The best swords available for when you need to stab someone wearing a denim jacket. Or a bag of meat wearing a denim jacket. Or a denim sleeve sewn up into a pocket and then filled with meat. Or a ham. You know, military stuff. (Thanks for the tip, David.)

Previously: This Is Definitely A Two-Handed Great Sword

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Comments (54)
  1. I got me one.

  2. This is so metal.

  3. Semper Fake.

  4. Finally our troops can take on Cardinal Richelieu’s guards.

  5. You know, for a long time I thought that there had to be a better way to open a 2 liter of pop. And now there is! Thanks, Cold Steel!

  6. Listen, Gabe. Until you’ve been attacked by a drunken sandbag in the parking lot at a Foghat concert, you don’t know how useful this sword really is.

  7. Hmmmm….Cold Steel. Wasn’t Seagal in that one?

  8. Needs more Stone Cold Steel Austin.

  9. Inigo Montoya:You are using Bonetti’s Defense against me, ah?
    Man in Black: I thought it fitting considering the rocky terra–oh the blade broke in half. Damn you cheap Marine Corps sword!


  10. The main thing I took away from this video is that I want watermelon. If it’s sliced by a saber-wielding man in a dress shirt and tie with a hilarious mustache, so much the better.

  11. Donald Niewodowski: The only Ninja Butcher in the tri-state area who is also certified to do your taxes.

  12. What’s their plan for keeping these swords out of the hands of the mentally ill?

  13. Ok, I get it, your swords are sharp, your 8 minute long video of my dad angrily chopping stuff proves it, I do have one question, however:
    What purpose does this serve?

    Wow! You can put yourself in danger by running with an extremely dangerous weapon for 21 feet and pop a balloon!!

  14. These swords can slice the fat off anything except your ugly body.

  15. This guy knows all about the allure of swords.

  16. I like the tags for this video: “Army, Hippies, Swords, Thor”

  17. I want a sword, a 12 pack of keystone light, a mix CD of my favorite songs by Evanescence, Omarion, and Hoobastank, and my mom not to be home when I practice my skills cutting up some lunch meat in the garage.

  18. I love the jean jacket the dummy is wearing. Just in case you get jumped in a 1970′s Bronx gang fight.

  19. For when that Porche isn’t quite enough to compensate for your package size.

  20. What I don’t like about these guys is how seriously they take their swords and meat stabbing. I love the kid who gets the katana because he feels happiness and joy about it. And he is hanging out with his mom.

    But these guys are so serious–like they really believe that soon they will have to use these swords to stem some teeming hoard of denim clad bacon and they are weighed down by their solemn duty.

    • That’s still so much more hilarious than gun fetishists who sincerely believe they need to maintain an arsenal in case they’re obligated to take down an illegitimate government.

      • Mans & Lew, I find these guys real creepy. More than weighed down, I think they are really, really hoping they have to kill someone some day.

        As for me, I just carry a custard pie everywhere I go. It can be used to startle, blind, and delight.

  21. I’m in for one. I’ll finally be able to beat my kids at Wii Sports Resort Swordplay!!

  22. That Marine Corps sword is great for slaying lava monsters.

  23. The Balrog has been having trouble finding work since Moria shut down. Damn this economy!

  24. I really wish these guys would stop doing this stuff outside my apartment door. It’s weird.

  25. oh man, the flick of the wrist was my favorite part.

    “how would you like that on your arm?” – sword guy

    “go away sword guy” – me

  26. I, for one, am convinced by this video. With these swords I will finally be able to cut through all the annoying plastic-shell packaging that marketers seem to enjoy wrapping everything with nowadays. Plastic-shells packages are the bane of my existence.

  27. Am I the only one who was on the edge of their seat when he was smacking (smanging?) the sword on the wooden block, terrified it was going to come back and slap him in the face? Glad that’s over.

  28. At first I was like “No way I’d buy that! That is totally ridiculous!” Then they went a head and got me by putting meat in a bag and then putting a denim jacket on it. SOLD!

  29. Bwahahaha. LOLOL^infinity plus one. This gift keeps on giving. Where to begin?

    “It’s nice to see the guys who majored in Stage Combat getting work.”
    “The Cold Steel army, preparing for invasion by foodstuffs, rolled-up rugs, the cardboard tubes the rugs came on, brisket, and other refinements. (But not fenceposts. When the fenceposts come calling, you’re on your own.)”
    “You know what *else* has a very cute point and is awesome on the thrust? This monster right here.”

  30. i see you’ve played swordey/spooney before

  31. You wake up only to find yourself trapped in Cold Steel Dungeon. Strange men wielding sabers surround you. Do you…

    pretend to be meat? turn to pg. 39

    play a killer riff on your axe? turn to pg. 56

  32. I love how that one demonstrator does a half ass sword salute after every test. We get it. You were in the army. The sword is in the army.

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