I’ve got some good news and some bad news, you guys. The good news is that there were actually some really wonderful movies released in theaters this year, which means that in some small ways there might actually be some dramatic interest in who wins which Academy Award for whatever. Sure! Why not? We all root for the sports teams to get the score points, why not cheer on the mildly talented celebrities for beating out the lesser talented celebrities in getting statues to put in their Kelly Wearstler-designed bathroom (“makes a great conversation starter” – Kate Winslet)? It can’t be worse than the 2000 Academy Awards when American Beauty beat out The Green Mile, The Sixth Sense, and Cider House Rules for Best Picture. Yikes. Let’s build a time machine and go back to KILL HITLER and then on our way back from that to the present, let’s put the 2000 Academy Awards’s feet in cement and dump them into Whoops Ocean.

And now for the bad news: the Academy Awards is still an exceedingly obnoxious, intellectually bankrupt, self-aggrandizing attempt to artistically legitimize an insidious and misguided industry that could not possibly care less about art. Oh, and also we’re still all going to die one day and the time that we have is precious, at the very least precious enough that we probably shouldn’t spend as much of it as we do fantasizing about the lives of other people, especially dull-witted millionaires who spend their days playing make-believe, but what are you going to do, I guess, it certainly FEELS like there are a lot of hours between lunch and bedtime.

AND THE NOMINEES ARE:

Best Picture
Black Swan
The Fighter
Inception
The Kids Are All Right
The King’s Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter’s Bone

Best Actor
Javier Bardem–Biutiful
Jeff Bridges–True Grit
Jesse Eisenberg–The Social Network
Colin Firth–The King’s Speech
James Franco–127 Hours

Best Actress
Annette Bening–The Kids Are All Right
Nicole Kidman–Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence–Winter’s Bone
Natalie Portman–Black Swan
Michelle Williams–Blue Valentine

Best Supporting Actor
Christian Bale–The Fighter
John Hawkes–Winter’s Bone
Jeremy Renner–The Town
Mark Ruffalo–The Kids Are All Right
Geoffrey Rush–The King’s Speech

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams–The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter–The King’s Speech
Melissa Leo–The Fighter
Hailee Steinfeld–True Grit
Jacki Weaver–Animal Kingdom

Best Director
Darren Aronofsky–Black Swan
Joel and Ethan Coen–True Grit
David Fincher–The Social Network
Tom Hooper–The King’s Speech
David O. Russell–The Fighter

Best Original Screenplay
Another Year
The Fighter
Inception
The King’s Speech
The Kids Are All Right

Best Adapted Screenplay
127 Hours
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter’s Bone

Best Foreign Film
Biutiful (Mexico)
Dogtooth (Greece)
Hors la Loi (Outside the Law) (Algeria)
Incendies (Canada)
In a Better World (Denmark)

Best Animated Film

How to Train Your Dragon
The Illusionist
Toy Story 3

Good luck to all of the millionaires. We hope and pray, I’m sure, that your dreams come true a little bit more than they already have.

Comments (111)
  1. And the Oscar goes to…

    Jon Cryer for Two and a Half Men!

    • I’d like to accept this downvote on behalf of our wonderful cast and crew, without whom I wouldn’t be here tonight. I’d like to thank the Academy for realizing that sitcoms are just as socially relevant as feature films, if not more so. Most of all I’d like to thank Charlie Sheen, my constant. We did it, Chuckles!

  2. I think this is the first year where I actually enjoyed every movie up for best picture. So, yay?

  3. These awards are bullshit! How dare they snub Burlesque! Only the Golden Globes truly capture the spirit of the industry.

  4. No best supporting adapted make-up actor award for Mean Girls 2?

  5. Colin Firth accepting his win for Best Actor (in my dreams)

  6. So has anyone here actually been able to see The Illusionist? I’ve been trying to track it down for months.

  7. Seriously though, this is a huge step up from last year.

    All ten films up for best picture this year > Avatar and The Blind Side.

  8. but seriously, no real surprises here. also, match up the director noms with the best movie category to see the REAL best movie nominations.

  9. Also!

    Best Documentary Feature
    * Exit through the Gift Shop

    I don’t even really care if it wins (okay that’s a lie, I kind of really want it to), I just want either Banksy or Thierry Guetta to show up to the ceremony

  10. HOLD THE FUCK ON: How is it that Hailee Steinfeld, the actor who played the main character in the best movie of the year, is only nominated for best Supporting Actress? She was the main character. She was on the screen almost the whole movie. I can’t think of a scene that she wasn’t in. Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon were really good, but she was the movie.

    Really, please explain this to me. It was bad enough that her name wasn’t even on the poster.

    • Because she won’t win against Portman or Benning. She stands a better chance in supporting. I don’t agree with this logic, but that is how Hollywood thinks.

      Damn you, Hollywood!

    • I think scotchka probably nailed it, although I further agree that it is nutty. As an offering of solidarity, I offer this picture of kittens hugging.

      Well, it makes me feel better at any rate.

    • Mans, that was the first thing I thought of when I saw these nominations. They are basically saying she deserves an award, but someone already bought best actress. Also can I just say how awesome she was in that movie. Her prononunciation of “Replevin” should have been enough to get the best actress trophy.

