Last night’s Super Bowl was actually pretty fun to watch. It was a close game, and there was a clear-cut fan favorite for those who didn’t have a pre-standing investment in the outcome (I’m talking, of course, about the team WITHOUT a known rapist as the quarterback). I’m not a big sportshead, but I have about exactly as much patience and interest for football as it takes to watch one game every year, so it’s nice that the game I watch seems so important. But, uh, what was up with the advertisements? Aren’t the advertisements during the Super Bowl supposed to be really big and exciting and clever and expensive and interesting? What a bunch of duds! There was that World of Warcraft Expansion-Pack commercial for Coke, and that VERY weird ad for BMW that suggested people should just stop driving shitty cars and start driving BMWs as if that was the problem and we just didn’t know we were allowed to drive nice cars? paid Joan Rivers to be its spokesperson, which seemed like a bad idea until Snickers paid Richard Lewis to be its spokesperson and suddenly Joan Rivers looked like a relatively wise investment. RICHARD LEWIS? All the ads were just sort of middle of the road, uninspired, and worst of all: CHEAP-looking. It’s like, do you guys even WANT me to BUY stuff? Jeez! I did like the monkeys who are bad at parking, and also the dude who smacked all the computers out of everyone’s hands. Oh, and I did learn one thing last night, which is that the on-line flower ordering industry has a way bigger marketing budget than I would have thought. Neat? Otherwise, this year’s crop of commercials were the opposite of super. LOLOLOL!!!!

Right, you guys? Or are you too busy SHOPPING!!!!!

Comments (92)
  1. I need it noted that GoDaddy has been spending money on ads for years, and I only think I know what they do.

    What I think they do, of course, is make short films of women awkwardly flirting with each other. I just don’t see how they make money from that.

    • AGREED! I think they make some kind of product for people who think the objectification of women is hillarious. Like if I needed to make a PETA billboard or something, I’d probably check them out.

  2. The monkeys doing a bad job parking was my favorite Super Bowl commercial.

    The dogs doing a great job driving, then the other dog pelting them with the snowball, then the dogs parking and getting out to chase down the snowball dog was my favorite Puppy Bowl commercial.

    Animals driving won the night.

  3. I AM too busy shopping…for ALL THE BLACK EYED PEAS CDs!

  4. I like the Snickers commercial because a bitching Roseanne = amazing. My least favorite would be the ad (it might have been right before the game) that pretty much said that if you use livingsocial you’ll want to become a woman? Not sure though.

    Also, the commercials during the Puppy Bowl were far superior. The dogs driving the car & doing spin outs? Yes Please.

  5. The Android commercial in which the robot gets thumbs sewn on to him wins the nightmare of the year award. That’s the ad that was dreamed up by the marketing intern who happens to be the CEO’s nephew and is also real goth or something?

  6. I think Richard Lewis should be in ALL the commercials, because he’s great.

    • Agreed. Also, even though I know the whining is part of his schtick, whenever I see him in something I’m like “Richard Lewis, get happy! Employed again!” I guess what I’m saying is that I worry about Richard Lewis sometimes.

  7. Me: “It’s 2011, where’s my flying car?”

    2011: “Here’s your Facebook car and you’re going to like it.”

  8. I thought that Darth Vader Kid was cute, until the end when he took his mask off:

  9. The Mini commercial was by far my favorite of the night.

    “So, have you ever Crammed It in the Boot?!”

  10. Gabe, I’ve been waiting 14 bloody hours for you to rip into the Tibet commercial, and all I get is a lousy OPEN THREAD?

    The world is filled with shadow. There is no god. I shall never know love.

  11. We should all buy more Groupon because fuck the third world.

    • Groupon is to Superbowl Commercials as Kenneth Cole is to Twitter

    • Yeah, poor night for online coupon sites. Living social’s & groupon’s commercials were just awful.

    • I don’t care what happens to other countries, especially oppressed or poor ones, but really any of them (I’m looking at you, Italy and Japan) so long as their emigrants still make me great food.

    • After such a negative response last night, Groupon’s planned print ads were pulled.

    • I think it’s safe to say Groupon dun goof’d.

    • If anyone is really offended I would like to submit that nobody here was thinking about tibet yesterday until they saw that. Also, you would be laughing in any other situation:

      Mexican drug cartels kill thousands a year, BUT THE SURVIVORS CAN MAKE A MEAN BURRITO!!!!!

