charlie_sheen_winning

As you by now know, over the past few days Charlie Sheen has said some pretty crazy things. Like, ALL of the crazy things? I don’t think anyone will ever say another crazy thing ever again because Charlie Sheen used them all up. Anyway, while he insists that he is completely clean and sober, it seems pretty clear that he is the opposite of those things, or at the very least is definitely in very clear need of some kind of psychological assistance regardless of the toxicity of his bloodstream. But, you have to hand it to him, he is apparently at least together enough to start to backpedal from some of the garbage that has been tumbling out of his mouth. From the Hollywood Reporter:

On Monday, the troubled star told NBC News’ Jeff Rossen that wanted a raise to $3 million per episode (he currently makes about $1.2 million) if the sitcom returns. “Look what they put me through,” he argued.

But later that night, in an interview on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight, Sheen said he wasn’t really serious.

“No, that was stupid,” he said. “I was joking about being underpaid but to come back, um, Season 10, but that’s all negotiable; you can’t talk about this stuff on television. ‘Then why did you?’” Sheen jumped in as if in response to his own question and then answered: “I don’t know. He’s on crack. Where’s Dr. Drew when you need him?”

Hahaha. Well, right. What a monster. Although, the much better apology (also from the HollywoodReporter) comes when Charlie is asked about his insistence on referring to Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre as “Chaim Levine” (which I will remind you he pronounces “Hymie”):

“By invoking television producer Chuck Lorre’s Jewish name in the context of an angry tirade against him, Charlie Sheen left the impression that another reason for his dislike of Mr. Lorre is his Jewishness,” said Abraham H. Foxman, ADL National Director in a statement to The Hollywood Reporter.

During an appearance on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight on Monday, Morgan asked Sheen if he regretted his words.
“Well, yes, I do, I regret it in a way that I didn’t even think about it,” Sheen said. “I should have thought about it. Stupid, stupid move.”

He said he would apologize to Lorre if given the opportunity and went on to explain his mindset at the time.

“I thought the rules had been established,” Sheen said. “He calls me Carlos Estevez a lot, which is my real name, and then I saw the other name on his vanity card, and I said it, and the world just started burning down around me.”

And does he have any regrets about his recent behavior?

“Maybe I should have been a little quieter, a little softer. But look what happens when you when decide to blaze a trail, you find out that those that can’t stand the heat around them, they don’t really have the guts to survive, you know?”

I love (violently) how even when he is trying to backpedal, apologize, or clarify his outrageous statements that he can’t do so without talking about how none of us trolls can survive his battle-tested bayonets lifestyle. I also obviously love that he is back-pedaling on demanding a raise and on the anti-Semitic invocation of Chuck Lorre’s Jew name, but when it comes to having tiger blood in his veins, being a warlock, having cured his brain by thinking about it, and winning duh buh bye, the record stands. I think we are in for a real week, you guys! His interview with 20/20 airs tonight! (Image via TheDailyWhat.)

Comments (50)
  1. I think Charlie Sheen would hang this poster in his Sober Valley Lodge. Because of all the winning. It’s inspiring.

    • I tend to think the detox diet at that place serves “Sober Valley Ranch” dressing on their healthful salads. Because that ranch dressing would have cocaine in it.

  2. “‘Then why did you?’ Sheen jumped in as if in response to his own question and then answered…”

    Classic Gollum.

  3. “…and the world just started burning down around me” for no reason whatsoever. HAHAHA. I’m totally keeping this in my back pocket any time I do something regrettable.

    “So there I was, handing out free candy to neighborhood kids from the back of my windowless van…and the world just started burning down around me.”

  4. Of course he’s backpedaling now. Should have sheen that one coming.

  5. I’m glad he’s going on 20/20 to finally set the record straight.

  6. This kind of makes me lose respect for him.

  7. “Every great movement begins with one man and I guess that’s me.” – Charlie Sheen

    • The movement is “Just Do Whatever The Fuck You Want At All Times… Also, Porn Stars.” My troll mind can’t even comprehend what kind of life that would be.

  8. They shouldn’t even have the 2012 Olympics since Charlie Sheen’s already winning all the gold.

  9. W is for the warlock powers that save me
    I – I used my mind to heal my soul
    N is for not Jefferson, a pussy
    N – Not gonna deal with fools and trolls
    I – I am battle-tested bayonets, bro
    N – Not pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.
    G -They are Goddesses, not Ho’s
    (Put it all together, what’s that spell? Winning!)
    The thing that keeps from drinking at the bars

  10. When he said he was high on Charlie Sheen….I think he meant jenkem.

  11. Speaking of backpedalling (classic segue, right?) I just wanted everyone here to know that not only did I not watch the Oscars, but I didn’t even read ANYTHING about them durn Acadummy Andworse except the entire Videogum open thread. Because when it comes to “news” about inane bullshut yo mouth! that really noone in the world should care about even a little, Monsters are my only trusted source of “information.”
    In other words, I’m giving you guys ALL THE OSCARS (except the grouch. I’m keeping him)

  12. Boo! Less apologies, more crazy! What is this shit, Charlie? I thought you were a tiger-blooded, Vatican assassin warlock?

  13. I’m fine with all of this until he tells us that the Bayonets are actually lab tested, but have never actually seen the field of combat.

  14. Charlei Sheen was on Howard Stern today and it was “epic”. To tell you the truth he actually made a lot of sense, I actually began questioning wether there was some truth to what he was saying (hahahahahaha). The best part about this mess is that Sheen now has the upperhand. He is gaining support, creating internet memes, and getting a following that any TV exec would kill for. Somehow he is going to come out of this on top(?). If Two and Half Men comes back it will have SUPERBOWL numbers. Maybe Sheen really does have Tiger Blood…

    • I’d watch 2.5 men if it aired live. Real talk.

    • I agree that this is a half-thought-out viral marketing campaign. He knew the internet would eat this shit up with a spoon. BUT, even if Two and Half Men resumed it cannot accommodate this level of hype – the actual show is so lame that unless they added a completely gonzo twist it couldn’t help but be a disappointment.

      (Gonzo twist #1 – Charlie inadvertently becomes famous by acting like a jackass in an interview, life in the house is turned upside-down. The fat kid becomes bulimic from the stress.)

      I think his real logical next move at this point is back into the movies for some stunt casting.

      • Gonzo twist #2 – Charlie thinks he accidentally killed a woman during sex. (But he didn’t really, because television.) Spends the rest of the season on the lam. Everybody else jokes about how little they care that he is gone.

        • Gonzo twist #3 – The fat kid realizes he hates his two woefully inadequate dads, and starts seriously fucking with them. He pretends to be gay. Punch line of the episode is “It was pretty fun, actually. AND I lost my virginity! Let’s face it, I gotta take what I can get.”

  15. Yo bartender! Jobu needs a refill.

  16. I know I’m hitting the whole Qaddafi = Charlie Sheen thing a little hard, but in the spirit of Gabels multiple allusions to the fact that it’s silly [insane] how much attention crazy celebrities get when there is actual tragedy in the world, we have here two megalomaniacs, with basically the same take on reality: As an illustration, try to guess who said which: …oops, I was going to do this myself, but when I googled “qaddafi quotes” to find some to throw in the mix, I found THIS:
    http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/sns-charlie-sheen-muamar-gaddafi-quotes-quiz-20110225,0,5979677.photogallery

  17. I take his backpedaling as an indication that obviously he’s no longer clean and sober.

  18. What has Jon Cryer done to raise awareness of “Two and a Half Men?” Fucking shit-all, that’s what!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.