braco

It’s going to be hard for me to explain Braco to you. Ultimately, you have to experience Braco for yourself. But before you do, I will let Braco explain himself, through the healing power of his website. Here is a brief description of what Braco “is” from his FAQ section (which is mostly about parking and how to pick up Braco tickets, but also deals with what Braco is):

One doesn’t even need to see Braco (in the case of some shorter in a big room) to have the energy reach them. The energy which Braco projects via the gaze is beyond the time space continuum and so it even can reach people before they come to the event or long after. Many healings happen instantaneously. Others take a few months or never, depending upon the soul’s choice.

Braco is for short people, too! Or maybe he is for no one at all. The one thing that is for certain is that you do not need to exist…on…the space-time continuum…to feel…the gaze. I think? Sorry, I told you I couldn’t explain Braco myself. But I still don’t think you’re ready. Let someone who has experienced Braco try to put it into words. Here is a testimonial:

I believe fervently in miracles and spiritual healing but I have always been very cynical about celebrity psychics, healers, gurus and the like. I assumed Braco was more of the same with a different gimmick. However, when I went to the Internet to check him out I was stunned by his picture. I thought “This man looks way to honest and kind to be one of those people. What’s going on here?” Braco’s gaze had dealt its first blow to my cynicism…from a computer screen!!

This person sounds like a normal, well-rounded person who is definitely real and definitely exists, and I appreciate that they are expressing some of the same skepticism that I might feel upon first hearing of Braco. But don’t let your skepticism get in the way of Braco’s power. Only you can let Braco in. Although, before you do, here are a couple of important warnings:

One must be over 18 years old and not pregnant past her first trimester. It’s all very difficult to explain — that’s why Braco stopped speaking in public 8 years ago.

OK. You’re ready. Or at least as ready as you ever could be:

BRACOOOOOOOOOO!

Don’t worry, guys. He’s on Skype.

AND NOW BRACO IS IN YOUR HEART AND YOU ARE HEALED. Thank you for the tip, Tim, thank you for Braco.

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Comments (93)
  1. “The energy which Braco projects via the gaze is beyond the time space continuum and so it even can reach people before they come to the event”.
    OK, that’s it. I think I’m done with the Internet. It’s been fun and all but this is just too much. I’m packing my bags and heading for the nomadic wilderness.
    Bye guys

  2. Oh Braco, with one C, I thought there were two Cs and Lorraine Bracco was a terrible faith healer

  3. I would totally build a fort with Braco.

  4. Consider me braconverted!

  5. Braco – Bra + n

  6. Braco Movies?

    Donnie Braco

  7. Also, “Yummy Yes!” is now my default affirmative.

  8. Thanks to Braco, I’m now a huge hit with the ladies!

    “I notice you noticing me staring at you unblinkingly… No. I’m not some sort of pervert. I sense a great sadness in you, and I am trying to heal you with my gentle gaze. No… No need to thank me… Oh, ok. One drink” – Me, always and forever, thanks to Braco.

  9. “Like my head tattoo I’m certain I will never regret my devotion to Braco.” -Mr. White Hat McGoatee

  10. If you take that “r” and make it an “n” and then move it to the end, then I totally understand what these people are talking about.

  11. Uhh his manager is Ross’s lesbian wife from Friends. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Sibbett

  12. You mean to tell me his glare will not change even in the face of this


    ?

    MAD SKILLZ.

  13. If there’s one scientific principle to be learned from new-age spiritualism, it’s that apparently the amount of mystical universe life-energy a person controls is directly proportional to the length of their unwashed hippy hair.

  14. We all make fun, but replace Braco with a puppy at one of those things and I would be weeping.

  15. Sorry Braco but MoMA beat you to it…

  16. So Jane Lynch’s long-lost twin has Skyped with Braco. Huh.

  17. If your spiritual master 1) wears distressed jeans and 2) hasn’t yet heard of Skype you are fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked.

  18. his cousin

  19. Anyone with “a healing center in Zagreb” is the real deal.

  20. God, people need to meditate more. Is meditation still free? Ok, now everyone close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths. Feel better? Good, you all owe me 10 bucks.

