After the jump, I have posted a video of a man traveling on a New York subway with a pet rat on his shoulder who abruptly places the rat’s head in his mouth, shakes the rat all around, and then removes the rat and puts it back on his shoulder. The video is appropriately titled, “Rat Mouth.” (Not to be confused with Homeless Face Rat.) The thing about this video is that obviously it’s kind of gross, or whatever, but it’s also just like, well, right, yeah, the guy’s on the subway! What was he supposed to do, NOT put his pet rat in his mouth head-first and shake it around? Come on! Come on, MIDDLE AMERICA! It kind of reminds me of the grossest thing I ever saw on the subway which was when a homeless man danced (DANCED) in a puddle of someone else’s vomit until all of the vomit was absorbed into the textured soles of his already-filthy tennis shoes, and then proceeded to walk around the subway car PUTTING HIS FEET UP ON THE SEATS. The thing is, even then I was just like, oh, BUT OF COURSE.

There are a million stories in this city, and here’s a terrible one:

We should all be so lucky as to find something in this world that makes us hap–OH GROSS! (Via DailyIntelligencer.)

Comments (73)
  1. How do you carry Birdie on the subway mr judgment

  2. Hey, this is New York, buddy! Go back to Boca Raton.

  3. Whoah, NYC is a freaky place! I’m glad I live in Missouri!

    • fav part:
      The next day, she said she called, letting the phone ring 17 times. She waited to make another call again until after “The Young and the Restless,” which Bergmeier watched religiously. After still not making contact, she called one of Bergmeier’s relatives.

    • “seekin12az” (seeking a 12 year old from arizona? seeking 12 asians? ??), I don’t see how this pertains to werttrew’s point

  4. Was there ever a chance that guy wouldn’t be dressed like he was from The Matrix?

  5. President Schaal disapproves.

  6. Subway riders: “Ew, stop! What you’re doing is DISGUSTING. Where’d you get that gross thing, anyway?!”

    Rat: “An indie record store down in the Village. Why?”

  7. Isn’t that how everyone is in New York? BONK.

  8. This trailer for Ratatouille 2: Rat in the Big City would be so much better with a voice-over from Paton Oswalt.

    • Which Nick Madsen will then claim he wrote.

    • In many ways, the work of a snarky pop cultural blogger is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. The world is often unkind to new talents, new creations. The new needs friends. Last night, I experienced something new; an extraordinary moment of inter-species relations. To say that both the rat and its owner have challenged my preconceptions about animal relations, is a gross understatement. They have rocked me to my core.
      – Antonegogum, Ratatouille 2

  9. alt.subway.ny

  10. What a weird looking calzone.

  11. Ah New York City, such a magical place, why would I ever want to live anywhere els- UG HE SPIT IN MY MOUTH!

  12. Yuckiest subway stories thread, Go!

    • One time, I ordered a turkey and cheese footlong with lettuce, tomato, and olives. But instead they gave me a turkey and cheese footlong with lettuce, tomato, and onions. ONIONS! Blech.

    • Drunk guy passed out laying on the floor during rush hour in a packed train. Some teenagers antagonized him until he woke up, unzipped his pants and peed all down the length of the car while laying in it, and then passed back out in the puddle.

    • Homeless man masturbating in front of small children while the clueless parents of said children drink Starbucks, ignore children and aforementioned disturbing situation.

      Why didn’t I do anything? I was with my grandma, so.

    • I caught someone changing their tampon underneath their skirt. On the E train during rush hour between 53rd and 23rd in Manhattan.

      I’ve also seen people watching porn on their cell phones/ipods/laptops on subways and busses.

      I take cabs now.

    • smashed poop, all over the stairs leading down into the MBTA red line at Park Street. In August. There were tons of people behind me and tons in front. No one could stop descending into the poop staircase.

      • Mine is Red Line too, though Braintree (last stop). A man was sleeping, and had been the whole ride. A MBTA dude came to wake him up. He didn’t wake up. I left. I still think the guy may have been dead…

    • yuckiest alburquerque bus stories okay? good. one time i was riding the bus to school and a homeless man starting yelling fanatically in a mysterious language (turns out it was dine as one of my fellow students traveling to college happened to be navajo), he then placed his hand on my belly and said that i would be an excellent mother. he wished my son and i good health and happiness then proceeded to piss all over three passengers standing next to the exit door. luckily for us this is a common enough occurrence in alburquerque. there is a truck that travels around waiting for radio calls informing them that they must clean up on line 766. the truck met us at the next stop and cleaned up the mess and we went on our way.

      i went to walgreens and bought a pregnancy test, in spite of the fact that i was not having sex at the time, because i was concerned the homeless man had accurately seen into my uterus. i was not pregnant, but the story remains interesting.

    • My first week living in San Francisco, 2008: bum gets on the Metro. Shortly thereafter, I hear a wet splatting noise. “Gross,” I think to myself, “Someone’s spitting on the Metro.” Then the stench of bile and booze hits me. His puke is all over the floor and entryway. He looks up and announces, “Sorry, folks! Motion sickness!” A woman, while angrily glaring at him, snarls “Or ALCOHOL.” He grins, replies “Yeah, that too!”

