Scarlett Johansson Saturday Night Live

OOF. What is even going on over there?! Historically, Saturday Night Live has gone through transitional phases before. Shuffling cast members and taking risks in the writers’ room in order to cohere once anew into some kind of generational-defining supershow. That has happened! It could still happen! But I’m not actually sure that the show has ever felt quite as low-rent as it does this season. Maybe it’s a new studio lighting system? I honestly have no idea, but this is some MadTV shit. Even in previous transitional phases, it at least had the golden thrust of HISTORY and a modicum of TASTE behind it, but there’s something about the way this year’s show even just LOOKS that is falling flat. Sorry, SNL, you know everyone loves you, but real talk. And this week? Do not even get me started on this week. Although, I guess the sooner you get me started on this week, the sooner this post can be finished and we can all move on with our days. Scarlett Johnasson? Why? It makes about as much sense as having Jude Law for no reason last year (and, tellingly, his episode was the worst episode). Who is booking this thing? A copy of Entertainment Weekly from 2002? And what is wrong with Scarlett Johansson’s head? Did her head get chopped off in a terrible arrogance accident and now she has a new head engineered at the Real Doll factory? Yikes.

Anyway:

One of the highlights of the night was when Bill Hader had a hard time maintaining his composure after throwing a slurpee in Kristen Wiig’s face and then dumping a bowl of pasta on her head. Pretty much everything else about the sketch was a dud (although they have done this sketch before, and I have liked it before, such is the draining black hole of Scarlett Johansson’s anti-charisma).

It is a funny moment, but it kind of just makes me want to watch a show in which Bill Hader throws food in Kirsten Wiig’s face and dumps food on her head. If that is all it would take to make your show 10 times better, then I have a feeling you are doing your show wrong? (Maybe not, that would be a hilarious show.)

Also, ceramic busts:

And a Digital Short:

Both fine. Whatever. That is what I say to this whole episode. P.S. Saturday Night Live, you have WILDLY overestimated the American public’s hunger for Denzel Washington impersonations this season.

The best sketch of the night was actually half ruined and was just very good when it could have been great, for one reason: SCARLETT JOHANSSON.

I think the thing that is the worst about Scarlett Johansson, besides her head, is that she somehow earned a completely undeserved reputation as a cool, smart girl when she is just a vapid awful celebrity like all the rest of them. (Uh oh, Emma Stone complainalogue redux.) “But she was in Ghost World!” I think that’s honestly where 99% of it comes from. SO WHAT?! Just because Woody Allen wants to fuck her so bad (he realllllly does) doesn’t actually make her interesting or intelligent. She’s got flesh lips and a terrible attitude! Go to bed, Scarlett Johansson.

The only truly watchable part of the night was Arcade Fire, which you can see over on Stereogum. I’m not saying they were perfect or anything, but at least they weren’t married to Ryan Reynolds.

Comments (118)
  1. They should of just cut out all of the sketches and just let Arcade Fire do their own thing for an hour and a half.

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  3. She’s pretty overrated. Know what I’m saying, Stevie?

  4. I think the thing that is the worst about Scarlett Johansson … is that she somehow earned a completely undeserved reputation as a cool, smart girl when she is just a vapid awful celebrity like all the rest of them.

    THANK YOU. I have been telling people this for years and people call me crazy! It’s not residual jealousy that the Thora Birch express never took off! Scarlett Johansson is terrible! And her music career makes me want to punch something. Nothing living or sentient though, I am not cruel. Maybe a very soft pillow.

    • I am right there with you.
      As a female myself I believe her to be very attractive, but pretty does not equal funny, or even good.

    • I agree. She mouthbreathes her way through a couple of films and suddenly she’s a top actress? Nope. She was the worst part of the very, very bad The Other Boleyn Girl (side note: poor Ana Torrent, for being part of that).

      But: she is pretty. I will give her that.

    • I am deeply in love with Lost In Translation (Bill Murray) and Ghost World (Daniel Clowes), and have no problem with Scarlett in those films. Everything else I could take or leave. Miscast as the Black Widow as well. That should have gone to a much more capable actress (yes, I’m talking about comic book characters so I acknowledge this statement is somewhat ridiculous).

