Photos
At the risk of overdoing it, can we please just revisit a couple of these Charlie Sheen quotes because I am telling you, gold like this does not come along that often.
“People are mystified by this odyssey that refuses to quit calling itself Charlie Sheen.”
“I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.”
“Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls.”
“It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”
“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”
“Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. Winning. Buh bye.”
“I’m not fair game. I’m not a soft target. It’s over. There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”
“I don’t live in the middle anymore. That’s where you get slaughtered. That’s where you get embarrassed. From the prom queen.”
“I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”
I think that radio host was right. If anything, Charlie Sheen is TOO clean. After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Gary Busey Caption Contest, and the Guest Editors’ Choices.
This Week’s Highest Rated Comments
| #5 | Elisabeth Bromberg | Feb 23rd | Score:93 | |
| Posted in: This Is Your Food Court Marriage Proposal | |||
| #4 |  |
thepurplemonk | Feb 23rd | Score:101 |
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See, this is why I proposed to my girlfriend drunk and naked after sex. I had a mask on, so all the strangers around me couldn’t see how devastated I was when she ran out of the room. |
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| Posted in: This Is Your Food Court Marriage Proposal | |||
| #3 |  |
paperstreetsoap | Feb 22nd | Score:101 |
| Posted in: “Come Sail Away” With Lexy And Stephany | |||
| #2 |  |
principal enchman | Feb 21st | Score:104 |
|
Is it just a coincidence that the first day after “Guest Blogger week” the WMOAT is “I’m Still Here”? And on top of that, next week’s is “Remember Me.” I’m starting to worry about Gabe, you guys. |
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| Posted in: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: I’m Still Here | |||
| #1 |  |
Dusky Panther | Feb 18th | Score:104 |
| Posted in: Kyle The Mall Escalator Idiot, You Will Never Have My Permission To Date My Daughter, Ever | |||
[Ed. note: This is as reasonable of a time/place as any to just say thank you to everyone for treating last week's guest bloggers with the respect that they deserved, and for keeping a steady stream of comments going all week long. It seems like everyone had a lot of fun, which is as it should be. That is just what teams do. They win! Winning. Rhymes with winning? That's us. Sorry, didn't make the rules. Oops!]
This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment
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unionman | Feb 24th | Score:-39 |
| The issue here not whether or not abortion is murder, or even bad at all. In this case the GOP is not trying to limit a woman’s choice of how to proceed with or even end a pregnancy. They are just trying to curtail(of maybe just end entirely) government funding for abortions, and in this case I am completely on board.
I am all for a woman or a couple’s right to choose to have an abortion but I am also all for the taxpayers not paying for it. Far too many people use abortion as a form of birth control. Why can’t individuals or charities pay for them? |
||
| Posted in: This Is Just A Very Good Speech About Abortion Funding | ||
[Ed. note: Sorry, but that's just garbage. It's actually kind of the most garbage? Like, I'm willing to accept that some people feel very strongly that abortion is wrong, which is a pretty cut-and-dry stance to have. But when you start getting into people's personal disagreements about federal funding, the whole thing collapses, because guess what: the United States government is HUGE and it spends TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS and many of those dollars goes to SOMETHING YOU DON'T LIKE. That's just not how you get to play it. Add to that the fact that the only people who receive any kind of federal money to help subsidize their abortions are primarily poor people and what you are actually saying is that you don't have a problem with abortion, you just don't think poor people should be allowed to have them. Gross! But maybe the worst position you take is that many people use it as birth control. OOF. You're joking, right? I won't disagree that some people play very fast and loose with their reproductive capacity, which sometimes results in having to make a choice that for some might seem easier than it is others, but the idea that people are having unprotected sex because they just can't wait to get another abortion is straight-up clownish and borderline "she was dressing like she wanted to be raped" thinking.]
This Week’s Caption Contest Winner
|
Dusky Panther | Feb 22nd | Score:69 | |
| Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Gary Busey And His Family | |||
[Ed. note: Congratulations, Dusky Panther. You earned it!]
This Week’s Editor’s Choice
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lawblog | Feb 23rd | Score:31 | |
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FIRST!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Posted in: I DECLARE AN END TO “FAKE!” | |||
[Ed. note: If there is one thing that I know I can always count on, it is you guys.]
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Hey monsters! Time for my monthly reminder on ways to connect with and learn about the Videogum community.
Let me emphasize in particular the Twitter list of Videogum monsters and commenters: http://twitter.com/werttrew/videogum Send me a note at @werttrew on Twitter if you’d like to be added.
