After the jump, the video that is really making the rounds today, in which a young boy opens his Christmas present only to discover it’s a bunch of dumb fucking books. Personally, I deeply relate to this video because when I was a kid I really wanted this robot that served drinks for some reason? Honestly, to this day, I do not quite understand why I wanted that robot so bad. It had, like, a little tray that sat on its hands and you would enter your 10-digit security code into a remote control that you had to plug into the robot’s face and it would take 8 minutes to bring a half-spilled-everywhere glass of Sprite over to you unless it got stuck on the rug in which case NO SPRITE AT ALL. Dream gift, I’m sure. A couple days before Christmas my dad and I were in the kitchen and he goes, “I know you want that robot, and I thought about it, because I could get you that robot, but I decided to get you something better.” Um, what? That presupposes that there IS something better than the robot. FUCK YOU, DAD, GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN! I was not fooled for even one second. He probably thought I was just some dumb kid, and he was half right, I was very stupid, one example of how stupid I was is that I wanted a ROBOT THAT SERVED DRINKS MORE THAN ANYTHING. But I wasn’t “some” dumb kid, I was “his” dumb kid, which means I knew he absolutely did not get me something “better” and that that year I would find only DISAPPOINTMENT under the tree. And, as predicted, dude straight up gave me a bag of hardcover books, including Anna Karenina and Bleak House. I was 11 years old. This is all true. Also true: BOOKS ARE POOP.

I’ll tell you something else, too: when I got my books for Christmas I GOT BOOKS FOR CHRISTMAS. The end! There was no Wii and giant pile of toys next to the books. Do you guys think that I’ve lived the saddest possible life on all of Earth? Probably, right? Yeah. Pray for me. (Via everywhere. Thanks for the tip, Mans.)

Comments (159)
  1. Why not both Bing?

    • You can have both at any age:

      • Happens a lot in this, too.

      • Whoa, I don’t know if I can finish that book in time. Will I get a personalized pan pizza from Pizza Hut, courtesy of Book It?

        • My family had this great racket going when I was growing up.

          My sisters would read for Book It, get the free personal pan pizza and we would go to Pizza Hut for lunch. But our Pizza Hut was really rag-tag and they never got them out in 5 minutes like they were supposed to. They would set the little digital clock down and it would take 10 or 15 minutes each time. So each time we got two more free pizzas for next time, because these were already free, but the next time they would be slow again, so more free pizza. Between Book It and Pizza Hut being slow, my family never paid for a pizza.

          Then one time there was a staple in one of the pizzas.

          • You know how to tell a story!

          • I remember at the school library I always chose to read these books about Hollywood monsters. They were orange and had the Wolf-Man, Godzilla, and Frankenstein. The librarian Mrs. Schafer (bitch) always told me that they don’t count as reading and I had a lot of trouble getting free pizza. Other kids weren’t even trying, with their I Spy and Disney Magazine and all.

          • C’mon Mans, I know what you want for Christmas

          • Whoatom101, I read those exact same books! Our public library had them in the basement, the whole collection. I loved those books, their orange spines and black and white pictures.

          • (Cut to M. Night Shyamalan crossing off “Staple in one of the pizzas” on a list of “Potential Surprise Endings)

          • My freshman year of high school, the librarian had contest each month for who could read the most books. The winner each month got to pick a CD from Wal-Mart.

            My family had just purchased a CD player but I had no money to buy my own CDs, so I took to the stacks and read like a mad man.

            My first two CDs were “Shabooh Shoobah” by INXS and “Strangeways Here We Come” by The Smiths. It is funny to think that there was a time you could get those CDs at a Wal-Mart in rural Kentucky.

      • Too true, Mans:

        • I tried reading Gravity’s Rainbow a couple times….such a tough book! Also when I was 15 I was a dummy and tried to be political, but couldn’t get past the obstacle of Noam Chomsky books being so boring!

