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Here we are at the end of yet another week. That seems to keep happening. Weird. Just kidding. I get it. “I get it, weeks.” — Gabe Delahaye. But also: it’s so dark outside! Have we talked about that yet? (Quick Poll: is talking about the time of day that the sun sets more or less boring than talking about the weather?) The other day I went outside and it was some straight up Sleepy Hollow shit. I wish my head WOULD fall off. (And I wish that I rode a horse around. It just seems noble.) And I will tell you something else: every year this happens and every year it is UPSETTING. Oh well. At least we have egg nog and pumpkin ice cream. Silver linings. Pumpkin linings. (I’m telling you, one Friday this post is just going to be a photo of me laid up in traction.) TGIFFFFFFFFFFF.

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Julia Roberts Coffee Commercial Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5  lawblog | Nov 29th Score:114

Sometimes you’re in an airport and you want a Cinnabon, even though you know it is bad for you, so either you get it and you feel shitty for the next 2-4 hours or you don’t, and instead get a salad which you feel good about. However, you’ll always wonder what that Cinnabon would have tasted like, so you get angry at the salad and lash out at it for no reason.

In conclusion, love is exactly like an airport.

Posted in: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Love Actually
#4  slothdrop | Nov 29th Score:117

So since I’m hispanic mine is Bat Man Man-Man Man Man.

Posted in: What Is Your Batman Name?
#3  huckabeast | Nov 29th Score:122

Awfully critical of someone who falls in love with a girl who doesn’t speak his language for a guy who just needs to ask Freida Pinto something real quick, aren’t we, Gabe?

Posted in: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Love Actually
#1  Mans | Nov 30th Score:136

The Gift of the Magi
by Violent O. Henry

So there were these two ninjas. Got me. This one real fine bitch with long fucking hair that she had dyed all these different fucking colors. And so she was shacked up with this one motherfucker who fucking killed it on the XboX. They were really fucking happy, what with all the weed and meth and Faygo and waking up in their own vomit after a wild night of Faygo induced bumpin on a nedden hole.

So but okay see, the guy, this ninja lost his fucking job at Food Lion where he worked in the dairy because he tried to push a pallet of milk jugs over on the manager. But the manager looked like a fucking fag or some shit and always gave him shit about coming to work on time and shit so the fucker deserved it.

But shit, get this, his juggalette also lost her job. She worked at the fireplace/video rental place out near the highway. They fired her for no reason just because the place burned down after she left a blunt going on the counter top or something. Totally fucking bullshit.

But so Christmas or some shit came up and they were sad because they loved each other, or I don’t know whatever that feeling in your dong is, and so they really wanted to get some nice shit for each other, but they didn’t fucking have any fucking money and the dude’s mom wouldn’t give him no more because he spent the last money she gave him on weed rather than formula for the baby.

Oh, they also have a baby. I am so fucking stoned, I forgot to mention it. Damn, where did I put it. Fuck it, I am sure the baby is fine.

Anyway, so like, the girl got real drunk and passed out and he guy shaved her head and sold her hair to a clown wig maker and took the money and bought the new fucking Call of Duty game for his XboX. She didn’t notice because she was hung over the next morning and her scalp always felt like it had ants on it. While he was in the bathroom taking a dump, she took his XboX and sold it at the pawn show and bought some hair dye so she could get it looking good for the Winter Gathering in Orlando.

Well, after she did that, she tried to dye her air and realized she didn’t have any and then he came out of the bathroom, or something, and realized that his XboX was gone.

They realized what they had done and how they’d been able to give each other the greatest gift of all and decided to just burn the apartment building down.

I still don’t know what happened to the baby.

Posted in: Juggalo Toy Drive, You Guys

[Ed. note: I suppose it is getting tiresome at the end of each week, in the round up of the best comments, for me to just say "great comments" everyone, and yet what would you have me do? They ARE great comments! I would like to give a special honorable mention to the Mark Ruffalo fan fiction thread in which some commenters put together the Videogum's 11 of Heist Crews.]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

unionman | Nov 29th Score:-48

Awesome. I love some good ole forefathers bashing in my pop culture blog. Super relevant stuff. If only our forefathers had the integrity and courage of rich, private school educated pop culture bloggers.

