“Could the Internet BE any more boring today?” — Bandler Ching

Boy oh boy, was it just me or was the Internet VERY boring today? It’s almost as if no one even cares about Trampoline Accidents when there is so much SHOPPING and WISHING to be done. Is anybody else having trouble sleeping at night because you’re just lying awake staring at the ceiling imagining all the presents sitting under the menorah?! Just kidding. I don’t do that. I’m an adult! All I want for Christmas is to pay my rent. But what do you guys want for Christmas? AND/OR what do you not want for Christmas? Good God I am bored! (Image via TheDailyWhat.)

Comments (169)
  1. I want this lightsaber.

  2. For Christmas, I’d like a caption contest.

  3. Donna Darko on DVD.

  4. I’ll accept love in the form of upvotes, or birds and reptiles to eat, or Call of Duty.

  5. All I ask for is some good quality time with my monste— FAMILY! Quality time with FAMILY. [collar pull]

  6. I will take one of these:

  7. On a serious note: I saw a blog entry the other day where a blogger had set up an Amazon search engine through her blog: http://althouse.blogspot.com/2010/11/hey-thanks-to-person-who-bought-shun.html

    As I understand it, if you search and buy through that dealy, she (the blogger) gets a little fraction of the purchase! I know I order most of my gifts through Amazon, so maybe a link that like for Videogum? As a thank you from us to Videogum?

  8. It was Black Friday, then Cyber Monday- can’t we name today, to fill the void in our lives…? Love Actually Tuesday…?

  9. I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock!

  10. I hope my Secret Santa Monster wishes for the GREATEST GIFT EVER because that is what my Secret Santa Monster is getting.

  11. All I want for X-Mas is for Gabe to review “Alpha Dogs” for THFTWMOAT.

  12. My wish is for world pea…ah fuck it. I want an iPad!

  13. More like Call of Doodie.

  14. All I want for christmas is to be able to

    PARTY, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. All I want for Christmas is a DECENT Adult Reusable Diaper; I could only give the Comfort Concept’s a Three star review, due it being a Cotton/Poly mix.

  16. To be Home Down South.

    With regard to the posted request, I found the Amazon reviewer’s complaint to be poignant.

    “This was my first venture into All-in-One diapers and it will be the last time I consider cloth adult diapers. . . . Given the positions of the snaps, the fit ranges from way-too-loose on the first set to you’ve-got-to-be kidding me tight on the second set.”

    All these problems and still three stars? The generosity and openness of the human spirit burns bright.

  17. I’d like some of these, please:

    Thank you!

    • I’d like to eat those without regretting it in January when I’m trying to wear my skinny jeans…

    • Is there a boston creme pie in there? If so, I’d like a boston creme pie. If there’s no boston creme pie I guess I’ll accept any of the others, but all I’m really trying to say is I love my favorite donut flavors when they’re festive. It’s true though. Dunkin’ Donuts every morning during my favorite holidays is tricky, yet dangerous?

  18. I’m a simple man with simple needs, and I want this

  19. A Husqvarna chainsaw, a bag of lime, some 10 gallon garbage bags, and my upstairs neighbor — who decided it would be a good idea to play Owl City’s ‘Fireflies” SEVEN TIMES very loudly at FOUR A.M this morning — to accidentally leave their apartment door open.

    • No jury would convict you.

    • The woodchipper from Fargo would do the trick pretty handily

    • My senior year of college, I lived in a suite with two roommates. There were two rooms, a kitchenette and our own bathroom.

      We were on the first floor of the dorm, and the only other room was right next to ours, backing up to our bathroom. There was an air vent in there that basically give direct communication between their room and our bathroom.

      One day, after my early class, I came back to the suite and took a shower. My bad fortune would be that while I was in the bathroom, the doorknob broke and I was locked in. My further bad fortune was this was the day that our next door neighbors loaded their six disc changer up with Dave Matthews Band live CDs and went to class with it playing, loudly.

      I sat for hours, alone in a bathroom in my boxer shorts, listening to endless jamming with nothing to even read. It was essentially “No Exit” but with fewer girls.

      I went mad that day. Just a little.

      For revenge, some nights, really late, I would go into the bathroom, stand on the toilet, and to my roommates’ glee, give rousing Churchill-style orations about winning the Big War in a terrible 1940′s British accent.

      • Will you be my suitemate?

      • Oh you are too cool. My roommate comes home everyday and plays the same playlist of early 2000′s popular rock, about 4 or 5 songs and whistles along with it. I’ve been here about two months now. :(

      • Mans, that exact same thing happened to me this summer. Only the three girls I lived with were high out of their minds watching “Forrest Gump” in the other room, dissecting every moment that was “soooo true” and “sooo sweet”. I sat, endlessly knocking, listening to the girls’ stoned philosophy on film. Torturous.

        I should also mention that this happened the morning after one of their friends stole my laptop (and years of work with it) during a party they threw when I wasn’t home. INSULT TO INJURY.

      • that happened to me as well, except I was sleeping over my friends house in 5th grade. We played Wayne Gretzky’s 3D Hockey until he fell asleep, and his sister had fallen asleep in the next room with Backstreet Boys’ album Millenium on repeat. Needless to say I didn’t sleep that night and now involuntarily scream every time I hear the song “Larger Than Life,” because that was my indication that after the album had finally reached the final track, it was starting up again.

