Start with your head down. Now slowly look up.

The description from YouTube raises so many more questions than it answers:

John Jacobson teaches his original choreography for the song Planet Rock. Planet Rock is an original composition of John Jacobson and all credit goes to him. The original video is also available for free viewing on his website at http://www.musicexpressmagazine.com/choreography.jsp. Enjoy the video, and may your double dream hands stay dreamy!

Like, OK, sure, but why is there original choreography for the song? Songs don’t just automatically get or require choreography. Are people really just supposed to learn this choreography on their own in their rooms and then just perform it willy nilly whenever this song comes on? And a follow up: does this song ever come on? About the song: should the word “rock” really be in the title of this song? This song does not rock. Perhaps another word? “Planet Yikes”? “Planet Awful”? Also, John Jacobson wrote the song, designed the choreography, and starred in the video, but he didn’t put the video up on YouTube himself, and whoever did clearly isn’t making fun of him but rather is just trying to support his work and get it out there, which leads me to my next question: why? And finally: “May your double dream hands stay dreamy!”? Really? Enough questions. LET’S DANCE THIS DANCE! (Thanks for the tip, Darci and Andrew.)

Comments (96)
  1. Are these the new Turbo Jam moves?*

    *please tell me there are some Chelene fans out there

  2. Hiding in plain sight… Clever move, Mr. Assange.

  3. I feel like Sal Romano’s wife right now.

  4. Damn, Bing! I’m trying to not get fired over here!

  5. When did he stop using the “Jingleheimer-Schmidt” part of his name?

  6. Kenneth had a lot of time on his hands after he resigned from NBC.

  7. i was gonna record a reaction video to this, but then i realized it would be 2:47 of this exact same face:

  8. “Double dream hands” is the new “tons of fucking sequins”.

  9. Ellen Sirot is all, like, “YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!”

  10. Looks like someone got Urkel’ed.

  11. Planet Rock has certainly gone downhill since Afrika Bambaataa & the Soulsonic Force moved away.

  12. The youtube comments make mention of Carlton’s dance from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. In the past two days I’ve had TWO SEPARATE conversations with friends and all of a sudden we somehow begin talking about the possibility of Jaden Smith starring in a reboot of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air show. It’s unsettling, and I’m taking this video as the third sign, meaning the prophecy will come true, I guess.

  13. This guy is kind of a twelve-trick pony.

  14. Honestly, he is too peppy for the hands to be dreamy. I was expecting something more ‘sleeping in a bed’ related. These are clearly Double Awake and Ready To Start The Day Hands.

  15. Ugh, Dad’s can be soooo embarrassing!

  16. I think this a training video for performers at school assemblies…those things are weird…I auditioned for one called ‘Arithmetickles’ once….

  17. As with pretty much every dancing video posted here, I am 100% behind this. Most likely the choreography was made and filmed for some sort of youth group or show choir and this was the easiest way to get it to people. And he’s having a good time! He’s enthusiastic, clear in his instructors, and if I were a kid I’d probably really like him.

    Is this going to be a snark-free Thursday for me? Only time will tell.

  18. I couldn’t help but be reminded of this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgK3ffkitME

    “He’s all pelvic thrust. He prowls.” — this guy’s dance instructor.

  19. Who’s got two thumbs and a penchant for sensible sneakers? Thumbs to yourself, big guy.

  20. It’s nice of the AT&T store to let John film these videos on his breaktime. TMobile wouldn’t let him and Cricket just doesn’t have the space.

  21. Take THAT Salsa Dog! Opposable thumbs win every time.

    I really like that the last two morning videos have been dance videos. I am getting in SHAPE over here.

  22. I am honestly 100% happy that someone else in this world thinks it’s also ok to dance with as little foot movement as possible. I can’t handle any other coordination

  23. Can we Videogum Everywhere flash mob this shit please?

  24. A strange premonition of Biebs in 30 years?

  25. It’s starting to look like triple dream hands!

  26. Mercutio: “Why is this white guy doing an impersonation of a black guy doing an impersonation of a white guy?”

  27. But these are Gold!

    • I swear to God, after the first few seconds of that dance I thought it was going to be the routine from Bring it On that every squad did. Total domination

  28. Getting gay with kids is here!

  29. “Update John Jacobson fans! John Jacobson will be taking PLANET ROCK on the road to a middle school near you! If you would like John Jacobson to come to your school please contact at louieandersonfan13@earthlink.com. Stay in school and keep your hands dreamin’!”

  30. Wait…. was it burst, double dream hands, shoulder roll, punch or was it double dream hands, burst, punch, shoulder roll? GOD! I am so hard on myself if I don’t pick things up quickly!

  31. rain hand? dreamhands? best new party game?

  32. i can’t wait to do this dance at my holiday party tomorrow!!!

  33. Yall, I’m just gonna go ahead and totally out myself as a chorus nerd here–John Jacobson is kind of a huge deal in the choral world (yep, that’s a thing). My mom, an elementary school music teacher, is OBSESSED with John Jacobson. She takes her choir to his clinics EVERY year, she totally geeks out about it, and it’s basically the highlight of her entire year. If I wasn’t so sure that John wasn’t a ladies man, I would just assume that John is probably my real dad.

    • Monster Show Choir? Anyone??

      • Yes, yes, yes, PLEASE yes. My mom, John Jacobson disciple, can choreograph everything. Her favorite dance step is the jazz square.

    • Can I just say that this video kinda brought out some PTSD from when I had to learn John Jacobson choreography in elementary school? Tell your mom to stop harming her students! I’m not being sarcastic; I’m being totally serious and earnest about this.

  34. Having never seen Glee, this is what I imagine it’s like.

  35. at least gary busey has a new hobby. finally.

  36. He’s totally a real thing and actually a big deal in the show choir world (oh, what a world).

    I went to a John Jacobson workshop when I was 14. With 3 of my friends and two music teachers. And now that I’m thinking about it, I cut my summer vacation short to go.

    • I went to one too when I was in middle school. The audience was entirely pre-teens and middle-aged women.

    • One of my coworkers does show choir choreography on the side. As a former show choir performer myself, I thought it was hilarious, and I showed it to him.

      He didn’t find it nearly as funny as I did. I actually am not sure if he is going to talk to me the rest of the day.

  37. This is great and all, but guys, the children are definitely still the future, right? (anything for a Simpsons jpg)

  38. You guys. I learned John Jacobson’s choreography in my… high school show choir. No lies. We performed at his “charity” “event”, America Sings. I THOUGHT I HAD EXORCISED THIS MAN FROM MY MEMORIES :( ((

  39. A couple of years ago I had surgery that damaged a nerve cluster in my shoulder, leaving me unable to raise my right arm above my head without fairly extreme awkwardness.

    I think what I am trying to say is that today I feel mildly discriminated against by the internet.

    Sadface. :(

  40. So we’re all learning this for the next videogum meetup, right?

  41. Experience the Double Dream Rainbow Hands at
    dreamhands.tumblr.com/

  42. Double Blane Hands

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