Professional airplane-get-kicked-off-er, Kevin Smith, premiered his new movie Red State at the Sundance Film Festival this year, along with his novel method for distributing the film. Well, first he had a fake auction? But it was a joke? So he burned all the SUITS! Haha. Take that, SUITS! I guess instead of selling the movie to a movie company he’s going to post it in five-minute installments on Twitter or something. Anyway, in light of this “controversy,” the Hollywood Reporter Weekend Magazine–which, incidentally, SURPRISE, the Hollywood Reporter has a weekend magazine!–has a lengthy article and interview with him, including this quote (which actually comes from his fake auction at Sundance where he said this right to the SUITS’ faces!):

“I never wanted to know jack shit about business,” Smith said. “Ladies and gentleman, I’m a fat, masturbating stoner. … If somebody told me all the stupid, horseshit, soul-killing, uncreative, backwards-ass bullshit business that I now have in my head … It’s too much f—in’ horseshit.”

Uh, you still don’t know anything about business, Kevin Smith? I’m not saying that in a mean way, I’m just saying, like, just because you learned what a movie poster is before you put on your NICEST hockey jersey and your FORMAL jorts doesn’t make you some kind of worker drone, slogging through the mines of Money City. What are you even talking about? The fat, masturbating stoner thing, I GET. The rest of it is just like, uh, ease up. You live in a mansion built on a foundation of boner jokes and spend all day writing Tweets about your wife’s taint. Your idea of dressing up is putting on socks before you put on your checkered Vans. Do you even know HOW to tie a tie? Business. Ha! Mogul get emotional. WHO MOVED KEVIN SMITH’S CHEESE?! LITERALLY!!!!!

Comments (60)
  1. If you don’t like the business; quit. It’s as simple as that.

  2. Are “jackshit” and “horseshit” the same thing? Or different things? Can I get an MBA to explain this complicated business stuff to me?

    • Absolutely! “Jackshit” is what you learn in 95% of your MBA courses because you’re too hungover to listen. “Horseshit” is what you spew during interviews to prevent yourself from saying “I want this job because I have a bazillion dollars in loans and my grace period just expired.” Of course, for Kevin Smith, both of those terms mean “I am a total douche.”

  3. Take that suits! Suits: 345,567,230,446,230,003 Jorts: 4

  4. Don’t be fooled by his appearance. In the coming apocalypse, the impending denim shortage will afford Mr. Smith control over his own eastern European nation.

  5. A real artist would subsist on nothing but patronage from the House of Medici.

  6. Jesus, what kind of meds did that eye doctor give you??

  7. It seems I’ve found my celebrity defense. I don’t get what this post is about. That Kevin Smith is fat and doesn’t know much about business (as the title would suggest)? That he doesn’t get classy for Hollywood events? It may be passing over my head.

  8. He waited to burn his bridges AFTER nearly twenty years of successful film-making? A true hero to cinema!

  9. Ian, I now see what you were talking about in the “We Are All Doing It Wrong” thread. That kid did get his JNCO’s from Kevin.

  10. Snoopin’ doopin’ noodle poopin. (translation: man and I thought I was an asshole)

  11. “The 7 Layers of Highly Effective Burritos.”
    #kevinsmithbusinessbooks

  12. Rich Douche, Poor Douche

  13. Sometimes I really wish he was more like his character Silent Bob. Mostly, I wish he was silent.

  14. I think there are two things we call all agree on. First, Kevin Smith’s jorts are just wrong. Two, that the cookie stand is an extension of the food court.

  15. Sometimes I wonder if Kevin Smith would still make the same comments if he wasn’t going home to his pretty (and smart!) wife. Seriously, how did that happen? Then again they did name their kid Harley Quinn, which is kind of like naming your kid Scrappy-Doo.

  16. I wish to speak in defense of Kevin Smith here. This is a guy who has been making a product that many people enjoy within the confines of a broken system, and he is trying to figure out an alternative distribution model to reduce the barriers of entry for new artists.

    His point regarding the knowledge of business is a real one. Most people who want to make a life out of independent filmmaking hit a wall when they realize that a small degree of success leads to a need to navigate a huge amount of bureaucratic bullshit. The result is that the current distribution model tends to stymie new artistic voices, who are unable to flourish outside of the system, while enabling the ascendance of filmmakers who are primarily the products of the industry establishment.

    Smith, because of his early success, was thrust into a crash course of Hollywood politics that he never anticipated, and while he worked within it with modest success, he found it dispiriting. More importantly, he saw how much of a fluke his early success was, and lamented the ability for new artists to find their voices.

    I don’t have much faith that the new model that he is proposing will solve this problem, because, like the indie and festival models, it is likely to be co-opted even if it has success. Still I admire his willingness to put himself out there and try to fix the problem by circumventing the oligopoly that reigns.

    tl;dr

    He’s rich and wears stupid looking pants, so let’s just mock him.