      • Hey, there nothing ridiculous about comic book characters! Absolutely nothing at all, ever.
        #ilovecomicbooksbutyestheyaresometimesridiculousepeciallystufffrommarvel

      • capable actors are necessary for comic book characters… the watchmen would have been much better if whoever casted that trainwreck would have taken this advice (jackie earle haley excluded).

        • I just rewatched Watchmen this weekend (let he who is without shame cast the first downvote), and Billy Crudup wasn’t exactly terrible as Dr. Manhattan either. But Matthew Goode, OOF. I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck that was about. Maybe they needed a British guy to give the movie “gravitas”? LOL, that’s your movie Zack Snyder.

    • So true, so true.

  5. I have had one hour sleep, I haven’t eaten in a number of hours and I am, as I believe it is professionally referred to, “tripping balls”.
    For now, photos of Scarlett Johansson and reminders that Arcade Fire are awesome are all I need to stop myself from drifting into hallucination. The quality or otherwise of a televised comedy sketch show that I can’t watch in my country is of no great consequence to me right now, and for this I apologise.

  6. Can we talk about the Telemundo talk show bit? They’ve done that one before and I thought it fell flat that time. The joke is that they dance and talk funny? Is that a thing in 2010? It seems like Latin television is really just ripe for parody (see Sabado Gigante) and the best they can do is a re-hash of a bit that was thrown together the first go-round?

    I think we’re gonna need a bigger head writer.

    • speaking of head writer, seth meyers seems like a reasonably funny dude. why does the show suck so hard? i don’t understand it.

      • I can’t put my finger on it. I sai two weeks ago that it was all on the writing, that they are kind of sucking out back there. But this week it feels like it was the actors. Like they aren’t getting into it. Hmm. I’m sure it’s a bit of both…

      • Seth Meyers steered the show through some interesting seasons lately, but I too am at a loss for what’s happened. I think it’s so odd how big of a cast shakeup they instituted this year. If it’s not too broken, destroy it.

    • That sketch and What Up With That (sorry all you WUWTheads) are the same joke every single time. I’m so tired of them both.

  7. Usually, I think Jay Pharoah is pretty good at impressions (even if his impressions are overused in odd situations) but what was going on with his Kanye West impression? I think there is something wrong with Jay Pharoah’s Kanye West.

  8. On a fluke, my roommate actually had the night off and we watched SNL together (Awwwwwe). Towards the end of the monologue I looked over at him and asked if the year was 2007 or 2010 because all the jokes(?) seemed relevant 3 years ago. Then the rest of the episode seemed like it was from 3 years ago.

    Bill Hader was definitely the best. I’m pretty sure he had to hold that face until Kristin Wiig said her line, but she couldn’t see the cue card with that bowl on her head, which is why he had to move it or something. Whatever the reason was, I cracked up at that.

  9. I’m really missing my Idiot Boyfriend. At least HE always had a Swanson’s Home Dinner with my name on it. Scarlett has NOTHING in her freezer.

  10. The Digital Short…What Was That?! — It’s early, that’s all I got.

    But no seriously, I kinda feel like they shouldn’t do a digital short every week. It’s just so apparent Andy is beyond stretching with some of them, more specifically right after he’s had a decent one. They just seem so ridiculous at times. He’s had a few that I’ve truly enjoyed: Dick in a Box(obvs), Shy Ronnie(just the 1st one), the one where the cats were guns, I’m on a Boat…..but ok, so that’s 4 I can name….out of how many? Maybe every other week or so they could rotate a sketch with one of the new cast members? Just a thought.

  11. Practically every sketch was a television show concept. And Scarlett Johanssen looked like a drag queen (which is insulting to drag queens).

    P.S. Did anyone watch Tina Fey’s Mark Twain award show? It was pretty funny! Especially Alec Baldwin as Samuel Clemens. “Tina is a strange name for a man.” So great!

    • Oh, I forgot about this Weekend Update bit, which made me laugh a lot: Rhode Island = Connecticut’s Foreskin

      • Weekend Update is my favorite part of any SNL. My huge crush on Seth Myers notwithstanding, I think it’s the only consistently funny part of SNL.

        • Agreed.

          I don’t much care for Meyers’ delivery (EVERYTHING’S FUNNIER IF YOU SCREAM IT), but the jokes are always solid. The weirdest thing about it, though, is that it seems like the length of the segment varies wildly. Like, this past Update seemed really short with only one guest bit, but other times it seems to go on and on with multiple guests and things.