  20. Hey Gabe some of us don’t celebrate Christmas! (Nevermind Hanukkah is no fun)

  21. All I’m asking for this year is an end to the War on Christmas. It’s gone on far too long, guys.

  22. Did the Secret Santa stuff get set up already? I sent an email expressing my interest in participating but I did not receive an elf invite or whatever I’m supposed to be expecting. I am a new monster, but I was looking forward to participating!

  23. I want nothing more than the joy of opening a ton of fucking expensive presents.

  24. As a Jew who loves Christmas songs all I have this time of year is confusion

  25. Today wasn’t boring, because Birdie’s Twitter feed made NYMag’s Approval Matrix!
    (She is very brilliant and relatively low-brow)


  26. For Christmas (and birthday… and future graduation) I already got a trip to England this summer with my parents. What I really want is for them to uphold this deal and get me nothing else. Last year my mom gave me a huge poster with cartoon cats on it. I kept it as a joke to prove to my friends how clueless my parents are.

    • My mom attributes everything I want to buy from September-December to my Hannukah gifts.

      “I will pay for those books, but you have to wait till Hannukah.”

  27. I need some loppers and a car charger for my iPhone, also the complete series of the Wire, who’s feeling generous?

  28. I want a red wig, some lawn darts, the complete works of Celine Dion, seven stuffed penguins and an entire drum of Smucker’s Goober Grape…… it’s for research.

  29. All I want, Christmas or otherwise, is a round trip ticket to Austin…

  30. I have a question: Can we send suggestions to Gabe? I always see (thanks for the tip Mary), or others of the like, on the bottom of some of his posts. If so, I just thought this was pretty funny:


    Moral of the story: “Life is not a sandwich”

  31. All I want for Christmas is an invitation to the Monster’s Ball… A PS3 would also be acceptable.

  32. For Christmas, I would like to be excused from the wicked awkward Secret Santa where I work. One year my Santa just asked me what she could get for me (thereby blowing her cover) and I said, “Uh, the new Wilco CD?” and then later she was angry at me: “I went to four stores before I found it. It took forever.” Another year the boss made us write down 5 things we wanted so I listed some cheapo DVDs, so naturally my Santa got me a gift card for a downloadable audio book. Another year I drew a high-level honcho in the Secret Santa and let me say, giving her a gift was a weird level of pressure. I guess I want a little less Christmas!

    I love Christmas, though. Christmas is the best. Eat it, Other Holidays! (Except Halloween. You can stay.)

  33. My Christmas wish is for someone to come and clean my apartment for me. Because apparently my brain thinks spending two days in my pjs on the internet is more productive. Being unemployed is awesome y’all.

    Or Sherlock on DVD. That would be great too.

    • I had a Thanksgiving dinner’s worth of dishes in my sink that I was intending to do on my day off on Sunday but instead I laid around in bed all day smoking pot and playing Final Fantasy Tactics on my Gameboy. For a minute I was disappointed in myself, but then I realized that playing FF and smoking pot is a way better way to spend a day off than doing dishes.

  34. I want A’s for christmas.

    Clearly I will get them because I am spending my study time on here saying that I want A’s for christmas but will not get them because I am on here saying that I want them (holy shit you guys I’m stuck in a fractal)

    • If I was a teacher I would give you an A, hell I would give all my students A, this is why I did not pursue education as a career path

  35. Oh, Amazon’s Frequently Bought Together, how you tease.

    I actually bought a vibrator and Buffy Season 8 from Amazon together recently, and I paused before clicking through. I was worried that my purchase would whir away into their computational matrix and somewhere down the line someone buying “Once More With Feeling” would get a terribly insulting Recommendation.

    I guess what I’m saying is what I’d like for Christmas is someone to bang, or at least more comic books.


  37. I want a joooooob for Christmas. A real one this year, not “part-time” or “contractual” or any of those lies.

    Barring that, I would like a OnePiece. If tall, good-looking, athletic Norwegians are wearing them, then why not a smallish, shortish, unemployed Californian? WHY NOT?

    • My favorite part is her little penis.

    • Speaking as another smallish, shortish, unemployed Californian who wants a OnePiece – STRENGTH IN NUMBERS

    • I just got a OnePiece for my birthday and it’s absolute fucking heaven. I’m wearing it right now, I wore it out to the store yesterday, and I am seriously considering wearing it to the office tomorrow, which might be awkward because I’ll be giving rapid-HIV tests to teens all day. OnePiece forever (and good luck with the job hunt)!

      • I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU RIGHT NOW. And I bet those teens will feel much more comfortable getting an HIV test from someone in adorable hooded pajamas than someone in whatever regular clothes. Basically it’s public service, wearing it.

  38. Murphy Brown seasons 2-10 on dvd. It’ll never happen :-(

  39. I am really afraid someone is going to buy me a kindle/e reader for Christmas. It makes sense; I love to read, I am technologically “with-it”, they’re trendy. And it would be a moderately expensive gift so I would have to pretend to love it.
    But I hate those things so much.


    • I have this same fear. I have already decided if I get one, I will use it to read all the free public domain books that I sometimes wish I had read like a good student in school, like Great Expectations and Return of the Native and so on.

    • i got it for christmas last year and it is my MOST prized possession.

  40. Well, it is the Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment. #bookgum

  41. For Christmas, I would like a Videogum convention, held in a location equidistant from where each of us live. I don’t think that’s too much too ask.

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