    • According to the /Filmcast, he’s got a built-in audience of 300,000 how listen to his podcast. As much as we laugh at him, he’s got a massive fan base. His approach to releasing his new movie is not unlike what Radiohead and NIN did to release their music recently. It’s going to be interesting to see if he can make his money back on Red State.

      But he didn’t have to be such a dick about it. Not only does he hold a grudge, but he won’t stop holding it until he’s absolutely positive you’re aware that he’s holding a grudge against you.

      • You have a point that he didn’t need to be a dick to the executives. Still, executives devote a lot of energy to wasting the time of promising artists, wooing them and leading them on before discarding them. Seeing someone waste their time in a similar fashion is pretty emotionally satisfying.

      • Agree: It will be very interesting to watch, but I wish someone I admire was doing it instead.

      • RED STATE, U.S.A. TOUR
        Movie & Kevin Smith Q&A
        March 05, 2011 at Radio City Music Hall
        PRICE RANGE: $54.50 – $124.50

        Radiohead and NIN sort of, kind of gave away their music for free. They did not charge 5 to 10x the price of a normal album. Kevin Smith is not doing this for his fans by any stretch of the imagination. He’s not making it available for download. He’s charging $100 to see A MOVIE at a 6,000 seat auditorium.

    • Except it’s not a new model, and he’s not helping anyone but himself. The most generous interpretation is that he is so terrible at understanding the business that he genuinely believes he’s offering up some bold new vision… and that he’s such a solipsist that he thinks that his own experiences and goals are universal.

      There’s a pretty thorough analysis at
      http://www.badassdigest.com/2011/01/24/kevin-smith-isnt-saving-indie-film-hes-spitting-in-its-face

      • I don’t completely disagree with this assessment, but I think it’s overly harsh. My understanding, and it could be wrong, is that his goal is to use his built in celebrity to use this type of model to champion other independent films in the same way that Tarantino did for Asian reissues in the home video market. That is a fresh twist on the model, and it allows him to use his well cultivated fan base to benefit new artists. I think he is acting in good faith, and I hope he has success.

    • He’s charging over 50 bucks a ticket. He is dicking over his fans more than “the suits” ever have.

  17. In his defense, his episode of The Nerdist podcast was really funny, but that wasn’t his doing.

  18. he has the right to be angry at the man. he lost his fortune investing in fat guy shorts futures.

  19. Sometimes it seems like Duh Aficionado is the only publication without a Weekend Magazine.

  20. Kevin Smith = awesome reality TV show. Lets watch him lose weight and try to become culturally relevant again. VH1 needs to give him a call before he has a heart attack.

  21. I use to really, really, really like Kevin Smith. I thought his movies were awesome and that he was really funny and I went to his Toronto Q&A and I laughed myself silly (Lay the podium down is still one of the greatest inside jokes of my life).

    See, but then I turned 20 and something happened. I started thinking about what he was saying. And how mad he seemed all the time. And how bad his new movies were. And how his grudges were so…grudgey. And that was it. I dumped him. I mean, sometimes when I see a bearded man in a trench coat I think fondly back to him but mostly I’ve moved on. I guess what I’m saying is, is that he’s not my boyfriend anymore. And I’m happy about it.

  22. I’m a big fan of Videogum 99.9% of the time but posts like this annoy me.

    Kevin Smith made a movie with 4 million dollars from private investors that has little (if any) guaranteed commercial appeal to anyone outside of his fanbase. Rather than unsuccessfully pumping studio marketing dollars into it to try to reach a more widespread audience (we saw how well that worked with Zack & Miri Make A Porno: Smith’s fans came out, no one else did) he’s planning to release it himself through a distributor in October and relying on social media and radio + television appearances to spread the word (free press!) $4 mil. is a tiny budget and if it is not made back from the theatrical release it can easily be covered by the sale of DVD rights.

    As for touring the film and the high ticket prices: Between films for the entirety of his career he has been touring and doing Q+As (and more recently live podcasts.) The ticket prices for the film tour are comparable to his usual Q+A ticket prices except this time around instead of just getting a lengthy Q+A you’re getting a Q+A AND a screening of his new film half a year before the release date. If you’re a fan of his (of which there are many) this is an opportunity to go see something you’d be heading out to anyway, check out a new movie and support someone you like (money from the tour will also be going towards covering the budget.) On top of that the tour is a great way to spread the word and build awareness for the October theatrical release date (more free press!)

    Whether or not you like his movies, have any interest in this one or even like the dude as a human being it is abundantly clear that he knows something about the film business (at least when it comes to a Kevin Smith film.) It seems to me that he has found a way to make and market a film on the cheap and safely earn a profit for his investors.

    Taking one amount of money and safely turning it into a larger amount of money seems like the definition of good business to me.

  23. Pulling a publicity stunt (bidding on your own movie) during a gadfly shit feast (Sundance) to manufacture interest in a new brand (Red State) is shrewd horseshit acumen.

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