(Photoshopping courtesy of Patrick M.)

Everyone say hi to my mom (again)! It’s no secret that my mom loooooves Gabe’s Top Chef Recaps. Because of the long and storied history of this obsession, I’ll recap the tale in pictures spanning Videogum, Twitter, and even the Huffington Post (!!!):

See what I mean? Of course, my mom (who has the same name as Gabe’s mom!) was tickled pink by all of this and thinks she’s internet famous.

So when I told my mom (who started blogging before me, is on Twitter, saw Catfish before me, and cavorts with a group of knitting ruffians called The Stitchin’ Bitches, but also likes most of the movies in The Hunt) that I’d be guest blogging on Videogum today, I knew this was bound to happen. “This” being my mom guest-guest-blogging the Top Chef Recap. Reverse nepotism! Be forewarned: this is very much a mom-review and somehow devolved into being almost exclusively about an underground Top Chef betting ring for knitters. My comments are in parentheses.

I wanted to really like this episode, but I didn’t like it one bit. On to the recap…

The Quick Fire. It was great to see the Sesame Street characters, but I see them while watching reruns with my 1 year old granddaughter. (Not my kid! My niece!) So no biggie there. It was great to see Elmo, Telly and Cookie Monster on late night TV. Elmo is a different monster during prime time. And what’s with Elmo and his nighttime humor? Cow chips. Really? Well they did look like cow crap. Richard, I’m sure your daughter will tell you that you didn’t make cookies. Cookie Monster, you were right calling The Professor out on that one. Richard, put down the nitrous oxygen and bake. (YA BURNT?)

I have to explain one of the reasons I love Top Chef so much. Besides being a huge foodie, the knitters on Ravelry.com – largest social network for knitters – (From what I can surmise, it’s like Facebook, but for moms.) have several pools that we participate in. I’ve been in a Top Chef pool since the very beginning, and I’ve yet to win the big prize. Each knitter is assigned a chef and if your chef wins, each of the 16-17 participating knitters has to buy the winner gifts totaling $25. This is huge! During the season with Stephen, I was so close I thought it was a foregone conclusion that I’d get about $400 worth of prizes. For the All-Stars season we decided not to bet on who would win Top Chef but who would win the Quick Fire from week to week. I don’t even gamble, but that’s a lot of yarn! This season, each person will spend between $4-7 on coveted knitting patterns for the winner.

Antonia is my quick fire chef this week – again, and she’s in the top two. With Dale – again. I felt that I’d win this week until Dale’s name was called. Crap – Dale won again!!! Stupid potato chips. Now I have to fork over $4-7. (THE HUMANITY!) Congratulations to mrsmama for winning! I’m not bitter at all. The competitive knitter in me is devastated. (Being a competitive knitter is apparently a thing you can be.) And now I’ve found out that they’ll be no more bets for the rest of the season. (Something in Ravelry’s terms of service about GAMBLING RINGS?) I guess I have to watch the rest of the season for the fun of it. Since there’s no vested interest in me winning the big prize, I really don’t care who wins. They’re all great chefs.

I could’ve actually stopped watching the show after the quick fire. But if I did, I would’ve missed the MichaelAngelo bromance. Is it too late to get Dale for next week? Right, I forgot: no more bets. The elimination challenge is a huge disappointment for me. Who came up with this? Why wouldn’t they let the chefs bring their knives? (It’s called product placement, mom.) They had to shop for everything. Even though I promised I wouldn’t do a Gabe, I can’t resist. (I couldn’t risk my mom butchering the inside jokes. You have no idea how many groups of people she’s placed inside of purses and pockets.) Shop, shop, shop. Run, run, pant, stop, breathe, run, cook, have a little bromance. Whatever!

Why is Dale grabbing boxes of irons? I fear he’ll be brilliant again. Goofy Carla, who I love, might go home. I can sense it. I think we all can. When did Angelo grow a beard and why is he feeding Mike over and over again? “Taste my salty soup.” Nice to see Ming Tsai, who happened to be a contestant on 2nd season of The Next Iron Chef. Watching the chefs cook the food they’ve shopped for is pretty cool. I shop at Target all the time and my food doesn’t turn out like that. Wait, why did Mike pat Angelo on the butt?

Time for the judges’ table – eat, snark. Dale, Antonia and Richard are on top. One of them will win $25K. I really hope Dale doesn’t get it. I’m still bitter. Alas, he wins the big prize. Carla, weirdly-dressed Angelo (She kept going on about his tall socks and tiny knees.) and Tiffany are in the bottom. Maybe Mike was into how weird Angelo was dressed. Basically all their food is bad. (We can’t actually taste the food, so they could be lying, mom!) I really don’t care who goes home, but I don’t it want it to be Carla. Oh wait, they all start crying at the table. Even Angelo!

In the end, poor poor alien-Angelo goes home *another Gabe reference*. I didn’t know cooking was so emotional. I’m still peeved I didn’t win. This episode was a bust. I really wanted to blog about Jimmy Fallon last week. I even had the perfect title, “Let Me Play With Your Food”. You get the joke if you watch Jimmy. Can I have a do-over?