          • i own that book and have tried and failed to get past the first 30 pages about three times. i still don’t know what the first thirty pages is even talking about, aside from a lot of bananas. i think.

      • When I was eight, I asked for that book for christmas.

  2. That’s neat.

    So… who wants to talk about Israel and Palestine now?

  3. Yikes. My parents would have informed me of the time if I had said anything other than “Thank you” upon receipt of a present.

    • Then again, when I was three I got a plastic cash register (no electronic ones back then), a chair shaped like Big Bird, and…books. So what do I know?

    • I kept getting Barbies uncomplaining until my mom caught me talking to myself in the mirror going “I hate Bawbies. All the time Bawbies Bawbies Bawbies.”

      • Just wanted to sympathize with the speech impediment you apparently also had. I guess a lot of kids have them, and they’re cute or whatever, but mine really embarrassed me. My mom still makes fun of me for it. That and the video of me singing “Great Balls of Fire.” Ugh, childhood.

        • Thank god I was never caught on tape with it!*

          I remember my mom trying to teach me to talk properly ["ERnie, not UH-nie"] and me having no idea what the fuck she was talking about. I thought I was pronouncing it correctly! I couldn’t tell the difference between the two! So weird.

          *There is however an incredibly embarrassing tape of me singing a song my brother made up into the tape recorder. I’m pretty sure I destroyed it, but my mom might have squirrelled it away. NOOOOO

          • Talk some more about your mom, Napoleon, why don’t you. #momgum

          • Yeah, I vividly remember playing cards with my aunt at Thanksgiving and she kept trying to get me to say “war” instead of “wuh.” I got so frustrated that she couldn’t hear me because I was obviously saying it right!

            Last year one of my colleague’s kids came up to me on the day of the office picnic and asked where the pawty was. I pointed him towards the restroom twice before I realized he was asking where the PARTY was. Felt so bad.

  4. I can identify. When I was a wee tables, I wanted to get Anna Karenina and Bleak House, and instead I got lessons on how to murder from Eric Bana. Childhood, amirite?

  5. I had to work 16 hours on Christmas day and my only present was a slightly more comfortable rock to sleep on.

  6. What the hell is wrong with those parents? Giggling at a tantrum? They think it’s cute? That kid is going to grow up to become a serial killer who targets librarians, every December.

    • Next year, they should give him a lump of coal. To help him start out his arson career.

    • Exactly. My parents would not have laughed at me acting like a spoiled brat. It would have been “you can’t play with your new toys until you can be grateful for the gifts others have thoughtfully chosen for you.”

    • Right? That’s not cute! You indulge him and he’s going to grow up with Oppositional Defiant Disorder! What is wrong with you people?

    • So true! What a brat. I would spank him right on his adorable onesie-clad bottom and send him to bed.

    • Usually I’m on board with people complaining about how parents don’t teach their kids manners anymore…but this? I don’t know. Maybe I’m reading his face all wrong, but he seems like he knows he’s being a wise guy, and is secretly really enjoying himself. And the way he waves his hand at the next present, with that suspicious sidelong glance…if I had that kind of comic timing at that age I would be FAMOUS by now. (Though admittedly I question why his parents assumed everyone in the world would think he’s as funny as they [and I] do.)

      Also, he’s three?

      • I’m an old lady of twenty-three, so it’s hard to remember back a score of years ago, but I knew at least to act grateful on camera. Of course, that may have been just because all my family lived across the country and my parents always mailed them the video of my brother and me on Christmas morning.

        And three is not too young to teach kids manners. I’m a substitute teacher, and, at the risk of sounding even more ancient, I can’t believe how rude children are these days. Even kindergarteners have no respect for adults. (Disclaimer to any offended parents: some children do, and I’m assuming those children have parents who care.) That “being a wise guy” may seem cute, but once a child learns that their parents approve of that behavior, they think “I’m so cute I can get away with anything and not get in trouble”. Sorry to get all rantgum, but that type of behavior annoys me worse than any other when I’m teaching.

