Who else was Anderson Cooper going to talk to? Anyone? Literally anyone else in the whole world besides Kirk Cameron? Get real.

I honestly have no idea what Kirk Cameron is talking about at any point in this entire interview. (Via Crooks and Liars. Thanks for the tip, Darci.)

Comments (57)
  1. I cannot express how disappointed I am that Kirk Cameron doesn’t think this is a part of the End Times. I really wanted him to say something truly insa…never mind. He just started talking about paganism and augury.

    • Yeah, my thoughts were “Huh, he seems pretty normal compared with what I had thou- wait, what now about the pilgrims?”

      • “Sorry, I can’t help you with your sky is falling down cuckoo theories, Anderson. Hey, but check out my new documentary, plenty of crazy theories there”.

        • Take two: “Listen Anderson, let’s be realistic about this: do you really think I’m going to spout out crazy theories out of nowhere in your TV show? You have to pay for that stuff, look out for my new movie called Monumental coming out later this year. Remember it’s called Monumental.”

          • National Treasure 3: MonuMental
            Kirk Cameron, delusional from the strain of raising three kids and knowing that his life didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to, experiences a psychotic break and believes that he can unlock secrets left by pilgrims (of all fucking people) and the founding fathers. Upon being informed by his children that this is already the basis for a popular American film franchise (minus the Pilgrim part), Kirk pauses for a long moment, eyes glazed, mouth slightly agape, long enough for his children to become worried that he has had a stroke.
            “…Dad…?” The eldest ventures.
            Kirk slowly reanimates. A smile is forming.
            “But it’ll be a documentary! Yes! That’s it!”
            The children share uneasy glances as Kirk forces all 6 into a group hug.

    • I know right? Like, I don’t particularly buy into the Jesus-is-coming-back-to-turn-off-the-lights thing, but Kirk Cameron comes off as pretty level-headed in this interview. C’mon, Kirk! You’re a born-again Christian. Say something bananas already.

      • He’s already had plenty to say about bananas.

        • Correct me if I’m wrong, but a man I consider to be pretty smart once told me that banana’s are only shaped the way they are due to human engineering of the banana. Original banana’s were ovular with large seeds. So, there’s that, Kirk Cameron.

          • Your smart friend is correct. The Cavendish bananas you buy at the grocery are heavily modified by thousands of years of selective breeding. Most people wouldn’t recognize a wild banana as being a banana. They’re more oval in shape, have much tougher skins, and are chock full of seeds. Wild bananas are generally considered to be inedible due to the high seed content.

      • If America is a ship, then New England is like the prow and Texas is kind of like the keel. California is where all the barrels of rum and chickens are kept. This means Canada needs to be our mizzen mast.

  2. C’mon Anderson. You are taking this too seriously. Show me that smile again. Don’t waste another minute on your crying.

  3. Arkansas is on a hellmouth! I should know, I dated a guy from Fort Smith.

  4. SIX KIDS???

  5. You guys, he just disparaged 2012. THIS MEANS WAR!

  6. I went into the video expecting to want to make fun of Kirk Cameron so bad. Instead I just see him as a normal guy with really Christian beliefs (and a lot of kids… but at least he has the money to take care of them). Whoo hoo, less cynicism for 2011!

  7. “One of my friends just died yesterday” – RIP and all, but that is one of the most sad and awkward non sequiturs ever.

  8. Were the birds crocoducks?

  9. I wanted to make a Growing Pains joke, but all I Seaver is a pretty nice guy.

  10. Hey guys, do you think they still talk?

    • “Hey Leo, it’s me Kirk! Long time no talk, hey do I Have the PERFECT vehicle for you! It’s about a pilgrim who discovers the secrets of God in a ban..” **BEEP**

  11. Hey Kirk Cameron! This is how I am Van Der Feeling about you right now (and most times):

  12. Three words: Viral Marketing Stunt.

  13. Cameron has been humbled by Tropical Race Four, it seems.

  14. Kill 5000 Birds With One STONE.
    Stone Fireworks, since 1986

  15. You guys, stop making fun of Kirk. A friend of his just died yesterday.

  16. I was going to say “I wonder what Boner thinks about all this.” But then I remembered and now I’m sad.

  17. The greatest trick Kirk Cameron ever pulled was convincing the world he wasn’t crazy.

    I mean, of the tricks he’s pulled it’s his greatest, not saying it was that successful overall.

  18. So Kirk Camerson is advocating science and Anderson Cooper is the one pushing crazy religious theori…wait, WTF?

  19. It really upsets me that, of the two of them, Kirk Cameron is the first one to point out that this whole interview is a little bit stupid.

  20. “Because life is short…and God, and the Bible.”

  21. “What? Why me? Um, bible bible bible…” Kirk Cameron, basically.

  22. So… “Kirk on the Shore” by Haruki Murakami?

  23. All I got out of this was that Kirk Cameron believes God is out to murder him and needs to solve his own murder before it happens.

  24. “Kirk, you played a masturbating fireman in Fireproof, so what’s your expert opinion?”

  25. Anderson only had him on so Kirk could sign his old issue of Tiger Beat. Sheesh.

  26. They came first for the Bees,
    and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Bee.

    Then they came for the fish,
    and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a fish.

    Then they came for the Birds,
    and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Bird.

    Then they came for me
    and by that time no one was left to speak up.

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