wonderful_life

So, we need to select the next round of nominees in the Hunt, and I was thinking: what if we did a condensed block in December of JUST holiday movies? Wouldn’t that be MAGICAL? No. It would not be magical. Get real. But it could be fun. Or what’s the opposite of fun? Right. ANYWAY: what are the four worst holiday movies that we should watch and make fun of for the month of December? Please do not nominate Family Stone as we have already covered Family Stone. (But boy oh boy, do you guys remember Family Stone? It might actually be pretty tough to find a holiday movie that is worse than Family Stone. And yet somehow I think we can do it. FINGERS CROSSED, I’M SURE.) Whichever nominees get the most “support” in this comment thread (and only this comment thread) will be the movies that are selected, so if you see something say something.

THE MOST WUGHNDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR! WHAT DO YOU GET FOR THE MAN WHO HATES EVERYTHING? AND OTHER LAZY JOKES!

Comments (416)
  1. Christmas OR Hannukah? Fuck you, Bing. Chrismukkah forever!

  2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), starring Jim Carrey and Taylor Momsen.

  3. I’d like to nominate “Home for the Holidays.” No fun, that one.

    • I concur! It’s horrible.

    • Boo! That movie’s always makes me laugh, but maybe that’s because I am blessed to have a family that always does engage in absurd arguing at holidays.

      “I’m giving thanks that we don’t have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those bastards went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us.”

    • I’m sorry, I must strongly disagree with this nomination. I will concede that sometimes the dialogue is a little ham fisted, but there are some great meditations on aging and growing apart from your family in that film. It might not deliver yucks every ten seconds, but I think it still ranks as a great film.

  4. 8 Crazy Nights? 8 Crazy Nights

  5. SO EXCITED YOU GUYS!

  6. How the Tinychat Party People Saved Christmas

  7. Nothing like the Holidays, starring John Leguizamo.

  8. Jingle All The Way

    Four Christmases

    Ernest Saves Christmas (which is so bad it’s good)

  9. I nominate Jingle All the Way. Because it is terrible.

    • I remember Jingle All the Way well. I was young, and in my mind, Arnold Schwarzsomeletters and Sinbad could do no wrong. I went to the theater with such high hopes, lofty as only a boy’s can be. And, as I watched, in my tiny, tiny mind, a sinking, sad, realization detonated.

      I nominate Jingle All the Way, Gabe. For it was the first movie I ever hated.

      • I remember watching Jingle All the Way when it came out and thinking: My god, what a morally corrupt world we must live in to have the star of Commando running around trampling old ladies, poisoning reindeer, and breaking into his neighbors’ houses just to buy a plastic toy to act as a surrogate father for a neglected son.

        I was nine. Jingle all of the way stole my childhood.

        • Can Jingle All the Way even be in the hunt? I believe Gabe has some form of “cannot be intentionally horrible” rule about the hunt. Or are we turning this into a different form of TOFTT?

          Either way, it will be enjoyable. Jingle All the Way is awful.

    • I actually like Jingle All the Way!

    • Upvotes for Jingle All the Way.

    • Upvotes all the way!

    • i watch it every year. it is terrible. i love it so much.

  10. Four Christmases. I haven’t seen it, because no duh it looks like garbage, but I mean it’s probably garbage, right? Ergo, perfect.

  11. Fred Claus. Or Four Christmases. Any Vince Vaughn Christmas movie, really. (Even though I SUPER LOVE Reese Witherspoon. What a terrible life decision!)

  12. Love Actually – that is all.

  13. Four Christmases, starring “Ugh, that guy is so annoying” and “Oh not her again, she’s everywhere these days” and directed by “I don’t even care, that guy probably had no artistic say in the development of this shitty movie and is probably only there for the money anyway so why doesn’t Four Christmases just GO TO BED!”

  14. I know you said 4, but I figured we could just see which two of these don’t get more mentions.

    Fred Claus
    Jack Frost (the Michael Keaton One)
    Santa Claus: The Movie
    Deck the Halls
    Surviving Christmas
    Christmas with the Kranks

    • Christmas with the Kranks! That’s the one I couldn’t remember!

