Jay-Z has launched his own Goop-like “lifestyle website.” THE HELL IS GOING ON OUT THERE?
“I Got 99 Problems and my 2000-thread count Egyptian Cotton bed sheets I bought on a weekend trip through Soho ain’t one.”
“If you got bed problems just go drop by Pier 1″
Justify My Imported Egyptian Rug
Jay-Z, just make your own Tumblr and call it a day. Yeesh.
“tweets is watching”
I heard next week he’ll be singing and dancing suggestively in front of all the young men on Glee.
“Hi Everyone! Just a quick note from your Uncle Jay, Re: Hoes – Please, take them out the hood, keep them looking good, but don’t fucking feed them. It’s about BALANCE. Ok, dodging off to the gym!”
You can feed them, just not after midnight. And never make it rain for ‘em.
Just the other day I was thinking “R2, why don’t your ties come in a custom made wooden box? That’s just such a sensible and environmentally friendly way to package neckwear!”
Just when you’re starting to think you’re the only sane one on Earth, Jay-Z comes along to remind you that you’re not alone.
I just lost some respect for you, sir, considering that all of my ties come in custom made wooden boxes, and I thought you were a man of the same class.
My Favorite part of Jay-Z’s lifestyle website is where he shows me how to murder a Goat in the proscribed fashion to yield the greatest profits over the coming year
When I read “how to murder a goat” I was hoping the sentence would end “to worship satan. hails the baphomet!”
“The times when you saw
only one set of e-foot steps,
is when I was out to lunch at Spago.”
Gimme that sweet, that nasty, that goopy stuff.
Oh forget it.
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