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Holy cow. Last night’s event was a great success. Which means this morning’s morning is a terrible disaster. My head right now feels like this guy’s pants. Please be patient.
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Patient, my ass! Today is a prime day for Gabe Crotchetiness! There’s new plans for 2 Jersey Shore spin-offs and a 3D Fred movie. I demand updates!
This morning, drinks are on me! I just got promoted to Senior OMGeorge.
Congratulations! If we’re sharing big news, I…I went to sleep before 8:30 last night. I’m overly proud of that.
You and me both, Gabe. This was me making breakfast this morning:
Honestly, great time hanging out with *deep breath* Lizzing, Nora (Narwahl) Lynn, DS3M, R2D2 Esq, Ms Quinn, Lawblog (and Ladyblog!) and Patrick M.
Aaaaand Facebook Connect, my old friend. How could I forget you?
Good times last night, but I can’t figure out why Gabe’s head would feel like jorts this morning. I’m just good, old fashioned, hung over.
UGH. In the shower this morning I was all like
how did you all find one another? just go around asking if so and so was so and so?
Because we all look like our avatars. Are you not really Joey Lawrence?
i dress like him, but don’t look like him
I was drinking like Superman, which is to say I was drinking like it was my first time. Did you guys see me???
Hi I am in Lizzing’s bathtub and my kidney is missing and there is a note that says to comment here if I need help?
The cold harsh morning light has me regretting I told Gabe the show was meh, as a joke that did not translate. Always Be Regretting Gabe interactions. That’s sort of my motto for every vgum event and I’m clearly sticking to it.
Notice there is no regret over the organ theft. #priorities
To be clear, when I said I’d rate it a “B” that was for “Bawesome”
Ha! So glad I missed that. Awkward.
I safely avoided any awkward Gabe interactions except for the one where he put the microphone to my face and asked me what I do for a living. Therefore, my favorite part of the night was when, “I’m unemployed” reverberated through the giant room, probably the entire bar…the city…the world.
Gabe, if you’re reading this, I meant to tell you that I’m unemployed but I DID apply for that Videogum position. So.
I take that back. The best part of the night was the cake. Holy christ, who made that cake? I was expecting confetti cake with store-bought frosting but this shit was fancy. Please come forward so that we can invest (not money, but definitely good spirits) into your future bakery. If you already have a bakery then that’s probably one reason why the cake was so good.
My awkward Gabe interaction was a two parter:
Part 1 was when I raised his missing laptop bag high above the crowd Rafiki style
Part 2 was when he made a mad dash over to grab it after he got off the stage, gave me a quick and awkward smile and then ran away before I even knew what was happening.
Though I like to think I saved his night because the only thing in that bag was the paperback copy of Waterworld which was the material for his entire 4 (3rd? 5th?) act.
Last night, I was driving and a truck behind me kept following me and flashing its high beams periodically. It was really making me nervous. I drove faster and faster, to get away from this truck, but every turn I took, it took, all the time flashing its high beams. Finally, I got home and jumped out of my car. The truck stopped behind my car and the driver got out and started to run at me, but rather than chase me, he opened the back door of my car. Inside was Lizzing with a knife. Every time she rose up to stab me as I drove, which I am sure she realizes now was a bad plan, the truck driver flashed his high beams.
Oh Lizzing, we clearly can’t trust you with knives.
I knew this kid who’s brother dated a girl who got a Coke once and was drinking it and when she got to the bottom of the bottle, she saw that there was a Lizzing inside it.
Once, Gabe was babysitting for this family. He’d put the two kids to sleep and was settling into watch his “227″ VHS compilation when the phone rang. He answered it and a voice said, “The show was sort of ‘Meh.’”
Gabe gasped in horror and slammed the phone down. He tried to watch his tape, but was disturbed.
After a while, the phone rang again. Tentatively, he answered it and the voice said again, “The show was ‘Meh.’”
At this point, Gabe woke the children up, because he was scared, and then called the police. The cops told him that they would trace the call the next time it happened.
Finally, after a few minutes the telephone rang again. “The show was ‘Meh.’” He hung up, soul full of terror. Then the phone rang again. It was the police.
“Get out,” they said. “The call is Lizzing from INSIDE THE HOUSE.”
The Coke won wins the award for Grossest One.
I head Mikey from Life cereal died when he ingested a combination of Pop Rocks and Lizzing.
