Look, John Travolta likes to kiss men wear wigs fly airplanes and THAT’S FINE. We all have hobbies, even John Travolta. But, boy oh boy, he sure likes to talk about it! Flying this, jetstream that, dude personally owns a 747 which is just straight up NONSENSE. But again, fine. People with hobbies often enjoy boring other people by talking about their hobbies as if they were everyone’s hobbies when they are very much not. It’s like hearing about someone’s dreams, or looking through vacation photos from a vacation you didn’t go on, the whole thing is exhausting long after you got the point. But have you noticed how John Travolta has been DRESSING UP LIKE A PILOT A LOT LATELY? What’s THAT all about? He knows that’s just a costume, right? You’re not a real pilot, John Travolta. Just because you know HOW to fly a plane does not mean anyone wants to fly on your airline (which does not exist). Anyway, now John Travolta is starring in some pre-flight videos that are showing on all Qantas flights, and the Qantas flight crews are pissed. Haha. I would be too! Fake ass pilot. From the HuffingtonPost:

John Travolta’s new introduction to the Qantas Airlines in-flight safety video (played on all domestic and long-haul flights) has been dubbed “cringe-worthy” by Qantas staff, according to the Sunday Telegraph. Travolta appears in a captain’s uniform saying cheesy things “this is your captain speaking–well, maybe not today” and calling flight crews “teams.”

Flight crews ripped Travolta (who flew his own Qantas Boeing 707 to Australia last November), as not being a “real” pilot, according to news.com.au. One staff member said that “the whole thing seems to make the safety message seem trite.”

Haha. Here’s the video that has mad everyone so upset:

The thing that I don’t understand, besides the weird way in which John Travolta is acting like a SIX-YEAR-OLD with over-indulgent parents–interrupting dinner parties to tell everyone to look out the left-side windows of the house at the grand canyon, sleeping with flight goggles on–is what Qantas hoped to achieve with these videos. Outside of flying through an actual storm and/or crashing for real, the pre-flight ritual is one of the most tense moments on an airplane. In addition to the unspoken, underlying fear of a well-rehearsed safety message that suggests at any moment you might plummet out of the sky into the fucking ocean, there is also just the part where everyone’s pretty anxious to GET GOING already. Then you have to see John Travolta’s stupid old biscuit face in his make believe pajamas cracking jokes about how people in your airplane believe as much in airline safety as he does (?!?!?!?!??!?!) as if it’s a well known fact that no one in the world takes airline safety more seriously than John “Ladder 49″ Travolta? No. Come on, Qantas.

GET ME OUT OF THIS DEATH TRAP! Why am I even on this stupid airplane?! Oh right.

That’s why.

Comments (59)
  1. Zack would rather watch this video than his father’s safety instruction video.

  2. Perfect; Look Who’s Talking Too; Look Who’s Talking Now; White Man’s Burden; Broken Arrow; Mad City; The General Daughter; Battlefield Earth; Swordfish; Domestic Disturbance; The Punisher; Ladder 49; Lonely Hearts; Old Dogs; From Paris With Love — For a guy with that many bombs, I’m surprised he can even get near an airport, never mind a plane.

    • Face/Off undoes it all. I’ll love your forever for that, John! Except I’d rather you would just be gay instead of in love with me.

    • Aw, I like Look Who’s Talking Too. Roseanne!

    • Preface: FLW, I am not all “You stole this joke!” I am just sharing because I find it amusing.

      You ever have any random jokes from a show or stand-up or SNL that really weren’t spectacular, or on a subject you cared much about, but for some reason you can’t figure out, you found them wicked funny and years later have stuck with you?

      Weekend Update, years ago, seriously probably eight or nine, I think, had a line about Travolta buying a bomb-sniffing dog for his airplanes, and then went with “Too bad he didn’t get that dog six movies ago!”

      Thanks for bringing that joke back. It’s nice to remember those odd jokes that somehow have crammed into your brain.

  3. I don’t really know how you fake being an ass pilot, but I’ll take your word for it, Gabe.

  4. John Travolta makes the safety message seem trite? Whoo boy. Perhaps its your monotone mumbling rushing through the speech each ad every time I fly that makes it seem a bit trite.

  5. “You’re not a real pilot, John Travolta.”

    Then how do you explain this ad for watches?

  6. That last picture made me crack up at first, but then I got a good look at it and…is that a mug shot? I feel uncomfortable laughing at a mug shot where someone is crying.

  7. Gabe, you know you’re not ACTUALLY a grouchy old man, right?

  8. Wait, he has a pilot’s license and he flies his own plane. How does that not make him a real pilot? I’m genuinely confused. Also, I am this:

    • Listen Nightmare. I have a drivers license and a car, but that does not make me qualified to be giving driving lessons at Talladega.

      • not to be a dd enabler, but I bet John Travolta has more experience than the 22 year old that gave the last safety talk I heard or the Morning Zoo 98.9 crew they got to give the speech on the last Southwest flight I flew.

    • You cannot be an ACTOR and a PILOT, duh. I guess..

      I understand Gabe is just riffing, but I don’t understand the controversy from the Qantas flight crew angle. He’s a real pilot and a celebrity. Big deal.

      • I think it comes down to the fact that they, in a manner of speaking, don’t come down to the corner where he works and slap the cock out his mouth.

        And it makes the whole thing a fucking joke, which sure, it already is, but we don’t need to rub that in everyone’s faces, to have this douche saying that he knows the flight crew cares about our safety as much as he does. What?! Why is John Travolta concerned with our safety? No he’s not! He doesn’t give a shit, and really, I wouldn’t expect him to even be thinking about it. At least the people from Qantas on the plane with us have their own safety to be concerned with too.

  9. I like to think that during Travolta’s meetings detailing his upcoming projects, he’s secretly doodling logos for fake companies like “Travolta Express,” “John Travolta Airlines,” and “Look Who’s Flying Continental.”

  10. Guys BTW, my band “Old Biscuit Face” will be performing this weekend.

  11. More like White Safety, amirite?

  12. It’s to prove he’s FLYING HIGH above all these GOING DOWN on dudes rumors. (Also: something about how Australia is DOWN UNDER, etc.)

  13. Tonight’s inflight movie will be Old Dogs
    Fuck you John Travolta

  14. He’s got nothing on Carol…

    “Maybe you just wanna fly the plane yourself. Well good luck pressing take off, then auto pilot, then land.”

  15. Since when do Scientologists need airplanes to fly?

  16. I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue.

  17. John Tra-vulture #flyingscientologists

  18. L. Ron Buzzard

  19. I picked my last doctor because Doogie Howser did a promo for him, so I recuse myself from this case due to conflict of interest.

  20. Why the fuck is no one pointing out that he played a pilot in Look Who’s Talking? But he wasn’t just playing. He actually flew a plane.

  21. Wait… he’s “been flying as a pilot for forty years”!?! How freakin’ old is Travolta? He can’t be more than 55 or so, am I right? Did he fly planes when he was 15? Or did he fly some kind of spaceship to planet Zarex, or whatever. Nuts.

  22. LOST reference, very topical, very now

  23. “This is your Captain speaking-well, maybe not today.” Will he be our Captain any day?

  24. Nothing says “Come fly with us, we are a professional airline company” like a dirty puppet.

  25. Can anyone look more like the inflatable autopilot from Airplane!? I submit that they CANNOT!

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