Oh no! Catherine Zeta-Jones is not feeling well! From FOX News:

Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones checked herself into a mental hospital to treat Bipolar II Disorder, her rep tells People magazine.

Wait, she’s sick for real? I saw “rehab” and I just assumed she had “exhaustion” or something. Bipolar II Disorder actually sounds like a real thing. Now how are we supposed to make funnn of herrrrr?! But also, wait another second, isn’t Catherine Zeta-Jones, like, 60 years old and doesn’t she have one million dollars in her checking account? Who are these doctors who are just diagnosing her with Bipolar II Disorder now? Come on, doctors, this is the T-Mobile lady we are talking about here, not just some regular HUMAN BEING! (Oh, apparently, according to Wikipedia, it is very hard to diagnose. SORRY, DOCTORS! SORRY I GAVE YOU SUCH A HARD TIME, DOCTORS! Also, congrats to the Wikipedia page for Bipolar II Disorder for already having a Catherine Zeta Jones addendum.) Obviously, our hearts and prayers go out to Catherine Zeta-Jones and her family during this difficult time. I’m only being HALF-facetious! Bipolar II Disorder sounds terrible. Get well soon, Catherine Zeta-Jones. This guy knows what I’m talking about.

Comments (66)
  1. So THAT explains the whole Michael Douglas thing….

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  2. That’s weird, I saw her in a fantasy last night, and she seemed perfectly fine.

    • I had a dream last night that Mystery, the pick-up artist, and Short Round from Indiana Jones were out in the club talking to girls. Mystery was rocking the shit out of a feather boa and a wizard hat, but whenever a girl seemed interested in his magic tricks or whatever, Short Round would pop out from nowhere and shout, “No time for love, Mr Mystery!” I’m also on some strong pain medication.

  3. Seriousgum: I wish more high-profile people would be honest about mental illness–it’s got such a stigma (still! it’s 2011! and yet, still!). It’s every bit as scary, demoralizing, and life-threatening as a physical illness might be, and people who suffer are still expected to go about their daily lives as though nothing were wrong. With the added expectation that they can somehow just will themselves better. “Hey, diabetic, why don’t you just produce more insulin? Oh, you’re just lazy.”

    • Otto, you have lupus!

    • Would it make you feel better to know what I have an uncle who is a mix of the tough, reserved New Englander, and the tough, reserved Westerner (he’s lived in Colorado for 30ish years), but he is really open, in a completely casual, same way he talks about his broken back, about his depression. Or, seriously, as he calls it, “the depression.” “I’ve got the depression you know.”

    • I agree. I have nothing meaningful to add, so to make up for a lame duck comment, hereare my little ponies:

    • Hells to the yes.

      One of the most frustrating parts of being a crazy (it is okay for me to say that, because I am a crazy) is that even once you get to the point where you are open with and comfortable talking about your illness, it is still a constant challenge to have most people recognize it as something real. The part where you must explain it to other folks is also not the best. It is not something I usually talk about with people I am not close to, in the same way that I do not tell random people how my ankle is kind of itchy and is it okay that my shoes, pants, and jacket are all the same colour? But I have had to bring it up in situations where I would rather not discuss it (the work, the love, etc) because it is something that affects so much of what I do.

      I do not have the two polars (of the bears, or of the mind), but a couple of my dearest friends have Bipolar type 2 and it took years for both of them to be correctly diagnosed. Although I do not wish that anyone should have a weirdo ding-dong brain (sorry, “mental illness”), I am grateful when something like this brings it to the forefront. Now, maybe other people can talk about brain-type stuff so that I can continue watching a little dog chase a big dog at the dog park.

    • yeah, i wish it was more accepted and open, because then some people who have problems might actually want to get help. i’ve had friends who are clearly have depression, anxiety, and a handful of other things who say “why would i want to go talk to someone?” when i suggest counseling.

      it’d like like, “why would i want a cast?” if you broke your leg. that seems obvious to us because physical medicine is deemed necessary, when mental health can often be ignored.