    • It was better than the last six SNL episodes put together. And, dare I say, ‘Muffin Top’ moved me more than Arcade Fire’s set.

  12. Did anyone else like the sketch where Kenan kept falling down? That closeup of him yelling for everyone to leave him was really ticklin’ my old, worn-out funny bone. They, as always, dragged it out for 1000 hours too long and made it super predictable, but I thought it at least started out pretty good.

  13. Needs more cowbell.

  14. Ya know why this show sucks? Not enough of this guy:

  15. Everybody thinks SNL went downhill from the time they were 13, but the real problem is you got old enough to realize it’s not that funny.

  16. Can we just talk about how great Vanessa Bayer is? First, the Miley “Pretty Cool” Cyrus impression, now the stars of tomorrow. We’re all in agreement that she’s lovely and we love her, right? Cool. Good choice, guys!

  17. The bit towards the end with the high school kids and Kenan Thompson in a wheelchair will not be on this season’s “Best of” DVD.

  18. How about a show of hands who found Scarlett’s attempt at standup comedy in her monologue the worst?

  19. Wow. I am like Disagreement-gum over here. I actually thought about the only redeemable thing about this week’s episode was in fact Scarlett Johansson, and despite the fact I think she’s very pretty (like, very pretty), I thought she was good in the midst of all of those horrible, horrible sketches. I mean seriously Dominican Talk show? That was maybe the least funny thing I have ever seen on television, and that’s the same television that has a host of Tyler Perry’s creations on it. And the Digital Short…. Really?

    Also, given that I’m a 20 something young professional, I love Arcade Fire with a passion, but I even thought their performances were pretty ho-hum. I think the sound was pretty off and sounded really flat, which had more to do with it than anything, but it just wasn’t that great. I’ve seen them live twice and I know that they bring it, but even that was disappointing to me. You get an F- SNL.

  20. I really appreciated the rare effort to be topical! It’s weird and ironic that SNL is often less current than 30 Rock. Anyway, it was just as painfully unfunny as usual. Except for Régine Chassagne, which was was TBS Very Funny.

  21. Gabe, you spelled ‘Johansson’ as ‘Johnasson’ in the headline.

  22. I thought the Bush/Kayne sketch on update was the highlight (though it would have been better if it was Will Ferrell):
    http://bit.ly/bUkVCU

  23. I’d smang Scar Jo

  24. You know you’re doing something wrong when you include Arcade Fire in your digital short and still come out sounding like you’re doing a Weird Al song.

  25. The writing is terrible, WE KNOW THIS, but can we also talk about how no one on SNL knows how to end a sketch?! Each one reminds me of the essays I wrote in college. Decent intro, okay body, crap finale.

  26. The Sprawl II song is the best song on the album and when I saw the bit before they did the song and it showed whats her name, the arcade fire chick, at the mic before cutting away to the commercial before they did that song, I was like “Aw yessssssss” because I knew I would get to see them do that song. Rad.

  27. I know everyone will disagree but I liked Scarlett Johansson . She was fantastic but she wasn’t terrible. I just don’t get the hate when there are so many people who are far worse.

    Arcade Fire = Best musical guest of 2010??

  28. Regine’s cuteness makes up for her live voice. I saw them in LA last month. LOVEDDDD it. Their SNL performance was meh. They should have done “The Suburbs” as one of the songs. and “Rococo”

    • AH I went to the LA show too! Did you go Thursday or Friday? Thursday night was a moderate fiasco, guitars broke all over the place, Win’s mic went out a few times, etc. etc.

  29. yea she is looking very pretty and i liked her style.
    Extamax

  30. Whenever someone tells me how great Arcade Fire are, I realize the bandwagon is about to fall apart. If you want to see a band who don’t play prerecorded background vocals and loud drum loops with 11 people on stage, go see a real band who are kind of hipster, but not really. They probably won’t be on the cover of Spin or Rolling Stone anytime soon.
    Broken Social Scene> Arcade Turds

  31. i don’t get the stuff about regine’s singing. i’ve heard the original song like once or twice, so maybe it’s massively better on here, but she sounds fine to me, i didn’t notice a bung note in the whole thing?

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