa makers

  23. I am sitting in an Intellectual Property law office right now. I feel like i should disapprove of piracy, but really, I am for job security.

    In other words, it is illegal and you should not do it. Now I am going to leave you alone in your room, with this computer and broadband. WINK WINK.

  24. They didn’t even mention the annoying screeching noise that the modem makes when you’re trying to listen to the movie.

  25. i have a fast internet connection so it only takes me like an hour to download “push” starring chris evans and dakota fanning and i laughed just as much as those guys

  26. Also, DVDs are totally fun! The only thing more fun is salad, amirite, ladies??

  27. I think I’ve been watching DVDs wrong.

  28. Hey, guys, did you know that in the future, DVDs will get smaller and smaller, until one day, when you can fit four of them on your tongue. The future’s going to be a pretty cool place.

  29. I’m pretty sure this is a “legalize pot” commercial?

  30. That guy is laughing way too hard at the White House being destroyed by aliens.

  31. Has anyone actually looked at those Kravitz-decorated homes? Pretty gauche, Lenny. I will not be subscribing to your newsletter about mid-century kitchen fixtures any time soon.

  32. Hahahahaha, I hope they add that “File Corrupted: Abort Download!!” screen cap to that one Website that’s all just screen caps from computer scenes in movies.

  33. I don’t buy DVDs because they are wasteful and bad for the environment, not because I’m a pirate. I also never got a blu-ray player because I was pissed that as soon as made the switch from VHS to DVD, I would have had to AGAIN buy everything only to do it just in time for the new format and so on. Gross. I just want to watch a movie, not get caught in an endless consumer cycle and if that means I have to do it without awesome high fives, so be it.

  34. These guys know what’s up with REAL DVDs!!!!!

  35. Their is a version that seems to be on most UK Lovefilm rentals that is WORSE;

    The guys are still having fun at their REAL DVD PARTY and everything but there is an alternate FAKE DVD PARTY and everyone of his friends get REAL pissed off and REALLY leave (probably to go to the REAL DVD PARTY; They just make me want to steal….

    Although The IT Crowd told me the true dangers….

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuxO6CZptck

  36. MOVIES WERE MEANT TO BE SEEN IN DARK MOVIE THEATERS BY BOTH STRANGERS AND FRIENDS

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