      • Oh god, I totally second Christmas with the Kranks! My dad bought it one year and claimed it’s because he went to the Christmas aisle at Best Buy and just arbitrarily picked one up. Whatever, dad! I know you love it.

      • One million times yes please on Christmas with the Kranks! I think I saw the opening fifteen minutes of it last December and before I knew it I was looking up plans on the Internet on how to make a dirty bomb to destroy everything that ever existed.

      • Is that the one with Jamie Lee Curtis?

      • FUN FACT ER’RYBODY:

        Christmas with the Kranks is actually based on a John Grisham novel. “Skipping Christmas”, according to the Wikipedia.

        JOHN GRISHAM!

        • And it was adapted by Chris Columbus, who is de facto the worst.

        • Thank you for this FUN FACT! I knew there was another reason why the existence of this movie has sent me on a year-long quest to find a shotgun and some shotgun shells for my face. Man, I hope this movie makes it on the list. This movie is the “holiday comedy movie” equivalent of a Thomas Kincaide painting: a saccharine, cloying, artificial piece of steaming cynical dogshit made by a royal asshole.

          (I kind of don’t like this movie.)

    • Upvote for Jack Frost — it’s so awful! he gets reincarnated as a snowman! why, michael keaton, why?!

      • re- Jack Frost
        …spoiler alert?
        And he’s dead! It’s the saddest Christmas movie ever! Cause right when you think it’s Christmas miracle he’s still just a dead father! What were they thinking!

      • Oh! Can we please do Jack Frost, the horror version? I know it’s disqualified based on the A-list stars rule, but Shannon Elizabeth was some one people used to talk about. Did I mention it’s a horror movie? About a snowman? Seriously, I’ve always wanted to nominate some horror movies that I never thought would make it. I’m feeling brave today.

    • “Surviving Christmas: A Movie about Not Seeing This Movie.” (This is me seconding you.)

    • JACK FROST PLEASE. I am so glad this is getting the recognition it deserves. The Michael Keaton one is actually worse than the porn/horror one, which is really saying something!!!
      Also: Christmas with the Kranks which is a total bastardization of a not entirely awful book.

    • Santa Claus: The Movie. Two minutes ago, I’d forgotten this movie existed, but now fervently believe that Videogum recap of this movie is the only thing truly worth wanting in this cold, cruel world.

      • If that is the one with Dudley Moore, I saw that with my mom in the theaters while we were taking a break from shopping or something, and we were both speechless at how bad it was. I can’t remember how old I was but I think I still had some tiny vestige of my Arthur-era Dudley Moore crush and that movie killed it.

        • Yes, it is so very the one with Dudley Moore. And John Lithgow as an evil candy mastermind! And SPARKLY PINK CANDY THAT MAKES YOU FLY. If this doesn’t get picked for Worst Holiday Movie, I’m going to Amelie-style promote it for Worst Movie Ever Generally.

      • Totally agree. A dismal movie. Those Tim Allen Santa movies suck, too, but not like the Dudley Moore abomination.

  15. Duh. Die Hard II.

  16. Santa Claus: The Movie

    • I second not cause I hate it (I actually nostalgically love it because of the 90s-ness of it and Bernard the Elf) but because I just would love to relive the awesome and horrible through Gabe’s diatribe

    • Yes, PLEASE Santa Claus: The Movie. I also nostalgically love this but despite not having seen it in years can remember so much content worthy of Gabe remarking upon: (a) every scene John Lithgow is in; (2) every scene in which a reindeer emotes; (d) the horribly miscast “lovable street punk” who looks exactly like the Hot Girl Turned Fake Dude from Just One of the Guys; (4) DUDLEY MOORE AS AN ELF, YOU GUYS!; (5) so very many elves; (6) “New York City in the eighties”; (7) magic candy that makes you FLY and is colored puce; (8) the fact that the word “puce” is used more times in this movie than anywhere in the English language.

      Come on, it’s SO WORTHY.

