Red Dawn, of course, is the 1984 movie about a group of high schoolers (GO WOLVERINES!) who fight an invading Russian army to save America (the #1 country on Earth). It was directed by John Milius (Conan The Barbarian, Flight of the Intruder, Red Dawn) and here is a fun fact: it was the first movie to receive a PG-13 rating. (Here’s another fun fact I just learned: John Milius is the reason that cages in the UFC are octagon-shaped? What a world!) Anyway, they’re remaking Red Dawn because of course they are. They would remake YOUR MOM if they could. This is the first image of the new cast! I guess it was taken on a Walkman or something? The Russians probably confiscated all of the cameras and cameraphones and just anything whatsoever that wasn’t made out of rubber bands and cereal boxes. (All of the gang’s clothing seen here is definitely made out of rubber bands and cereal boxes, and also maybe some dental floss, twist ties, and soda can tabs.) OH YOU RUSSIANS, I HATE YOU SO MUCH! Right? We hate them again? I’m simply assuming that we hate them, since that’s kind of the only way that a remake of Red Dawn makes sense. DOWN WITH COMMIES! And other such captions.

Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. THESE COMMENTS DON’T RUN! (Image via /Film.)

Comments (126)
  1. shit. we need an a-lister if we’re going to put this movie into the hunt.

  2. “Merry Christmas from the Palins”

  3. Maybe we should have just let the Russians win.

  4. Mattie! RPG! Wwwwwwwoooooosh …… BOOM!

  5. Welcome to Alaska!

  6. Finally, some school shooters we can cheer for.

  7. They all have a picture of one of those Lefty Commie Bastards in their pocket.

  8. “Put your interest down and walk away now!”

  9. What a weird looking unemployment office.

  10. What a weird looking bomb shelter

  11. They came first for the minorities.

  12. “We’re here to avenge some old guy behind a chain link fence.”

  13. Whats the capital of Texas?

  14. Whoever wins, we wear earth tones.

  15. Fall Flannel by the GAP

  16. The Reality TV adaptation will be called “Dropout Shoot-Em-Up” and it will be a guaranteed hit!

  17. “They would remake YOUR MOM if they could.”

    My dad told me not to think of her as a remake, but more as a re-imagining.

  18. Look at this fucking Russian-fighting love connection

  19. The SAG strike of 2011 was a bloody one, indeed.

  20. A group of youths, exercising their 2nd amendment rights in the most normal way possible.

  21. I don’t really have a caption for this. I just have to say that, “They would remake YOUR MOM if they could.” is definitely my front runner for new catch phrase of 2011.

    • That line makes me want to stare in amazement at the back of my hand as I hold it out in front of me. And a polaroid. Back to the Future is appropriate for everything, I guess.

  22. Urban Outfitters new line “Urban Warfare.”

  23. Not pictured: hygiene.

  24. Isn’t Red Dawn what my girlfriend’s always complaining about?

  25. “Umm, we’re 12. What the fuck is the Red Scare?”

  26. “Frog DNA…!!!!”

  27. I hope the entire film takes place in a warehouse with blue sheets for walls. But none of them act like it, they reference settings that they are supposedly blowing up the whole time.

    • Like the director told them, “We’re going to blue-screen in a whole war, and the Colorado Rockies, and stuff, so it will look awesome,” but then he didn’t bother. He just released it with the curtain hanging there.

  28. My parents grounded me after they caught me in the middle of shooting practice when I should have been writing my book report. MLIRD.

  29. And with this the Cold War Kids were finally chosen to score a film.

  30. My money is on the lone black dude not making it to Act 2.

  31. “Ok, raise your hand if you want to be the next C. Thomas Howell.”

  32. Are those guns in your hands or are you just happy to see me? Nope. Nope, they’re guns alright. ‘Cept maybe for you, red flannel.

  33. “OMFG Commies!”

  34. Looks like the costumes all came out of Leno’s closet. Those Russians must hate denim.

  35. So much flannel, are they setting this in the 90s?

  36. Is Gabe posting this from a JPEG? Motherfucker needs to be using TIFF files

  37. “Let it turn to something else.” – Patrick Swayze

  38. Not available for comment: Communist threat.

  39. No one puts commie fighting bandits in the corner.

  40. With the lights out
    Its less dangerous
    Here we are now
    Entertain us
    I feel stupid
    and contagious
    Here we are now
    Entertain us
    A mulatto
    an albino
    a mosquito
    we’re nirvana
    yeah

  41. To remain loyal to the original work, all the clothes, props, technology and actors used for the remake were made in 1984.

