You know what, nicely done, last night’s Entourage. Sure, the whole show has been like a low stakes weekly poker game since the first season. Just a bunch of dudes getting together every week to joke around, with no women, and even though everyone pretends like the betting chips have value we know that they don’t. Perfect. Put that metaphor into a space capsule and send it out into the farthest reaches so that alien races can learn what metaphors are. But last night there was some genuine dramatic tension. Sort of. E represents a script that enters a bidding war that ultimately pits Vince against Edward Norton, but E has to do what’s best for his clients, which may mean going against what’s best for Vince. See what I mean? Dramatic tension! Kind of!

But I fear it’s too little too late. I’ve been burned one too many times in the past. Remember the whole James Cameron at Sundance story arc? No, Entourage. I have to start taking care of me now. As I said last week, this show’s failure to develop meaningful characters that anyone gives a shit about has left us with no choice but to focus on the celebrity cameos. We totally care about celebrities! Besides, it’s that kind of stunt casting that is clearly what’s keeping this show’s lazy Sunday booze cruise aboard a pleasure craft afloat. Last night’s most notable cameos came from Whoopi Goldberg, Sheri Shepherd, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, when Johnny Drama appeared on The View.

Wait, what? I am not a particularly avid The View watcher. I would say my avidity for it is average. But what is this? Even if we accept that the ladies are all out in LA for a sweeps week off-site broadcast, what is this show? Badgering a guest to be more forthright about his personal break up? Indulging in his co-star’s belligerent mockery? Whoopi Goldberg speaking in the thoughtful tones of a human being? Hasselbeck barely even sounding retarded? Sheri Shepherd not making a single boldly ignorant reference to her incurious backwoods religious beliefs? Haha. Whoops. The makers of Entourage clearly assume that none of their viewers have ever actually watched The View. “We like to believe that our audience spends the whole week reading the New Yorker and Harper’s, and that Entourage is simply their guilty pleasure treat.” Sorry, Entourage, but your viewers are stupid idiots like me, and we know what TV is like. FAIL.