ted_williams

Well, that was fast. Hey, remember when Susan Boyle went on that TV show and became instantly famous around the world and within a matter of weeks she completely imploded and had to go to a hospital or something for exhaustion or whatever, and that’s just a woman who loved to sing and went on a reality show, not a homeless alcoholic struggling with addiction? Maybe we should be a little more careful about this kind of thing! From the New York Daily News:

The homeless man with the golden voice is on his way to rehab after confessing to Dr. Phil that he’s been drinking heavily throughout his newfound stardom.

Ted Williams agreed to enter a treatment for drug and alcohol dependency during “a lengthy on-on-one conversation” with Dr. Phil, which airs on his program today, a source said.

His 29-year-old daughter, Janey Williams, said her dad’s been drinking “at least a bottle of Grey Goose a night.”

“That’s not including the Coronas he ordered, that’s not including the Budweisers he ordered, the other alcohol, the wines. He drinks heavily,” she told “Entertainment Tonight.”

Eeeeeek! Remember during the original video how he explained that he was two years sober? WHOOOOOPS. Bartender, a round of back slaps for me and my Internet friends. “I just don’t understand how Ted Williams could relapse like this when his video brought me 30 seconds of entertainment in my cubicle! I mean, you have to admit, he really didn’t SOUND like a homeless person but he LOOKED like a homeless person, and that is just a surprising juxtaposition LOL!” Fucking Internet. Hate it. Burn it to the ground. I’m not joking. Burn it to the goddamned ground. If Froodoo could destroy the one ring of power, surely we can destroy this. And while we’re at it, let’s burn Dr. Phil to the ground. Look at this shit:

“If Ted is ever going to get better, he’s got to be honest with himself and admit he’s addicted to drugs and alcohol,” Dr. Phil said in a statement.

“Everyone is pulling for Ted, but his 15 minutes are going to be over and then he’ll be left to manage a life filled with temptation,” he said.

Ugh, shut up, Dr. Phil. When are YOUR 15 minutes going to be over so that you can be left to manage a life without talking about stuff you have no clue about? Let’s put Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew in a cage and have them HEAL EACH OTHER TO THE DEATH. Garbage doctors. Fair enough, I guess. We do live in Garbage Town. Population all of us. Good luck, Ted Williams. Bad luck, Dr. Phil. Goodnight, everybody.

Comments (70)
  1. Maybe Ted should stop associating with Dr. Phil-good so much.

    • At least he doesn’t have Mr. Brownstone’s number.

      • Glad He Doesn’t Ride The White Horse while Using his Illusion (I&II)

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  2. Whoa, whoa, whoa, how is this the internet’s fault? All we did was watch a video about him. How am I supposed to avoid this in the future? Think about the consequences of watching a 3 minute video before following through? “I don’t know, this laughing baby could grow up to be clinically depressed, maybe I should hold of on the video for now…”

    • Not US the internet, obviously. OTHER the internets. Probably 4chan.

    • I don’t fully understand the outrage/controversy about his decision to go into rehab. I mean, yes, it’s a contrived story of helplessness and redemption dreamt up and paid for by Dr. Phil’s producers, but I mean, the man’s going into rehab… in an effort to get his life straight… so he can deal with and maintain his new success and not screw up his second chance at life. Isn’t that a good thing? I know America loves nothing more than to get morally outraged, and thus Ted Williams should be a clean and sober angel, but given the fact that he is human and has faults, isn’t this the next best thing?

      • Ok, I don’t think anybody’s outraged that he’s going to rehab. Good for him! And good for anyone getting help for their crippling addictions! But this situation has always been sad and weird and gross not because of Ted Williams himself, but because everyone was only interested in Ted Williams’ entertainment value.

        America loves plenty of things more than moral outrage–like watching people get caught in a public cycle of failure and redemption. Haha, Britney’s in rehab again! She’s so kooky! Oh, hooray, now she has a comeback album! I hope she gets it together this time! Wheeeee!

        Putting celebrities under such an intense microscope that all their inner demons come bubbling out for our entertainment is fucked up enough, but doing it to a random homeless guy was bound to be even worse. Because a random homeless person is inevitably going to have some pretty serious inner demons. And no matter what happens–whether he gets better or not because of this–we get a good story. We hope for the best, but we’ll watch either way.

        • Very well said. Although, I keep wondering how much America REALLY cares. Like if The Today Show, TMZ, the E! network, late night talk shows, wacky morning zoo radio shows, etc etc etc, didn’t constantly serve this crap to a passive nation of entertainment consumers, would we continue to seek it out?

          For a few weeks last year I watched The Today Show with one eye from around 7:00am – 7:30am, and I shit you not, every day – every single goddamned day – an actual fully-grown adult man was offering live reports on location from the town where Lindsay Lohan was rehabbing or whatever, as if the whole fucking nation was on constant pins and needles just dying to know what she was eating for breakfast. Maybe some people actually think they are dying to know? I just personally feel surrounded by all the inescapable coverage of these celebrities, and I can’t imagine I’m the only one who doesn’t give a shit. You open Yahoo! and there they are. You check-out at the grocery store and stare at the glossy magazines. Just like shitty music that is flooded upon our nation, eventually it becomes ingrained and popular despite its lack of having value. I guess my point is that our Mass Media is town square of Garbage Town, it is the beating heart of our soulless popular culture.