To sum up:
• Dumb episode.
• Knitting and food – totally works especially if I win something.
• Mike/Angelo = gross.
• Jimmy Fallon rules!
• Boy, do I miss Eric Ripert as a judge. (Mom, you didn’t mention this AT ALL. But she thinks he’s hot, even with that giant mouth).

Comments (55)
  1. I wish all challanges on Top Chef were won by whoever re-enacts Benny & Joon the best:

  2. I’m on Ravelry! I’m not even a mom! Maybe cool features like Top Chef gambling rings don’t open up until you have a couple kids.

  3. Becca, you and your mom just won the internet. Congratulations, you earned it!

  4. Huckabeast just said hi to your mom, that flirt

  5. Huckabeast?

  6. Becca’s Mom, you are an awesome mom! Don’t ever stop being awesome!

  7. I’ve never read any of Gabe’s recaps of this show because I never watch it. But I read this one all the way through. I don’t want to watch this show, but I want to read Becca’s Mom’s blog.

  8. THIS IS SO WEIRD! Huck was on TV with Padma, and I am on vacation with Gabe! WIFE SWAP!!!

  9. Pity. 98% of the food Cookie Monster tasted on Top Chef just went out the sides of his mouth and onto the floor.

  10. Substitute scrap booking for knitting and Becca’s mom and my mom are the same person.

  11. If we have an official mascot for Videogum, can we have an official mom as well? Even monsters need mothers.

  12. Aw reading this made me miss my mom! Can we talk finale predictions? I’m kind of thinking a lady showdown between Antonia/Carla. They’ve both been consistently better than I’d anticipated.

    • I’m going to say it’s between Dale, Carla and the Blai-Z. People forget Dale was up there in his season, racking up a lot of wins and going home for one terrible dish and losing his cool in the kitchen. And yesterday, BLAM, another two wins. Carla has great flavor profiles, but it all sounds kinda boring. Blaise Runner is the most creative chef, but overshoots his goal too often. I think it will come down to who can handle the setting of the finale better.

      • I agree with you about Richie BLAZE but i think Dale is kind of a one note! He flounders on anything that isn’t Asian, or Asian fusion. He even fails at Asian food sometimes, remember his pad thai!?

        • Well Ilan won season 2 cooking only Spanish influenced food, same with Hung and Asian food in season 3, which means its not impossible with just one flavor profile, as long as its always good. Plus, I looked it up and not counding large teams, Dale has already won 5 challenges this season (6 if you count the season facing off in the first challenge), so he’s currently in front with wins. I mean, winning both challenges in the final seven has to account for something, right?

          I’m sticking with my three picks, but I have no clue who it would be if the finale would be between just two chefs.

      • No way that Antonia isn’t making it into the finals. She’s been killing it on every challenge. I’d say Blais, Dale, and Antonia, with Carla as the last to choke out.

        Mike Isabella, your car is waiting, so GTFO.

  13. Mom-cap! This was fantastic. Also, I realized Top Chef: All Stars has gotten boring cause everyone is pretty good. There’s no one worth hating. Even dumb old Mike Isabella is just too doughy and stupid to bother hating.

  14. my mom hates top chef because she thinks they are too mean to each other. maybe she just needs more mike and angelo in her life.

    • mike’s shocked look and ‘WUUUUUUTTT???’ reaction made the whole episode where i was supposed to believe dale made really good grilled cheese worth watching.

  15. Becca, it’s sort of an in-joke on Ravelry.com that you always mention missing Eric Ripert as a non-sequitur. (See werttrew.ravelry.com/insidejokes/purlsofwisdom.creedthoughts.doc)

  16. “Taste my salty soup.”

    Please say the innuendo was unintentional.

  17. I know this is a little off topic, but Hi Gabe!

  18. We don’t even have to tell Becca to say hi to her mother for us, because she’s HERE. Hi Becca’s Mom! Good job!

    “I knew this was bound to happen. “This” being my mom guest-guest-blogging the Top Chef Recap.”

    Now if your mom gets one of The Stitchin’ Bitches to guest-guest-guest blog, Videogum will officially enter Inception-style territory.

  19. Our mothers. Our Videogum.

  20. Official Momster for sure! I see what I did there!

  21. Posts on Momgum:

    What’s Up with that Nice Boy Topher Grace?
    I Didn’t Care for That (WMOAT for Moms)
    You Know What I Heard? (Why Don’t You Make It Up for Moms)
    and I’d Hit That (50s and up)

  22. this show has literally turned into some sick “let’s see how much we can convince you to hate Mike and Dale” show. why dale keep winning? Just to spite me? they made tiffany cry. agreed, this eppy was crap. and despite the misspelled namesake, i am so ready for carla to go home. TOO MUCH.

  23. I tried to watch last night’s show but my palate was too fatigued.

  24. that is so cool that your Mom is into VG and the VG community. Whenever I’m relating something I read on VG to my family I have to preface it by saying “you know that blog I read”. Great job on the recap. Yaay Becca’s Mom! :)

  25. “I don’t even gamble, but that’s a lot of yarn”

    I am going to try supersupersuper hard to work this into a regular conversation tomorrow.
    Week’s Best Sentence.
    srsly, wettrew, can a guest-guest-post be considered for Editor’s Choice?

  26. your mom is so good at writing recaps!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.