        • Don’t even know how you do it. I was a camp counselor, and while my kids were wonderful, other bunks were just insane. Fits and tantrums galore. KIDS THESE DAYS.

        • I’m a fuckload older than 23, and I’m here to tell you that kids have always been brats. Always. With most parents, sometimes they indulge it, like say at Christmas when it seems best just to keep things lighthearted. Other times they don’t. Yes, that’s “inconsistent parenting,” but apparently raising children according to everyone else’s expectations is harder than it sounds.

          • True. My mom always said that one of the hardest part of being a parent is knowing that others are constantly judging you. But then again, that’s probably why she didn’t laugh at my tantrums and put them on YouTube for others to judge.

          • (Let’s pretend that YouTube existed when I was a toddler. That’s probably why she didn’t… send my tantrums into “America’s Funniest Home Videos”, or something.)

    • I think the writers of Dexter have a job for you!

      “From the moment I was born I was bathed in books.” – That Kid.

  7. Screech had one:

  8. So can we officially change Bookgum’s name to Poopgum, now?

    • Upvote, but also I am *so excited* for the next Bookgum because I was finally able to find and read the book for next month. Yeah, yeah, I could have checked out the previous books from the library, but the libary in my town is only open about three days a week and it keeps ridiculous hours that don’t accomodate working people. (My town was recently named the least brainy city in the United States by a national magazine.)

  9. I get the kid’s reaction, but the parents should be mortified. One day that kid will murder them, Hanna style.

  10. Ok, I know it’s not right to be mean to children but I don’t like them what a self entitled asshole! Seriously!

  11. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  12. This guy? My cousin had one. Jerk.

  13. Gabe, the same robot from It’s Always Sunny Christmas? My grandmother had that robot! I named him “Roby the Robot” and she let me use the remote control to served her drinks. It also had a tape deck for cassette tapes. Yep, nothing like going to your grandmother’s house and bringing drinks to her with a remote control robot. I’m probably going to ask my mom if I was serving my grandmother alcohol.

  14. “His Future Profession”

    • So, I’m a librarian, and the moment that it crystallized for me that that was what I was gonna do with my life was this time when I was 11 and watching this episode of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman where they were burning books. I CRIED. Maybe because I was watching Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.

      Anyway, every time I see burning books, I go back to that dark place.

  15. When I was 14 I got socks for Xmas, in my parents defense they put a five dollar bill inside one of the socks. The same year my brother got a car. That’s it They are getting BrokeNCYDE records for the rest of eternity!

  16. P.S. You can’t name books “Roby” because they already have stupid titles and you can’t make books serve your grandmother alcoholic drinks.

  17. Does anyone else think it is kinda sad how his parents just sorta laugh off his crappy attitude? Kid gonna grow up all CONSUMERIST. Teach that kid at a young age how to properly (begrudgingly) accept crappy, impersonal gifts he didn’t want so that he is EQUIPPED for the many crappy, impersonal gifts he will receive in his adult life. #giftcards

  18. that was cute. someone give that kid some more books!

  19. My sister wants everyone to get my niece books and other educational toys for Christmas.

    Well, fuck that noise!!!!!

    This video explains exactly why I bought a Barbie doll for my niece! My sister will be pissed, but my niece will be happy! And who doesn’t enjoy pissing off a crazy hippie?! I know I do!

    • Ha I give all kids books for all holidays/occasions. Even when the baby registry has a bunch of probably-more-useful items (I suppose that’s why they registered for them) I buy a book or two instead. But I like the idea of starting/building a child’s library. And I remember books from my childhood much more fondly than I do toys from my childhood.

      • There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving books. Books are great gifts! I also fondly remember the books from my childhood. However, I also fondly remember my Barbies, and spent most of my days playing with them. So, I want to pass that on to my niece. (Also, I want to piss off my sister!)

