Hi everyone.

Starlee Kine here. I am your penultimate guest blogger. At least I think  I  am. Tomorrow there’s a whole “cast and writer” thing happening so I’m not sure if I am supposed to regard them as individuals or one brilliant, attractive blob of talent. And when I say blob, I truly mean that in a good way.  I just keep picturing all these bodies rolled up together with arms and feet poking out, writing and saying wonderful things.  You should not picture them that way.

Here are some things I would like you to know about me:

1) I am sometimes on the radio show This American Life. Maybe you have heard me before. Maybe the story you heard was this one: . In that story I call up Phil Collins and we talk for awhile about heartbreak and sad break up songs. It is really fine if you have no idea what I’m talking about. Yesterday I ran into a guy from the dog park (the same dog park I have occasionally seen Guest Blogger of Recent Videogum Past Joe Mande) and he told me he loved a story that wasn’t actually my story. I had to tell him it wasn’t mine and then he felt embarrassed and then I felt embarrassed and now neither of our dogs can probably ever go to the dog park again. Or run again. This is why the Internet is better than human interaction. That would never happen here.

2) I hate the television show the Walking Dead. Tremendously. If I were Michelle Obama, Walking Dead would be my childhood obesity. I’d travel the country filling people with hate. But it would be focused hate. Healthy hate. And unlike Michelle Obama, I would not try to put an end to my cause. I need the Walking Dead to stay on for a long, long time. I’d love to pass on my hate to as many future generations as possible. In fact, it’d be worth becoming a real life zombie in order to go on forever trashing this show.

3) I have never blogged before (I have done an incredible amount of internet stalking, though and that feels like it sort of counts.) I’m feeling very excited. But also nervous. Last night I even had an anxiety dream. I was typing words in real time on a huge computer screen. It was probably the ozone layer. Most likely the ozone layer is just a giant crappy MacBook that lasts for two years and then breaks. The whole planet was watching me type and I kept misspelling every word and having to go back and correct my mistakes. The planet’s interest quickly waned. Also I was naked. And my teeth kept falling out. And the doctor who tended to the plane crash was his mom!

4) Even though this is my first time, I’m can already tell how drunk with power I’ll be feeling by the end of the day. It’s going to be a real problem once tanned, Hollywood Gabe comes back. I am not looking forward to the scene where he has to drag me away from the internet by my ankles.

So tempted to type my name here but I have a suspicion that’s like when parents say “love mom/dad” at the end of voice mail messages. How about I just say, so it begins.

Comments (80)
  1. Question: How many times in your life has someone sang your name to the first line of Don McLean’s “Vincent?” ( I only ask because I’ve just met you and I’ve done it five times.

  2. cute blob you say?

    I will picture you as this all day now

  3. Welcome! And I hope your anxiety dreams about Blob’s Burgers and Phil Collins subside.

    I just skimmed the post, so forgive me if I got some of the facts wrong.

    • I think she mentioned something about being the first blogger to post naked while getting teeth pulled out by Gabe’s ankles. and also your mom is there?

      • I heard she is blogging this from yesterday in a dog park full of zombies and Michelle Obama will hate her for generations to come.

  4. I think Bing is trying to give our guest anxieties, or bring up painful childhood memories. Bad show, Bing. That is Winwood’s job.

  5. Starlee, would you happen to know where Ira Glass gets his ideas?

  6. Oh fun! I loved that episode of TAL. I went through a non-breakup breakup, and my friend played it for me I guess as some sort of therapy. I loved it, and then I went and listened to Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” so many times that I don’t think it will ever leave the number one spot of my iTunes most played songs unless I delete it from my library (WHICH I WILL NEVER DO).

  7. I will be a soldier in your War Against The Walking Dead. Barf, that show.

  8. Welcome to town, Starlee!

  9. I saw you tell a story about a performance artist and a guy in orange pants. It was really awesome! I am excited!

  10. Last night while waiting for the L train, I was listening to the “Promised Land” TAL episode with the Disneyland story. If you ever get a chance to post those caricatures somewhere, I’m dying to see what a “surly teenager” caricature looks like.

  11. Nice pillow. The 4 of us should hang out sometime.

  12. I think your lack of blogging experience is directly linked to your lack of childhood obesity. Michelle Obama was probably all over some Livejournal.

  13. Where do I get an Ira Glass pillow???

  14. Well Starlee, we’ll see how much you hate the walking dead when the Zombie uprising begins next year and all of us nerds totally know where to shoot them to make sure they are dead FOR REAL thanks to TWD! (Protip: It’s the head)

  15. Hi Starlee! I love your piece on TAL where Pastor Ingqvist goes to the Sons of Knute Temple and gets in a fight with Dan Savage.

  16. Hello, ms.Kine, I have a few questions:

    1. How does it feel to work in one of a few radioshows that puts so much effort into their stories?is there an unifying sense of transcendent, culturally enriching duty, or is there a simple personalcontract in telling people’s personal stories?

    2. Have you ever thought about doing a story about what it’s like to grow up in kentucky in the late 80s?

    3. Will you be my friend?

  17. Dear Starlee,

    Thank you for hating The Walking Dead. I hate it too! Let’s be friends.

    I think that The Walking Dead is proof the humanity is losing the ability to craft coherent stories and to express even the most basic ideas. I can go on and on and on about what I hate about The Walking Dead, but I won’t (like how it is just garbage full of sexist and racist stereotypes and how the the show must be written by possum after the possum was hit by a pick-up truck).

    Good luck today! You can do it!

    Warmest Regards,

    • Not humanity, just Americans. Watching things like Sherlock and Dogtooth will restore your faith in engaging storytelling, I triple promise. Get thee to a Netflix, young Mans.

