From the director of Twilight? Way to really stretch yourself, director of Twilight. It’s almost crazy that the same person made both movies. (It is not crazy.) Good grief. “Can we put a goddamn werewolf in it?” You know that is the question being asked in every office in Hollywood right now, right? “I’m loving the treatment for Bridget Jones Diary 3: The Edger of Reasoner, but can we put a goddamn werewolf in it?” Etc. Also, according to the Apple page for this trailer, one of the taglines (because as we know, you can never have too many taglines) is “Who’s afraid?” which is a pretty cool truncation (4 kidz) of “who’s afraid of the big bad wolf” which is from THE THREE LITTLE PIGS. This shit is all over the map. (Although if they do end up making a horror-survival teen-sex dramedy of The Three Little Pigs I want my vig.) Do you guys know what my favorite part of this trailer is? It’s when the one guy says “you better watch yourself.” Hahahaha. Classic thing you hear in an ancient village in the middle of the woods. “You better watch yourself.” Hahahha. “Aye, dude.”

Comments (73)
  1. All these trailers are making me homesick.

  2. In brightest day
    In blackest night
    I would rather see this
    Than Green Lantern

  3. Die werewolf zombie!

  4. I don’t remember Red Riding Hood having a cape that could be converted into a tent that sleeps twelve people.

  5. I think my favorite part was her traversing some sort of tundra in a very pratical 20 foot long red silk cape.

    • That was put in there for all the haters who try to claim this has nothing to do with the original story.

      “No, see. Red hood. Right there. You can’t miss it.”

  6. What big eyes she has.

    • Also with all the sexual tension involved any chance of a ” OH what a big …. you have” (please insert your favourite euphemism for penis)

      • True story: I know my childhood had ended when my Dutch teacher (me being Dutch and all) telling our high school class that Little Red Riding Hood was really a parable about the truning into a woman, where good and bad men fight over women and that the red hood signified her starting her menstrual cycle.

        So yeah, that could have totally been a line in the orginal folk tale.

  7. Were mine eyes playing tricks on me, or did I catch a glimpse of the guy who played the little boy in Witness? Love Witness!

  8. As a fairytale aficionado, my first impulse is to shout FLAMES. FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE.

    • I find this as obnoxious as the “Twilight”-branded Wuthering Heights that came out last year. First off, I am not ashamed to admit that I am a Twilight hater, so object to having Twilight tied to things that I love, but more egregious is the fact that IT SEEMS DETERMINED TO MISS EVERY POINT IMAGINABLE.

      I know, I know. Relax, technolilbobbytables. I will be in the corner, breathing into a paper bag.

  9. My favorite part is that they are all idiots and they believe in werewolves. I’d much happier with a talking wolf like Gmork. That wolf scared the SHIT out of me when I was a kid.

    • At the end of this movie (**SPOILER**):

      Everyone: We are idiots. People die and it’s a normal part of the circle of life. Also, teen sex isn’t particularly interesting. Use a condom, kids!

  10. Ahem…

    “In a world ruled by a terrible king, nothing is ever certain. Evan Dumpty is a construction worker, tasked with building a wall to protect the kingdom for invading forces. All was fine until one day…

    He had a great fall.

    A gripping legal drama that explores the rights of kings against the will of the people. Will Dumpty ever be put back together again? This summer, Collin Ferral IS…

    Humpty Dumpty”

    • “In a world where nothing is ever as it seems…a young boy, constructed from wood comes to life thanks to the assistance of the scientists of the Blue F.A.I.R.Y. corporation. His caretaker struggles to make a home for his new ward, and must deal with an onslaught of confusing feelings and the frustrations of being a parent. Yet in his wooden heart are the darkest of lies. One thing is certain: liars always get caught.

      This summer, Haley Joel Osment is…
      Pinocchio

      • In a world ruled by sheep, there is one boy who protects us. Andreas Blü, an overworked German immigrant, oversees these dirty beasts. But somewhere, off in the distance, the sweet comfort of a haystack gently whispers his name.

        “Where’s Andreas?”
        “God damn it, someone check the haystack…”

        This summer, the warped mind of Werner Herzog brings you a drama that is sure to make you cry…

        LITTLE BOY BLÜ

      • “In a world of wishes and dreams… A boy has everything they could wish for. A beautiful family, an amazing robot sister, a beautiful home, and the beauty of nature surrounding them. But one infallible rule guides their daily life; don’t go into the woods. Until one night, when the curiosity became… overwhelming.

        A madcap adventure through the forrest leads him and his robot to a mysterious home housing a cackling witch with a thirst for youth. This summer, Gwenyth Paltrow IS the witch IN…

        Hansel & Grettel 2000.”

    • 2037

      The world has been ravaged by disease and war. The American population lives in poverty. One grandmother takes up residence in a warehouse, once housing a shoe factory and now desolate. She and abandoned children from all over the nation will fight to rebuild.

      This summer…Betty White…is….

      In a Shoe

      • In a world far from our own, a young mutant woman, forced to hide in the sewers to obscure her disfigured lower half, falls in love with a handsome young surface-dweller. Using a combination of her wits and careful clothing selection, she makes her way to the streets to find him.

