Rachel McAdams, you are an adult, and I, too, am an adult. I have experienced the battering of life in a way that children have not–and should not, for they are precious in their innocence. But as such I have left those childish things behind and entered into a world of rationality, patience, and acceptance. Rachel McAdams, I know you but you do not know me. We both understand that that will never change. We might even come to respect the deep divides between us as they are just another facet of this complicated but ever-fascinating world. But I still hold out hope that you might at least know my heart.

There was a time, Rachel McAdams, when my love for you would have poured over the meniscus of my heart and into the floodwaters of my very soul and I would have been forced to follow in the onward rush. To put it simply, Rachel McAdams, I would have thrown myself at you. It would have been unpleasant. No one would have gotten what they wanted out of the exchange. And yet, I think now, with some perspective, that there are times when you need those disappointments. It’s useful! I am not sure what has buffeted and repelled you if anything in this world, but I genuinely hope for your sake that something has if only because of how much you learn from those refusals. Rachel McAdams, it is OK to truly understand the meaning of the word “no.”

There you stand, and here I stand, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have learned from the past, Rachel McAdams, which is all you can really ask of the past: to show you an altered future. It is comforting, actually. It is comforting to know that people can and do change, constantly, we are changing right this instant. But I hope you never change. Because I love you just the way you are. Now just let me TAKE YOUR FUCKING PICTURE, JERK. (Image via BuzzFeed.)

Previously: Megan Fox, Please Understand Me

Comments (55)
  1. “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things and put on some pants.” First Corinthians 13:11.

  2. Unfortunately, she can’t remember the past, except for what Ryan Gosling tells her about it.

  3. Well, hey, he’s learning. A sweater/button down combo works on all the ladies (from what I understand… ahem…).

  4. “Also, security took my flower away.”

  5. “Stay cool…stay cool…learn from the past…let the ladies come to YOU.”

  6. Upon learning of the incident, Meghan Fox looked surprised, almost distraught, and sheepishly said, “You know what… I’m… I’m happy for her. *sigh*”

  7. So, I was watching Sherlock Holmes yesterday and got to thinking how pretty Rachel McAdams is. And now she’s right here on Videogum! The very next day! And you know what? Still pretty. I think you’ll all agree that I’m quite good at identifying pretty ladies.

  8. Hopefully someone says yes soon, if he has to give Annalynne McCord a rose he’ll have to dress up like a smurf

  9. When did Rachel McAdams become Heather Graham?

  10. Later on Dr. Phil he revealed he’s been trying to give roses to celebrities this whole time.

  11. I can’t tell for sure, but I think he’s holding a giant flask in the second picture, which means our man has been attending the Huckabeast Institute for Coping With Female Disinterest.

  12. A mature and nuanced appreciation for how your own perspective can change, as well as the ability to recognize the unalterable existence of some amount of solipsism in all of us, is certainly attractive to most ladies. Also, not parting your hair down the middle like a weenis helps.

  13. At least his taste is getting better.

  14. Rachel McAdams is no Freida Pinto

  15. Just then, the real Rachel McAdams found the missing magical earring. She put it on, and the curse was broken.

    The End.

  16. I’m pleased with his progress. – Dr. Phil

  17. I’d really like to know who was the first person to look at that photo and recognized, “Hey, that’s the same kid who was trying to give Megan Fox a rose in some obscure photo from a year and a half ago!” Because I can’t decide if it’s impressive or sad.

  18. I don’t know the kid’s not into it anymore. Sure he has the camera and he appears to have just given the creeps to a person who is trained to deal with people, but he’s just not into it. Where are the cargo shorts, the striped socks, the faded peach shirts?

  19. Her knees kind of look like emperor Palpatine.

  20. Why doesn’t anyone ever write me declarations of love with the word “meniscus” in them?

    Move over Rachel McAdams, he’s mine!

  21. I’m going to nickname him Archie because he can’t decide between a brunette and a blonde. Way to keep up with the celebrity stalking, Archie, you irascible psychopath!

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