Relax, you guys, Larry King is still alive! It is just his show that has died. Last night marked the final broadcast of Larry King Live on CNN, ending its 25 year run. That is a very long run! Did you watch his final show? OF COURSE NOT! No one did. Sorry, Larry King! Xoxo. According to the Hollywood Reporter it was a “royal send-off.” Get it? His last name is King! For your consideration, Mr. Pulitzer. What does a “royal send-off” even mean, though? Like, he was literally carried around the studio on the shoulders of slaves? (I’ve got a very serious and very real idea of what modern royalty is like. I read a lot of magazines.) Can we really call interviewing Barbara Walters and Bill Clinton while Bill Maher and Ryan Seacrest sit beside you cracking wise a “royal send-off”? ANYWAY, that’s that.


I mean, no offense to Larry King, but that show incepted fewer memories in 25 years on the air than Seito did on layer 1, but at least Seito’s excuse is that the dream shot him, or whatever. Seriously, I know it was an institution, and Larry King certainly interviewed all the famous people, but can you think of a single thing that was meaningful or important or even just MEMORABLE to come out of that show? “Well, there was the one where the old man sat across from the person accused of a crime or maybe they were there for some other reason and he lazily asked them softball questions with an intense air of distraction and fatigue.” Right. The Hollywood Reporter article (your #1 resource for Larry King Live Final Episode news) calls this the end of an era. What was the era? Honestly, the only thing that I can think of that is going to be different is that when a fake president in a movie goes on the real talk shows to give the movie a sense of realism, Larry King Live will no longer be one of the shows. Also, this:

After his entrance [into Spago for the goodbye party], King told THR when asked about Schlatter’s suggestion he do standup comedy that he is thinking about it.

“It’s one of the things I’m looking at,” said King. “It’s something I would like to do.”

Hahahaha. Oh man. Oh wow. Yuck. It’s one of the things he’s looking at? STANDUP COMEDY? Take your time, Larry. Take as much time as you need to really WEIGH YOUR OPTIONS. Maybe he can make jokes about this:

King not only plans to say active, but he plans to stay around as well. In 2009, he told Conan O’Brien on The Tonight Show that he wants to be cryogenically preserved upon his death.

Oy. Really, Larry King? Cyrogenically preserved? Dude interviewed sitting Presidents and heads of state and he never bothered asking someone if that was a really stupid thing to do?

Or he can make jokes about this:

Larry King, everybody. He talked to people sometimes. Now he won’t.

Comments (52)
  1. “For my money, Larry King Live is the longest running show on television.”

  2. Heaven just got a little more Larry King Live. Although I guess it should just be called Larry King now.

  3. I though piling the production staff on a funeral pyre was a bit much.

  4. Gabe, you’re being inappropriate.

  5. Lots of people fart off tv too. Sorry, officemates!

  6. Little know fact. Larry King actually died in 2003. It happened so suddenly that the show’s producers panicked and put some glasses on a monkey and let him do the show for one episode. The show’s audience never noticed and the monkey was kept as King’s replacement for the past seven years. it was he who retired last night, not King.

    “Goodnight, you princes of Maine… you kings of New England.”

  7. Gabe I think he’ll still talk to people, unless he becomes mute for some reason, just not on tv

  8. Good news everyone!

  9. THe biggest impact Larry King has had on my life is that he’s the inspiration for the Larry King Game on Kevin Pollak’s Chat Show, where each guest at the end of their interview must 1) Do a bad Larry King impression, 2) Reveal something Larry King shouldn’t reveal on the air because he’s old, and 3) Go to the phones, and it helps if the name of the town is funny-sounding.

    Jon Hamm’s is my favorite-

    “Walla Walla, Washington- you have a question. I have a prostate the size of a small boy’s clenched fist. Go.”

    Just go see it. It’s Jon Hamm. It’s awesome.

  10. And also, we’ll always have his Twitter account: @kingsthings

    Did you know Abraham Lincoln drove a Ford, and Henry Ford drove a Lincoln?

  11. “What’s the deal with airplane food?”

  12. That leaves this guy as my only grumpy grandpa news source:

  13. He just couldn’t work two jobs anymore.

  14. Isn’t he being replaced by Piers Morgan? The only person alive with less substance than Larry King

  15. Gabe, you keep referring to “Mr. Pulitzer.” The correct way to address him is: “Mr. Prize.” We’re not in the Old South anymore.

  16. Jeeeeeze did you even see Inception? Those are some lazy references.

    I’m sorry for that mean nerd comment. I’m sending myself back to bed. Just like Larry King. (huh?)

  17. “Now let me get this straight… you left, you didn’t get canceled, right Larry?” -Me giving Larry King a taste of his own out of touch medicine.

  18. This is great timing. Now he can finally be himself for the holidays.

  19. Whatever Larry does next, I expect it’s going to be fierce. At least, that’s what “the facebook” said.

  20. Once I watched an episode of Larry King Live on mute at a bar and it was about whether or not the universe was actually god. I’d say that was pretty memorable.

  21. Didn’t he rub Marlon Brando’s feet once? On the air, I mean. Or whatever.

  22. I particularly enjoyed Fred Armisen as Larry King awkwardly interviewing himself:

  23. In 40 years when we’re using walkers and peeing in short, halting squirts, a beam from heaven will shine on us all and the genius of Larry King will be revealed to us. We just don’t have the wisdom to appreciate it yet.

  24. “Honestly, the only thing that I can think of that is going to be different is that when a fake president in a movie goes on the real talk shows to give the movie a sense of realism, Larry King Live will no longer be one of the shows.”

    This is exactly what I thought when I heard this was happening yesterday. For anyone under 70 years old, Larry King was just some actor who played a somewhat-convincing news/talk-show anchor in movies and sometimes television. When you needed your character established as culturally relevant or noteworthy in your fictional story, you cut to a Larry King interview! Sometimes just in the background of a shot so audiences don’t get too bored!

  25. “He’s a smart man.”
    -My Nonna

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