  20. Kids these days prefer CGI books.

  21. I love how the description is so defensive. “Keep in mind he’s ONLY 3 YEARS OLD!” Three-year-olds can still appreciate books and have manners, asshole.

  22. Looks like we got ourselves a reader

  23. “Equating artifacts of cultural transmission with the body-machinery of rejection? How novel”

    “Shut up Freud”

  24. You know what I got for Christmas? Oh, it was a banner fucking year at the old Wrong family. I got a carton… ahh, forget it. I tapped myself out on Breakfast Club in Monster’s ball this year.

  25. The boy is right – Christmas is a time of joy and anticipation, but also heartbreaking disappointment. I remember feeling positive that I was going to unwrap my present and find a pair of new Nikes only to discover it was Anne of Green Gables. Sure, I was a little upset at the time.

    But then my mom took me to the L.A. Mission to feed the homeless as she did every year, and after seeing the bittersweet look on the faces of men, women & children who were grateful to be warm and fed for a few hours before having to return to their makeshift homes on the streets, I went home that night and hugged my Anne of Green Gables, and never thought about a new pair of Nikes again.

  26. the thing i hate more than kids are their stupid parents. quit laughing at him like it’s adorable and teach him some manners. please?

  27. Last Christmas I got a huge wall decal/poster of five fat cartoon cats. I’m a 21 year old girl, this poster was for a baby. Yet I sucked it up and pretended to like it. I kept it hidden in my closet until I moved out of my apartment and finally threw it away six months later.That kid needs to learn some manners. I would’ve fucking loved books.

    • EXACTLY – You’re TWENTY ONE. He’s THREE. I think comparing the way an adult comports herself to the way a TODDLER does is a bit unfair, isn’t it?

      Downvote away, and I swear I’m not trying to get into the whole Sanctimony-gum-gate again, but come on, people. RELAX.

      • It would be unfair except this shit has happened every year, that was just the most recent example. I don’t really believe in what Christmas is supposed to mean, religiously, but my family does so I go along with it. To me it’s just a time where you show your loved ones how much you care for them, sometimes it means shitty gifts and you suck it up because you know they mean well and it isn’t really the present that matters. I think the reaction of the kid would be more understandable if the parents tried AT ALL to show the kid that books are a good present or something, but they kind of laughed along with him. I probably am taking a minute-long video way too seriously, but I hate most children nowadays and parents like that are the reason why.

        • I’d agree that you’re probably taking the not-even-a-minute-long-video too seriously but then again, I’ve made 3 comments on it now, so who am I to judge.

          For the record, I don’t have kids, but I do know that it’s really difficult to raise them and parenting involves all kinds of challenges, so judging what kind of parents these folks are based on 47 seconds of their child’s life is probably REALLY unfair.

  28. I also side with this kid and he took it a lot better than I did when I was that age. I remember spending a Christmas alone in my room punished because I threw a shit fit over getting socks and underwear. Fuck practical gifts. I want a robot that serves drinks too.

    • Yeah, but you got punished. And so did I. I remember getting a stupid watch before I even knew how to tell time. Thanks Aunt Jo and Uncle Don. I asked for the fucking Tonka truck not this dumb Mickey Mouse watch that I don’t know how to use. I couldn’t hide my disappointment and I got in a ton of trouble for that–being sent to my room, not being allowed to play with my *good* gifts for a day, having to apologize to Aunt Jo and Uncle Don. It sucked. But I learned my lesson and accepted all future gifts graciously, no matter how terrible they were.

      The problem I have with the video isn’t the kid so much. He’s only 3. He doesn’t know better. But his parents need to teach him that stuff–by showing real disappointment when he acts like a total dick upon opening what appears to be a totally appropriate gift. And I know we’re only seeing less than a minute of what happened and I know parenting is hard, etc. But don’t just giggle and basically AGREE that the gift was poop, and then post a video on YouTube in order to show off your “hilarious” kid.