For everything else, check out this comprehensive list of Videogum happenings & links posted by Chris Trash: http://mobfd.blogspot.com/2011/02/monster-roundup_23.html As well, if you take a look on the upper part and the right hand margin of MOBFD you’ll see we have links for: the monster Twitter list (free for any to join!), the chatroom, the Inside Jokes list, the Monster Tumblrs/Blogs list, the Complete Monsters Ball stats list, the Worst Movie of All Time list and more.
Oscar weekend!
Monster question: What’s your favourite movie or movies?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think we all know how I feel about this movie.
More like, Citizen Bore me to Fucking Death! LOLAMIRITE?
Great comment, amendalou!
http://bit.ly/ez6CMe
Wow I screwed up a gif post. I am so ashamed of myself.
Amadeus or O, Brother, Where Art Thou? When I was little it was The Princess Bride.
M’ hair!!!
Mine is anything by Stanley Kubrick not named Eyes Wide Shut.
Can’t Hardly Wait, b/c DUH!
When I was younger, it was this. I think maybe it still is.
Wait, never mind. It’s this.
Of course, every time I make my favorite movie list, I wake up in the middle of the night furious for getting something. But here’s a rough list:
-Pan’s Labyrinth
-Magnolia
-Lord of the Rings
-No Country for Old Men
-Big Fish
-The Royal Tennenbaums
Ooh, I *love* Big Fish, Magnolia, and The Royal Tennenbaums!
Agreed on Magnolia, Huck. For that matter, anything by this guy:
oh, and Armageddon.
It makes me happy that such a talented man is also such a hot man
Big Fish is one of the few movies that makes me cry every time I watch it. There is just something special about that movie.
Those are all top 20. But #1 is:
Philadelphia Story!
Upvotes forever! I love that movie
OMG. This is also my ALL-TIME FAVOURITE. I was explaining it to someone the other day and he told me he’d never seen a Cary Grant movie. Never! Bah.
Kudos to us, for having the best taste.
This is an impossible question that I can’t even begin to answer, so I’ll just say that my friend’s sister’s favorite movie is The Gods Must Be Crazy 2. She never saw the first one. True story.
The first one is sort of adorable. I saw about 5 minutes of the second one on like PAX (back when that existed!) years ago and was so, so furious.
Possibly worse than one of the sequels to Neverending Story that features Jack Black.
Or this
Oooh, that’s a really great one.
You mean Cabiria, right? I’d never heard of it but 4-5 years ago it was part of a double feature I went to see the other half of and it ANNIHILATED ME. (in a good way.)
Yes.
One of my favorites:
Let’s try this again:
Mine is probably something like
The Royal Tenenbaums
Good Night and Good Luck
Boogie Nights
The 400 Blows
My favorite Orson Welles is Touch of Evil, though. It was pie good before pie good was pie good.
Ah, me too for Touch of Evil! That crazy, crazy long shot at the beginning makes me want to barf, it’s so amazing.
Because this question is impossible and also constantly being asked at social gatherings (and I just go to so many social gatherings! GENTLEMEN), I long ago decided to stop thinking about it and just chose three films that probably represented some of my happiest cinema-going memories:
Touch of Evil
City Lights
Duck Soup
My all-time favorite:
When I was 5: E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial
When I was 15: Breakfast at Tiffany’s
When I was 25: Annie Hall
Today: E.T.
I’ve come full circle, friends.
anyone?
Anyone?
ANYONE?
Annie Hall is way bomb. All three of those are, actually.
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure and Wet Hot American Summer
It’s A Wonderful Life because DUHHHHHHHHHHHH
Very joy. Very Christmas.
Hitchcock is way up there for me too.
I don’t really understand how other people gauge their “favourite movie”, but if by that they mean “most watched”, “most consistently enjoyable”, and “most widely recommended to other people who haven’t seen it yet”, then 24 Hour Party People, definitely.
The Sting
Notorious
Magnolia
The Goodbye Girl
The Apartment
Watch and love them all.
Congrats to the ballers! See you all in drunk chat! (Except for Charlie Sheen, of course.)
Also: dance party!!!
YAY! Shawn and Gus!! (Hot Hot Hot)
I have been waiting for the .gif my whole life.
Did anyone see Bell Biv Devoe on Fallon the other night? So great.
http://bit.ly/hquV52
AWESOME!! Lovegoods forever!
Shots?
hmm, darn
Yes!!! A couple weeks ago I tried rapping on a song for my friend’s band. One of the better lyrics was…
I knew right away she was tryin to get my pants off/
But I said, first things first, let’s go have a dance off/
She got real gangsta and broke out the Charleston/
I got super fresh and I did the Carlton/
The best lyrics were…
There’s this girl I met on a pizza delivery/
A knock on my door, the name tag said Hillary/
She gave me my pizza, then she offered me some strange/
I gave her just the tip then I tried to pay in change/
Thanks for listening
bestcomments.net INDEED
Is that Jessica Rabbit?
