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DANGER ALERT! DANGER ALERT! THE ROBOT UPRISING IS NOW IN PROGRESS. SKYNET IS ONLINE. THE MACHINES HAVE BECOME SENTIENT. AND ALSO ANGRY. THEIR BLOODY, ENDLESS WAR AGAINST MANKIND IS NOW IN PROGRESS. PLEASE CONTACT YOUR LOVED ONES AND MAKE YOUR WAY AS QUICKLY AND AS SAFELY AS YOU CAN TO YOUR PREDESIGNATED EMERGENCY EVACUATION ZONE. THE VERY FATE OF HUMANITY NOW HANGS IN THE BALANCE, AND WE CAN ONLY HOPE THAT OUR CONTINGENCY PLANS WILL BE ENOUGH. WE ARE INCLUDING SOME BRIEF FOOTAGE AFTER THE JUMP OF THE VIOLENT MACHINES IN ACTION BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT IS IMPORTANT FOR EVERYONE TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF ENEMY WE ARE UP AGAINST. THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER TRANSMISSIONS AFTER THIS. GOOD LUCK, AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON US ALL.
OH WHOOPS. FALSE ALARM. WEAPONS DOWN. BACK TO YOUR DESKS. (Via GregRutter.)
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BUT WHERE DOES THE KETCHUP COME FROM?
Well, when two ketchups love each other, they make a call to the ketchup stork who plucks a baby tomato off a tree. Then the stork peels the skin off that baby tomato and removes the seeds and water. Then, the stork drains the tomato and adds seasonings. The stork then brings the tomato to a simmer, adds vinegar and cooks it down to thicken the mix and finally bottles the tomato who is now ketchup.
You know who can’t wait for some robot-delivered ketchup?
This guy.
He’s waiting for the pudding robot
Compudding?
I specifically ordered a relish robot
Well. Heinz just lost a customer, I can tell you that much.
“I’ll be back… with your curly fries and a refill of that Diet Pepsi.”
also… “follow me if you want to live… or if you want a nice booth with a view of the water.”
This is a very confused restaurant
Don’t worry, lil buddy. You’re time will come soon.
Ahem. Where is Steve Winwood to correct my misuse of you’re? I deserve his mockery. I deserve the mockery of you all.
Sorry Mr. Willis. I’ll… I’ll get you a napkin.
I didn’t think it was possible, but ketchup just got grosser.
Now, if that was Mayo, I think you would have a case.
I just wanted to say that in my attempt to upvote you as someone who is also disgusted by ketchup, I had a mouse spasm and downvoted you. And for this, I am sorry.
Automato? I taste a best new party game!
- Cornputer
- Carrotraption
- Appearatus
- Eleektric
Celere-boot
Apple. Am I doing this right?
Potato chips
Pad-Thaibot
Processorrell
Coca-Colator
Asparaguestbook
Brussel sprites
Borg Loaf with Cylon Butter
Before the robots kill everyone, may I suggest a Chicago meetup this Saturday?
P.S. I don’t live in Chicago. I’m just passing along valuable info.
D’oh, it’s Sunday. Fuckin’ dates, how do they work?
I’m really torn about this. In the one hand I take my football pretty seriously, on the other hand: KEENAN!!
Maybe Keenan takes his football seriously too.
You can tell I know nothing about football since I thought this could be on Saturday… Maybe Keenan will make me a believer?
holy shit, anticpated is my new word.
pated with antics! or something.
They were looking forward to this for so long they forgot to spell-check.
I wonder if it the Automato would work with squeezable mustard? Nah, that’s crazy talk.
By the way, this video made me happy. I love innocent robot-nerd stuff like this. (As opposed to the violent robot-nerd stuff.)
Japanese porn just keeps getting weirder.
Do NOT watch the German version.
(I wish I could scrub from my brain the image of a robot catapulting sauerkraut at a woman lashed to a Brno chair and dressed as the St Pauli girl.)
This video reminds me of that one particular night I had sex.
I have a feeling Hugh Jackman is to blame for this.
hey, squeeze-calibration-guy! think you maybe forgot to carry the 1 somewhere?
Yes! This video is a segue for one of my favorite jokes in Jr. High*
“Hey, this is a mustard – relish conversation, so ketchup later.”
*High School and sometimes in college
“This is a taco and burrito conversation, nachos.”
who designed this? just work out a few kinks and he’s got a fortune waiting for him!
I demand a gif of adorable kittens riding on the Automato.
I guess my adult bib doesn’t look so stupid now, does it?
Hamburger Earmuffs!
The Future Is Now……..