slap_prank

Ugh, pranks. They’re the worst! For one thing, they are rude and mean-spirited and they play on people’s natural tendencies towards decency and trust, not to mention the innate human desire for connection. “Oh, you want so badly to believe that you are not alone in this absurd world full of pain and suffering that you’re actually willing to believe something that I told you just because we have established years of friendship? Well now there is a bucket on your head, or whatever.” Pranks. The only thing worse than a straight-up prank is a covert, top secret prank that is so cloaked in dishonesty that it won’t even admit it is a prank. I’m talking, of course, about Improv Everywhere. Those guys. “>This year’s April Fool’s prank is one of the worst yet! Hey, you know what, some people LIKE pranks. Chet Haze’s dad, Tom Pranks, for example, huge prankhead. (See also: Brad Pitt, who is a well-known Prankosaurus.) It’s OK to like pranks. I mean, you are a child if you do? Because the only people who like pranks are children? Because children’s skulls haven’t fused, so they’re very susceptible to being into terrible things, and also children are cruel. They have no reason not to be, they live in a world where consequences are, like, “no dessert,” so not real consequences*. But if you like pranks, at least admit that you like pranks. And that everything you do is actually a prank, even if you call it something pretentious. We have been over all of this before. But since today is their big day, it seemed worth remembering.

OUR agents, the Videogum Everywhere agents, are being tasked with a VERY special mission today: don’t prank anybody. Whether you are on a movie set or at a banana peel factory, hold it together. Keep to yourself. Prank no one. The greatest prank the Videogum Everywhere agents ever pulled was making people believe that they hadn’t been pranked because they hadn’t, because we don’t want to bother anyone with that nonsense. People are just trying to go about their business, so let’s let them do that! Remember the Videogum Everywhere mission statement: to bring joy to people’s lives by LEAVING THEM ALONE.

*I’m not talking about, like, poor children with fucked up families or, even worse, foreign children. Those guys are Consequences Experts. Which is why it’s so funny to put the sheets on those idiots’ beds wrong, am I right?
Comments (76)
  1. Seeing as how I hate April Fool’s day with the same intensity that I hate Lutefisk, I got this mission covered.

  2. TOO LATE! But in my defense, the prank was that I did not tell my co-worker I would be coming in an hour late today, thus making her doubt my claims that I was making cupcakes for her birthday. But then I DID come in with aforementioned cupcakes, so all prankery is canceled out because it ended in delicious baked goods. Let’s call it even.

  3. Ok…I’m NOT pregnant. #AprilTruthDay

    • Guess what? You didn’t win the lottery. #AprilTruthDay

      • Hey guys, there isn’t any saran wrap over the toilet so you can use it whenever you want, don’t worry. #AprilTruthDay

        • This is a great idea. We should all just be extra earnest and honest with each other today. #AprilTruthDay

          • I am insecure about whether or not people like me, so I use muted humor and large words to shield myself from real human interactions. Also, I feel bad about how I look and think that I am terrible at everything. Also, all of my shoes smell really, really bad. #AprilTruthDay

    • My friend’s girlfriend borrowed a positive pregnancy test from her pregnant sister, and was going to give it to my friend as an April fools joke today. He found out before she did it, and we still can’t convince her why this is a terrible idea.

      • “Hey, can I borrow that thing you just peed on for a prank?”
        “Sure, that’s not disgusting or anything. And you need it for such a good reason.”

        Sorry, but this relates to one of my biggest pet PEEves in movies where someone takes a pregnancy test and waves it around or sits at the kitchen table with it… you just peed on that! Get it out of the kitchen and don’t loan it to anyone!

    • Mom and Dad, I’m not gay. #AprilTruthDay

    • It’s snowing in April. #AprilTruthDay

      Am I doing it right?

  4. How do I know you’re not pranking us with this post, and later you will pull a big prank on us involving Birdie

  5. Done and done, Gabe. I’ve never been an April Fool’s prankster. I limit my pranking to putting razor blades in Halloween candy.