Posted in: The Walking Dead S01E05: CDCeez Nuts

[Ed. note: Haha. WHOA! I actually had to do some research on this one because at first I did not even know what was going on. Now, I could launch my defense, in which I explain that I'm not even sure I was making fun of America's forefathers (not that I WOULDN'T) but more was just making a half-hearted joke about the fact that my family, much like the family of many Americans, came to this country long after it was settled, and therefore don't have any kind of legacy-relationship to the revolutionary war outside of enjoying the results--oh and I could also point out that I am not rich and that I was educated in the public school system, but I'm sure that's beside the point--but ultimately, there is very little use mounting any kind of serious explanation because the fact that someone is ANGRY ABOUT A JOKE ABOUT BENJAMIN FRANKLIN IS HILARIOUS. Like, I am going to make as many jokes about America's forefathers as I possibly can just to piss Unionman off because it is the most entertaining.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

[Ed. note: Congratulations, Gangy. You earned it!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

[Ed. note: Two separate people TWEETED this comment because it is just a very funny comment, and I concur. It is as good as Ke$ha is awful. She's very awful!]

Comments (187)
  1. My head has fallen off. I will pay someone in pen-doodles and Starburst fruit chews to reattach.

  2. Congrats to lawblog for his first Monsters’ Ball, you deserve it!

  3. And now I know the secret to getting into the Monster’s Ball is racist Marmaduke comics.

    • Congrats, FLW!!!!!

    • You heard it here folks Frank Lloyd Wrong loves racism!

      I’m surpised you would need a secret you always crack me up.

    • I was exhausted and my finger slipped and I accidentally downvoted it when I meant to upvote it and I was (and am!!!) so unhappy about it! I’m also going to say that I was drunk and getting evicted.

      Also, the bee war letters to home were definitely the funniest thing I saw this week. You’ve been killing it!

      • You were evicted? Like, from an apartment? That question sounds stupid, but I ask because you mention “getting evicted” so casually. If my understanding is correct, and you were evicted from your home, then I sincerely offer my condolences! Please accept this tasteful sympathy jpg:

  4. Good week everyone! I just wanted to toss out a DSN stamp of approval to Polythene Pam, who I thought was killing it this week. I just like to point out good commenting when I sees it. I think I upvoted, like, all of your posts this week, Pam!

    That said, It’s getting cold out there! Stay warm with some tea!


  5. happy Hannukah monsters

  6. This was truly a weird, off-pace week. But you know what is not weird and off-pace? AUSTIN MONSTER’S MEETUP!!!!! Come one come all. RSVP here: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=145234912173504

    It’s a karaoke event but of course you’re welcome to just come and shake it.

  7. Oh man, Unionman, that comment is worse than George Washington’s dental habits.

  8. LAWBLOG YOU MADE THE BALL!!!! YAY!

    In other news:
    If you don’t keep up with Monsters on Twitter or chat, you may have missed this greatness by our very own Lawblog…

    Lawblog, much like Gabe, also enjoys fan fiction, and he has created “Gums of Our Lives” which follows the trials and tribulations of some of the Monsters.

    You can read the first two episodes here:
    http://thelawblog.tumblr.com/post/1663923644/gums-of-our-lives-episode-1

    http://thelawblog.tumblr.com/post/1729267333/gums-of-our-lives-episode-2

    If you don’t read this then YOU MAD!

    He will be writing a new one everyone week, so stay tuned!

  9. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  10. Ok, so as few of you may know Videogum was the first site I’ve ever joined (no Steve, I am not quitting) besides email. So much like Facebook is the internet to your mom, VG is the internet to me. I’ve really enjoyed this experience & I am glad I have not been murdered by any of you Internet weirdos I’ve met in real life. So anyways, lately all my internet activity (all free time activity to tell the truth-in fact I should be working because I have a big deadline coming up) has been related to VG. As you know the monsters are the cream of the crop Commentators* in all the land, but the content Is scattered all over the internet. This is why I had the idea to put all the monster activity that was off-topic to VG under one roof. I talked to WerttreW and he taught it was a good idea, he even agreed to let me put his content on the site. We then decided to have the site be a place where any monster interested in doing amateur blog style things can have a wider audience than if they were to post randomly at live journal. So we invited some of the brightest monster minds to be regulars on the blog.
    This will, in theory, be the number one stop for monster community news & we will have links to all the monster activity to the stuff we cannot host.
    So far we don’t have much but we will start posting this weekend. Look for posts from these rad characters in the upcoming weeks:
    • Wertrew
    • Notsewfast
    • Dr Girlfriend
    • SHellbomber
    • Godsauce
    • Concert_addict
    • Baby Friday & Teacherman
    • This is my Nightmare
    • Cake or death
    • Hipsterdad
    • Briadru
    • Lil Bobby Tables
    • Stupid Lisa Garbage Face
    • Zac Little
    • DS3M
    • Melsanie
    • GhostDad
    • Caring is Cool
    • Politically Neutral Dog
    • Lizzing
    • A Serious Monster
    • Incredimarc
    • Lawblog
    & more to come
    http://mobfd.blogspot.com/

  11. Oh man, this was a week. Between the Mark Ruffalo Rescue Squad and the awkward Love Pentagon I seem to be in with cakeordeath, lawblog, Jon Hamm, and Briadru4, I need a NAP.

