Is this for school? What school is this for? YIKES HIGH? Look, it’s not fair for an adult to pick apart the logic of a child’s argument, because the adult has a smart adult brain and the child has a stupid child brain, but it is fair for an adult to give a child a pro-tip, and my pro-tip is this: if you are 12 years old and you are going to give a really arrogant and condescending lecture about a complicated issue that you clearly have absolutely zero capacity to even understand much less have moral clarity about and much much less have something to teach other people in regards to, and if you are going to deliver that arrogant and condescending lecture in a manner that suggests that you are (or would like to be perceived as) somehow older and wiser than your years–even though you are clearly not older or wiser than anything, you are 12–even if that issue is benign and not such a tendentious and personal and emotional one as abortion, but especially if it IS such a tendentious and personal and emotional issue as abortion, then please, for your own sake, LEAVE ICE CREAM OUT OF IT. Nothing says “ignore every word that comes out of my unformed baby mouth” like comparing things to ice cream. Adults don’t do that. Rookie mistake.You’re welcome, 12 year olds. Good luck trying to be taken seriously, I know it’s hard, and you are never making it any easier. (Thanks for the tip, Seth.)

Comments (137)
  1. Right. So.

    More puppies?

  2. I am not going to watch this because I am at work, and I suspect it would make me punch my computer, which would probably not go over well. Instead I am going to think of dancing squirrels. Everyone should think of dancing squirrels.

    And I have said before that I am thankful that I did not have the internet around to expose my 12 year old idiocy, which I stand by. Maybe 12 year olds should just not be on the internet?

    Go outside, 12 year olds! Play in trees! Or at least play violent video games, like I did! Jeepers!

    • Honestly. Don’t 12 year olds have much less important and less emotionally nuanced things to think about?

      • Team Edward! or Team Jacob!

        Ill see myself out

        • I hate repeating myself, but once again, this is not a choice. Anyone who is not team Jacob does not understand what the question is (HINT: it’s not “which team makes my lady-parts quiver and hide in fear – what is up with the shape of that guy’s melon?)!

    • I was just having this conversation with my grandmother a few days ago (no, seriously). She was watching Dr. Phil (sometimes I think she enjoys torturing me), and his guests were a Big Tent Texas minister & his wife. The husband had engaged in a series of affairs with women whom he’d met on Facebook. My grandmother turned to me & asked, “Do you think that the internet is destroying the world?”

      We had a long conversation about this, which covered a fair number of points, but the biggest problem that we discussed was the fact that our “12 year old idiocy” is now a matter of irrevocable record.

      Children, too callow to comprehend the notions of “permanence” & “accountability” are lining up to learn a lot of really harsh lessons about dignity & repercussion, when the should, as you so rightly put it, be playing in trees.

      • Whoa! Heavy conversation with your grandma! Whenever I get together with my grandma all she wants to talk about is how ugly Nancy Pelosi is, and how if she were that ugly, she’d get help.

        • That’s the funny thing about my grandmother. She’s actually pretty well into dementia and hearing loss (how’s that for a fun combination?), but every now and again she has these moments of absolute clarity, where she can focus on a conversation for more than a minute at a time, and takes an interest in topics other than how much she loves Wayne Brady, and which former daughter-in-law liked falafels.

  3. You guys! It’s Steve Winwood! I knew it!

  4. No Chloe Moretz

  5. “What do you do if someone steals your boyfriend? I know most girls would just find another one.”

    That’s your girlfriend!

  6. “It turns out it was just ice cream” – 2 (12-year old) girls, 1 Poor Argument

  7. Are shitty Gary Oldman movies human?

    • Do they have a heartbeat? Or thumbs? If they don’t have thumbs then they can’t pick up an ice-cream cone, ergo: They are not human.

      And what ever happened to mint chocolate chip? Or peanut butter cup? This is the 21st century, people. The world ain’t just Chocolate v. Vanilla anymore.

  8. At what age is it appropriate to tell a child to shut the fuck up?

    • A little unprotected sex will have her singing a different tune.

      • “Papa Don’t Preach?”

      • I know. She probably hasn’t even had her first sex ed class. Though I doubt where she goes to school (home, I’m guessing) they will even have sex ed (Maybe her parents taped giant black censorship bars over where her sex-parts would be in the mirror?) so it probably will take some sort of first-hand experience to make her actually sit down and consider her opinion. It’s kind of hard to blame a child for having the opinions on things they have absolutely no frame of reference for, but it’s also hard not to blame them for going on youtube and making arguments that have no legitimacy coming from a child.