      • Yeah, you are right. Americans can’t craft shows for shit. So glad that Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Community, Parks and Rec, 30 for 30, Archer, Louie, The Pacific, Friday Night Lights, Boardwalk Empire, Treme, Terriers and Justified all managed to clear customs.

        • The point wasn’t that Americans CAN’T create excellent stories, dear sarcastic Frankie, but that faced with the overwhelming tidal wave (too soon) of mindless sludge that they do produce, it is easy to lose face. The shows you listed (other than Snorewalk Empire) are exceptions to the rule, which is why they shine so brightly right now. Even the throw-away comedies and sci-fi dramas in Britain right now are crafted with more care than US big-budget network television.

      • Americans craft amazing shows. Unfortunately a lot of them get canceled.

        Veronica Mars, Party Down, Arrested Development, Southland, etc.

        Luckily Southland got picked up by TNT, restoring some of my faith in those who run television.

        • Oy, I just started watching Party Down this weekend. I had put it off for a long time because I heard it was one of those “You won’t believe they cancelled this” shows. I’m already dreding not having any more to watch.

          • Dreding? Seriously? Fuck it, I’m going back to bed.

          • If you like Party Down, then you should also check out Veronica Mars*. It’s created by the same person (Rob Thomas) and shares a lot of the same cast.

            *I will shamelessly plug Veronica Mars any chance I get. In a million years, I would have never thought that I would actually like the show, but it is amazing.

      • I watched Dogtooth a few days ago. It was not unlike getting punched in the face for two hours.

    • What? There are monsters that hate the Walking Dead? Now my day is ruined!

      In related news, I’m a big TV geek so I went to a Walking Dead panel last week to hear what is going on with season 2. After 45 minutes of the actors talking about how great it is to have jobs, the writers admitted they haven’t written A SINGLE WORD OF SEASON 2!! So they couldn’t even give away spoilers if they wanted to. Needless to say, my inner Nerd was very upset at not getting any insider info.

    • The comic is really really good. I just had to watch the show with blinders on and tune out every part without zombie violence.

  18. Greetings Starlee. Excuse me if I come across as drunk and disgruntled. I am celebrating the glorious day that is St. Patrick’s Day with my fellow countrymen. I have been drinking since 8AM this morning. I am actually at work right now and trying to disguise myself as a sober and functional worker but it seems my attempts are futile.

  19. Starlee, I’m a huge fan! I can’t wait to see what you’re going to post for us today!

  20. Okay, now my day can start for real!
    My loving relationship to this side is one-sided and a little sad.

  21. Greetings, so I think the big question of the day and since you have interacted with him, how do you prefer your Ira Glass:

    Clean Shaven:

    or Bearded:

  22. The real question is how do you like your Ira Glass:

    Clean shaven:



  23. I went to the TAL Fathom Events simulcast in 2009 and was surprised at how blonde you are. In my mind’s eye, you’re Asian. Please pick an avatar so I don’t get confused again…

  24. Welcome! Love TAL.
    Also, Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone! To celebrate, let’s watch Jimmy McNulty crash his car, in a pefect illustration of the fine line between perseverance and self-destruction that IS what being Irish is all about!

  25. Starlee, I have been listening to TAL for a long time and you are fantastic. You have a very interesting radio voice too. Please give Ira all my love.

  26. I am so excited! I will try not to work very hard today, so that I can read Videogum. So far this week I’ve had to read all the wonderful guest posts at the end of the day, and have been very tardy to the hilarity party.

  27. Starlee’s “Radical Honesty” is one of the best episodes of The Moth ever!

  28. Starlee, I love your entries on TAL! Welcome to the blogging world and good luck on videogum today.

  29. True story: The first time I ever listened to TAL, I was driving home from work at 7:00 pm on a Friday night, when the traffic from the suburbs going into the city of Chicago is really awful. The first story I heard was the one Starlee did about the Beaver Trilogy. Devoted fan ever since. I think I was initially interested because I actually stopped at an Arby’s in Beaver, Utah, which is also a true story.

  30. Hey Starlee! I listened to your TAL story about break-ups and Phil Collins after my now-ex boyfriend dumped me hard core. It totally helped. Thanks!!!

  31. Yay Starlee! I love you on WireTap (and TAL)! And I am not even Canadian!

  32. Hello, Starlee Kine.

    I’m a habitual TAL listener, so I know who you are. It’s tough to forget a name like Starlee Kine. “Dr. Phil” is a story I’ve listened to maybe four or five times. It definitely changed my view of the song “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins. You didn’t mention the song’s weirdest lyric: “We shared the laughter and the pain and even cheddar cheese.” I just wondered what the cheddar cheese had to do with the rest of the song. I guess the couple had bonded over dairy products, which made their breakup all the more difficult. A few years ago there was even a movie called “I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With,” so apparently there is a connection between Eros and cheese.

    I actually haven’t seen “The Walking Dead,” so I’m curious as to the nature of your objection. You spend a whole paragraph on the show without mentioning a single specific complaint, but you use the word “hate” which implies that you have strong feelings about this issue. Please to explain please.

  33. It’s such a bad show that specifics felt unnecessary. But if you must know, I think the characters are cliches; the writing is garbage; there is zero continuity, like sometimes a city will be filled with zombies and then the next scene it won’t be; the zombies look like they’re in the Thriller video; there’s no suspense because either the characters live and you don’t care or they die and you don’t care; there’s a ton of unnecessary drama, like everyone is always fighting with each other about nothing instead of bonding together in the wake of a world ending zombie invasion. I could fill up the entire internet about why it’s awful but you should just read Gabe’s recaps. They’ll tell you everything you need to know. And the pictures of the kid are funny.

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