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I’m sort of willing to accept the fact that music is released posthumously, although there’s obviously something mildly creepy about it. And it’s pretty sad. And not just sad because they’re dead but sad because the music is DOUBLE bad. You know how the music of aging pop stars just gets progressively worse and worse as they fall ever further from the exciting spark that drove them into the sky in the first place? It just becomes this lazy, phoned in old person thing dripping with satisfaction and disinterest, probably recorded in some mansion basement somewhere, who even knows which mansion at this point, and even the artist doesn’t seem to understand why exactly they’re making another record except that that is what bought the basement in the first place so it just seems necessary at this point? You know what I mean? Now imagine they’re dead. Eek. Like, at the very least, the aging pop star selects the best of his or her terrible music to release for no good reason, but a dead pop star’s posthumous songs are the ones that even they were like “Let’s leave this one in the can.” Michael Jackson, rest in peace, but Michael Jackson at the height of an inhuman liquid-painkiller addiction, lying around in the wreckage of a shattered mind was like “We don’t need to put this song out, you guys, even I can see that.” That’s the way that it’s sad. But I get it. The artist is gone, and the artist’s fans want anything they can get their hands on, even sub-par mansion basement b-side outttakes. Fair enough. But a music video? Now we are just being morbid.
“What’s so morbid about it? I think it’s going to be dope!” Shut up, Akon.
Oh, here’s another thought real quick: if you ARE going to release a posthumous song from a dead international pop star whose passing seemed like kind of a big deal for a lot of people, how about you use all of your years of ProTools experience to figure out some kind of crazy workaround so that the first line of the song isn’t “This life doesn’t last forever.” YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF HOW GOOD GRIEF. Also: does the video HAVE TO include little children? They were not even alive when Michael Jackson was good, what do they care about Michael Jackson? He raped them, remember? You’re just digging up dirt, music video. Cut it out.
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“Micheal Jackson > Akon”
~ Stereogum
Moz does not approve:
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhh
Fun fact: Wikipedia lists Akon’s birth name as Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Badara Akon Thiam. I’d probably just go by one name, too.
Bouga Time is an awesome video game. Can’t go wrong with the classics.
This song is Bad
I think the opinions on this song will be Black or White.
It was not much of a Thriller
It may not be the best, but do you really think you can Beat It?
Billy Jean is not the lover of this little number either
What, facetaco? You Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’?
I just don’t like the way you’ve Ben talking about this song, is all.
It’s just not something I would want to Jam to.
Oh man. I think parts of this song are Dangerous.
this song is a real Liberian Girl
am I doing this right?
And it should feel bad.
Its definitely Human Nature to exploit whatever cash cow we can. Even if that cash cow is dead and no longer a P.Y.T. And sometimes I can turn away from the Man In The Mirror and be oblivious to the fact that They Don’t Really Care About Us. But eventually Another Part Of Me wishes these corporate vampires would just Leave Me Alone and keep it In The Closet.
This whole posthumous-video concept is really Off The Wall.
There was a big yikes with tykes moment, and if you blinked then you missed it.
I don’t know how I’m going to work in “Yikes with Tykes” into my day-to-day vocabulary, but I’m going to do it and it will be phenomenal.
I try to use the phrase “little lower, little slower” at least once a day. I’ll add “yikes with tykes” in there too, but probably not in the same conversation. HOPEFULLY not in the same conversation.
One guess as to where his other hand is.
Beet It #VegetableMichaelJackson
Remember The Thyme #SpiceMichaelJackson
Wanna Be Startin’ Salad
Diller
I’m in class stifling laughter. A+, sir.
Black or White Onion
The Way You Make Me Peel (Carrots)
Don’t Stop Til You Get A Squash
Man in the vegetable shop
Don’t Stop ’til You Get Endive?
Yam in the Mirror #vegetableMichaelJackson
P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Turnip)
Hold My Hand Ft. Daikon
Screamed Corn
The Way You Make Me Peel
Smooth Cucumber
Peel The World
Billie Bean
Yam in the Mirror
Don’t upvote me – I’m a plagiarist commentator! I give my upvote to GirlPhilosopher, who was clearly the quicker draw.
Accepted, and upvotes for sportsmanship.
Blood (Orange) On the Dance Floor
Baby Bok Choy Be Mine
Will You Be Pear
If pears were vegetables, that is.
Broccoleave Me Alone
I Just Can’t Stop Loving Rutabaga
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Get the hell outta here, cat.
They Don’t Care About Lettuce
Off The Slaw
Peas On Down The Road
Soy Soy Soy (ft. Paul McCorney)
Smooth Pickled Dill
Hold my Hand #deadmichaeljackson
Gabe, the law says that this Michael Jackson clip has to be at least 50 posts away from The Today Show Kid Clip.
I want you backyard garden
“I wanted to have a duet with MJ SO BAD that I had to wait for him to die before I could!” — Akon
“I would KILL for a duet with Micheal Jackson!” – Akon
(Too soon?)
Too GOOD
So the guy who freaks on underage kids at in concert does a duet with the guy who freaks on underage kids in private, AND it’s called Hold My Hand? This is almost TOO classy.
Hey, Akon was just doing what he does best:
he’s just a
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_vKsLFBQhcTI/ShTNv0gHtKI/AAAAAAAAANw/bPGtrVzPNuE/s400/Akon%252B-%252BTroublemaker%252B(Official%252BSingle%252BCover).jpg
Yeah, it’s really too bad he got
Well if they’re holding each others’ hands, at least the rest of us are safe.
“Your doing it wrong.” — Ellen Sirot
*You’re.
Irony.
When I read the title for this post my immediate thought was “Who is emcee Immeasurable Sadness and why have I not heard about him at the local cassette store?”
Immeasurable Sadness is all of our new band’s name.
for our next album, it will be titled: “Immeasurable Sadness: Drenched In Reverb”.
Nobody asked for anything Akon this year or any other year. A true holiday saving miracle.
“They were not even alive when Michael Jackson was good, what do they care about Michael Jackson? He raped them, remember?”
I <3 u Gabe.
I hate Akon because he sucks but also because he claims to be 29. Suuuuuuuuuurrrrrrreeee, Akon.
That’s Your Jenna Maroney
don’t worry children, ghosts cannot touch your places.
Not surprised, I have felt this way about Tupac since after 96 and Biggie since after 97. Then again they both died at the top of their game, Michael unfortunately died in the midst of attempting a rebirth so I wouldn’t have been surprised if he did this song while alive. Remember he paid Brando a million to utter one line in one of his “comeback” videos featuring Chris Tucker.
I’ve gotten enough. We can stop now. We don’t have to keep going.
“Also: does the video HAVE TO include little children?” Yes, Gabe. Especially in a slumber party setting. An absolute must.
#fullcircle