  21. As someone who lives near/regularly visits Croatia/watches their TV channels a lot, this is an all too familiar sight. There’s been a resurgence of faith-healers in the region lately (similar to the stuff that happened during the bleak ’90s), mediums and other scum who prey on the ignorant and vulnerable. Some of those guys are so outlandish, that they make callers (usually old ladies from the countryside) recite Metallica lyrics, hum the Indiana Jones theme tune and do similar random bullshit, so as to remove “curses”:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milan_Radonji%C4%87

  22. One night I was on Chat Roulette, feverishly clicking through (life?) looking to fill this bottomless loneliness pit that rests in my soul when I felt compelled to pause on a man’s penis. Now, normally I would never hold on a penis, and a penis would rarely hold for me. But neither party clicked ‘next’. And I started staring at this penis…and I felt what I can only describe as ‘an energy’ coming straight through the computer screen and surrounding me with happiness and warmth. It was just standing there silently, totally erect, and I could tell it was projecting pure love at me.

    That was the first time I met Braco’s penis.

  23. Anyone else think Braco looks suspiciously like Mikhail Gorbachev in a bad wig?

  24. Cool story, Braco.

  25. FYI, “Braco” means “li’l brother” in Croatian. In these parts, it;s not name/nickame that would evoke any trust in its holder.

  26. Is that Comic Sans? Comic Sans Italic?

  27. All of his followers look completely normal and not crazy at all.

  28. Sadly, I don’t have photoshop and wouldn’t know how to use it if I did, but i would love to see this guy in a blue bucket with a wash cloth on his head.

  29. In all fairness, this really isn’t any weirder than Scientology

  30. I think its cool that Bracos gaze is beyond space and time, because that is a meaningful attribute for describing a ‘gaze’, period! Also, what is the deal with people who like to talk about ‘energy’ and ‘healing’ using phrases like ‘beyond space and time’? Its like, space and time are a common thing we are all bound by, and I’m pretty sure almost 100% of the things you like best in this world are bound by time and space as well, so cool it with the time-space hate! #ONELOVEBRACOSTYLE

  31. Wonder what Braco’s “o” face looks like.

  32. Yeah, whatever Braco:

  33. So technically, he doesn’t even need to do anything, at all, ever. He can just record himself sitting on Skype and play it back at all these viewings forever. While he goes out and wanders around on beaches, silently.

  34. Braco gazes into Cuba, into the hearts and minds of each of its citizens. The next day, Fidel and Raul Castro announce sweeping reforms, bringing Cuba into a new age of prosperity and transparency.

  35. Awww, the Denver Bracos?

  36. So I work at a museum (an art museum) in downtown San Francisco and last summer Braco was, apparently, performing his “healing” or whatever (ugh) at an event space in the neighborhood with a very (if we’re being generous, which I AM) similar name. Countless of Braco followers (ok maybe a couple dozen) came to my desk asking if he was “gazing” at the museum. The. Worst.

  37. “no dogma” strikes me as a pretty cool new thing to say.
    “i mean, no homo no dogma bro, but seriously, …” etc.
    thanks bracoian lady.

  38. DUDE, FUCK OFF. THIS IS MY GIG.

  39. You are like the buzzing of flies to him!

  40. Mr. White hat Goatee’s voice and inflections sound so incredibly similar to Sam Harris (http://www.ted.com/talks/sam_harris_science_can_show_what_s_right.html) which makes me hope that maybe Sam Harris is using Face/Off technology to create this big spirituality thing to prove some point.

  41. Yes! Croatian weirdos are going INTERNATIONAL! This is better when i saw Louis CK drink that bottle of Jana water in an episode of Louie!

  42. It is so easy to join!

  43. I will know have this amazing and uplifting song stuck in my head forever.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGkeJxclnFE

  44. My favorite part of the website is the bonus section.
    https://bracoamerica.com/Braco_America/Bonus_Braco.html

    It has a picture of Braco and 2 women with how to pronounce their names. Megan (mee-gun) okay, whatever, sure. Braco (braht-zoh) sure, he is foreign so he gets a free pass. But the last one Jane (kee-lah). WHAT!

    Hey my name is Steve (Raw-k Ah-some)

  45. Here is a dumb Braco-related thing I made. It makes me sad to know that even if Braco likes it, he can never tell me so:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVJfsdXzgqg

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