I had a friend who’s elderly aunt went to Mexico on vacation and found a stray mexican hairless dog, so she brought it home. It was acting really strangely, so she took it to the vet, and it turns that she had poor eyesight, and it wasn’t a dog at all, but a rat!
Oh, and Lizzing was the vet.
Twas an honor and a pleasure, sir.
Well, yesterday I was just sad b/c I could not attend last night’s festivities. This morning, I read all your good time PARTY PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! stories, and I am just angry. Me this morning:
KIND OF FREAKING OUT AT HOW MUCH THAT MILK CARTON LOOKS LIKE A WHALE.
ENHANCE!
Pictures or it didn’t happen!
Uh oh, all of the world’s religions are in trouble!
I almost fell out of my seat laughing at this.
Everytime I see someone write “Pictures or it didn’t happen!” I imagine Dana Carvey as Garth. It just feels right.
I can’t wait to see the happy ending. Err….wait. Ew. I’m gross. I’ll see myself out.
Great job last night, Gabe! Take it easy because you don’t want that trunk pants damage to be permanent.
The Videogum South party last night was out of control.
First we all at at McAlister’s and ate soup and then we walked to a coffeeshop and read for a while and then after that we took a bath, but the tub was too full and some waster spilled on the floor. Finally, at like 10:47, we all fell asleep listening to “Siamese Dream” (Amazon had it on sale for $5.00!).
GOOD TIMES!
The Videogum Teacherfriday meetup was a big success. Everyone had fun watching Bones, getting drunk, and saying mean things about people at the NYC meetup.
The Videogum Facetaco meetup was also a big success. We sat in a tree watching Bones through Baby Friday’s window with a pair of binoculars, imagining that we were sitting right next to her.
You know how to make a girl feel special, FT.
You think you guys had a good time! Last night at the Godsauce meetup, we studied for an optics exam, and procrastinated by altering not one, but two bonus comic strips for our own amusement! We also drank a beer and watched an episode of Chopped.
At Gobble HQ we did some housecleaning, unpacked boxes, then got sick and spent most of the night either throwing up or wanting to. Festive!
The Pittsburgh meetup was also a success. We talked about how even know the Pittsburgh Pirates lost their home opener, they showed promise and maybe a winning season could happen. Then we realized our hopes were delusional and drowned our sorrows in a Iron City and Pierogies.
The VT meetup was HOT, we left the house in something other than winter boots and then promptly ruined our nice shoes in a muddy parking lot, and THEN we accidentally misled a waiter about a birthday and received a small candle with our dessert. And we tried Tia Maria for the first time. It is very similar to Kahlua.
Also I am going to inappropriately reply to myself to point out that I JUST realized this post says “elephant massage” and not “eggplant massage,” which has cleared up quite a bit of confusion on my end.
Since The Narrator is still sleeping (b/c we partied like rockstars last night) I will show you his tweet from last night about the NOLA meet up:
The Halifax meet-up was great. We stopped at the grocery store on our way home from work at 11pm to pick up something to mix with the tiny morsel and only scrap of intoxicating substance left in our freezer. We then discovered that our debit card was irreparably damaged from some leaked nail polish remover so we drove home, fed the cats and went to bed.
The only difference between Gabe and the guy in the video is that according to a tweet from DS3M, Gabe got his happy ending.
Ordinarily I would be as patient as a patient thing that’s really patient, but Gwyneth Paltrow’s cookbook was released today. Get on that ish, son.
At first Gabe was like:
But then he was like:
ABUW&I
Sounds like everyone had fun. Meanwhile, this was me last night.
I’m so glad y’all had fun! Yay Monsters!
Monster Party Chicago had cake. CAKE! It was awesome. We didn’t even miss Patrick M or any of the other Chicago monsters who defected to the NYC party. That’s how delicious the cake was.
I can attest to the fact that, at least for the 30 minutes I was there, the Chicago meetup was entertaining, and the cake looked delicious. The 30 minutes I spent sitting alone at the bar hoping I would somehow magically find the monsters I was looking for was less entertaining.
whut?
I read that without my glasses and thought it said “defecated to the NYC party.”
No pics, please. It didn’t happen.
I will pay good money for an audiobook of the novelization of waterworld as read by gabe.
Wait can that really be a thing? I will pay all of the dollars to have that be a thing.
Squirter Hero. Hilariously disgusting. Or is that the other way around?