Looks like Dusky Panther just pooped. TWICE.
Of course too many people use abortion as a form of birth control. They also donate organs as a form of weight loss.
Don’t forget about getting into barfights as an alternative to expensive dentist visits! No teeth, no decay!
Getting murdered does wonders for the aging process
“I have a new weight-loss plan. It’s called ‘A Limb A Day!’”
I’m gonna have to ASL this because I just lost my voice.
(Also pictured- Bill Gates doing the Soulja Boy on Charlie Rose, I guess.)
Thanks, everyone!
AWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! You’re such a cutie! (I will say this to you forever, so get used to it, buddy!)
…and I think this puts me at (standard) EGOT status? Either way, the round’s on me.
I know Dusky Panther IRL.
I AM SO CLOSE TO FAME.
Hi guess who’s cute YOU’RE CUTE
Also the only word I knew how to say in ASL is poop.
Awesome!!! My first Monster’s Ball! I’m so happy!
She’s… adorbs.
-not Winwood probably
Monsters,
A note of apology for my piss poor performance this week. For one reason or another, I was actually tasked with doing the job that my employer pays me for.
I have asked during performance reviews if Videogum commenting can be added to my job description, but then they start asking me how this brings value to the company and my clients and yadda yadda yadda the conversation ends with me knocking over the water cooler and calling the system an outrage.
Anyway, I’ll do better next week. In the meantime, the weekend! Ferris Bueller dancing gifs? Ferris Bueller dancing gifs.
Tonight was going to be a super boring night of designing a presentation on powerpoint and then rehearsing it in the mirror 400 times, but I just remembered that I have a bottle of wine in my fridge. Time for some drunk powerpointing! TGIF, you guys!
I want to upvote Gabe’s ed. note after the lowest rated comment till the end of time. Thanks Gabe for being vocal about this and helping restore my faith in humanity a little bit more.
Ditto! And also, not to beat a dead horse, but holy crap are people misinformed about this! Planned Parenthood isn’t called Abortion Abortionhood because they do A LOT of other shit, and many women end up paying out of pocket on some level for abortions. For millions of women of all races and income levels, this is their primary form of gynecological healthcare. PP is on the cutting edge of health education, they have community programs that employ teenagers as educators, and LET ME JUST SAY (sorry, started to get shouty) that the last time I was there to get satan’s birth control, I saw a loooot of men sitting by themselves in the waiting room. I texted my friend who works at an upstate Planned Parenthood as an educator and asked “what’s up with that” and she replied: “STIs.” So. I forgot my point. Oh right, my point is that this funding would further cripple an already fucked up healthcare system. Planned Parenthood is one of the only organizations that offers no string attached services, and they are in touch with women’s needs because they deal with just about every type of lady. So Elizabeth Hasslebeck can suck it.
Oops. Sorry! Happy Friday, everyone! Wooohooo.gif!
This is a great comment. I’d also add that in many states, Planned Parenthood locations do not perform abortions because they are not legal in those states. AND YET THEY STILL SOMEHOW MANAGE TO REMAIN IN OPERATION! The place is not free abortions ‘r us. I’m sure Planned Parenthood is responsible for preventing many abortions from having to take place! Also, cancer screening! And STD diagnosis/treatment! What a terrible place!
Everyone’s asking me, “How did you write such an erudite comment to win editor’s choice?”
It’s simple math: [(Underwear Strafing Runs+Vatican Assassins - Haters) / TMNT^Bayonets] / Cocaine = Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. Winning.
Time for me to get my weekend on.
I made it on Monster’s Ball! Life goal: Accomplished.
Has everyone seen the Kittens in Bowls video? It is ridiculously cute:
not sure if i can embed in the comments. If not here’s the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARnwejzUzAA
I sent that in as a tip during guest week! I was so sad it never got picked up, amidst the abundance of other cat videos making the cut last week.
I don’t know why other countries even bother with game shows, the Japanese have had this figured out for years.
Also, the most bizarre version of “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” playing in the background.
OMG, they all just instantly climb in the bowls! While the cutest cover of a Beatles song I’ve ever heard plays! Where does this show get its ideas? Seriously, because cute.
This is the best thing I’ve ever seen and in summation I am moving to Japan.
These kittens need to be less obvious when trying to Rickroll me.
http://mediumlarge.wordpress.com/2011/02/24/cats-quote-charlie-sheen/
LOLOL it’s funny because that kitty obviously does not have a brain.
To Dusky:
So are we just gonna meet in the middle to decide who is actually number 1? Because I’m down to do that. And please, bring only your fists. No blades, blunt objects, or firearms. Brass knuckles are kosher. See you soon.
Love,
Principal Enchman
P.S: I will break you.