        Ripped from everything she knows…
        Unsure and afraid…

        Miley Cirus is…
        The Little Nuclearmaid

    • NARRATOR: Felix was one cool cat

      *comedy “cat falls in love scene”*

      N: Then there was his *sarcasm* little *ends* brother Tom…

      *scene where angry housewife hits fatter kitten with a broom, and fatter kitten almost gets run over before being saved by obligatory skateboarding hamsters*

      N: And everybody wanted to play with Tabitha

      *cats fainting as female cat walks by, Tabitha purrs, “I’m the cat’s whiskers” and blows kisses*

      N: Until one day…

      TOM: Oh my Caaaat, it’s pie day!

      FELIX: Whoaaaah…

      TABITHA: Felix, where’s your mittens?

      *Tom, Felix and Tabitha look at their mittens*

      FELIX: Dude, we’ve lost our mittens…

      *cue scenes of comedy chases, fights with dogs, slaps from housewives and their Mom and dance-offs.

      NARRATOR: James Franco (as Felix), Zach Galifianakis (as Tom) and Christina Hendricks (as Tabitha) in…

      Three Little Kittens. In 3D.

    • “In a world ruled by jocks, cheerleaders, and varsity football, Alan was at the bottom of the social ladder. The son of a janitor, his fellow students viewed him as a common street rat, when they viewed him at all. But all that changes when Alan discovers a mysterious dusty old cell phone in an abandoned locker.

      Suddenly all of Alan’s wishes seem to be coming true, and that cheerleader that wouldn’t give him the time of day, Yasmine, can’t seem to keep her hands off him. From the minds that brought you Swim Fan comes a dark and twisted tale about sexual exploration and the corruption of power in the unforgiving halls of high school.

      Zac Efron is…
      Aladdin
      (with Nicolas Cage as Genie, no duh)

  11. I hear Steve Winwood is appearing as the wolf

  12. So, who do you guys think the wolf is? Do you think it’s the boyfriend? I think it’s the boyfriend.

    • But which one? Seriously, I counted maybe seven different nonthreatening, vaguely pretty, young men in that trailer. How many Robert Pattison lookalikes are there in Hollywood?

  13. This movie would be better if they cut out all the non Amanda Seyfried stuff, and just focused on her the whole time.

  14. Was the ‘Who’s Afraid?’ line at the ends supposed to be an Albee reference? Because I think he would be insulted to be in any way related to this piece of shit.

  15. Why do Amanda Seyfried and Gary Oldman get to wear anachronistically (as if that applies to this movie) flamboyant colors and everyone else has to wear drab stuff?

  16. god i love hollywood math:

    [the Village + Twilight] + $20 million = Red Riding Hood

  17. The best part (i.e. only good part) was the part where Lukas Haas poked his head in a door, and I was all “Hey, it’s the kid from ‘Witness’.” That was it. I will see this movie to see the kid from “Witness.”

  18. ” I am wrong for you ! ” said the pale-skinned dark-eyed teenage boy.
    ” I don’t care! ” replied the equally pale clueless damsel in distress.

    ” This is revolutionary storytelling” said the director of Twilight.

    • The dialogue is just as good as Twilight too.

      “You’re gonna get what you deserve” is the exact phraseology that people used during the Ambiguously Set In the Past Age.

  19. “Where my schtumpigs at?” – Lukas Haas

  20. More like Red Riding WOOF, amirite?

  21. I saw this trailer on Monday because it was attached to Harry Potter 7.1 (good good movie by the way) and almost everybody in the theatre loved it. I could not understand it, but then I realized that the types of people that go out of their way to see Harry Potter early are the types of people that will eat this shit up and buy up every copy on Blu-Ray, DVD, VHS, and Laserdisc.

  22. Everyone else has gone with Witness, but I imagine that Lukas Haas’ character will get ripped apart by the Wolf while Red Riding Hood stumbles, horrified, away from the carnage she has orchestrated in an effort to find some semblance of justice for her murdered ex-girlfriend Emily (Emilie de Ravin).

  23. Amanda Seyfried: I know what you are…
    Boyfriend: Say it.
    Amanda Seyfried: … Steve Winwood.

  24. “you better watch yourself” –> *babelfish translation to ancient village* –>

    “Thou best check thyself before thou wreck thyself.”

    fixed.

  25. I love that obligatory star crossed boyfriends MOUNTS Amanda Seyfried LIKE FOUR TIMES in the trailer. This ain’t your Mom’s Twilight!

    • yeahhhhhhhh i watched it yesterday and was concerned that this is a “don’t have premarital sex or your village will get destroyed” movie

  26. “don’t worry, I’ll get to the bottom of this. also, I love hobbits.” -the Pin from Brick

  27. The dude looks like the offspring of the Poor Man’s Robert Pattinson and the Poor Man’s Sam Worthington (who is, himself, the Poor Man’s something).

  28. Hey it worked for Speilberg.

  29. Fever Ray? FEVER RAY.

    • Just one more way this movie will construct a convincing, realistic picture of the distant past (period costume! hip indie music! what else? we’re covered!).

  30. So basically they made a movie out of the party game Werewolves?

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