  17. Oh, there are too many!

    Surviving Christmas (An all-star cast led by Ben Affleck)
    Deck the Halls (I watch it every year, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a nightmare!)

  18. Also, Surviving Christmas.

  19. Love Actually

  20. i nominate two movies i love, because i didnt read the rules thoroughly.

    one is a christmas special called “the christmas toy” and it is really similar to toy story except it stars puppets, and kermit the frog shows up and sings a song at the end, out of no where.

    the second is also a christmas special, “will vinton’s christmas special” its claymation and its basically a musical revue hosted by two dinosaurs and featuring a number by the california raisins.

  21. Christmas Shoes, the made for tv movie starring Rob Lowe based that stupid fucking song.

    • I am going to have country music themed nightmares if I watch that movie.

    • In the rubbish Christmas market in Glasgow, I heard a country song about the true meaning of Christmas.

      I am really worried that I will end up hearing “Christmas Shoes” for the first time in my life. Patton Oswalt’s line-by-line takedown hasn’t prepared me enough.

  22. Also does The Holiday count? Jack Black seducing Kate Winslet yuck

  23. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  24. Undercover Christmas starring Tyne Daly and Jami Gertz!

  25. Does that Robin Williams Toy movie count?

  26. It’s been mentioned already, but I’m also nominate Deck the Halls. It’s SO AWFUL. Kristen Chenoweth needs to stop making terrible choices for movie roles.

  27. Surviving Christmas
    Four Christmases
    Christmas With The Kranks
    Jingle All The Way

    and THE SANTA CLAUSE

  28. Oh and I absolutely support a nomination for HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS

  29. Star Trek: Generations

  30. Thomas Kinkade’s “Christmas Cottage.” Just a terrible movie.

  31. The Family Man has Christmas AND Nicholas Cage AND Jeremy Piven.

    • AND Brett Ratner!

    • GIVE ME THAT CAKE

      I’m sorry, what were you saying?

    • I enjoy this movie and I don’t know why. I’m sappy maybe? I would never try to defend it; I understand I’m alone.

    • I was also going to nominate The Family Man. I think it is a defensible movie, on some levels, but it DOES have Nicolas Cage and it DOES have that annoying “what if i took the other road” plot line that SEEMS original when you see it when you’re 14 and wistful, but later when you realize that EVERYONE wonders that sometimes and comes up with the same nostalgia but that REALLY you can’t go back and even if you could you would likely not be any happier and also you are a grown up so stop whining about your high school girlfriend, THAT’S when you realize, this movie is dumb.

      It is basically “The Two Paths of Virginia Apple,” THE MOVIE starring NICOLAS CAGE!

    • Once again every time I see “The Family Man with Nicolas Cage” I get confused and immediately think “The Weather Man” which is def WMOAT material but not really christmas-y – Michael Caine, camel toe, and totally inappropes-ness, ugh – so I also get confused when people say they like this movie, but am relieved when I realize my mistake

    • Don Cheedle getting paid!

  32. The Santa Clause 2, way worse than the first one, if that is possible!

    • I was going to nominate the 2nd Santa Clause, but I just remembered while on wikipedia, that a 3rd Santa Clause exists so I nominated that instead. Tough call though, I’m sure they’re both THE WORST.

  33. I thought the Hunt would be over for the rest of the year, but now I feel like Christmas has come early! Although I’m pretty convinced that the Family Stone is the worst, I’m sure there are others that will come pretty darn close. Por ejemplo:

    Jingle all the way
    Fred Klaus
    Four Christmases
    Deck the Halls
    How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the Jim Carrey one)
    Black Christmas

    Anddd, just to upset the apple cart:
    Home Alone

  34. The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause because wikipedia had this quote for me when I was trying to remember the name of this( / if it actually existed and it wasn’t just a nightmare I had once); “In the UK, Mark Kermode described it in 2006 on BBC Radio Five Live as “the cinematic equivalent of tertiary syphilis”.

    Enjoy!

    Also I’m not sure if it counts but The Holiday with Cameron Diaz (GROSS) and Kate Winslet (why, Kate, why!??!). That was such a typical terrible romantic film my mum forces me to watch with her.

