The best part about SEXTing a 9-year-old boy TWICE and then, upon being confronted about SEXTing a 9-year-old boy explaining that the only reason you SEXTed a 9-year-old boy in the first place is because you were trying to sell a couch is that your explanation still kind of doesn’t work since 9-YEAR-OLDS DON’T BUY COUCHES. It is almost as if this dude didn’t do any market research at all. Supply and demand or something. (Thanks for the tip, Eliot.)

Comments (52)
  1. Hide your cell. Hide your iPad. ‘Cause they textin’ errbody out here.

  2. Well how do You sell a couch?

  3. Wait, this was in Fort Myers? I think we found our texter.

  4. “Sexting Victim.” Classic.

  5. “…but he’s not advanced enough to see the text messages being sent to his cell phone.”

    Yeah, I don’t remember being ready for SEXTING until Pre-Cal.

  6. Well, I won’t buy a couch unless I have proof oral sex can be performed on it, so this seems like a good idea to me.

  7. What this story really needed was more shots of the kid doing his homework.

  8. Futon unbelievable! No way to cushion it; the way the man couched his excuses was ridiculous. He ottoman be shamed of himself.

  9. If that’s how you sell couches, then I guess when Bob at Bob’s Discount Furniture said he was “growing and growing and growing and growing,” I should have taken that at face value.

  10. “They say the man called back later and told them he was only trying to sell the couch in the picture.”

    I would have LOVED to have been a fly on the wall for that brainstorming session.

  11. 8====D~~~ ~~

  12. The person on the other end meant to send a different picture, but got distracted when she tripped into a fountain.

  13. What are you talking about Gabe?! I had a full dining room set by my 8th birthday. And by full dining room set, I mean a plastic PlaySkool picnic table. But yeah. Dining room set.

  14. “Why does a 9 year-old have a cellphone? When I was 9, I was lucky we even had a home phone! Kids these days.” -Grumpy old man

  15. Shocking to see a story involving sex and couches for sale that doesn’t involve Craigslist.

  16. Just playing devil’s advocate, but is this the couch?

  17. What else does he have to sell?

  18. BUT WHAT OF THE CONGRUENT TRIANGLES? I WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THE TRIANGLES!

  19. You know, if I’m selling a couch, and 9-year old wants to buy it, who am I to deny him? That’s how capitalism works, Gabe! Look it up!

  20. I saw this on Jimmy Kimmel last night… Videogum is supposed to beat Big Media!!

  21. Buy the couch, and I’ll throw in this kitchen table..

  22. Oh, so THAT’S how you sell a couch

  23. newscaster: “adults performing oral sex on a couch”

    how do you perform oral sex on the couch? i don’t know where a couch’s sex organs are, nevermind what the couch would want. couches can’t even talk. proper phrasing and grammar! how the fuck do they work?

  24. Germain Auto Advantage looks awesome!

  25. “That was just too old for me, I wasn’t ready for that.” – Slap a Darth Vader helmet on this kid, he’s adorable.

  26. Well this is just awful, that poor child, I’m going to send him a gift baske….whoops, looks like 15 people beat me to it.

  27. OMG! Is that heaven? There’s a nine year old boy doing math, unopened gift baskets everywhere and GRANDMAS!!!!

    Weeeee

  28. Lots of sexy stuff on here today! I think Gabe needs a girlfriend.

  29. what’s more puzzling is why there were so many gift baskets in their house.

  30. That 9-year-old has a way, way better cell phone than I do.

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