  6. I keep hoping the people that broke into my apartment were just a little early for April Fool’s and when I get home today my computer and tv will be right where I left them two days ago. #videoglum

  7. When I was five years old (that’s a tiny number of years) I was playing Legos in my room, which was important back then. I heard my mother on the phone saying “Oh I can’t wait to tell him, he’ll be so excited!” as she walks into my room and says “Bye now” and hangs up the phone. (It was a wireless phone the size of our Dodge Omni). She says “GUESS WHAT?! WE’RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!” and I said “REALLY?” and she said “NO!!! NOT REALLY! HA HA HA HA (that’s LOL in 1988). In my ensuing sobbing convulsions, she said “April fools!” and that’s bull shit.

    • At least she didn’t trick you into thinking Disney Land burned down, like Jack Handey.

      • Well, I’m as positive as I can be about anything that happened 23 years ago that it was specifically NOT April 1st, but I have no way of verifying that. If I’m right about that, it only increases the level of evil. My mother has a long history of pranks, starting with her rubbing ketchup on her wrists and running screaming up the driveway for help when she was 13. That’s fine.

        • Last year, my then five-year-old went around the whole month of April saying, “OH MY GOSH MOM YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!! APRIL FOOLS!!!” She is in kindergarten this year, so I am sure she will come home with an even more ridiculous April fools today. April Fools Day is so dumb and needs to be erased from calendars. You know, for the kids. And the parents.

  8. I apparently work in a daycare or something, because I’ve already drank soapy coffee and had my boss tell me I was being relocated.

    New Videogum Everywhere Mission: TRUST NO ONE. BELIEVE NOTHING.

  9. Every time I discuss April Fool’s with people, someone brings up the idea of faking their own death as a prank. Does that even constitute a prank? “Gotcha, friends and family! Wasn’t that some fun undeserved stress and grief I put you through? Roasted!”

  10. Sorry, Gabe. I like pranks, I am Professor Prankstein, and I’m a-pranking. #dealwithitpranksglasses.

  11. Well, you should’ve told me before I made this, Gabe.

    http://demiadejuyigbe.com/aprilfools2011

  12. at first i thought the broken improv everwhere link was the prank but it’s just a typo, here is the link:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTUkoYorBxg

  13. In the past I’ve found Improv Everywhere to be kind of harmless and uninteresting, but the one this week is atrocious. They’re actively trying to convince someone that one of their “agents” (AGENTS) *agents* was beaten up and wants to press charges against 3 more of their, turns out, ^agents^. Who is having fun in this situation?

    “I love watching videos that make me very upset!” – Beelzebub, I guess?

    What outcome does this hope for? Everyone learns that one of their #agents wasn’t assaulted and then says, aloud, “I’ve been had! This entire time I was worried for someone’s safety, but in reality we are all safe all the time because everything is just prankz! Just try and stop me, oncoming bus!”

    That’s what they want, right? All of us dead? It’s the only thing that makes any sense.

    • The video itself also just points out how fucking obnoxious they are in the first place. It provides a great example of how some people just don’t want whatever “joy” Improv Everywhere is shoving down their throats, so why don’t they back off? No, you’re still not backing off? Okay, here’s me sharing my joy. In fist form. To your face.

    • And another thing! I also REALLY hate the fact that, since it’s April Fools Day, I am somehow “gullible” or “dumb” if I fall for something. The fact that something has April 1st stamped on it does not automatically mean it is a prank, and I live in the adult world where I typically just go about my day, not questioning everything around me too much. You’re fired, April Fools Day.

  14. I only ever pulled one April Fool’s Prank and it was awful. The night before I put chili powder in my parent’s coffee. Why this particular prank, no idea, I was like 9… So anyways, I forgot to tell them I did this for about 15 YEARS lol, until one day I thought of it and casually mentioned it over of all things coffee. Apparently, they remembered and not knowing of the prank, they just thought the coffee was bad and stop buying that brand. Now I feel like I owe Yuban 15 years of business to make up for being a jerk.

    Take it from me monsters, pranking is not only bad for relationships, it’s bad for the free market (Kory is that you?)…

  15. For my April Fool’s prank this year, I’m going to write a screen play.

  16. TIP: Turning on the 1911 feature makes this video* hilarious.

    *Also, every other video.

  17. Im just here to say that Improv Everywhere is the WORST.

    • Hey, that prank was the funniest thing! It was Jar Jar Binks, who is always funny, even when it’s a prank of a prank. And then he got fake beat up? I lol’ed my pants!