    If it doesn’t count, please change my vote to Four Christmases because my mum also forced me to watch this. Yuck!

  35. Quick question though, aren’t children’s movies not allowed in the hunt? So many Christmas movies are made specifically for children. I want to include Home Alone 2: Lost In New York, but I’m not sure if it counts.

  36. Reindeer Games…? Was that holiday related? I just remember it was terrible.

    Best Christmas movie- Die Hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  37. Miracle on 34th Street. That movie blew. Blows. Is blowing.

  38. Trapped In Paradise also has Nic Cage and bank robbing and Jon Lovitz.

  39. 4 Christmas’ is a given.

    But may I suggest, “Just Friends” starring Ryan Reynolds, Amy Smart and Chris Kline. Literally the worst movie about the worst people in the world. Please avada kedavra that movie.

  40. The 90s horror film Jack Frost starring Shannon Elizabeth

  41. Christmas movies that I WILL be watching, worst or not:

    The Long Kiss Goodnight.
    The Gremlins
    Batman Returns
    Toys (starring ROBIN WILLIAMS…and JOAN CUSAK…and I LOVE THIS MOVIE.)
    Mixed Nuts.

  42. Eyes Wide Shut

  43. The Hebrew Hammer

  44. While You Were Sleeping is my pick. It’s one of those movies that is a romantic comedy but in real life everyone would be in jail. Sandra Bullock saves the Eyebrows of Seth Cohen’s Dad from getting his by a train. But then he’s in a coma so she pretends to be his fiancee. But then she falls in love with his brother. Then he wakes up and falls in love with her so she has to choose between…WHO CARES SHE’S A SOCIOPATH AND WILL SELL YOUR ORGANS FOR CAT FOOD. Which either means that she’ll sell them to be turned into cat food or that she will take cat food in exchange for them. Maybe both because she’s terrible.

    But my Dad’s college roommate directed Jingle All The Way so that’s good too.

  45. The 2005 horror film Santa’s Slay

  46. While Christmas with the Kranks in point of fact IS the worst holiday movie ever, Love Actually would be the most fun to PRETEND is the worst holiday movie ever. So please do both.

    • Yeah let’s just PRETEND Love Actually is an awful, unmitigated cloying mess of hollow characterisation and badly edited, vomit-inducing fairy tales – I can do that.

      • Hey now, Hey Now! I absolutely agree that Love Actually is all those things, but Christmas with the Kranks is an actual celebration of our most superficial, materialistic, conformist holiday impulses, executed with zero comic flair and featuring no appealing actors (Love Actually at least had Bill Nighy). Ergo, it is worse.

    • this christmas, I’m getting her Dan Aykroyd’s face

    • True story: The first time I ever saw anyone making out in a movie theatre was at Christmas with the Kranks (I WAS LIKE 14, OKAY? WE SAW MOVIES! ANY OLD MOVIE!). What is worse it that I had actually come to theatre with them.

    • YES! I too want Gabe to trash on Love Actually even though Christmas with the Kranks is undoubtedly worse… If both movies are chosen I will be extra extra happy.

      Hey Gabe, guess who is also in Love Actually? GRIMES!

  47. Bad Santa (we need a little diversity as far as outlook don’t we?)

    Home Alone 2 (double header? the sequel has Rob Schneider!)

    Scrooged (this is my favorite holiday movie. it is my christmas present to Gabe nominating this)

    Groundhog Day (cheating)

    Born on the Fourth of July (more cheating. and floppy penis talk)

  48. This won’t get much support because it wasn’t very high profile (read: it was awful), but Christmas in Wonderland is easily, without any shadow of a doubt, the WORST Christmas movie ever made. It stars Patrick Swayze (in one of his last roles) and Chris Kattan (Chris Kattan!) as a crook who chases Swayze’s kids around the biggest mall in the world while they spend all the crook’s money that *literally* lands in their lap while Carmen Electra makes sour faces all movie.

    The fact that it’s set in my home city and it features just about every character universally agreeing on how terrible and unlivable that city is is just a personal highlight for me, but seriously, this movie needs more recognition for how nightmarishly, hilariously bad it is.