  42. Look at these fucking hipsters.

  43. Guns are all pointed at the ground, should really be at whoever thought this was a good idea

  44. I am everyone’s fact-checking cuz

    the black dude nobody noticed* – tom cruise’s son:

    *steve might have noticed him. or that might have just been nirvana lyrics, 18 yrs ahead of their time AGAIN

  45. This is why the birds died.

  46. “In communist Russia, auto-focus sharpens YOU!”
    Right, because why is this picture so fuzzy?

  47. When did Glee move to Spike TV?

  48. [Unrelated to the caption contest] The name John Milius elicits such joy in me. For those of you that haven’t had the privilege, the commentary on Conan The Barbarian is one of mankind’s greatest joys. And if you believe that, you also believe there are Richard Simmons juniors running around! Please just watch some highlights, because it will drastically improve the quality of your life: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86-vveE9DI4

  49. Arizona Militia to Prevent the Casting of Tyrese in American Film

  50. Burger King Kid’s Meal

  51. “The lost season of Friday Night Lights: Lights OUT” -Adrianne Palicki

  52. After the success of casting Topher Grace and Adrien Brody in Predators, the producers of Red Dawns (2011) wanted to cast B.J Novak in the hopes they could also strike it rich with such ingenuity in their casting. Unfortunately Novak said no, so they got a guy who looks just like B.J. Novak and that is basically just as good.

  53. Another fun fact, not sure anyone noted this already, but the original “Red Dawn” was intended as a conservative response to the made for TV movie “The Day After”.

    Also apparently the badguy in this one is China?

  54. America is doomed.

  55. Fun Fact: In a “conspiracy in film” class I took in college (it was my last semester… I needed a credit… it was totally cool and legit), we learned that the NRA funded the 1984 version of this film. Which is why there is so much anti-gun-regulation messaging in it. Like the fact that the list of registered gun owners is found by the Russians, making it easy for them to put the owners in a prison camp… and the fact that the army can’t help forcing citizens (children) with guns to save the day. yay!

    Anyways… I bet Sarah Palin is sponsoring this one. Or my uncle…

  56. “We’re Only Doing This Because of Hot Tub Time Machine”

  57. We are we are, the youth of the nation.

  58. Opening soon is NY’s hottest communism themed club “Red Dong”. It’s got everything:
    -Children with guns
    -The ghost of Patrick Swayze
    -DJ Sears Photo Backdrop
    -Coked out immigrant children (with guns)
    -Asian Americans
    -GAP employees moonlighting as waiters to pay for their drug habits
    -Twink grizzly bears riding unicycles in a steel cage hung from the ceiling (not pictured)

  59. [IMG]http://www.memphisflyer.com/images/blogimages/2010/01/08/1262987893-wolverines.jpg[/IMG]

    WOLLVVERRRIIIIIIIIIINEEESSSSSS!!!

  60. lets try again

    [img]http://www.memphisflyer.com/images/blogimages/2010/01/08/1262987893-wolverines.jpg[/img]

  61. shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

  62. The United Colors Of Benettohno

  63. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • This is a legitimate cause for anxiety which demands immediate attention.

    • whoa, weird. I offended the random downvoter community. and they organized for their rights.

      i thought that comment would just be sort of popular on a logical principle – there are more people who like to upvote comments than there are people who randomly downvote everyone straight down the page.

      whatever

  64. Oh this picture? This is where our careers began and ended.

  65. Alright, everybody! Let’s go fight Dolph Lundgren!

    (sidenote: The Russians could still be the enemy if they were remaking the film as an 80′s cold war period piece. If they’re updating it in today’s world though, then granted, the Russians would be a weird choice)

  66. Are you sure you didn’t put up a picture from your paintball birthday party?

  67. This is a dirty hello from what looks like a very dirty cast. Its just…dirty. And they gave Josh Hutcherson herpes? The original Red Dawn had ALOT of nasty crap in it, but not herpes.

  68. I followed the Louis CK link under “You Might Also Like,” and allow me to say, commenting at videogum has come a long way since July 7, 2008.

  69. Disregarding the news of drastic budget cuts, the cast of Terminator 5: Cybergasm looked into the camera with hope and quiet anticipation. From here on out, they thought, we’re set for life.

  70. “The Glenn Beck Junior Adventure Society”

  71. These look like some high-caliber candidates.

  72. “Hey, Gabe, what about me?”
    - Cuba

  73. Look At These Fucking Hipsters

  74. “something that portrays me not as a complete character but as a caricature crudely drawn by racists” —the black guy.

    also…

    “daaaaamn!” —the black guy.

  75. Red Rawn II: They’ve come for the hipsters
    “You can pry my skinny jeans and vintage assault rifle from my hands when you can name me someone else besides Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey, or Charlie Sheen who was in the original movie!!!”

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