The only thing funnier than a junior high school principal punishing his students with a pop culture reference they are way too young to understand* is that saggy pants is still such a HOT BUTTON ISSUE. It’s 2010, everyone. The global economy is on the brink of collapse. America is forever embroiled in two foreign wars and a damaging intractable political stalemate at home. Winter is here. The Beaver. The Gulf of Mexico remains sludged with oil even if no one is talking about THAT anymore. Maybe we can RELAX about PANTS. That being said, DON’T GET URKEL’ED YOU GUYS! So embarrassing! (Thanks for the tip, Anchor Management.)

*So ridiculous. Kids don’t know Urkel from Adam and probably consider him to be from the same time period. Although, it’s very similar to when I was in school and teachers were concerned about students wearing their caps backwards, and so in order to teach us a lesson, if we were found wearing our caps backwards we were forced to wear our caps like Bartleby the Scrivener.
Comments (71)
  1. I prefer to get Urquelled

  2. I’d say this is more of an initiative to force at least one of those reporters into a mid-life crisis.

  3. Did I do that? (Submit this as a tip, I mean.) Yes. Yes, I did

  4. Do you think his resume includes “Extreme interest in the pants of underage children” as a selling point?

  5. Don’t wear proper eye protection in woodshop? Then you get Dwayne Wayned:

  6. You got urkle’d.

    That’s why your wins low.

  7. The conclusory “I like that” creeped me out. Everything is Terrible should have swooped across the screen.

  8. Cool principle. Cool solution.

  9. You’d think, with the childhood obesity epidemic, that they would’ve showed more Furkles.

  10. As someone who attended public school that required uniforms I can say, first hand, that teachers and administrators being more concerned with the propriety of my attire, rather than my academic performance, has led me to become the person I am today*! Good job school system!

    *A 24-year-old with a basically useless degree, stuck in a job she hates, spending most of her workday on a site that thrives on salsa dancing canines.

  11. Someone get that man a Mr Belding award.

  12. I guess this is better than being Colonel Klinked.

  13. I’m in

  14. This is an unflattering look for the Furkel’s out there. Isn’t being a teen Furkel hard enough?!?!

  15. This ought to teach those Eddie Haskells a lesson.

  16. Not as severe as the Balki Initiative, wherein violators are forced to wear vests.

  17. That’s why I changed my major from education to architecture. Couldn’t handle the prospect of zip tying little boys pants.

  18. This is why I love uniforms. That, and not having to look at a bunch of underwear sticking out of clothes and underage cleavage all day.

  19. How did Bartleby wear his hat?

    • Backwards, as Gabe mentioned. Ask him to turn it around though, and he will simply respond, “I would prefer not to.”

    • Yeah, I didn’t get this reference either. The story has no mention of a cap, or any hat at all, being worn by Bartleby? http://www.bartleby.com/129/
      Maybe it was some film production of the story? But a Google image search doesn’t seem to show any Bartleblies wearing a cap? Mysteries are all around us.

  20. Did anyone else get really uncomfortable when that white lady reporter was pulling up the young black man’s pants and gloating about it? Or the smug, racist, classist overtones of this whole report?
    Sorry team, I’ll go back to marxgum.com

    Never Forget!
    http://videogum.com/162551/new-york-state-senator-eric-adams-tackles-the-tough-issues/politics/

  21. look at that nerd in the video! trying to end gun violence in schools! good choice of video to show how nerdy he is.

  22. The most ridiculous part is that the TEACHERS get TROPHIES for enforcing the rule. ADULTS ARE BEING GIVEN ‘URKEL’ TROPHIES FOR FOLLOWING THE RULES.

  23. “Maybe we can RELAX about PANTS.”

    Nope, Gabe. Tuck in your shirt, pull up your pants, and get a haircut!

  24. Have fun at dinner.

  25. “After the break we’ll return to Westside Middle School for a special report to investigate an increasing amount of students who have been shitting their pants throughout the school day.”

    • i was wondering when someone was going to point out how it’s basically impossible to use the bathroom when your pants are all zip tied up. “don’t get urkel’ed, unless you want to get your pants pooped” is a pretty strong deterrent i would think…

  26. don’t pay attention in gym glass? you get waldo geraldo faldo’d!

  27. Mission: Impossible – Urkel Initiative

  28. I actually want to learn more about “Tunica Shelter”

  29. upvote for bartleby

  30. I prefer Bunny Colvin’s revolutionary Sagging-pants-terdam. His sectioning off the library as the no-belt zone may have seen increased saggy pants by 43% in the area, but it also saw 72% rise in the check of Hardy Boys novels.

  31. Idk man, I wouldn’t want a teacher all touching around my waste area lifting up my pants all to fasten a twist tie and whatnots all getting close to my gentlenesses. That’s not a friendship touch.

    • i agree, and i feel like there are some sort of legal implications here…cruel and unusual punishment, check…some sort of sexual charge (some asshole fascist manhandling my pants and binding them with zip ties…ZIP TIES?? – and a side note…the kid said you just have to deal with it or get a pair of scissors…wouldn’t you think they’d just start carrying scissors around??), check…and all under the clever guise of an old-skool principal with progressive ideas who was hip back in the 90s…child torture and molestation are NOT hip (not even in the 90s) and are NOT progressive dude…urkel would uproariously disapprove…and urkel’s smooth alter ego, stefan, would calmly shake his head in disappointment at the principal’s clear lack of judgement and 90s hipness

  32. waist*

    but I guess waste also works, because your butts are located near there.

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