    If you still don’t believe me, I submit this scene, in which one of the children discovers the North Pole (done in claymation, obviously) in a janitor’s closet down a long maintenance tunnel in the mall, teaching him about the magic of Christmas:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOqBJJuEeBE

    • Whoa, that animation is a lot more awful that I was expecting, even with your context of this as a nomination for the hunt. I second your nomination!

      • At the risk of beating a dead horse, the trailer is equally appalling:

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOgcKSCF7Hk

        • HEY, POLYTHENE PAM!

          I WORKED on that movie! I got to meet most of the cast! Chris Kattan was kinda stuck up (word going around set was he was on a lot of coke) but Swayze, Preston Lacy and Tim Curry were very nice people.

          I live in Edmonton TOO! Do you still live here?

          • I sure do!

            That’s wild. I think my favourite part of the movie was the intense CG overlay they had to do of the outside shots of the mall to make it look somewhat appealing, because WEM looks like a jail. Was everyone aware of how bad a movie they were making at the time? (no offense to your own contributions, unless you happened to write / direct / play one of the terrible terrible children characters in the film)

            Also, are you the Mike Robertson that does (did?) improv at the Varscona? If so I’ve totally seen you a bunch of times. You’re hilarious! (no stalko)

          • I sure as hell was aware of how terrible that film was when I was working on it. I was just a lowly production assistant, so i was getting paid 16 bucks an hour to stand around and guard the craft service table from West Edmonton Mall passers-by.

            And yes, I am that Mike Robertson. I’m glad I’m at least somewhat of a D-list Edmonton celebrity, if such a thing exists as Edmontonian celebrity rankings.

            What’s your story? Have I seen you somewhere?

            I’ve never met anyone from my city on a website before! Seems a strange thing to be excited about but here we are!

          • I totally thought I replied to this already.

            I’m just a lowly Edmonton civilian, I don’t think you’d know me (Jeff Woodcroft, just in case). I work at for the Students’ Union at the U of A… I’m responsible for all the Hudson’s girls in tight clothes and money tunnels that show up at all the big events on campus. And that’s somehow less exciting than it sounds.

            And yeah, meeting someone from the Internet from the same city is rare.. meeting someone I’ve actually heard of before is just bizarre.

    • Thirded for the CGI mall elves and their hollow nightmare gaze.

  49. WHAT IS THE NAME of that terrible movie starring…Denis Leary? …ok it is the Ref. It is awful. AWFUL. (right? i don’t remember anything except that the sun was kind of gay, the mom was the worst, I hate Kevin Spacey and the show was awful.)

    SO, I nominate: THE REF (1994).

    • that movie was almost (maybe not almost) enjoyable for the unbelievable frothiness of Kevin Spacey and his wife for each other. was that Annette Benning? American Beauty Episode 1: Attack of the Crones (yuck sorry). and then they want a divorce. and then they tell his mom that they hate her. AND THEN THEY’RE IN LOVE AGAIN. perfect.

      • I’m pretty sure the wife was played by Judy Davis, and that the movie was actually not that bad. I could be wrong on both accounts, though…

    • I walked in on my college roommate playing with himself to that movie!

    • “Mom, next year for Christmas I’m going to buy you a great big cross, so that the next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.”

      I could never hate that movie for this line alone.

      • I could never imagine a human being coming up with that metaphor and phrasing on the spot, but I’ll agree it’s one amazing zing and assume Spacey’s character had it chambered in his brain somewhere, ready to explode.

      • Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey KILL IT in this movie. And Christine Baranski.
        “Slipper socks! Medium!”

        Dennis Leary, however, was just laying the groundwork of proof that he is a terrible actor.

    • It was just a vehicle for Dennis Leary to be Dennis Leary. Not that I mind that per se, but that movie was terrible and I second the nomination!

    • Weird thing about that movie is it came out in the summer. Judy Davis is pretty entertaining in it.