      Parents gotta parent. Or something.

    • So I wasn’t the only one who got underwear for Christmas? Whew. I got long-johns … at least they were seasonal.

  29. I’ve set up an Elfster account for Gabe so we can all chip in and get him this

  30. Man, I want to set up Babysitting-gum because you all must have THE BEST BEHAVED CHILDREN EVER.

    • I would assume (perhaps wrongly) that a lot of us don’t have children, because children are poop (that’s the moral of this video, right?).

    • Heids, I don’t think the issue here is with the kid. A kid is a kid. Most kids are socially inept and kids who don’t have any social slip up are vaguely creepy, so it’s a lose/lose.

      My issue is with the parents who, presumably, know how to act when a gift is given. The correct response is not encouraging your kid to behave inappropriately by egging him on through giggles and a video camera.

      Anyway, the point is kid = doesn’t know better, yet. Parents = should know better. FLW= really wants those monster pajamas in an adult XL.

      • you can hear the camera man (the dad?) laughing the whole time so they are exploiting this child for their own amusement, but also the kid is playing it up for yucks as well so its a win/win type of deal

        @over-analysisgum#twitter feed whatever

      • Yeah, FLW has it right. And before my post, too. Please forgive me.

      • As the actual parent of a genuine 3 year-old boy, I know two things: 1. It is really hard to NOT laugh at your child when he’s unintentionally hilarious 2. If my son had that same reaction, I would have stopped laughing around the time he started saying “books are poop” (which is TOTALLY something he’d say) and remind him that he doesn’t talk that way and he needs to say thank you. Depending on his mood, he may say “thank you”, or he may continue to talk about poop. If it’s the latter, he goes into the time out chair.

        In summary, I am the best parent ever and these parents are really terrible and should put their child up for adoption.

    • i think the point isn’t that this kid freaked out about books, 3 year olds can get fully unhinged at the craziest things. that is why they are children are children and we are all adults, something something emotional development. the point is that his family was filming it, and immediately thought “YOUTUBE GOLD” and not “opprotunity for lesson about life and the proper way to behave as a human being.”

      • I get what you’re all saying, and I agree in theory.

        I’m just saying, when you’re a parent (which I am NOT), it would be horrifying to be judged on the job you’re doing on your kid based on 47 seconds of footage taken on Christmas morning. Which is a stressful time and might cause even the best parent to have a momentary lapse of judgment and scream “WELL FINE HEIDI, IF YOU CAN’T BEHAVE, JUST HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS GOD DAMMIT!” from the top of the stairs when her youngest daughter was fighting with her brother instead of coming to dinner. I’m just saying. That kind of stuff COULD happen, even to the best mom in the WORLD.

        • Heids, agreed. I don’t think anyone wants to be judged on their worst moment. However, here’s their fatal flaw:

          They put this video up on the Internet, thereby inviting the world to both view and judge them at their worst moment.

          The point is, they could have had a private joke in the family about the time when little Potsie got all mad because Aunt Ginnie gave him books instead of a Furbie (or Ghostbuster or a David Cassidy doll or whatever the hell kids like these day.) Instead, they went and recorded it and posted it online, it went viral and now here we are.

          Are they bad parents, prob not. The kid looks healthy and the house looks clean and those pajamas are sick. However, I have to call their judgement into question by encouraging bad behavior AND THEN putting it on the web.

          David After Dentist, see the world you have created?

        • Parenting is hard, no doyoyoy, but the fact that they posted this on the internet indicates that they thought this was funny and cute, not somewhat shameful. The Wii sitting next to him while he tirades against literature doesn’t help anyone’s case, either. I’m just saying!

