“If you think about it, this is EXACTLY how the universe is run” was a very strong way to end this video, but “I rest my case” would obviously have been much stronger. Oh well. Now we might NEVER get the Christian dictator that Gotham deserves. (Via DangerousMinds.)

Comments (123)
  1. Alternately, we would accept a Tea Party-aligned God.

  2. This guy: “Only people that agree with me in every way should be allowed to vote. Then and only then can Democracy truly work”

  3. “What a country!”

    Fuck you, dude.

  4. No one with those bangs goes through life without “staring in the mirror.”

  5. The More You Know

  6. Dear dude,
    Shut your hate hole.

  7. Wait, didn’t we already have one?

    • Were his eyes always so glassy and evil looking? Or is this ‘shopped? I think I blocked those eyes out of my memory.

    • be·nev·o·lent
         /bəˈnɛvələnt/ Show Spelled[buh-nev-uh-luhnt]
      characterized by or expressing goodwill or kindly feelings: a benevolent attitude; her benevolent smile.
      desiring to help others; charitable: gifts from several benevolent alumni.
      intended for benefits rather than profit: a benevolent institution.

  8. And don’t even get this guy STARTED on how much he hates the new Dortios ad campaign.

  9. This is my first post on here and I am…speechless…

  10. I like how sometimes the words appear next to him in an unconventional order, like “doomed to failure” instead being “failure to doomed.”

    Actually, I like this whole thing. I am a fan of this video.

  11. Yeah, I could try to come up with something witty to say here, or I could just say go fuck yourself, Michael Voris.

    I mad.

  12. I vote pro-Satan.

  13. Also, “A national euthanasia is occurring!” is my new catchphrase.

  14. That about sums it up.

  15. I guess my only response to this guy’s message is


  16. I love it when white Christians complain about having their visions for this country challenged. And also when they talk about how terrible it is when folks become preoccupied with only their own selfish needs. This poor man! No one is hearing the voice of HIS group of people!

    • It’s like these people operate under the assumption that everyone agrees with their religion, and some people actively acknowledge that they are going against the established order. They don’t understand that there are other religions. Bah.

    • It would seem to me that believing that some magic amazing sky ghost, that there is no evidence for and is totally illogical, that follows your every waking moment, is pretty narcissistic.

  17. This guy uses his time machine to stop other people from killing Hitler with their time machines.


  19. I cannot think of anything that has ever been so appropriate.

    • Except maybe “THE ABYSS”. That would’ve been equally appropriate.

      But #seriousgum for a second, folks, doesn’t this go a long way towards showing the absolute truth and legitimacy with which those on the other side hold their views and BELIEFS? That’s scary and humbling.

      • I would agree (and believe me, I want to agree) but this guys just screams extremist. He represents a small (not that small) group who truly believe that no one less than God himself should run the country. There are plenty more (not too many more) people who can separate church and state, and not every Christian subscribes to this (I hope).

        • That’s what I’m saying, though. I don’t argue that this guy is a centrist, but at last count there were 35 million (MILLION!) Evangelical Christians in the U.S. That is a big number of people. All those people ostensibly agree with him. YIKES!

          • The ABYSS is way too sexually charged for this guy to choose that as his show’s title. I think he just walked in on his parents having sex at a young age and has never recovered from it, and (now being serious) the further he goes with this the harder he must try to convince everyone else that he is right because to accept the notion of doubt in his beliefs means that every living, breathing second of his life will have been an incredible, self-destructive and dangerous waste of time, and the more time that passes the more time he will have wasted therefore creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of his worthless, shameful existence that he will then project on to everyone else.

            It’s best just to be as nice and open as you can be to these people, because that totally throws a wrench in all their arguments and stops them dead in their tracks.

    • He has a whole series of Vortex videos on his RealCatholicTV youtube channel. Spoiler alert: contraception is evil, leads to evil abortion, destroying America, our kids are turning gay, etc etc.

  20. I’m pretty sure this guy tapped his foot at me from underneath the next stall.

  21. All he needs is half the voters to agree with him? Too tough for you a-hole?

  22. EVERYONE gets the choice of whether or not to get a haircut, Bieber.

  23. I always thought one of the primary problems with this country is that people frequently vote against their own interests. See also: Poor people voting Republican.

  24. STB obviously stands for Simply The Best.

  25. “But as the body politic continues to be ravished by the cancer of ignorant self centered voters…….”

    this guy is an (oxy)MORON.

  26. Sorry, Bro! What you’re saying is just…I don’t even…perhaps a gif can help to sum up how I feel:

  27. This guy would like to have a word with you about your presentation set-up…

    • I was thinking the exact same thing. Way to take a beautiful presentation experience ripe with comedy and make me want to gouge my eyes out with the nearest letter opener.

  28. Are those clouds or is it The Penguin’s hypnotizing umbrella in the background?

  29. BNPG: What does his title “S.T.B.” stand for?

  30. And thusly, this video joins the noble canon of videos that were frightening at the time of their release and hilarious 20 years after.

