Kourtney Kardashian, your girlfriend, had a small part on One Life to Live, your TV show! She plays a lawyer, OBVIOUSLY. Haha. The reason that you know she is a good lawyer is because her very first line on the show is “I’m a lawyer!” SUSTAINED! Man, it is REALLY weird hearing words come out of her mouth, because for awhile it’s hard to tell what they are. She definitely doesn’t know. It’s kind of like that alien in Men and Black who has trouble fitting into his human skin suit and there’s like puss oozing everywhere and his eyes are black and he’s like “MAKE ME TO PRESIDENT!” but with just really simple words, like, “My name is Kassandra.” (Also: her name is Kassandra.) Anyway, Kourtney really gives this whole acting thing her best shot, and she even gets through a couple of lines–including the brain-melter “it’s unconstitutional”–before she just straight up biffs a line but the director keeps it in because it’s Kourtney Kardashian and we do not have all fucking day.

Wait for it.
Wait for it!

Haha. Pretty sure “well IF you’re the one who opened your big mouth” is not a sentence. CUT! NAILED IT! (Via Vulture.)

Comments (48)
  1. Gabe, if you’re the one who posted it!

  2. I think I speak for the entirety of the nation when I say I could not care LESS about a KARDASHIAN appearing on a SOAP OPERA. At least I wish I was speaking for the entire nation. *sigh*

  3. As someone who has been to a gym once, that is exactly how gyms are.

  4. Wendy Williams and Kourtney Kardashian are in the same episode? How did that happen without their sheer talent blowing up the set?

  5. Me fail lawyering? That’s inconstitutional!

  6. those girls do so many things! i wish there was a way to keep up with it all

  7. Kar accident! Worker’s Kompinsation! Kash Settlements!

    I’m Kassandra Kavanaugh, with two K’s, personal injury attorney-at-law and I won’t rest until you’ve had your day in kourt!

    Kall me now — 555-K-K-K-K (Keep Kalling Kassandra Kavanaugh)

    Remember, Kassandra Kavanaugh — with TWO k’s, because three would be redundant and racist.

  8. Very brave choice by Kourtney to deliver the line, “oh snap this is getting interesting” in a completely dull and flat monotone. It’s the way she constantly plays against expectations that is going to win her all the Emmys.

  9. Oh snap. That got pretty interesting.

  10. 44 seconds?? This video is 6 minutes! I clicked expecting only 44 seconds of incomprehensible pain. 6 MINUTES?!!? My eyes are bleeeeeeding.

  11. During college I was really into this show, so I have a soft spot for it, especially when I see the same characters are still on there (hello Blair and Christian). But jeez, One Life to Live, you’re really stretching my good will but putting that piece of cardboard on you. General Hospital didn’t do this to me, they got James Franco.

    • During college, my roommates and I (all virile young dudes, of course) were really into Days of Our Lives and Passions. I think this was because we only got one channel and Days was on right as we were waking up (11am). Also Passions had a magical little person.

  12. Kourtney Kardashian is actually more convicing as a human being while acting than she is in “real” life.

  13. This has worse production values than Kim’s sex tape. But better acting.

  14. PUNCH.

    “Welcome to Gym.” – Will Smith

  15. For someone who is on TV every single time I’m looking for something better to watch, she sure isn’t comfortable in front of a camera.

  16. This actually is my tv show (I am not ashamed!), but we’re going to have break up if this krap kontinues.

  17. I really enjoy when someone is such a poor actor that it seems like they don’t even know what words mean.

  18. Wait… Anybody else weirded out by that beginning part? Is that part of the show?

  19. Being cuffed to a guy is unconstitutional? I gotta rethink my Friday night plans.

  20. “My reputation is important to me.” – Kassandra Kavanaugh. Is this show up for best comedy?

  21. This is incredibly excellent! The best 6mins on Youtube. Easy.

  22. Sorry, I can’t buy Kourtney Kardashian as a lawyer. There’s no way that girl has ever passed a bar in her life.

  23. “How can I ever talk?”

    (beat)

    “With you here.”

  24. Turns out that the acting bug is just drug-resistant herpes.

  25. Ok, listen, I know I am supposed to be horrified but I loved every second of that and want MORE.

  26. You’ll never know what you’re terrible at unless you try.

  27. Okay when you get arrested even if it is at the gym you don’t get to change your clothes. And since soap operas are known for being super realisitic this is really disappointing.

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