Imagine the most normal thing in the world. Like, I don’t know. A glass of water. OK, so you’ve got this glass of water, and it’s on a table, right? The table is in, oh, who knows, let’s say, like, a small cafe. There’s a young woman sitting at a table in a small cafe with a glass of water and an empty coffee cup. She’s got a laptop open in front of her or, you know what, forget the laptop, she’s just reading a book. It’s got one of those yellow “USED” stickers on the spine from the student book store. Is she a student? Probably. Most people don’t buy those books after they’ve finished school, although she could just have it from back when she was in school, or maybe she’s the exception to the rule and is one of the few non-students to buy a “USED” book from the campus book store. It’s not that important. She’s got her hair pulled back into a ponytail and tied with a scrunchie, and she’s wearing jeans and Keds with no socks and a heather gray sweatshirt. The cafe isn’t packed, but it’s doing decent business. And there’s that old glass of water right there in the middle of it. Why, that glass of water is so normal, you’d hardly even give it a second glance. There is just nothing unusual about that glass of water at all. Which makes it a perfect metaphor for this video of an older gentleman talking about how Selena Gomez rules his life. It’s almost TOO normal!

Just kidding. The glass is filled with blood and the young woman’s head is a snake face. The cafe is actually an eternal scream! (Thanks for the tip, werttrew.)

Comments (87)
  1. I just love… 30 rock.

  2. What a creep. Doesn’t he know Demi Lovato is hotter?

  3. Well this is embarrassing, but guys she’s 18, I’m not a weirdo


  5. Willie’s hobbies got really weird ever since ALF died.

  6. I am worried about Selena Gomez, you guys…

  7. Is it just me or does this dude sound like a retarded Dr. Phil.

  8. Selena Gomez’s Pro/Con list for why she should/shouldn’t date this guy

    1) He is totally in love with her
    2) He says that she came along in his life right when he needed her most
    3) He think she is a very loving and caring women
    4) He says that she guides him and has never told him wrong yet.

    1) None. Marry him!

    • My understanding is that this is a disabled man who was trying to use youtube to set his son up with Selena Gomez based on something she said about wanting to meet a nice normal boy. Someone saw it and began prank calling his home, first pretending to be her assistant, and later pretending to be her. He has since fallen in love with the fake Selena Gomez. If this isn’t an elaborate hoax, it is really quite sad.

  9. Also very good description Gabe, no joke-o

  10. Huh… That’s really creepy and everything but there are a ton of weirdos everywhere with unhealthy obsessions with celebrities… nothing really special… I’ve never heard of Selena Gomez though… it’s a pretty name, let’s just head on over to Google… OH DEAR GOD!

  11. I’m oddly curious about what was happening in his life when he realized he needed Selena Gomez. Makes me want to pop some popcorn and pull up a chair.*

    *before I see the error of my ways and BARFVOMITBARFBLERG.

  12. yikes.

  13. When this guy plays, “Marry-Fuck-Kill,” his answer is ALWAYS Selena Gomez.

  14. This is his actual youtube channel:

    Just a warning, there is no staircase leading out of the rabbit hole.
    ALSO he used to have a video with his son on that channel? And he was just as super weird/weird looking as him, just standing there, nodding in agreement, while his dad angrily asks Selena Gomez why she doesn’t call his son back? Anyway I found out today that he deleted it. Probably for being TOO real.

  15. That Selena Gomez is one lucky lady.

  16. If anyone’s looking for a job right now, I think they’ve got plenty of openings at the Nightmare Factory. That place is doing great business and is looking to expand!

  17. Thank goodness for YouTube. Crazy people now give advance warning.

  18. This one is actually a little bit better. And by better, I mean more disturbing.

  19. He has a very small microphone.

  20. I don’t even think I want to watch this, but I probably will

  21. I am proud to ask the following question: who is Selena Gomez?

  22. The daughter of a slain Tejano singer and the father from the Addams Family.

  23. This Guy: “Selena Gomez, why she controls me.”
    Me: “Oh boy, here we go.”

  24. “Dude, I totally get you.”

  25. Takeaways: 1) He is not too embarrassed to openly admit his pedophiliac impulses (surely he fell in love with her well before she was 18) and 2) he IS too embarrassed to say the word ‘ass’ on the internet.

  26. He reminds me of my uncle who never did anything bad to me, and if he ever did, it would have been my fault and people would be mad.

  27. Wait, what? A scrunchie?

  28. All of you are missing the real explanation: Selena Gomez is his dog’s name. He’s just really loves his dog.

  29. by the way, you can actually call this man. in another video he says his number is 225-719-7389. just called him and its his for real number (whether or not he is for real is another matter). told him we were a newspaper and wanted an interview. needless to say, it was a TOTALLY NORMAL conversation.

  30. Wasn’t the original purpose of this man putting up videos to introduce Selena Gomez to his son? This seems like a romantic comedy just waiting to get picked up by Hollywood (or Dateline).

  31. Being famous would be awesome!

  32. Weird obsessive stalking? Cool.
    Swearing? Not cool.

  33. It could be worse. It could be about Miley Cyrus…she’s like a mix between a tiger and some kind of fish.

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