      I also think we could spend time raising awareness about Tibet instead of complaining about Groupon. A friend of mine on FB said he submitted a formal complaint and i used that previous sentence to make him look stupid.

  12. Super Bowl Monday should be a paid federal holiday…i mean…all the snack buying stimulates the economy…and i’m going to be hungover and useless all day at work anyways….

  13. What’s with all this rap music?
    - your mom

  14. To be fair, the Packers have a player currently under investigation for sexual assault.

    • Of course, I don’t mean to be fair to the rapists. I mean terrible was happening on both sidelines.

    • Actually, the story that made the rounds is that he was with two prostitutes. While he was with the one, the other tried to rob him, which he found out about and kicked them out. Also(not that it much matters) he hardly plays and he’ll be out of football in two years anyways.

  15. I actually really liked the Chrysler commercial about Detroit. YAY DETROIT!

  16. I was thrilled to have a shoutout to my hometown of Spartanburg, SC in one of the BMW commercials. THIS IS SPARTA(NBURG)!!!

  17. I learned that to get a man to drink a diet soda, extreme violence must be involved. Thank you, Pepsi Max!

  18. Also fun was the lady saying that the government needed to let her guzzle soda and cram her face with garbage, tax-free.

  19. My two favorites were Darth Vader kid and Chevy truck rescues kid from everything.

  20. C’mon Gabe, did that Chrysler commercial make you just a little bit proud to be from MIchigan? Even us west-siders stood up and saluted. #Michigan

  21. True story: the Black Eyed Peas are collaborating on a new album with R. Kelly. It’s called Black Guy Pees

  22. I loved the NFL ad with all of the football related clips from tvshows.

  23. The Snickers commercial from hell.

  24. I liked the Chevy old people who can’t hear the commercial one, cause I love old people in general. “42 wild Italians”

  25. I liked the Doritos ad where the guy brought Grandpa back to life. There. I said it.

  26. Doritos and Bud Light commercials seem to have the same general idea:
    Men are stupid. Women are stupid. People are jerks. Our products don’t taste like poop.

  27. Anyone else weirded out by the Doritos ad when the guy licked the other dudes finger? That made more uncomfortable than Kim Kardashian whining about having sex with her trainer, or something.

  28. Before I turned it off because I remembered I hate sports, I saw two Pepsi Max commercials with people getting hit in the head with cans. I was like LOL Head trauma

  29. I also liked the World of Warcraft thing for Coke, but then I’ve been a fan of their games since the 70s

  30. I liked the one with the ACTUAL beaver, rather than all the other ones that tried to make me think about vaginas.

  31. I liked the one with the ACTUAL beaver, rather than all the other ones that tried to make me think about vaginas.

  32. turns out christopher guest directed those groupon commercials that got people so riled up. so… the joke’s on… us?,51422/

  33. I was just happy to have a four-hour block of television programming that didn’t have a single Geico ad. (let alone five or six, all with different spokespersons, all completely unrelated to insurance. HAY GEICO KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE GECKO, SO OBVIOULSY A GEkKO SHOULD SELL OUR INSURANCE.)

  34. The best part of the evening (besides Puppybowl) was Sam Elliott doing the intro. I’d hit that.

  35. So after about 20 games this season and watching hours and hours of insipid commercials you give me new crap for the very last game? No thanks, I spent my four minute blocks eating nachos, punching my kid, grabbing a beer or squeezing out another commercial.

  36. To be fair, I thought there was at lease ONE positive aspect about the Black Eyed Peas’ halftime show. I’ve been telling my father to check out the Puppy Bowl for years, but he refused to switch away from the game. This year, at long last, while I was watching Usha fulfill his contractual flying split requirements, my dad called me up sounding all giddy to say, “These puppies are so cute! Look at all the ones with big paws! They’re going to grow up to be soooo big! I like the hamsters in the blimp too!”

    Meanwhile, speaking of puppies, this happened during the halftime show in our neck of the woods:

    In case you can’t tell, that’s my friend trying to pull her puppy’s paws down because she was COVERING HER OWN EYES while the Black Eyed Peas performed.

  37. Slash is such a Guest Appearance Whore.

  38. Charlie Sheen has a new purpose in life:
    Chasing the Coke Dragon.

  39. None of the Bowl Commercials were Super. Or maybe I’m just bitter because I have no money to buy things.

  40. Have you guys seen the Jimmy Kimmel video “You tube Challenge- Hey Jimmy Kimmel I unplugged the TV during the game.” It’s hilarious.

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