        • She’s Canadian and from Toronto, so unless she goes to a Catholic school she should get decent sex education. Assuming her parents don’t you know write her a note saying they don’t want their daughter being corrupted by the horrors of safe sex and other such evils so she is to be excused from class

  9. She lost me when she didn’t offer tiny American flags as an option.

  10. I bet she plays a mean game of Would You Rather…

  11. So I get to decide what to put into my body, but not what to take out? Got it.

  12. Seriousgum much…?

    Let’s get back to Hugh Jackman’s bodily functions.

    Also, this girl is the worst.

    In 6 years, she’ll be the RA that puts up a rainbow banner with a Jesus fish on it to be “all inclusive” but then just lectures people about abortion and scripture. I knew this girl. I know this girl.

  13. so……..vanilla?

  14. You guys: turns out SHE’S A PROFESSIONAL

    • I guess it’s Gary Oldman day for me

    • Wait. Hold on. She’s from the T-Dot? Like from where I live?

      No. Nonono. No David Blaine.

      Honestly I’m not even necessarily mad at her per sey. I’m more appalled at her parents, who I would bet use her like some kind of child mascot to front their ideals.
      Of course if this is incorrect and she is in fact speaking for herself I would kindly ask her to shut her face.

      I’m adopted, and my siblings are adopted, and even though I could have been aborted I can understand the need for abortion.

      • To be fair the kid, it’s rather obvious that she’s just spouting whatever her parents told her. To be fair to the parents, it’s rather obvious that they have the brains of twelve-year olds. So it’s a toss-up of awful.

    • These guys listening to her speech, these guys are great at listening to that speech

  15. I hate people with high self-esteem.

  16. This girl does know how to leave an audience hanging. Her entire argument then rests upon whether the unborn are human… which is coincidentally her next video! Also, look at the awesome transitions she’s got going on. Total pro

  17. This message was paid for by the friends of chocolate ice cream.

  18. “LEAVE ICE CREAM OUT OF IT. Nothing says “ignore every word that comes out of my unformed baby mouth” like comparing things to ice cream.”

    “At least the rest of us should be able to buy some DELICIOUS ICE CREAM. It’s only fair. Do the right thing, Ben and Jerry’s. FREE FESTIVUS ICE CREAM!”

    Where does Gabe really stand on this Ice Cream issue?????

  19. Wait a minute she gives the whole ice-cream/car spiel and then goes on to say that she is in fact pro-choice with the clarification of what she determines women should be free to choose, careers and what not. She then goes on to include women’s right to choose when or if they want to have children. What!!!! You are ruining your phish food logic here girl.

    Ugh I should have exercised caution and avoided this the same way I refused to watch the Clay Duke video.

    • let’s not forget that her list of what she is against women doing is killing their husbands. I had no idea pro-choice was such a broad topic

  20. Wait until she gets to college and somebody exposes her to Neapolitan ice cream. It’s going to blow her mind and possibly disowned.

  21. The choice to stop watching this way before the end was surprisingly easy.

  22. Someone introduce her to the Festivus-celebrating inmate from yesterday, please. He has some interesting literature for her!

  23. “Dad! I read all your strange words for the camera, you SAID you would get me ice cream and drive me to the mall! Going shopping with my friends is not a sin! OMG you’re ruining my life!”

  24. Her argument is flawed seeing as Cherry Garcia flavour = Grateful Dead.

  25. Pregnant women should just accept things as they are instead of trying to interfere with destiny. You see, you can’t interfere with destiny. That’s why it’s destiny. And if you try to interfere, the same thing’s going to happen anyway, and you’ll just suffer.

  26. Now there’s chocolate ice cream barf all over my floor. Thanks, Gabe.

  27. She needs to put smores thought into her argument.

  28. I don’t understand. Is she saying I shouldn’t get an abortion to get revenge if the baby steals my boyfriend?

  29. Abortion: solved. Thanks 12 year old!

    Next up, gay marriage!

  30. Her cadence is giving me crazy middle and high school debate flashbacks.

    Look out Canadian Forensics League!

  31. This is why we are fighting for education over here in British-land; PROTEST PROTEST PROTEST!!

  32. Man, that logic train just jumped the rails.

  33. Can you get me a Cornetto?

  34. This girl should literally go to bed. With no ice cream.

  35. Life’s too short to let perfectly good ice cream melt as you blather on about something you really know nothing about in the first place.