      • Just to clarify, this isn’t an April Fool’s prank. It’s just regular sarcasm. Obviously that prank was totally awful.

        Hey, should we steer clear of sarcasm today, too, just to keep from having things we say construed as pranks?

      • I guess the Jar Jar Binks thing alone would have been “lol!”, but I just can’t with Improv Everywhere. They remind me of the annoying drama kids from highschool that where obsessed with the They Might Be Giants.

  18. This morning I brought donut holes in for a few of the secretaries in our office and said “April Fools!…Am I doing this right?”

    They like me today. No joke.

  19. Gabe’s attitude towards pranks is like the inverse of people who try to make fun stuff “meaningful” or “important.” Sure, you can discuss how pranks are “rude and mean-spirited and they play on people’s natural tendencies towards decency and trust, not to mention the innate human desire for connection,” or, like me, you can just think, “pranks are fucking annoying. Go away from me now.”

  20. It’s too late. I already told all my facebook friends that I’m probably pregnant! :(

  21. Ugh, you guys Hulu just pranked me.

  22. so the YouTube thing today isn’t a prank; it’s just goofing around and I think we all like goofing around?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNm8ZCJ7Fx8&feature=featured

    Flugelhorn Feline!

  23. As much as I respect your opinion, Gabe, and I agree Improv Everywhere is garbage Ashton Kutcher and most other “pranksters” are just lame, some pranks transcend silliness and achieve the status of real art. Okay, maybe not art but it makes me laugh enough so that what you see as the inherent lameness of pranks becomes worth it in the end. Case and point, Trigger Happy TV. It holds a special place in my heart. Sorry, but I will now go trick my friends into thinking I’ve cut myself badly using ketchup packets.

  24. I think its unfair to attack ALL pranks. There’s a difference between the cruel/annoying stuff (Most of the celebrity stuff, Improv Everywhere, my friend telling the last two guys she slept with she was pregnant (seriously whatt???) vs Hulu changing their site to 1995 era internet (which is pretty brilliant)

  25. Had to go to a county commissioner’s meeting for work today. One of the commissioners told me his wallet was missing and then said “April Fools!”…OK.

  26. The best thing about having April Fool’s Day also be your birthday (#AprilTruthDay) is that for your entire life you get ‘pranked’ by those awesome candles that you can’t blow out.

    Hey, why are these candles sparkling? Huh. What the… They won’t blow out?!
    Hahaha! Didn’t see that one coming! You got me again guys – good one!!

  27. On the way to work today, I told my boyfriend, “Don’t prank me. I don’t like it.” and he laughed in a very untrustworthy way, so now the prank is that I’m spending my whole day worrying about pranks when he in all likelihood did not prank me.

    I hate April Fools Day.

    In Gabe’s honor I will pledge to leave all other people’s pants securely fastened around their waists, to only offer people jars of snack food that have been thoroughly searched for springy snakes and other creatures, and refrain from moving anyone’s desk into the closet.

  28. My best friend got married on April Fool’s Day. They are now divorced. #AprilTruthDay

    In my old office, we all pranked each other with little, not mean-spirited pranks – like I’d change my boss’s wallpaper on his computer from pictures of his kids to pictures of Britney Spears, stuff like that. One year, I went the entire day without anything happening to me, which made me incredibly paranoid. I walked out to my car at the end of the day, looked under and all around it, grabbed the door handle, and ended up with a handful of Vaseline.

    • To be fair though, the trust and good will is through the roof in an office where you have the access to change your bosses’ desktop wallpaper…

  29. “Due to the fact that there is an ongoing investigation about this, and there is alot of hate and negativity being posted here, I am going to close the comments on this post.” – Charlie Todd in the comments section of his IE post

    “The biggest trick Charlie Todd ever pulled was closing the comments before anyone could call shenanigans.” – Me

  30. fine, I’ll call IT off

  31. Gabe who pulled such a mean prank on you to make you hate all of them forever? Some pranks are really fun and funny!

  32. I shit you not, at first for some reason my brain decided this was a Cthulhu related dating site and I was so very intrigued.

  33. Maybe that was the Ancient Ones way of telling you to get started on making it yourself? Build it and they will come.

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