  50. Lethal Weapon!

  51. This is not a movie but this happened 3 times to a friend of mine: His mother’s main Christmas present to him was a Mannheim Steamroller Christmas CD. Twice it was the exact same one:


    Which means I owned a copy.

  52. EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS, that Adam Sandler garbage cartoon based on a song he used to sing about Chanukah on Saturday Night Live! Whether or not you enjoyed that song, the moralizing-yet-ribald cartoon full-length animated film version is not good. It’s maybe even the worst.

    (is animation forbidden? I can’t remember now. But it is not a children’s film, at least)

  53. Babes in Toyland (1986) starring Drew Barrymore and SAD KEANU.

    • I was going to nominate that too, but I haven’t seen it since I was 10 and I couldn’t remember if it was 90s bad or actually bad.

  54. Might I tempt you all with the following holiday classic:

    Santa With Muscles, starring master thespian Hulk Hogan, directed by John Murlowski, acclaimed director of Cop Dog and Next Stop Murder. Santa with Muscles was written by Jonathan Bond, who you all know as conquered Hollywood following his appearance as “Waterslide Attendant” in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

    The plot gets rather tricky, but follow me here: “An evil millionaire (Hulk Hogan) gets amnesia and then believes that he is Santa Claus.” — Entirely plausible and entirely hilarious.

  55. how about the passion of the christ?

    don’t really watch that though

  56. What about “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past”. Is that a holiday movie? it should be right? its a modern day shit adaptation of A Christmas Carol. Thats my nominee.

  57. A Christmas Story ::hides::

    • Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!

    • I upvoted you as part of the Upvote Avengers’ Campaign Upvote, but I want to be very clear that I do not approve.

    • Who has a “You’ll shoot your eye out!” Gif?

    • Im sorry scotchka but,

    • I completely agree. I did not see this movie as a child, and saw it two years ago for the first time. I turned it off halfway through I was so bored. And I’m the guy who sat through all of “Troy.” Perhaps if I had seen it as a youth my opinion might be different, but yikes. So boring.

      • Whoa. I went to Troy in the theater and people were loudly sighing throughout it. Only movie I’ve ever seen where that happened, but I agreed.

        A Christmas Story is okay. I never saw it until I was an adult but I think it’s a mandatory watch when your relatives are annoying you and you want to escape and it’s the only thing on TV.

    • I actually came on here to vote for this movie.

      IT NEEDS TO BE TAKEN DOWN A PEG, IS ALL I’M SAYING.

      It has too much nostalgia on its side for people to realize that it is really not that GREAT.

    • Yep. This is not a good movie to watch for the first time when you’re older than 15.

    • I agree. I don’t know what to think about this movie. I’m not sure if I think its hackneyed and cliche’d because:

      1) It is actually those things or
      2) It is on so much and everyone talks about it so much, that its really only hackneyed and cliche’d because of its own prevelance (if that makes sense).

      But anyway. I can’t stand it and really am not looking forward to the mean looks from my friends and co-workers when I express that opinion.

      Also – I second any nominations for the Ref. That movie stinks (and I am fond of both Ted Demme and Dennis Leary).

    • I DON’T GET IT. I tried to sit through this movie at ages (roughly) 9, 14, and 20 and at no point along the maturity spectrum did I find this movie entertaining or endearing or in any way enjoyable. “You’ll shoot yer eye out!” DO IT, KID! Then we can all learn a valuable lesson about firearm safety and nobody will think that manufacturing an actual leg lamp to sell at Archie McPhee’s will be a good idea.

    • Oh come on, my family pretty much watches that movie all day on Christmas. It’s just fun. Where is your Christmas spirit?

  58. GINGERDEAD MAN.

  59. “Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure” is worth mentioning. Nobody has seen it except me (hopefully), but I assure you it exists and it’s as embarrassing as you might imagine. Made for TV, so maybe that disqualifies if officially. Unofficially, it’s easily the worst.

  60. Eight Crazy Nights.
    Bad Santa.

    Also there’s some Christmas drama called “Noel” with Robin Williams, which is probably the worst.