  36. I prefer sorbet, but I’m a whore.

    (Wait, was she Yaybortion or Nobortion? I couldn’t actually finish watching the video.)

  37. I know Gabe explicitly said we shouldn’t argue against a 12 year old girl but..but…choosing how you vote does effect other people and their rights. Voting for people who want no gay rights or love wars in Iraq will effect other people..and not just the gays or the Iraqi people and not just the specifically gay Iraqi people.


    • Than god we don’t let kids vote. I’d make some rude comment about euthanizing the bad kids before they’re real people yet, but she already made a video about that.

  38. This thread made me go get some frozen yogurt. I just thought you all should know that you had a profound impact on my day.

  39. What’s a gagortion?

  40. So what she’s really trying to say is that she wants to start dating black guys?

  41. That’s the cutest/most disturbing anti-abortion advocate since my dog

    Keep your laws out of women’s bodies, Atole!

  42. She thinks she’s people!

  43. “You’re not a human until you’re in my phonebook.” – Bill Hicks

  44. Did no one else think of CopperCab while they were watching this?

  45. The real tragedy of this this nightmare tween is that she will probably accomplish more by 18 than I will in my entire life. I’m sure she will we win more moot court competitions and mock trials in college than jury trials I win through out my career, and she will probably end up making more money than I could dream of by selling books to Fox News viewers. I know its wrong to hate a child, but I HATE her. I don’t know her, but I do know her and I HATE HER FACE.

  46. But what did she think of Marmaduke?

  47. I’m torn about which comment approach to take, so I’m giving you options. Take your pick:

    1) That’s all well and good, but she left the audience hanging… Is she going to buy a GM or a Ford? And why didn’t she mention Japanese cars? What is she, a racist?

    2) You know what would wipe that smug, condescending look off her face? If she’d been aborted. I’m just sayin’, too birds…

    3) I know somebody who doesn’t have many friends at school.

    4) I wonder what her parents’ opinion on the subject are?

    5) “…And that’s why I plan on only engaging in buttsex.”

    6) When she mulled over chocolate versus vanilla, was she making a veiled reference to penis choices? If so, kudos on her subversiveness, it went right over her mom’s head.

    7) I suspect her followup video will be about how to preemptively kill your boyfriend before they impregnate you as a form of birth control.

    8) She believes women should have the right to decide what career they want to go into, she’s a very modern lady.

    9) ‘How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelet?” -George Carlin

    10) “Have you ever noticed that most people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?” -George Carlin

  48. Sadly, Yikes High has perpetual open enrollment.

  49. That makes total sense! I’m so glad a 12 year old could enlighten me about my important life choices.

    -Pregnant ladies everywhere.

  50. No worse than our elected officials.

  51. This girl is simply benign. What’s worrisome is that I’ve heard my fair share of grown-ups make “arguments” like this: you know, with the over-extended metaphors (ice cream explains everything!) and the ugh-worthy, Tanner-family style punchlines (look at me eat ice cream at the end! I like ice cream!). It’s much less cute listening to a wizened pastor woodenly recite a sermon (most likely downloaded off the internet) that likens condoms to corned-beef Reubens and natural family planning to Turkey Rachels. Preachers gonna preach, even if they don’t like to think before doing so.

  52. The doctor said my mom should’ve had an abortion

    -sum 41

  53. That 12 year old girl makes me sad. So flippant so dismissive, so juvenile. BTW she is totally allowed to be criticized she is a public speaker check this out:

    Nothing like a little12 spouting random exaggerated statistics, and dismissing rape, incest and health of the women as being statistically insignificant to even talk about she claims 1% lol (that’s my favorite part she says it with such cold heartedness, she says rape, incest and then just moves on saying that’s not important)

    Some of the “facts” she spouts against Abortion

    Claims it causes Breast Cancer

    98% of Women who have had abortion have wouldn’t recommend it

    80% Wouldn’t have had it if they were in better situation and had more support (Let’s assume that number is true, her answer isn’t to fight to fix the system that leaves these women in poor situation with zero support, nope her solution is to make them criminals if they abort or leave them to raise the kid in their poor situation)

    5 times as likely to be addicted to drugs and alcohol

    She claims that abortion leaves a woman lost and uncertain about her future (she’s fucking 12 how the fuck does she know)

    Over 50% of women feels regret, shame, sorrow and unworthiness after an abortion (BS)

    Then she goes anecdotal and pulls a “real life testament of regret” from a pro-life website

    and she concludes her speech with this and I’m not kidding:

    “If you walk away with anything after this speech, walk away with the words of Horton, you know the elephant, who risked his life for that little speck [...] ” Yup just to prove she’s 12 she quotes Doctor Seuss at a political rally.

