“One thing that I’m definitely looking for in a girlfriend is a woman who knows how to support herself. I’m not saying that if things get serious and we start to build a life together that we won’t have to have a serious conversation about our goals and where our careers fit into those goals. It can be very difficult for two professional people to make it work, because two different sets of aspirations often lead in two very different directions. But to know that she’s got that inner strength and that self-reliance, that’s a big turn on for me. I’m trying to date a woman, not a child. That being said, if child-like moaning is one of the aspects of her job, I wont’ complain. If she likes to suck her thumb to simulate the sound of oral pleasure, and smack her damp hands together when things really get going, well, it’s all in a day’s work. I’m not going to criticize her or laugh at her for that, just as I would hope she wouldn’t come to my work and point at all of the important papers on my desk and laugh and say “look at those gross papers it makes me feel weird to watch you doing your work.” Oh, I also want my girlfriend to be 60 years old and German.”

- You

“Gross!” – Me

(Thanks for the tip, Cameron.)

Comments (40)
  1. Achtung, baby.

  2. “You’re fired!”
    “I wasn’t watching porn! I was watching a porno foley artist, ya know, the person who makes the sounds.”
    “It sure sounded like porn.”
    “I know, isn’t she good?”
    “You’re still fired.”
    “I know.”

  3. Ironically, she is completely silent during sex.

  4. “Ooo! Ooo! She’s sucking her thumb, get a zoom on this! How’s the sound? Oh man, we are so going to get an Aurora Public Access award for this bit…”

    - this segments producer

  5. Gabe, it’s a little bit creepy that you described her sex noises as child-like.

    That’s your boyfriend: Blog Writer/Sex Noise Infantilizer

  6. I guess I’ll have to throw out the Tina Fey essay I framed. It’s meaningless!

  7. Back on track. Videogum ist für Liebhaber

  8. This is like the sequel to that Pixar video from yesterday

  9. My girlfriend says she’s not faking, but after this I’m not sure if I believe her.

  10. “Now, for this date, we’re going to need: A bucket full of half-set jell-o, two raw steaks, a dog brush, and a balloon, filled but untied and ready to fly across the room. Happy Valentine’s Day, honey.” – your girlfriend

  11. where’s the bag of doorknobs? obviously this isn’t work for the film “Under and Behind Lock and Key”

  12. I’ve seen this! This is for the porn version of Das Boot (Gut in das Boot)

  13. BREAKING NEWS GUYS: EGYPT DID IT! MUBARAK GONE!

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