  12. I changed my work computer’s desktop image to a picture of Cookie Monster driving a truck full of guerrilla warriors to save Mark Ruffalo from the TSA today. That’s totally normal, right?

  13. For all of us who didn’t make the ball…

  14. Congratulations to all the Monster Awardees. Y’all monster rock & thank you for giving 35 upvotes to a pic of a puppy that references Communism, Nazis, Arson, 9-11, Anti-semitism, & conspiracy theories.

    Special thanks to Patrick M for breaking the Masturbating on orphans glass ceiling.

  15. Anyone else just being flat out lazy at work today? I’m watching Dr. Who on my work computer RIGHT NOW.

  16. My comments have only been working sporadically throughout the week. I think this Monster’s Ball should have an Asterix next to it because I wasn’t really allowed to compete. LOVE YOU GUYS!

  17. I’d like to use this gif to explain the allure of Monster’s Ball, Gabe’s approval is the hand with a delicious treat always that little bit out of reach. Write on Monsters, write on.

  18. I maintain that I would have been in the Monster’s Ball with my “Frank Stallone” quip in the weird Norwegian talk show infomercial had it not been for a small typo…

    Wait, do you have to be a registered VG user to get in the Ball? I used to be a registered member until the great switch of 2009… I might still be.

  19. Ke$ha WISHES she could rap like somebody from a Wendy’s training video. (Hot Drinks is very underrated.)

  20. Sloth, I am so proud of you for making the Ball! Congrats, Little Buddy!

  21. Thanks for all the fun this week, friends!

    Happy Weekend!

  22. Sorry I wasn’t around much this week, but it seems like you guys did just fine without me. Which is, admittedly, a bit depressing. But great job everyone!!! Now…where did I put that scotch?

  23. My name feels so out of place within the collection of awesome people that made it
    into the monsters ball this week. I would like to give my congratulations to Lawblog.
    From your fan fictions to the music you write everything you do is absolutely hilarious.
    It’s weird to think that being on an internet best comment aggregation post can be an
    honor but when involves monster it is truly an honor, especially, as I’ve mentioned
    before, among the amazing commenters that make up this monsters ball.
    It was just nine months ago that I started commenting on this site, party because
    of Chris Trash’s encouragement. At that time I joked that based on the rate I was getting
    upvotes I would make monsters ball within two years. Well I’ve finally made it which
    means that I’ve accomplished my task. I take this as the first positive thing to happen
    to me in a long time. Recently I’ve been in a depressive slump culminating in a terribly
    unfortunate suicidal thought. Oh sorry. This is unfortunate that within this celebration I
    would attempt to bring everybodys spirits down. That is not my intent. I dont know what
    the purpose of this is. Mainly Congrats Lawblog. You Deserve It!

    It’s been a pleasure

    Jean-Luc “Slothdrop” Vila

  24. Congratulations everyone! Have a good weekend!

  25. Hi everyone! I’ve been mostly lurking since the Days of Lindsay, but I want to get up on my pedestal for a minute here to announce some great news! Obviously, it’s news that concerns me much more than any of you but irregardless.

    My sister was nominated for a Grammy! She’s studying cello at McGill University (the Harvard of Canada), and her cello teacher formed an ensemble that plays jazz pieces arranged for anywhere from 4-8 cellos. It’s pretty freaking awesome! They’re nominated for best classical crossover album, and are up against Bobby McFerrin, which is the best part.

    If you feel like checking out their album, here’s the iTunes link (hopefully this HTML works):

    Meeting of the Spirits – Matt Haimovitz & Uccello

  26. Every week I say to myself, “Next week is the week I’m going to really commit to commenting on Videogum!” Then I don’t, because I don’t have the time or anything funny to say. But I would like to thank all the monsters (and Gabe) for making this the only blog where I look forward to and enjoy reading the comments, as opposed to The AV Club somewhere I will often read the comments despite knowing they will irritate me. Thanks for being a place on the internet I would want to join in and be a part of, even though I’m not constitutionally much of a joiner or participant. You’re a swell group of folks.

  27. they call me papes now

  28. Thx, baller. :-)

  29. Happy Hanukkah, everyone! These guys know what i’m talking about:

  30. Let me see here….

    Yep, real good videogum week!

  31. I need to say this: Mans, that is stellar. One of the best VG comments ever, period. I wish I hadn’t missed it earlier in the week (so busy at work, no time for the important stuff.) Here: I am mailing you my watch AND my hair.

  32. Just photoshopped up a santa hat for my avatar. Anybody else want one? I’m bored and I like photomoshoppering.

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