      I can’t WAIT to move back.

    • This. I two people doing this. Except they were having a contest to see who could put the rat further into their mouths, so there was a lot of gagging involved.

    • New Year’s Eve 2008. Wasted. Going home on the J train with roommate and the GF. I’m pretty much unable to lift my head and the kids across the bench are taunting me.

      “This dude’s gonna puke. Bro, you are hammered.”

      About 30 seconds from my stop, I lose it in the middle of the car. Every stands up on their seats and lets out a collective, “Ohhhhhhhh!”

      The train comes to a stop, I take a bow and exit. (I have also puked in an NYC taxi. Someday I will throw up in a bus to complete the trifecta.)

    • Just this week — MONDAY — I was stuck in Los Angeles rush hour on Melrose and I looked over and saw an elderly man using a walker on the sidewalk. His pants had fallen down, completely. They were like corduroy shackles around his ankles and he was shuffling almost 1 mph. No underpants. Just… hangin’ out, movin’ real slow, real old man.

      This is why no one takes the sidewalks in L.A.

      (In reality I felt super bad because he needed that walker and maybe can’t bend over and maybe was having one of the worst days in his 90 years of life. But even knowing this I did not find it in me to park and pull up his pants for him, like Jesus would have. See you guys in Hell.)

    • I was waiting for the train at Five Points Station in Atlanta, and I could hear Ke$ha playing faintly in the background. Showers don’t wash that off, people.

  13. I live in Chicago and I once boarded a standing room only car on the Blue Line El at Cumberland and was standing there, basically spacing out, when I realized there was a large man seated on the aisle, facing me, with a hole cut into the groin of his pants and his entire cock out on the plastic seat in front of him. I noticed his cock first, then looked up to see his face, only to realize he was staring directly at me, rather aggressively. I looked at the faces of everyone else on the car to see if anyone else noticed, but no one appeared to. When I looked back at the man, he was just locked in on me. I’d rather have seen a man with a rat in his mouth while dancing in someone else’s vomit. I got off at the next stop and moved up two cars…

    • Speaking of Chicago El stories….

      When someone is yelling “don’t go in the car!” best listen. Because I ran from a car after some girl puked and said puke started traveling (and smelling). Not one person heeded my advice to not enter the car.


    • I’ve been masturbated AT twice in Chicago. On the Orange Line near Kedzie when I was in high school and on the Red Line near Bryn Mawr last year. I’d rather have seen the rat mouth man too.

  14. Maybe I’ve lived in New York too long, but that doesn’t come close to the grossest thing I’ve ever seen on a subway*, in fact that’s not even the grossest animal** I’ve ever seen.

    *Two homeless people loudly fucking during rush hour.
    ** One of those albino pythons stretch across tow seats while the owner sat next to it reading an issue of Cat Fancy.

    • I have seen people with pet snakes on the trains too. What is that about? Are they taking them to Central Park to go for a walk outside like people do with their dogs? I don’t understand snake owners.

    • Maybe the owner of the python was looking at Cat Fancy for meal ideas for his beloved cold blooded pet

  15. Listen, when people realize they are on candid camera, some people rise to the occasion.

    I would have just asked them to put the camera away, but you know, different strokes…

  16. This is one of those times when I imagine two wrongs would make a right. Let me explain: I think that it would be great to see this guy on the subway at the same time as a pack of horrible loud teenagers. This dude needs to be scorned. loudly and snappily.

  17. My mom claims the first penis she ever saw was that belonging to a young hasidic man exposing himself on the A train. She claims it wasn’t circumsized, leading to the number one unanswered question in the family: fake jew or fake foreskin?

  18. Man, Gabe’s always judging others! You know who else hates people who put rats into their mouths? The tea party. And also Hitler. And also Mel Gibson.

  19. I still don’t think he should have been cut from the movie.

  20. Well rats off to ya!!

  21. You know, a video of a creepy guy putting a rat in his mouth to get a reaction from people on a subway is STILL less creepy then a video of tea party asshats pretending to be Muslim to ambush NPR.

  22. He was just missing the proper hairstyle.

  23. This is easily the worst post / comments thread I could have chosen to read while eating my lunch.

  24. Please do not base your judgments of pet rats on this post.

  25. I once saw a girl with a rat hidden in her hair at Borders.

  26. Despite all the gross stories on this thread, I still dream of the day when I will live in a city with a useful subway system.

  27. Not that I’m bragging (because I’m definitely NOT bragging), but I just got done with Mardi Gras, in New Orleans, working in the French Quarter, sober all weekend. The rest of this is child’s play compared to the things I saw…..


  28. Well, luckily for me I live in San Francisco, where all our public transportation is just full of your average Bay Area citizens, going back and forth from work, reading the newspaper or perhaps browsing through a book, doing just about anything you would expect on public transportation, really, including PEEING AND POOPING AND COVERING THE SEATS WITH MRSA BACTERIA FROM YOUR OPEN WOUNDS.

  29. Future WMOAT nomination:
    Splice 3: Electric Ratlove

  30. I dont understand, why wont he put a ring to it?

  31. Well this just goes against my policy of not putting things that have been on subways in my mouth.

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