“As I’ve gotten older and had more life experience, I’ve come to really appreciate older women. They have a sophistication and an elegance that younger women simply lack. It’s not younger women’s fault, they are doing the best they can, but when it comes to the romantic arts, or even just having a conversation over a bottle of wine, it’s nice to meet someone who knows what they are doing. Another great thing about older women is that they know what they want, and they aren’t afraid to go after it. This is true in all areas of their lives, from their career to their love life. It’s thrilling to see. Obviously, I’ve still got a wandering eye from time to time when a young co-ed walks into a restaurant wearing a bikini top as if that’s appropriate dinner-wear, but ultimately, as an adult who also knows what he wants and is not afraid to go after it, what I want is a 92 year old woman who aggressively demands a kiss and when she does not get one, she tries to shoot you. HOTCHA!”

-You

Your boyfriend, Dwight Bettner, is a PRUDE. (Via Urlesque.)

Comments (32)
  1. Helen Staudinger made me feel pretty lousy, but its okay, I told my mom and dad and they said that sometimes Helen Staudinger might show up on my computer.

  2. Well, look at that form fitting white T shirt and sweet ballcap he was wearing. He was practically BEGGING for it.

  3. She asked for a kiss. He said “Not a shot in Hell.” She thought he said, “Only if you shot me, Helen.” Frankly, I blame big hearing aid for this one.

  4. She and I have sort of a May-December 2034 romance

  5. But can she rap?!?!?

  6. I saw it coming; it’s this new “music” she’s been listening to lately.

  7. I bet this is Tila Tequila’s grandmother.

  8. Your girlfriend’s so old shae’s one of the characters in Oregon Trail.

    #girlfriendsooldjokes


  9. Jeff was all, “This chick’s pussy smelled like the Great Depression.”

  10. Always be avoiding awkward kisses from your neighbor, guys. Amirite?? I had a kinda-creepy portuguese neighbor that always wanted to kiss me and my brother when we were younger. I guess we were pretty hard dates (in retrospect), since she kept giving us tomatoes and somehow felt she deserved her just deserts. Great tomatoes, though.

  11. Sorry, Granny. But you didn’t have the nickel, and his prices are non-negotiable.

  12. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  13. I have a sneaking suspicion that this will be me in 67 years….

    ABDKFN (Always be demanding kisses from neighbors)

  14. That’s your Cougar Town set.

  15. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • What? What does him owning a car but living in a trailer have to do with anything? And how is any of this his fault? And how do you know he’s found himself in a ‘lifetime of others’?

  16. A 92 year old woman beat up this guy’s neighbor? And that neighbor took out his trash for him?! AND he says he “has a girlfriend”?! Sounds like this guy has to beat them off with a stick!*

    *or a gun.

  17. That is your carport.

  18. He’s not a prude! He’s extremely faithful, and that’s why I love him. That and his mustache.

  19. Poor woman. Not how you wanna go out. Feel better both people!

  20. I love her because I get to taste other men’s mustache leavings when she gets back home.

  21. She was just lonesome.

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