Pizza is the best. If you don’t agree with that statement then please do not read this site. AND DON’T LET THE BLOG HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT. It is so delicious! With the cheese and the toppings and the sauce and the cheese and the toppings and the pizza. Yum! My stepdad used to say that pizza was the perfect food because it included each of the four food groups, and he’s a medical doctor! So it should come as no surprise that pizza is a life-saver. Of course it is! Admittedly, it is not a life-saver the way that, you know, medicine is a life-saver. And apparently the only way it can save your life is if you call the same pizza place every morning and order the exact same thing (large pepperoni pizza and two Diet Cokes) in a small town where that is an easily noticeable event, and where the employees of your local pizza place are actual employees and not would-be dancers or poets or something, too wrapped up in their DREAMS to care about you. And it should be noted that consuming a large pepperoni pizza and two Diet Cokes every day does have some side effects, but what medical treatment plan is without side-effects?! None medical treatment plans! THANK YOU, DR. PIZZA, FOR SAVING A WOMAN’S LIFE.

Take two pizzas and call me in the morning and other jokes combining pizza with hospital cliches. I NEED TWO CC’s OF PEPPERONI STAT! God damn it, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a pizza. WE COULD DO THIS ALL DAY AND LET’S. (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (47)
  1. She wouldn’t have to pay her hospital bills if she had had Canadian Bacon.

  2. So basically I could order pizza on a daily basis and bill it to my insurance company as preventitive care, right? I’ve got a precedent here and everything. Do we have any insurance and/or pizza lawyers who can confirm this for me?

  3. I never would have thought thousands of Domino’s would lead to a chain reaction like this.

  4. Papa John is the new Trapper John.

  5. A Thin Crust of Hope: The Susan Guy Story

  6. I’m surprised her neighbors couldn’t hear her mozzayelling

  7. the government better stay out of my pizza

  8. “Pizza’s gonna order out – for you!”

  9. I was a pizza delivery driver/hero for 3 years, I must have saved upwards of 29 lives.

  10. They keep saying how caring the Dominos employees were, and I’m not saying they weren’t. But, like anything, there are degrees when it come to being caring. Isn’t it more caring to say, “Ma’am, did you know that pizzas can come with vegetables, too?”

    One more thing: I’m just glad that they called Susan Guy a delivery driver SLASH hero, and not the other way around. (Blamo! Zoolander!)

  11. She wouldn’t have been suck on the floor for 2 days if she’d had Pizza Alert, which is a lanyard with a button on it that calls directly to the nearest Domino’s and orders you a large thin crust with pepperoni and two Diet Cokes.

  12. She’s only been ordering her daily pizza for the past 3 years? So you’re telling me that 3 years ago she decided “I’M GOING TO HAVE A LARGE PIZZA BY MYSELF EVERY DAY FROM NOW ON!”

  13. This lasy is so awesome. I hope that when I am 82 I order a pepperoni pizza everyday. I like how she gets DIET coke. Regular Coke is just empty calories.

  14. Reading Videogum and thinking about pizza makes up around 75% of my day.

  15. I could probably set up something similar with my local burrito place, though I usually do pickup. Maybe I should give them my address, so they know where to send the ambulance?

  16. This pizza delivery woman is an American Gyro!

  17. For some reason I was hoping the report would go on to say that “as the pizza delivery woman rushed to investigate, 4 oversized turtles carrying weapons of martial arts origin also offered their assistance.”

  18. Gabe, this is your masterwork.

  19. Youz guys, I would just like to say that today is a very special day for me! It’s my first time to comment, and a story from my LOCAL news was crazy enough to make it onto VideoGum. Not surprising. Us southerners are not hip to the modern medicine. OR maybe we are just a step ahead of everyone else!

  20. This calls for a Videogum Video Pizza Party!

  21. Dr. Domino’s recommends she switches to Deep Dish for a while to rebuild some strength.

  22. Domino’s Pizza: Pro-Life since 1960

  23. This woman is our generation’s Alan Arkin from Little Miss Sunshine. Only instead of smoking heroin in her twilight years, she eats a large pizza every day by herself.

  24. FAKE. No where in America is your pizza delivered by a white lady!

  25. Did someone say pizza?

  26. The Sad Fate of Elizabeth Lemon

  27. Tire redemption?

  28. Oy, I’m late on this one, but this is super depressing. I know: ha ha pizza and all that, but really I hope I never get to the point where the only person who cares about whether I’m alive is my daily pizza deliveryperson. Old people make me so sad. :(

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