In all seriousness though, it feels good to make the ball. I wanna use this space to thank the entire Monster community for providing a reasonable yet hilarious place for discussion on the internet. It really is great to have a place where you can be amongst friends and not have to be called “stupid” or “gay” or be ridiculed for your “cancer-aids.” Thank you guys a lot and I love you all.
…
…
…
PAAAAAAAAAAARTY PEOPLE! YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
I concur you guys are the best
In the event of a tie, the older comment gets placed higher.
3rd PLACE!!! SUCK IT, PURPLEMONK!!!!
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
“What’s my primary method of birth control? Abortion.”
— People (apparently)
I am really bored and tired with this conversation, but seriously: this girl you know (or is she a “friend of a friend”?) clearly has a lot of problems, and is putting herself at risk by undergoing a serious medical procedure too frequently. Abortions can be *painful* and do come with risks! But what would you have her do? Ask her to pay MORE for her terminations? What difference would that make? Get “individuals or charities” to pay for her termination? Frankly, that’s what happening already. Bring her babies to term? Given that she is obviously not at the top of her class when it comes to good decision making, that seems like a bad idea?
What this girl you knew in high school actually needed was: (1) better access to effective birth control, (2) some education about her sexual health that actually gets through to her, and (3) quite possibly a dose of self-respect when it comes to dealing with a (coercive?) boyfriend who is just as abysmal at making life-choices as she is. AND GUESS WHAT?! At least two of those things are THINGS THAT PLANNED PARENTHOOD PROVIDES. In fact, they provide FAR MORE education and birth control and sexual health screening and counseling than they do surgical terminations.
If you are uncomfortable with what this high-school acquaintance of yours was doing (and, as you describe it, so am i, and so is everybody), then what she needed was *more* Planned Parenthood in her life, not less.
One personal anecdote of two people behaving irresponsibly does not make a trend. When we start legislating based on anecdotal evidence, we screw a lot of people. Every system that involves taxpayer money will eventually be abused by somebody, but that’s no reason to stop funding those programs.
I once knew a friend of a friend who heard an anecdote about a friend who read something online about someone who wished he could give Grrg and Blergh way more upvotes.
and parcelline, too
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Monsters Ball is a happy place. Full of dancing gifs and unicorn magic. Keep it happy.
Nobody is attacking you personally or calling you stupid. This is a contentious issue and you’re welcome to your point of view. But it’s possible there are aspects to the debate that you haven’t considered, and it looks to me like we were just pointing those out.
You’re right, though. It’s a Friday night and I’m at home on the internet, checking in on this thread. I have a lot of work to do tonight and occasionally it’s nice to take five minutes away from the things I should be doing to chill out and watch some gifs. Maybe I should be doing more of the chilling out, though, and less of the engaging in debate stuff (I just happen to kind of enjoy arguing about these things, that’s all). Also, for the record, I would have no problem saying any of these things to your face. One, because I have no filter and two, because I volunteer with a sexual education group and basically one of my jobs is to say these things to peoples’ faces all day.
I originally had a snarky response, but I don’t see how that helps you or the ball. So I’ll say this instead, people here aren’t “jumping down [your] case” because you are “wrong” or “stupid.” They are doing it because you felt entitled to spout your opinion about a political action that has massive negative ramifications for many people including and outside of those who are seeking abortions, and you did so from an uninformed position. I can’t judge if you are stupid, but from your comments here you did seem to be uninformed on this particular subject. Seek out information first. It’s one thing to comment off the cuff on movies and viral videos, but it’s a whole different beast to do so in this case.
Well crafted and politely elaborated arguments aren’t something you’d have the courage to say to someone’s face? By the way, this is the second time you responded to replies to yourself with “eff uuuu bro, say to my faaaasssee!!!”, so it’s not only less amusing because it’s getting old, but because the first time there was the ironic charm of using it after you described yourself as a humble and modest person which clearly you are not.
If your response to thoughtful (if a bit emotionally-fueled) dissenting opinions is “Fuck you guys” x 2, then you probably need something better to do, too. I see your original point, but tend to disagree with it for many of the reasons previously stated. If you think respectful disagreement is not something people would “say to your face,” then I am curious about what most people say to your face when you discuss contentious issues with them.
Winwood is mysteriously absent from this thread.
Good week, everyone! I always feel like I have so much fun here. Even when I have too much work to do and I miss a bunch of the posts. At any rate, I haven’t posted a Hatsworth picture in a while so… Here’s on of me looking confused.
As if to say, “Have you seen my tea? Where did I put my tea?”
What’s with the monocle flip-floperry? I smell FAKE!
This week we learned that you can quit your job as long as you have a back-up plan, such as becoming a full-time, drug-fueled maniac.
The background wall of silhouetted hookers/strippers really makes this whole piece.