  61. You should do all three Santa Clause movies as one entry.

  62. Jack Frost (family film starring Michael Keaton)
    Jack Frost (horror film)
    The Polar Express
    Unaccompanied Minors
    While You Were Sleeping

    • I’m really sad that you are the first person to nominate The Polar Express. That movie was so terrible! I felt like I was sedated for an hour and a half.

    • The Polar Express is 90 minutes in the uncanny valley I’ll never get back.

      Nominated!

    • I KNEW I LEFT OUT SOMETHING! The Polar Express is one of two movies I have ever walked out on. I knew it would be bad, but I was forced by my parents to go with them and my baby brother to something he might enjoy for the holidays. It was so boring and the animation was SO CREEPY that I couldn’t take it and had to leave. Thankfully my parents and then 6 year old brother didn’t enjoy it either so I didn’t feel bad spending the car ride home ripping it to shreds.

      Please do The Polar Express, Gabe! Awful film.

  63. The Santa Clause, obviously.

  64. The Holiday “starring” Cameron Diaz as the world’s WORST should be at the top of your list of the bottoms.

    Also, LOL, and OF COURSE to Unaccompanied Minors.

    Most importantly, anything with Tim Allen, forever and ever.

    • Yes, please consider The Holiday! It’s so bad it made even Cameron Diaz cry (a little in-joke for those who have suffered through The Holiday, some of whom are still in The Holiday Intensive Care Unit. Our hearts go out to you!)

  65. Since wrestlers make the best actors:

    Santa with Muscles starring Hulk Hogan
    and
    Santa’s Slay starring Bill Goldberg

  66. Nothing to do with TWMOAT in my book, but does anyone else really, really enjoy “A Very Merry Muppet Christmas”? I’m really bummed out that Netflix doesn’t carry it. So bummed out that I’m considering using a trial membership to Blockbuster just so I can watch it with my wife.

  67. Can I still nominate “I Heart Huckabees”? I think they talk about President’s Day or something at one point and as we all know that is a holiday. Also, the movie is a total piece of shit.

  68. PRANCER. Good God.

    From IMDb:

    “Jessica, the daughter of an impoverished apple farmer, still believes in Santa Claus. So when she comes across a reindeer with an injured leg, it makes perfect sense to her to assume that it is Prancer, who had fallen from a Christmas display in town. She hides the reindeer in her barn and feeds it cookies, until she can return it to Santa. Her father finds the reindeer an decides to sell it to the butcher, not for venison chops, but as an advertising display.”

    There is also a subplot where the little girl sings too loudly in the church choir.

  69. Four Christmases

    Christmas With The Kranks

    Last Holiday with Queen Latifah

    Geez, there are a lot of bad Christmas movies. Are there other winter holidays with bad movies?

  70. The Toy, with Richard Pryor and Jackie Gleason? I think it mentions Christmas… it came out around Christmas, I know that much.

  71. This may never be read but i have to mention it: Doesn’t a holiday themed hunt violate at least one of the rules? Or perhaps most holiday movies are so bad it just looks intentional?

  72. HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS (2001) MIKE MYERS
    aka Asshole In a Cat Suit

  73. Christmas with the Kranks
    Four Christmases
    Jingle All the Way (oof. that one hurts)
    and finally The Holiday – How the hell is Jude Law so tan if he lives in a small English village and is a single dad, surely he has no time to tan??? Why the hell is he so tan!!

  74. We could always just watch ABC’s 25 days of Christmas, that’s pretty full of the WMOAT candidates…

    • Bravo. My husband and I were just talking about how there has been a never-ending stream of phenomenally bad Christmas TV movies in the last 20 years. Someone’s always looking for something or someone and finding something or someone unexpected in the process and OH HOW SPECIAL it’s on Christmas and everyone learns something.

  75. Let’s not kid ourselves, every Christmas movie is the worst Christmas movie of all time, because, barf.

  76. The remake of ‘Black Christmas’ is pretty terrible, but I vote for ‘Valentines Day’. That qualifies as a holiday movie, right…?

  77. Can we talk for a second about how great Christmas Vacation is? I had such an inappropriate crush on Chevy Chase when I was a little girl.