    *sigh* This girl makes me so angry, she’s so smug, so callous and so 12 years old.

  54. Actually, given her age, I think she makes a pretty mean argument (both literally and figuratively). Where she loses me is the whole Legal/Illegal = Right/Wrong. Is this an argument against abortion or for a new world order?

  55. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

      • Is it life? Or for weeks is it a collection of a woman’s cells that can’t feel pain or think? What about overpopulation? In a lot of science fiction novels – which are always full of totally correct and accurate predictions about the future (although, still waiting on the hoverboard, Doc!) – accidental pregnancies after the first couple kids HAVE to be terminated by law to preserve life on earth. Like – Whoa! Deep!

        Where do you stand on the death penalty? Where do you stand on eating meat? Where do you stand on cutting down a tree? Turning a blind eye to an oil spill or global warming to preserve your own way of life? Think the government should step in and outlaw eating meat, cutting down trees, drilling for oil and coal burning plants? Cause talk about destroying lives and potential for life…

        Just curious. Abortion’s deep, complicated shit, is what I mean to say.

        I think I had a point and then I realized I need to get real work done today.

        • The ability to feel pain is not a criterion for personhood.

          I’m actually against the death penalty and I’ve been VEG for about eighteen years now, and I’m cool with protecting animals. I don’t see why that can’t include respect for unborn human animals, too.

          Come back when you’re done work.

          • I’m not a black and white style decision maker – so for me, the 12 year old’s argument didn’t really do much, haha. LIke… someone could convince me that killing your husband is okay. LIke… JLo totally had me convinced in Enough :)

            I’m not sure I believe life exists if it can’t think or feel. Unplug me if I’m a vegetable, is what I say. If I had been aborted early enough, science shows that I would not have given it a second thought. My gray area begins with abortions that occur late in the pregnancy.

            I always find the abortion argument really interesting because I don’t really understand why people are so quick to make it a black and white issue when to me it’s very gray… I can’t see where this issue ends and all those other issues I tossed out begin. And to me, all those other issues are more relevant to saving lives and the more time we spend deciding when the exact moment is that life begins (some people could argue the pill kills babies), the less time we have to protect the rest of it. Sometimes a stem cell brings us closer to curing AIDS and saving millions of lives… sorry! It’s give and take and controlling our own destiny is sorta what humans do better than any other animal on this planet. It’s sorta our thing. Sometimes cutting down a forest creates warmth and shelter… sometimes it contributes to holes in the ozone. It’s a balance and it’s our survival depends on finding that balance.

            I’m waiting for the day when somebody finally sways me one way on abortion. I genuinely do wonder why people who are pro-life so often support the death penalty and are against government programs (kudos to you for not falling into this category)… cause if being pro-life is such an important issue to you that you will vote for a party that supports killing people who would otherwise sit quietly in jail, away from society… and you don’t want your tax dollars going to very conscious, very aware human beings who’s lives are in danger if they can’t get medical care or whatever… I don’t know… I don’t know why a collection of cells became a more explosive issue than those things. Is it because we hate our peers and fellow man that much that we want them to suffer and freeze to death on the streets because they’ve “made their choices?”

            Anyway, my mom is very catholic, very pro-life, very anti-death penalty, had a baby when she was 19 and struggled on welfare for years. She sees this as a black and white issue for sure. I wish I did, too…. I just really need someone to finally convince me.

            Just thought it was interesting that you came on to this comment board, guns blazin’ and I’m glad to hear you have found a black and white area that suits you… that you are pro-life in every respect. I see your points and understand where you are coming from. I’m too full of questions to ever really feel the same certainty. Maybe you’ve got an argument up your sleeve, though.

            this was a long post… but whatever… we’re probably the only people still reading these comments! And it’s been nice not thinking about work..

  56. This made me wish I was one of the unborn. My only consolation is that she grows up to be this lady:

  57. I think there are plenty of gray-area issues. This one’s black-and-white, though, because death itself is black-and-white. There’s not much middle ground between letting a human being live or allowing her/him to be killed.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.