    • kids get angry/sad/upset for strange reasons and sometimes it can’t be helped. i get that. i still don’t care for most kids. they weird me out. my friends are breeding machines and they have done pretty well raising their kids and sometimes their kids still freak out. raising kids is hard, no doubt. and sure this is a tiny segment of this family’s life. but when i see a kid loose his shit next to a pile of presents, which contains a wii amongst other bobbles, and then just moves on to the next present to open, i’m gonna say “fuck off little kid and you suck adults.” it’s not hard to ask a kid to stop and say thanks before moving on to the next present, even if he doesn’t mean it. good parenting is hard. lazy and shit parenting is easy.

  31. soooo does the fact that i’ve asked for a box full of books for christmas every year since i was 3 mean that i’m secretly wishing for a big ol’ box full of dookie?

  32. perhaps next christmas he should get a gift wrapped backhand… petulant snot nosed kid… ill see myself to jail now

  33. poster child for bloody abortions. amirite Steve?

    just kidding. i’m on the ‘this is cool, whatever’ side in bookpoopgate

  34. One year, my youngest sister asked for an Evanescence CD. A few weeks later, she opened her gift and promptly crawled underneath the Christmas tree and cried. Granted that’s the only acceptable response to receiving that CD. So now, even though we’re all technically adults, one of us will open a present, crawl under the tree, and cry.

  35. soooo we never celebrated christmas. cause my family is not christian.
    but i did get to watch my cousins open presents in front of their tree. one time my cousin got this huge pink dollhouse with all this tiny furniture you got to put together and little tiny people to live in it.
    i didn’t want it anyway though. not at all.

  36. Literally the only things that I want for Christmas are books, and that’s because my birthday is at the end of November so I just got a new supply of socks already. The Christmas tradition in my family is that everybody gets at least one book and chocolates and we spend the rest of Christmas day eating the chocolates while we read our new books. It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

    Basically what I’m saying is that my worst fear about someday having a kid is that he will end up like this one. :(

  37. can i just say as an infrequent contributor to the comments, its easy to feel like an outsider. Not sure if this will even be read, but after scouring the comments from last week, i feel compelled to add my 2 cents.

    I dont think its even possible to defend the fact that the frequent commenters are “cliquish” — I dont even know if I want to say that that is a bad thing. I mean, you comment the most, you get to know each other, you meet for a beer or 10…it makes sense. However, as an outsider, its metaphysically daunting. In the grand scheme of things, it doesnt matter in the slightest, however, in the realm of videogum, its CRAZY. Its like Heathers minus the murder.

    I wish i was “cool” enough to make a dent in the comments, though due to work and my life, I cant be there at the beginning of a string where I might ring some bells. I dont know how my comment here might make a difference, but I gotta say, it makes commenting seem masturbatory.

    Its gross, JG/BadAsh

    • I agree.

    • Everybody starts as an outsider. The more you hang out, even if it’s only little bits at a time (what, you have a life or something? :P ), the more people will get to know you and respond, and the more you’ll get to know people, and it’ll be less intimidating and more fun. Promise!

      Also, Bruce Campbell is totally the best.

  38. Once, instead of the real cat I had been asking for, my Parents put a stuffed cat inside a pet carrier and put it under the tree Christmas morning. COOL JOKE, Mom and Dad.

  39. Man, last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day she gave it away.
    I should have asked for books! That kid doesn’t even know.

  40. Maybe it’s because I’ve spent much of my life working with young children (my folks have been in the childcare business for 25 years) but I never understand outrage over stuff like this. I assume it’s just unfamiliarity with toddler behavior, combined with the subtle “I hate kids” attitude that (single, young) people tend to have. This kid is just acting for the camera, as kids are wont to do. Kids like to say funny things to get reactions from people, just like adults do. This is a miniscule drop in the bucket compared to the millions of other lessons and interactions he’ll endure over the next 15+ years of social development.

    (Sorry. Judgmental backseat parenting is a pet peeve of mine. I’ll show myself out.)

  41. books are poop? anyone else want to give this kid real poop??….lets see what he does when he opens a steaming box of sh*t.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.