          Somewhere in America, there is a guy who owns all of Nickelback’s albums and he doesn’t even know why. That is the nature of being a sheep wandering through Garbage Town.

    • Seriously. I’m pretty sure television shows were much more responsible for blowing the whole thing WAY the hell out of proportion. For example, Dr. Phil. I’m pretty sure he’s not a blogger.

  3. Well who saw that one coming? Only one person named Mr. EVERYBODY!!!

  4. Good touch having him wear his original youtube video camouflage jacket just to show how full circle he’s come. Classy, Dr. Phil Show.

    • I always wondered why, with all of his newfound fame and fortune, no one ever thought to take the man shopping for a NEW JACKET!!!! Like all the TV programmers decided that for a compelling story he had to still LOOK homeless. Yuck everyone.

  5. Well, we all saw what happened to Keyboard Cat – the drugs, the pussies, etc. Internet fame is dangerous.

  6. All the videos I’ve seen have just become impossibly sadder.

  7. Fame didn’t get him into this predicament.

    Before this, he was a homeless alcoholic. He’s still an alcoholic, but now he has the resources to perhaps get better, and even work when he completes rehab. I think he’s still on the plus side with this whole experience.

  8. From that angle, he looks like a homeless Barack Obama.

    I smell a biopic role…

  9. “If Dr. Phil is ever going to get better, he has to be honest with himself and admit he is addicted to being an total asshole.” – God

  10. Dr. Phil needs to help this guy out too

  11. The worst part is that he still has to fight all those snakes while going through this.

  12. Why’s it burned?! WHY’S IT BURNED?!?!

    So there we go, people. Is this a surprise? No. Does this deserve the attention of a nation? No. Did our attention benefit Ted Williams in the sense that his lot in life is lighter and now he gets to go to rehab? Yes? Did this at all fix the homeless problem in our country, or fix the absence of jobs available to the unemployed of the United States? Of course not.

    Like I’ve said in all these Ted Williams updates- Stay on the straight and narrow, Ted Williams.

    Homeless lady, play us out.

    “Amaaaaazi-ing Graaaaaace, hoooow sweeeeet, theeeee souuuund…”

    • Seriously though, Ted WIlliams’ history of addiction was always on the table as a concern for the man, even if his two years clean had been real, so the fact that he still was drinking should not come as a surprise to anybody. If anything, the newfound success and attention seemed more likely to push someone to relapse.

      So really, Ted Williams, through lying, cut to the chase and save us all a lot of time. We didn’t need to spend as much time stripping away all his privacy, driving him to relapse, and THEN rehab. He was kicking back a few the whole time, all the while we went about our privacy-stripping business. Cheers.

      Like people have said before me, not a surprise that this happened. Also not a surprise that news organizations paid way more attention to Ted when they could have in fact been reporting on international issues the U.S. public never gets to hear about. I’m sure they could amaze people with reports of billions of people without access to clean drinking water all over the world. “What in tarnation?! I thought everyone had gawl-derned clean water!!!” (Yosemite Sam, in this scenario, is watching the news report)

  13. Ted has a hard fight and Rehab is only the start. He needs a new support system now and after Rehab. No booze, not other drugs and a strong support person. He can come back and leave the streets. Give him a chance…….

  14. To be fair, Amy Winehouse made a career out of substance abuse that lasted WAY longer than the career she created with her voice, so this may be a smart move on his part.

  15. To be fair, the masses have been hounding unexpected talent, tapping it out and throwing it in the trash since long before the internet, so there’s that. It doesn’t change the fact that it’s a pitiable case that highlights not only the tragedy of substance abuse, but also the truth that there’s no quick fix for homelessness and addiction, even if a victim of both has talent.

  16. Everyone knows Ted Williams’s batting average use to match his blood alcohol content level, he drank and batted .400 one season.

    Oh, we’re talking the dude Hollywood found to be the Pauper to Obama’s Prince in the reality show we call the mainstream media. And yep, I made a sports joke that will have Gabe scratching his head.

    I need a drink.

  17. Dr. Drew has to be pissed right now that his arch enemy in being the worst SCOOPED him! You know Dr. Drew would have put him on Celebrity Rehab completing the natural cycle of fame and media in this country.

  18. He should just claim to be a writer, write some shit down about drinking, then read about that drinking in New York somewhere, then get a biopic made about him, then – Instant mythology. Who’s this asshole’s agent?

  19. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  20. I never thought I’d live to see the day when Ted Williams would become the Lindsay Lohan of homeless people.

    “He had so much potential and he wasted it on booze and drugs.”

  21. Are there any monsters who are also TBTL tens? On yesterday’s TBTL it was decided that we all need to LEAVE TED WILLIAMS ALONE! Media = not good for regular people.

  22. Mom = Us
    Kid = Internet

  23. Alright 2011, let’s keep riding this wave.

  24. Not to sound like an iVillage commenter, but I seriously hope the fact that he now has the means to go to rehab helps him get himself together. Addiction sucks.

  25. Okay, to mix a 15 Minutes of Fame, all you need is Budweiser, Corona, and at least a bottle of Gray Goose.

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