    • I can empathize with you, Friday. I had to drop out of my core acting course (I go to an art school for acting because I like being poor almost as much as I love whiskey) because of depression, crazy-people medication, etc. That was actually kind of a relief…

      …Until everyone asked me why I dropped the class and I had to explain to EVERYONE IN MY PROGRAM INDIVIDUALLY that I suffer from mental illness and have most of them respond with “Well why are you sad?” Y’know, because being sad and having a serotonin imbalance are OBVIOUSLY the same thing.

    • But! Oh! I forgot to talk about the good parts of being a crazy. Or the two that I can think of, anyway:
      1. DJ-ing a party at a mental hospital (while a resident of said hospital)
      2. Trying to get everyone at the aforementioned nuthouse party to sing along to “Sanitarium.”

    • I totally agree. It’s actually one of the things I really admire about Jesse Eisenberg. He’s very willing to talk about his problems with depression in interviews, including things his therapists have talked to him about and how Zoloft affects his acting. It can be really nice to see someone that high profile talking really openly about mental illness, especially as someone with her own issues.

    • FUCK YEA!

      I honestly hope she gets well soon. I’m dealing with MILDLY bipolar depression (cyclothymia, booourns…and it’s just easier to say “depression” than to explain…) and it’s no fun. So ummm.. yea…

      Also, this Chevy Chase sketch from Tunnel Vision sums up the stigma STILL surrounding mental health issues

  4. Well at least she got a much better cut of the back end of Bipolar II, because she pretty much worked for free in Bipolar I.

  5. If I have learned anything this week, it’s that being a cell phone provider spokesperson is a dangerous game.

  6. Somebody should ask Tom Cruise what he thinks.

  7. “Dude, are you being sarcastic?”

    (pause) “I don’t even know anymore.”

  8. Somehow, I suspect this man is involved:

  9. Gosh darn it! Just imagine Jim Halpert in gold face paint until I can figure out how to post images.

  10. I have bipolar II disorder. I have nothing to say about this other than that it is awful and I hope she finds some relief.

  11. Gabe, I love you, but did you really have to tag this under “Crazy People?”

    • I’m also kind of weirded out by how manic Gabe’s write-up is. Gabe, maybe you can talk to Catherine about it?

    • Ugh, seriously.

    • Although I’m replying way after the fact, I’m also pretty bummed by that tag. Admitting publicly to having a highly-stigmatized emotional disorder, which you are taking care of like an adult, does not one Randy Quaid make.

      (I blame the terrible grammar in that sentence on my highly-stigmatized emotional disorder, btw).

  12. I’d treat THAT with a combination of behavioral therapy and antipsychotic medication, if you know what I mean!

    For reals, though, this is serious. I work at a mental hospital (“Oh boy, here we go.” – Videogum) and bipolar disorders ruin lives. In the case of Zeta-Jones, she could be an extremely wealthy, beautiful actress who had played Sean Connery’s love interest in Entrapment (sexy thieves!) and was married to the grouchy guy from Falling Down and still think her life is completely hollow and meaningless. Despite everything she has, she probably thinks about suicide all the time. To quote Craig Ferguson, “you can’t beat it with money. If you could beat it with money, rich people wouldn’t die.”

    • Oy, that hits home. I am not extremely beautiful or wealthy, and I have been on medication for almost a year that has helped a lot, and I still think about suicide all the time.

      “Dammit, dafs, now look what you started!” -Videogum

      • As a fellow mentally-ill Monster, I have to agree with you guys. It doesn’t matter how much money or success the woman has; a mental illness can be just as dehabilitating as a physical one.

  13. I don’t know how to feel about this story. One minute it makes me feel up, the next minute I’m down.

  14. I also have the Bipolar 2. Hopefully, one thing this revelation will do is teach people the difference between Bipolar 1 and 2.

  15. Do you think that with Bipolar 2 Catherine will flip to the other end of the spectrum and date younger guy? cause i’m available for that….

    (also, this publicity of Bipolar 2 gives me great hope that my sister and father will finally get the medical attention they need…my mom and i just called it “dodge the flying objects till there is laughter again” time)

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