    “I don’t know what to say except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.”

    • There are two topics that my father and I are able to talk about. Footy, and National Lampoon movies.

    • That is definitely my family’s favourite Christmas film. We spend all of November and December quoting it, waiting for chances to watch it together. We use the line “the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse” to describe us at least once a family vacation together.

  78. Have you guys seen Christmas in Wonderland? A movie about a family who moves to Edmonton Alberta and foils some crooks who are up to no good in West Edmonton Mall, one of the world’s biggest malls? It has an all-star cast including Tim Curry, Carmen Electra, Patrick Swayze and Preston Lacy from Jackass.

  79. I liked The Santa Clause as a kid. It wasn’t the best thing ever, but it was alright.

    Then some idiotic family member made the decision to take me to see number 2. And then number 3. And holy shit, these are the worst.

    Also, it has already been rightfully nominated many times, but Four Holidays (I think it has a different name here in Australia). Seriously, you can’t put up with your family members for one day without bitching and moaning and generally making yourselves totally unsympathetic characters? My family are more batshit insane than any of those featured in that movie, and I see them every time one of them has a frigging birthday. Solution: alcohol.

  80. Jingle all the way & Jack Frost

  81. Try “Everybody’s Fine” with Robert DeNiro for one of the most depressing Holiday movies of all time. I feel guilty putting this on the list for fear that someone else might go and watch this endless nightmare of a film: a pointless cure for prozac.

  82. How about Planes, Trains, and Automobiles?

    I love it, but I’m sure everyone else hates it.

  83. FOUR CHRISTMASES!!! It may even be a worst movie of all time.

  84. Hey Guys,

    Someone must have suggested this already but in the spirit of goodwill toward GABE are we allowed to nominate something NICE/ENJOYABLE for Gabe to watch? Like if we all upvote something wonderful won’t he have to watch it?

    Here are my picks for wonderful xmas movies that I actually enjoy and think that Gabe should watch to get a fucking break because anyone who watched the Family Stone and ugh everything else nominated for us deserves this much.

    * Black Christmas
    * How The Grinch Stole Xmas (the original)
    * A Christmas Story

  85. ELF! How has no one nominated Elf ?!?!

  86. THE perfect candidate, holiday or not is obvious…..
    “Love Actually”
    Oh please rip this misguided love story/holiday story/lecture to the masses a new one. I know I’m not the only one, I’ve met many other reasonable haters.

  87. How about Jaws 4: the Revenge? Is it a Christmas movie? Is it a touching story about a depressed widow? Is it a thriller? Even the writers don’t know!

    Bonus: Roaring shark.

  88. I agree with the nominations for Deck The Halls and Fred Claus (Saw the latter on a plane, what nightmare), but I think Love Actually should be priority #1. It isn’t The Worst solely because Bill Nighy/Alan Rickman/Liam Neeson are all great in it, but everything not involving them is scalding water thrown on my BRAIN. The Prime Minister subplot is absurd and kind of insultingly stupid. The Laura Linney brother thing is SO OUT OF PLACE AND WEIRD. The Rick Grimes in love with Kiera Nightly thing isn’t romantic, it’s fucking creepy.

    Plus, pre-madmen January Jones sighting

  89. Surviving Christmas (Ben Affleck & James Gandolfini). Snorefest.

  90. Fact: During a scene in which a guy is having sex with a girl on a pool table, he stops, looks at her, and utters the line, “Two ball, corner pocket.”

    Also, there are four sequels which are comprised mostly of recycled footage form the first movie.

  91. Oh dear…Christmas with the Kranks……dont say i didnt warn you Gabe……

  92. the nightmare before christmas, or the santa clause with pauly shore as jack frost, didn’t see the second one, but imma go ahead and assume anything involving the phrase “pauly shore as jack frost” is gonna be pretty horrible

  93. Ok, I am guessing that this may not qualify because it is squarely in the kids movie arena and it has the stench of B movie but how about Babes in Toyland? This gem stars both Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves and it is so incredibly bad. Really, I found it unwatchable and I will watch just about anything, no filter here.

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