“Yeah, I want bangs, who doesn’t?! But as a busy modern person in this crazy MySpace world, I just don’t have time to sit around on my dumb butt waiting for my hair to grow. I’ve got SEXTS to send and RAZR Scooters to ride. BUT I WANT BANGS NOW, GOD DAMN IT ALL. There must be some way to just, like, scotch tape a flop of human hair onto my rashy forehead that looks like kind of shitty straw bangs, like, the bangs from a terrible wig, right? That has to exist. I would pay upwards of $10 to have what amounts to an ugly bangs toupee. The best part would be that it would cover up my unsightly blemishes and my embarrassingly large forehead! Please, world, MAKE IT SO.”

“It is totes so.” – World

Bangs, bangs, bangs! Do you have too many bangs?! (Via DouggPound.)

Comments (71)
  1. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  2. This is my bangs

  3. If they can’t take me 2 da movies, I’ll pass.

  4. “Made from real human hair?”

    I think we’ve found a job for all the non golden-throated hobos out there: Bang Harvester

  5. As someone who considers themselves as a ‘bang aficionado*,’ if you will, I have a few comments:

    1. I refuse, in the name of all that is good and holy, to believe that there is such a thing as ‘designer bangs.’

    2. No one has ever actually referred to side bangs as creative, ever, in the history of everything. Take it back, infomercial.

    3. There are some CRAZY EYES going on between about 0:40 and 0:42!

    Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for your time.

    *qualifications – I just made it up, so I call dibs.

  6. “The fun pony tail bangs are the most fun thing I’ve ever seen. If I could be half as fun as those, I’d die a happy bangs.”
    -My Bangs?

  7. Of course, nothing can go wrong by taping a swatch of hair to your forehead. So fool proof

  8. Kevin Bacon and Carrot Top’s daughter looks years younger!

  9. the phrase ‘real human hair’ terrifies me, but the word ‘updo’ makes me laugh, so I’m torn on this whole thing.

    • I like to imagine that the human hair comes from people who want to get a major haircut, but think locks of love is for the weak*.

      *actually that makes me sad.

      • the chris rock documentary “good hair” goes into this topic – the movie is actually pretty good.

        he travels to india where, according to his research, women shave their heads in a religious sacrifice, but then their hair is sold to women here. i wonder if these women know that the result of their religious sacrifice is to fulfill someone’s often unnecessary cosmetic needs.

        there was also some guy who said that people would steal women’s hair to sell. like cut it off while they were sleeping. yikes!

      • I’m growing my hair long right now, but if I ever decide to cut it, my plan is definitely to sell it to a weirdo hair fetishist from the internet. Screw charity!

    • “Frontal baldness” worries me. It sounds like some freaky disease whereby the frony hemisphere of the body loses all hair but the back hemi is a big ol’ gorilla. Yick.

      Also, is that Marg Helgenberger in the sassy short red ‘do? They should really pay her her more on CSI.

  10. Really, though, I think we’ve officially moved on to the post-MySpace era.

  11. Finally, I can stop looking like Larry from the Three Stooges and start looking like Moe from the Three Stooges.

  12. It’s very weird and random, but this reminded me of drug test for a job story my friend once shared with me. He just got hired and he decided to celebrate by drinking and smoking some marijuana with a couple of his friends. He then spoke to someone who already works there and notified him that it’s not a standard urine test, it’s a hair test. Freaked out, he took the time window that he had available and he researched the hell out of passing this test. After a bunch of medication that’s supposed to flush out your system and about a week’s worth of peroxiding, de-peroxiding, and re-peroxiding, the moment of truth finally came. He sat in the chair, sweating (it was actually puss from his scalp), the drug tester reached out to pull a strand of hair only to effortlessly grab a clump of hair. He got the job.

  13. “I’ve been told by doctors and surgeons that I have the energy of ten men who have normal jobs and detectable bangs.”

  14. Why settle for designer bangs, when you can designer smangs?!

  15. The commercial forgot to mention the bangs can also double as a merkin.

  16. “Get creative with side bangs” and the fivehead girl are the highlights of my day!

  17. Honestly, I love sexting.

  18. I think my tennis game would benefit from some new bangs

  19. More like these are my ticket to success and acceptance!

  20. Fun ponytail bangs…how can I resist this genius marketing?

  21. If you’re wondering how they manage to sell these so cheap, it turns out that refills for the instant spray remover go for $499 a pop.

  22. I really want to buy one. I will most likely just put half a bang on the crest of each of my shoulders.

  23. “I’m in the persuasion business, and frankly I’m disappointed by your presentation”

  24. thanks, but i’m holding out for the designer smangs.

  25. and for the gentlemen, Designer Soul Patch

  26. “Finally, an end to sunburned foreheads.”

  27. Ba-ba-ba-ba-BANGS
    Time to grow some Bangs
    Ooh, look out, you curl-rollers

  28. “Tape hair to your hair, and voila! Hair!”

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