It turns out the velociraptors in Jurassic Park were not entirely accurate depictions of real velociraptors. Good luck using that to keep from getting swirlied and shoved in a locker, nerd who figured that out.

Comments (74)
  1. Daaaaaamn, Gabe! Nerd-bullying and vag-spotting, all in one day? What is this, Testosteronegum?

  2. Next you’re going to tell me that a T-Rex can’t bite you in half while you are taking a shit in an outhouse.

    • If you’re willingly in a position where the only shit to be taken is in an outhouse, you desever to be bitten in half.

      • if a t-rex is chasing you odds are you’d be lucky to even have an outhouse as they are not known to venture toward civilization and usually eat all the people that would be building outhouses in their neck of the woods anyway


  4. Dan Telfer is validated! Deinonychus forever!

  5. Are we behind on our Dan Telfer routines, comedy nerds?

  6. Fact: T. Rex can not only bite you in half, but it can move like a cat, talk like a rat and sting like a bee.

  7. Next you’re going to tell me they’re not clever at all!

  8. Also they can’t be brought back to life

  9. Who ever figured this out was a real clever girl.

    look i know that when i hit submit this comment will already be posted. I mean look at the picture above my comment. how can you not?

  10. But guess who still rocks.

  11. I went to click through, but my school’s firewall prevented, so I am just going to assume that the link is a picture of a Velociraptor’s vagina.

  12. Spielberg has a long history of grievous errors like this in his films.

    FACT: Sharks do not generally jump onto boats
    FACT: Archeologists do not wield bullwhips.
    FACT: There was no “Schindler’s List,” because there was no “holocaust.” (Michael Voris, S.T.B. told me so.)

  13. Even with feathers, these things re still theoretically terrifying, if not more so.

  14. Are you going to tell me that these guys weren’t true to life either?

    My whole world is UPSIDE DOWN.

  15. Disbelief unsuspended! Next you’re going to tell me that Jeff Goldblum isn’t a realistic representation of a brilliant mathematician…

  16. Whatever. We all know the existence of dinosaurs was just an elaborate prank from God, don’t we? WE ALL KNOW THIS, RIGHT?

    I’m worried about our society, guys.

  17. Spielberg also repeatedly insists that dinosaurs died out millions of years ago, but in a country without a Christian Dictator, what can you expect?

  18. The best part of Jurassic Park is when Wayne Knight falls down on that muddy hill and they added a “whoop!” sound effect. Watch it again! It’s the funniest thing ever. ever.

  19. This made me a little sad. I remember when I was a kid and there was literally nothing in my life cooler than DINOSAURS. They were the best. The unimpeachable pinacle of awesome. I used to sing a song about my love for them called, “Dinosaurs Around the Firetruck”. If only I could be so lucky as to presently have something in my life that gave me such pleasure.

    Oh wait, I do.


    • “…my love for them *IN A SONG* called”


    • Lesigh’s new album has not come without it’s detractors, some saying that the record alienates a core fan base while others claim that the majority of the album still remains inaccessible to mainstream. There can be no doubt however as to the instant classic that is “Dinosaurs Around the Firetruck.”

      At once sublime and sublimated, wandering and ponderous, “Dinosaurs Around the Firetruck” is a musical journey to the center of Lesigh’s universe, and what we find there is marvelous. Dangermouse’s production is masterful as he has chosen to resist the usual post-production gloss in favor off allowing the lyrics of “Dinosaur’s Around the Firetruck” to shimmer and resonate. “There is literally nothing in my life cooler than DINOSAURS,” Lesigh coos and the listener if left wondering if anything could ever compete. As Eric Clapton leads the song out with a tradmark Layla-esque solo, the listener imagines those dinosaurs around the firetruck and wonders if it is too late to call shotgun.

  20. This guy doesn’t even care.

    Hold on to your butts.

  21. Fun fact. I was a teen docent at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History and I used to take people on toursof the Dinosaur Hall. My favorite thing was to tell people everything inaccurate in Jurrassic Park after they told me how much they enjoyed the movie. When they would tell me they loved T-Rex, I would explaint to them that many scientists believe that T-Tex was actually a scavenger rather than a hunter because of its bad eyesite and tiny arms. Im an asshole…I like to shit on things.

  22. “Fuuuuuuuuck.” -Jose Calderon

  23. Actually, the first name given to the raptor was “six-foot turkey”.

  24. This news doesn’t bother me — I was always a Dimetrodon guy. They had mohawks!

  25. I was pretty sure this was common knowledge by now. Velociraptors, like many other dinosaurs, had feathers! Remember, the birds of today are actually the evolutionary descendants of those dinosaurs of millions of years ago. So, a velociraptor probably looked something more like this:

    • Oh! Hello thing that will haunt my dreams tonight!

    • What is this “evolution” you speak of?

      But seriously, one time I was at the zoo for a school thing, and this girl and I were looking at an emu, and I said something about how their giant dinosaur feet made their evolutionary history so obvious (I may have also said something about how much I love run-on sentences, but I can’t quite recall). She looked at me like I was a crazy person; turns out she didn’t believe in evolution.

      • Every time I eat a chicken I smile with pride at knowing that in the great game of life, team mammal has defeated and humiliated team Dino…at least for this round (shaking in fear)…

  26. I’ve been saying this since 1993.

  27. Given my screen name / avatar I guess I’m obligated to comment on this post. All I’ve got, though, is a hearty “no doy” left over from the ’90s.

  28. Scientists and filmmakers all still agree, however, that velociraptors are fucking awesome and they would totally tear a dude to shit if in existence today.

  29. if we were to do a real jurassic park…could we just engineer the velociraptor to be like it was in the movie? think of the children and the crumbling world that we will leave them should they ever doubt the truth of Hollywood!

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