“I’ve dated a few hand models in the past, sure, who hasn’t? But those relationships never worked out. I think the main problem with the other hand model girlfriends I’ve known is that they were always too self-aware. Like, they were down to Earth, normal people who simply used their hands as a way to earn a living or supplement their income from a regular day job. When you talked to them, they hardly even brought up their modeling, and if they did it was in a kind of charming, self-effacing way that let you know they didn’t take themselves too seriously and they recognized that it’s a hilarious world in which someone can make a fair amount of money just by letting someone take a picture of their hand holding a toilet brush, or whatever. I mean, who wants that? Who wants a human being who recognizes there’s nothing that special about them in a world of billions of human beings and that they just happened to have lucked out in this one tiny way that is not even particularly impressive. No, when I date a hand model I want her to be a fucking asshole. Big time. I want her voice to just ooze condescension and self-satisfaction, and I want hand modeling to be the only thing she’s capable of talking about. I want her to take pride in her virtual inability to do standard human things, such is her nightmare panic about getting, like, a papercut or some shit. Oh, I want her to just be the worst. That’s why I love Ellen Sirot. She gets it. We date.”

–You

If you like it then you couldn’t put a ring on it. It wouldn’t let you. It’s such a clown! (Thanks for the tip, Kate and admill. Also seen on Dlisted and Urlesque.)

Comments (110)
  1. I don’t know–it does seem like it might be tough to get a hand job.

  2. I can’t put a ring on it, it would mess up her hands and then she’d murder me

  3. But is she the master of her domain?

  4. In 35 years, her hands will be wizened and her nails brittle, but she will still be an asshole.

  5. Something something give her the finger. I’ll flesh out this over lunch.

  6. “Most people are still really amazed that I can make a full time living off about five inches”

    TWSS

  7. “That is not my girlfriend. She doesn’t cook OR clean.” – Men

  8. Even a 13-year-old boy doesn’t love his hands that much. Yuck!

  9. CBS evening news had a special on a hand model? For reals? Nope, not one single thing else more important in this world at all right now. Too bad FYI isn’t on the air anymore…

  10. Also, what part of walking through an elevator door requires use of the hands?

  11. Also, if she never uses her hands, does she flush the toilet? I’m surprised Katie Couric met he in her home. It probably smells of mildew and excrement.

  12. Also, I like saying the word also and commenting on this thread. #Factsabouttiredandwired

  13. She’s very hand-some. I suck.

  14. The hardest part about being her boyfriend is having to wipe for her. But you know, she’s so charming I really don’t mind.

  15. Ellen Sirot 4 Thing in the Addams Family reboot!

  16. Does she hire hand models to do her hand modeling so she doesn’t have to use her hands?

  17. I bet I could take her in a fight. Unless she kicks well…


  18. thanks concert_addict of course

  19. I’ve seen better:

  20. So she’s reached the pinnacle of her field, but that requires her to be paranoid and likely alienate everyone who ever loved her along the way? I feel like I’ve seen this somewhere…

  21. I’m worried about Ellen Sirot’s hands. Can they take the attention?

    Tomorrow’s news: Ellen Sirot’s hands get caught taking cocaine.

  22. That’s not my girlfriend. My girlfriend is the lovely woman who asked Ellen Sirot to show us how to do a proper pose, and then stuck up both her hands directly in front of her so we could all see how it’s REALLY done. I’m going to ask for her hand.

  23. I’m a hand model, mama. A finger jockey.

    http://bit.ly/bjLz54

  24. I am in love with how after the interviewer asks Ellen Sirot to help her strike a pose, Ellen Sirot just completely forgets what she’s supposed to be doing because she is so mesmerized by her own beauty pose. I think she even forgets that she is even being interviewed at all.

  25. “Something mundane for you would be a disaster for me.”–Ellen Sirot

    She’s a disaster for herself.

  26. This is basically what my hands look like

  27. This woman? This woman.

  28. You guys just don’t understand how tough it is being a hand model.

  29. Where can I find some Caressing Your Hands With Your Hand Cream?

  30. Oh my god. Thank you for posting this. I watched Bangs and all of my instincts to say something snarky about how terrible a singer he is were overridden by how great a guy he seems to be. Good for him, but then was this tension that I couldn’t shake; the need to unleash on someone. Here she is, a perfect target. You are horrible, lady! Whew.

  31. she does it better

  32. So does she pay people to follow her around to open doors, press buttons, write notes, wave goodbye, etc. for her? That’s really got to add to the hand modeler’s expenses, but it would probably be tax deductible.

    I was reminded of the joke where a guy winds up locked up with all the books he could ever want to read, but then his glasses fall off and break. In her case i imagine her making her way into a fallout shelter just before the apocalypse only to find it stocked exclusively with pull-tab cans of soup, twist-off top bottles, and no utensils.

  33. I really gotta hand it to you guys today!

  34. I can’t tell if she’s more or less insane than the woman who did the hand modeling for the first Twilight book and then went around NYC posing with an apple to see if people recognized her.

  35. 47 seconds and I could take no more of her hand stroking smugness

  36. there’s hope for her self defense abilities though [IMG]http://i51.tinypic.com/25tbvgx.jpg[/IMG]

  37. damn it what am i a comment board scientist???

  38. You may make fun of my girlfriend, but you see this house? Hand model money. The car? Hand model money. My apron? Hand model money.

  39. So how does she spend all her money from hand modeling if she can’t really… do anything? THAT’S NO WAY TO LIVE!

  40. Wouldn’t this aggressive disuse fuck up her dexterity and whatnot?

    She is our government’s perfect weapon against baby-tossing gypsy cons.

  41. Around the 2:05 mark….something in me died.

  42. i couldn’t even make it 20 seconds into this clip before closing the screen.

  43. she’s got a laundry list of excuses why she can’t do no woman things.

    it would make me happy if someone found a picture of chuck noblet saying to jerri blank, “MY HANDS!” during the violin episode of strangers with candy.

    as for me, i have to go practice this thing i was already good at without any practice.

    it’s a long week, ok?

  44. True story: one of my best friends from college is getting married to a hand model. She’s the sweetest person in the world though, nothing like this lady.

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