Totes. (Via FAILBlog.)

Comments (54)
  1. does anyone know – were the birds flying somewhere to do something gay?

  2. Bing, that’s called a “distinction without a difference”.

  3. God was telling ABC he’s angry that they cancelled Flash Forward.

  4. Repent! Or not.

  5. I read that as “We Live In English Times Kinda”, and became distraught when I saw no mention of lorries.

  6. “I think it’s a sign of the apocalypse. God killed those birds as a sign that he is angry with us and the end of the world is imminent. Or it could just be feather related.” — Revelations

  7. Matthew was notoriously the most Chicken Little of all the apostles. “I HIGHLY DOUBT IT, Matthew!” said Thomas.

    • “It is written in the prophecies, that on this day, in the year of ME two-thousand eleven, in fulfillment of the scriptures, the eleventh and final plague of Egypt will befall the sinful avian race. Thousands will fall dead from the skies, and will mark the beginning of the end of the LORD God’s earth, the LORD God’s moon, and especially the LORD God’s Arkansas. Women and children will fall to their knees, men will gnash their teeth, and lo, they will feast on the flesh of the fallen souls from the skies, until they are full, at which point they will go watch last night’s ‘Bachelor,’ and take a nap. So sayeth the scriptures.” -Mattew 23:4-10

  8. It’s a goddamn GOD-DEMIC: SHOCK and WEATHER, is what it is. Directed by James Nguyen and everything.

  9. Maybe the birds has flying rage or something. I keep hearing about “angry birds” on my iPhone; are these stories related?

    • OH! Maybe it was those pigs! I finally wiki’d Angry Birds a couple weeks ago because I became tired reading celebrities tweeting about it and not knowing what the fuck they were going on about. I bet it was totally those pigs.

    • maybe they got it from the bees, before they all died. all those times you heard about the birds and the bees…

  10. “And ye, the seas will boil, and the four horsemen shall ride out across the crimson sky, bringing a hail of death and destruction. Or you could have really bad acid reflux.” -The Bible

    • “Hear me, citizens of Sodom and citizens of Gomorrah. You heathen ways are reprehensible and offend your one true god. Rains of fire shall visit upon your cities and my wrath will be plainly know. So, you know, could you keep it down? Thanks!” – God

  11. “God killed those birds as a sign that he was angry with us.”

    Normal, logical thing for somebody to do. Kill someone to prove you’re angry at someone else. It’s called Cause and Effect. Look it up.

  12. “I don’t think those birds dying is a sign of the End Times. But also something about pagan oracles?…and my friend died yesterday?” — Kirk

  13. Exodus 8:2
    2 And God totally told Moses to tell Pharoah, “behold, I, God will smite your whole territory with a plague of fog. I’m all about weather, as we all know. Oh, you don’t know? Well know you know. Later I’ll use weather to kill a bunch of birds. It will FREAK. YOU. OUT. Also, trust in Me and I’ll give you SHOES.”

  14. You guys aren’t interested in what happened to the birds?

    Come on, buddies. Take an interest in science. What could be the reason birds have vanished?

    Science will come up with some reason to put in the books, but in the end it’ll be just a theory. I mean, we will fail to acknowledge that there are forces at work beyond our understanding. To be a scientist, you must have a respectful awe for the laws of nature.

    And then the plants KILL EVERYONE.

  15. I can’t even begin to tell you all how much I am enjoying these comments.

  16. As someone who is terrified of birds, I’m worried that I now not only have to worry about them attacking but also dropping dead in the sky and harming me involuntarily.

    • One time I was walking under a tree and a dead bird fell on me… well, *parts* of a dead bird. It didn’t have a head or feet, and it was mostly a skeleton, but oddly, the wings were completely intact. Once I saw what had hit me, I uttered a short cry and ran for the next block. My point is, your fear is completely valid, you should stay up nights worrying about it, AND NOT EVEN THE SHELTER OF TREES WILL PROTECT YOU.

  17. Here’s a picture of him:

    Matthew Doyle
    Museum Guard

  18. Those birds were just trying to get some Smirnoff Ice, fuck the Bible Belt.

  19. “I think that mankind and the earth were created 6,000 years ago by God and that every word written in the bible is the word of this God and therefor infallibly true. Or it could be science related.”

  20. Tippi Hedren is going to be thrilled, though.

  21. I don’t care if WAS God. But whoever it was, they should really come forward and just admit it.

  22. God doesn’t care about Black birds.

  23. Wouldn’t it be funny if the one time people didn’t overreact and think this was the apocalypse, it was?

  24. I think they made a mistake. That was supposed to be posted on the WIN blog.

    • This is something I hate about Failblog: every once in a while they include something like this that is clearly a joke and label it a FAIL. Like the missing cat poster with a picture of an opossum.

  25. If people are going to react to phenomena with centuries old hypotheses, is it okay if I go around saying things like “Mayhaps yon birds deceased containd humours most vitreous”? If so, I’m on board.

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