    This guy knows the story (though for different reasons):

  31. Not gonna lie, a couple of kids in my senior year high school government (AP) class brought this up cautiously. Not in a big, smelly, douchenozzly way like this guy is doing, natch, but my amazing old government teacher sure showed them. Definitely don’t remember how exactly, but I am pretty sure we stood up and cheered at the end of his lecture. I’d love to see him get his teeth into this brah.

  32. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

  33. Sarah Palin just found her new campaign manager.

  34. I’d try to write something insightful or witty, but whenever I see something like this, all my thoughts are drowned out by Patton Oswalt going “I HATE! I HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!” on a loop. Fuck this guy.

  35. There will always be assholes like this in the world, and it’s important that we always have the right to do what we are doing here. Make fun of how horrible and stupid his view are ( and how dooshy he looks).

    In some countries you can’t do that, and I’m sure if he and his kind get their way we won’t be able to either. Does anybody remember how fucked up and creepy freedom of speech got right after 9/11? These assholes are just waiting for their chance. So let’s make sure all of our self-obsessed, ignorant asses ALWAYS VOTE and get get decent haircuts.

  36. And of course, a jab at the poor and welfare. Jesus wanted you to give your money to them only so they COULDN’T get to heaven and fuck it up for the rest of us.

    • Jesus Christ was a man who traveled through the land
      A hard working man, and brave
      He said to the rich, “Give your goods to the poor”
      So they laid Jesus Christ in his grave

      This song was made in New York City
      Of rich men, of preachers, of slaves
      If Jesus were to preach like he preached in Galilee,
      They would lay Jesus Christ in his grave

  37. Hey, we’ve already got a MUSLIM Dictator rulings us now, amirite? Eh? eh?

  38. Couldn’t he just… move? Remember that time a bunch of people weren’t happy with England, so they left? I’m looking at you, Tea Party.

  39. As a Christian, I want to ignore what Jesus said about being nice and stuff and PUNCH THIS GUY IN THE FACE.

  40. He knows about Plato, right?

  41. Why does he have a pencil?

  42. Sad announcement: I grew up in a fundamentalist household where the politics were Tea Party before they had a name for it. This guy….my dad would shake his hand and invite him over to dinner.

  43. His theoretical “ignorant” voter wants to keep abortion for his own selfish interests so he can have sex without consequences and ALSO promote his homosexual life-style. I must be confused about gay sex. I’m going to try googling “gay sex” to see if I can get an explanation on Wikipedia. I’ll let you know what I find.

  44. Asshole

    I wanted to address a message to this guy in a way he would understand

  45. “Give a hoot.” – Jesus

  46. I cannot express how much I LOVE that his web name is OnKneesForJesus.

  47. [IMG]http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a269/specialcamper/gif/angry230rock.gif[/IMG]

    This gif is how I feel inside

  48. I evidently feel nothing. How embarrassing…

  49. I watched a few more of this guy’s videos and they are INCREDIBLE. Like, they’re too ridiculous to even be upset about. I just want to kiss his mouth for being so silly.

  50. So is he campaigning to become the new benevolent dictator… by appealing to the people?! Dude, just take what’s yours(i.e. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divine_right_of_kings)!!

  51. I wanted to talk about the horribly mixed metaphor of stopping the cancer before the country commits suicide, but I just can’t get passed this one point:

    If your gay sex somehow leads to an abortion, you’re doing it wrong.

  52. Ironically if the ignorant were not allowed to vote, the Tea Party would fall apart.

  53. I wonder if Michael Vorbis has anybody special in mind for the position of Benevolent Dictator?

  54. He’s seen “Escape from LA” right? This will never work out.

  55. I think the outro music, the pan-flutey type stuff backing the advertisement for whatever it is this person does for a living and the way you can pay him for it, was directly lifted from Donkey Kong Country for SNES!!!! That was the soundtrack to my life back in whatever year I got it! I got a brief feeling of nostalgia and yearn for a simpler time when that music played- so maybe he’s a genius with his tactics? OR maybe I just really really miss playing Donkey Kong Country during an age when my greatest responsibility seems to have been beating the next level?

    So…that just seemed like the most important part about this whole thing, and I was a little bit upset that it wasn’t mentioned.

  56. I really can’t believe someone would go this far down a ‘rabbit hole’ of thought & arrive at such a theologically flawed notion. Really makes me sad. Clearly, he doesn’t know the Jesus I know. In fact, if you look at scripture, Jesus was not here to establish an ‘earthly kingdom’

    John 18:36-37
    36 Jesus answered, “My Kingdom is not an earthly kingdom. If it were, my followers would fight to keep me from being handed over to the Jewish leaders. But my Kingdom is not of this world.”
    37 Pilate said, “So you are a king?” Jesus responded, “You say I am a king. Actually, I was born and came into the world to testify to the truth. All who love the truth recognize that what I say is true.

    Furthermore, Paul in his letter to the Romans gave us explicit directions as to how to we as Christians should deal with leaders we may not always agree with:

    Romans 13:1-2
    Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.

    We should be praying for our leaders; and, if you don’t like your leaders, ultimately you can leave…nothing saying you can’t do that!

    But in regards to this guy, James says it best:

    James 1:26-27 NIV
    26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

    Watch you mouth and read your Bible Michael Voris.

    I’m out.

  57. With hair like that, there is no way I wouldn’t vote for him. Oh wait –

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