Hey, no offense, and, like, I’m sure your boyfriend has a lot of great qualities that I don’t know about, those little things that attracted you to him in the first place and that are what you’re talking about when you tell people that they just don’t know what he’s like when the two of you are alone together, but, seriously, your boyfriend’s kind of an idiot and I think you can do better. I’M YOUR FRIEND, WE CAN BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER LIKE THIS. (Thanks for the tip, Shoogyboomz.)

Comments (59)
  1. In retrospect, Michael’s no-paranoia strain of marijuana kinda backfire.

  2. “He now faces several charges including possession and illegal cultivation”

    War on drugs, guys. Just the coolest war.

  3. Guys remember when you have a question like this Bing it. Bing isn’t a narc. Bing is your friend.
    This is not an advertisement, nope, not getting anything out of it

  4. Looks like my boyfriend is almost as dumb as everyone who thought that VW commercial was adorable.

  5. Authorities first suspected illegal behavior when they realized he was a Conn. man.

  6. Instead of calling 9-1-1, he shoulda called 4-2-0, amirite?

    I’m wrong? Crap.

  7. Well at least he will get a complete answer to his question.

    • Funny, I called 9-1-1 with a question about the hydrangeas I was having trouble with, but the operator was very rude to me and no officers even came out to help! I wish law enforcement was this considerate in my area.

  8. “Nope. I’m not shitting you.”

  9. It’s really not his fault. He called 411 before this to ask how much trouble he could get in if he called 911 to ask how much trouble he could get in for growing pot. He assumed “No such listing” meant he was in the clear.

  10. Is it sad it kinda makes me feel better that even in a posh Connecticut suburb there are absolute butt-brains?

  11. “AURRGH, you can never do ANYTHING right!”
    – Robert Michelson, to Robert Michelson

  12. His excuse?: “I was just holding it for a friend.”

  13. Lay off! This action was no more “right” or “wrong” than the time I called the local PTA hot line to ask for area supermarkets that sell sudafed in bulk. Well maybe a little bit more wrong, in that the cops did not come by my place.

  14. This is so disappointing. We were gonna get married on April 20th, but now we’ll have to put it off.

  15. His excuse?: “But….. I was just holdin’ it for a friend?”

  16. “Hi. I’ve brutally killed my entire family because my pet parakeet, Chipper, told me that it would stop Satan from speaking to me through the TV. I have a question. I’ve stuffed their dismembered corpses in 30-gallon Hefty Force Flex bags and I want to know what kind of fine I would be looking at for dumping them into the reservoir?”

  17. True story: In my high school a kid went to the principal with a complaint that another kid had stolen $40 from him. It turns out, after a brief investigation, that the $40 he was referring to was, in fact, $40 worth of weed. This same kid also smuggled a joint into school in a ballpoint pen. The only problem was that it was a clear pen. He is now a congressman.

  18. His name? John “Bluto” Blutarsky.

  19. It seems that, given my location, and stereotypes of said location, I should have a joke here, but I really don’t. Sorry folks.

  20. He may be as dumb as a rock, but he is very honest, and that is why he is my boyfriend.

  21. Cheech and DING DONG!

  22. Gabe, if you think I can do better, why haven’t you accepted my friend request yet? I think we could have something magical here.

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