    • Because she’s too young to do coke and get designer colonics, so therefore, she can’t possibly be a real actress yet, clearly

    • THANK YOU! This was the first thing I saw when I looked up the nominations earlier.

  11. young actresses, no matter their actual screen time, almost always get “supporting” noms instead of lead.

  12. is this whole ten nominees for best picture thing permanent? i know that they want to “get back to their roots” (/cast a wider net to encourage more viewers), but blah.

  13. Good to see that one writer from EW and my 12 year old self actually considered Justin Timberlake an award season contender. Well done.

    • whoops, meant only us. Also one nomination for Country Strong? Did they not see Gwyneth Paltrow’s performance? Oh, they did. And it was terrible? Okay, just checking

  14. I’m g-g-gonna win this thing.

  15. If you could replace 127 hours with “The Town” then I think we would have the best round of oscar nominaions ever.

    • I won’t downvote you for your opinion, but I will say this:

      BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

    • I’m right there with you. The Town was SOLID, the characters had goals, it was propulsive, and Jeremy Renner is looking more and more like DeNiro with every time I see him.

      The American, however, is the best film I saw this year.

    • I was blown away by how much I enjoyed The Town! It was marketed in such an awful way that I actually LAUGHED when the played the trailer in the theaters, and I wasn’t even the only one. Now I can’t stop raving about it. Two thumbs up, Ben Affleck. I’m seriously considering forgetting about Daredevil. Do another one like this and I will forgive you for ~1/7th of Pearl Harbor.

  16. What about the nominees for the newest category, Best Prank? Nominees include Tom Hanks in “What Up, My Knittas,” Brad Pitt in “Wake Me Up Before You Golf Cart,” and Joaquin Phoenix in “I Literally Had Nothing Better To Do With MY Life.”

  17. The Unexpectedly Good: Winter’s Bone: It was doubtful for BP, and I’m glad to see it made it. WB’s Jennifer Lawrence always had a good shot, but John Hawkes is an unexpected and welcome addition to best supporting actor. True Grit: Besides BP, pcked up a few more noms than expected for Bridges and the Coens.

    I liked both films, so I was glad to see them get some more recognition. Also: Yay for Jacki Weaver!

    The Unexpectedly Bad: Um, no Nolan as director of Inception? Seriously? Nor did it get a film editing nomination? I don’t even.

    • Seriously, Christopher Nolan deserves a Best Director nomination. Inception’s one of the few movies where the director and the film are tied inextricably in my mind.

    • I wouldn’t have been surprised if Inception got an editing nom, but I think they’re correct in leaving nolan out of the best director nom. It’s just not deserving compared to what else came out this year.

  18. Every year I try to think of a word that perfectly encapsulates the Academy Awards excitement. This year I have decided on …..insufferable.

  19. guys, I just got back from killing Hitler. or wait, I guess you don’t know who I’m talking about, do you?

  20. I can’t support anything the Academy does until they give Leonardo DiCaprio an Oscar. Seriously.

  21. I think James Franco just launched an Oscar rivalry with Colin Firth on the Today Show:
    http://gtcha.me/gwz2gf

  22. PAUSE THE GAME! WHERE THE FUCK IS RYAN GOSLING’S BEST ACTOR NOM?! I DEMAND A RECOUNT!!!!!!!

  23. guys, I just got back from changing the results of the 2000 Oscars.

    Next Friday won for best picture, beating out The Sculls, Scream 3, The Tigger Movie, and Romeo Must Die.

    Did I fix that up just about right?

  24. guys, I just got back from the future (I’ve been doing a lot of time travel today!)

    gabe’s next post is going to come out at 10:57. we can probably stop posting here now.

  25. Where is EAT, PRAY, LOVE? Where is EAT, PRAY, LOVE?

  26. I think we can all agree that Jackass 3D got majorly snubbed.

  27. where do i post my guesses to win an itunes gift card?

  28. So… by leading the pack, The King’s Speech is this year’s Avatar?

  29. Cause, nom nom nom??

  30. So… fucking SALT can get nominated for a sound editing award and Hereafter and Alice in fucking Wonderland can get nominated for visual effects, but Scott Pilgrim vs. the World wasn’t good enough to make the cut? Seriously? Not even for an original song? YOU ONLY HAVE FOUR NOMINEES! You couldn’t give a 5th to something Beck wrote? Fuck these guys!

    Also, I can’t be mad about the Best Supporting Actor noms, because they all deserve to be nominated, but I’d like to have seen someone from the Social Network represented there — be it Andrew Garfield, Timberlake, or Armie Hammer (who would be my pick). Jeremy Renner was good in The Town, but those performances were all better than his.

  31. I like how being made in Canada means its a foreign film! Right up there with the Danish we are!

  32. Better luck next time, Tangled.

  33. I hope there’s a big disaster somewhere soon so all the celebrities can practice their sincere faces at the Oscar podium.

  34. Man how sick would it be if Toy Story 3 won Best Picture? And instead of melodramatic speeches from over-rehearsed actors and actresses we just got a bunch of happy little animators running around on stage with Tom Hanks and Joan Cusack (and I guess Tim Allen if we have to) and the entire ceremony closing with a rousing Hollywood singalong to “You’ve Got A Friend In Me”?

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